On Friday night, the New Jersey Nets finally won their first game of the season, defeating the Charlotte Bobcats 97-91 and ending an NBA-record-setting run of futility. Yet far from ending the Nets’ woes, this victory actually creates more questions than it answers. First and foremost, how can the 1-18 Nets justify playing another 63 brutal, meaningless games? More importantly, how can they get enough fans to watch those 63 games?
With these questions in mind, here are three suggestions:
1. Sign Julius Erving.
Sure, it’s been twenty-two years since his last NBA game, so he’s probably a bit out of practice. But if the Nets are destined to lose anyway, then they might as well lose with the franchise’s only true legend on their roster. And Dr. J. would be worth whatever salary it takes to put him in uniform – Nets ticket sales would go through the roof instantly, as fans would pack the Izod Center just hoping to see flashes of Erving’s former brilliance. And even if that former brilliance isn’t forthcoming, Dr. J. would give the Nets a more plausible explanation for their haplessness: how can anyone expect a team to win when its best player is pushing 60?
2. Move future home games to an outdoor schoolyard.
The longer the Nets go without playing like a professional basketball team, the harder it becomes for them to justify playing in a professional arena – at least morally.
In turn, the Nets would win substantial credibility if they acknowledged their sorry state by playing their home games in the most basic, bare-bones setting possible: the schoolyard. The various factors that uniquely influence schoolyard basketball games just might create enough intrigue to boost television ratings. Indeed, fans would want to see how Devin Harris handles the challenge of dribbling on an uneven asphalt surface, or how the wind affects Courtney Lee’s jump shots. And the stakes would be raised considerably during the coldest days of winter, when ice and snow could become decisive variables.
Of course, schoolyard games probably won’t boost attendance. But insofar as most schoolyards only have seating for a few hundred fans, the Nets might finally boast an occasional sell-out. And by making the shift to schoolyard home games permanent, the Nets could move to Brooklyn early and spare New Yorkers the expense of an $800-million-dollar arena.
3. Move future home games to Iraq under the auspices of the U.S.O.
By playing games for U.S. military personnel in Iraq, the Nets could find a new fan-base and – most importantly – serve an important cause. Moreover, the time difference between Iraq and New Jersey would give the Nets a good excuse for their miserable television ratings. Finally, since the Nets will never be the best team in the nation, they might as well become the best team in another nation.
Obviously, this is just a preliminary list and I’m open to other suggestions. What do you think the Nets could do to keep their fans entertained?
Follow Eric Trager on Twitter: www.twitter.com/EricTrager18
