"The Witch of Wall Street," a Cautionary Tale for Tough Times?

My final conversation with my wry and witty mother, on her deathbed 12 years ago, was practically lifted right out of "Mildred Pierce", with a dash of the Marx Brothers thrown in to prevent it from being utterly banal as well as maudlin.

"Come closer," she whispered, beckoning me with a weak but urgent finger.

I did. "I worry about you," she murmured in the raspy voice I'd come to recognize since her illness had struck a year prior. "In your life, you haven't got--" and there, she faltered, searching wildly for the words but failing.

Her breathing was difficult and she looked as if she was about to weep. Thinking that I was helping, I leaped in, offering: "I know. I'm not married, I don't have children."

"Children, schmildren," she waved me away. "You haven't got a shred of sense about money. THAT'S what keeps me awake nights worrying about you. No matter what, you'll always be broke. Just try not to be poor."

She wasn't wrong. But would she always be right?

With the economy in the toilet and that nasty smirk finally wiped off John McCain's face a few weeks ago, hopefully for good (dare I hope?) my thoughts are free now to merrily drift to other things, like how to best tighten a belt that's already strangling me. It was then that I started reading, feverishly, out-Googling Google, about wealthy people in history, smart mogulesque sorts who had somehow managed, from the cradle to the grave, to snag and somehow embody financial security.

One night I came upon, at least to me, the wholly unknown name of Hetty Green, and in every way but financially, this constituted a windfall.

Born Henrietta Howland Robinson, in 1834 in Massachusetts, Hetty might just be today's poster girl for stinginess on steroids. Or not. You be the judge.

Quite simply, she was the world's richest woman, but also earned the nickname of the "Witch of Wall Street," with her severe Quaker clothing and staggering thriftiness.

With a rich family and a father who owned a huge whaling fleet, Hetty was raised with an abstemiousness that belied their wealth but money was certainly of interest to her. By the tender age of six, she could read the financial papers to her father and grandfather. At eight, she opened a savings account with a few nickels she'd set aside, gifts from family. Later on, when she was sent to an exclusive school in Boston, she made no friends and established what was to later be known as a saucy, independent and eccentric streak. This was one woman who knew her own mind.

When she turned 21, in 1855, she inherited $7.5 million from family, became nimble with working Wall Street and multiplied her fortune many, many times over. In New York, she lived practically as a pauper, often eating for fifteen cents in "Pie Alley."

In her early 30s, she met and married Edward Henry Green, who had made his own money in the Orient, trading silk, tobacco and tea. A smart fellow was our Edward. They had two children, Ned and Sylvia, and Hetty continued on in a life of personal autonomy and frugality. She was said to have shopped for broken cookies because they were sold at discount. She received a nickel for bringing back her berry boxes. When she walked about, it was always with a small milk can, searching for where she could get the best bargain on milk for her cat. Apparently, she once spent many hours in a futile search for a two-cent stamp she'd misplaced.

Her eccentricity was not all harmless, however. When her son Ned's injured leg required a doctor's care, she refused to pay for it and his leg had to be amputated.

Widowed a bit later, with her stern visage, dressed in rags and long black skirts, children fled when Hetty walked down the streets because they'd never seen anyone quite like her and they thought she must be a very wicked witch indeed. And when those skirts became dusty and caked with dirt from sweeping along the pavement as she walked, her strict instructions to the launderer were to only clean the very bottoms, thereby saving a few pennies in the process.

In 1912, when Hetty turned 78, she was said to attribute her long life and exuberant health to the fact that she habitually chewed baked onions. She died at the age of 82, with more than $100-$200 million in liquid assets, shrewd and penny-pinching to her last ardent breath. (And back in those days, $100 million was, well, really worth $100 million.) Her greatest extravagance was rumored to be the tip of a nickel she occasionally bestowed upon someone who showed great kindness to her. But spending sprees? Houses and clothing fetched from designer houses of Europe? Exotic, costly vacation? Pricey jewels and shiny trinkets? Not for our Hetty. Despite the fact that the fortune she'd amassed, in today's dollars, would be worth something like $17.3 billion. Take that, Warren Buffett! Bill Gates! Oprah!

For us during our tough times today, "The Witch of Wall Street" and her story can perhaps be seen as a cautionary tale. Surely my mother would have praised Hetty's sagacity to the skies and pointed to her meteoric financial trajectory and exemplary restraint, but would any of us really like to live the life of Hetty Green? And yet, with Hetty at the helm, would the world have found itself in such a catastrophic fiscal crisis?

It is worth noting here, I think, that her children, The Great Inheritors, had considerably more fun with her money, and even spread it around to accomplish good works, help budding industries and fund colleges.

As for me, from now on, it'll be nothing but baked onions, morning, noon and night, at least until I make my first $100 million.

Comments

[sophieozz]

It's fun to revisit this woman's story, especially now. I wonder if there are any modern-day "Hetties" journalists can write about.

[Cynyc]

Thanks for her story. And yours. Is Hettie's lesson...invest in onions? It's probably too late to save.

[meyek]

but she never spent it. i kind of thought that locking up assets didn't help the overall economy. our little hetty sounds like she was pathological. i wouldn't care to be or even know someone like that.

[CaptainVideo]

"Then I perceived that this, too, was vanity and striving after wind."

[HopeARP]

Another great article --- amusing and informative --- from Erica Heller.

[chris2fer]

I read she ate dog food to save money.

[Freesia2]

Oh how wonderful to see an article about Hetty. I read about her year's ago in A&E's Biography magazine. She was a real party girl (!) wasn't she? And while I think everybody wishes the Wall St. barons of today were more budget minded, Hetty gave a whole new meaning to the word frugal.

By the way, I believe that her exuberant health could be attributed to those onions. Not just because they were probably good for her (my great grandmother swore that she broke her fever during the Great Flu epidemic after WWI by eating a bag of raw onions) but mostly because it kept people at a distance with their germs. :-)

Great article Erica. I love a trip back in history.