Being Gracious in a Sexist World
I didn't know it would feel this bad. I didn't know it would feel this personal. I'm all for a united Democratic party. But losing my last chance to see a woman in the White House feels like shit. And the gloating by the press is even worse. It sounds like "I told you so." It feels like watching Joan of Arc burned at the stake. You can smell the burning flesh. And then all the crowing about breaking the race barrier -- which we haven't done yet.
A primary is not a general election. The people who vote in primaries are more sophisticated than the general run of voters. I hope Obama will be our next president. But I can't watch his triumph without a fearful foreboding. He is not the first charismatic leader we've produced and he won't be the last. But our country is very good at taking down the best and the brightest. Those of us who lived through the unspeakable violence of the sixties can attest to that.
I want to be wrong about violence. I hate the role of Cassandra. I want to believe that America has moved beyond violence and racism and maybe we have. But I thought we had moved beyond sexism, and this campaign proved me wrong. The petty woman-hating jibes, the ageism, and the physical mockery have not been easy to watch. The only good thing about the defeat of Hillary Clinton may be a resurgence of feminism, an understanding that we haven't yet killed misogyny and that we have work to do.
"It's not sexism -- it's her" seems to have replaced, "I'm not a feminist, but" in our national lexicon. This is not to imply that Hillary Clinton is faultless -- far from it. But it's clear that the faults we tolerate and even overlook in men, we see as glaring in women. The problem with sexism is that it's so damned invisible. McCain can confuse Sunnis and Shiites and nobody blinks. Bush can admit to his press secretary that he outed a secret agent while claiming that he'd fire any aide who did so -- and the press sleeps. Men make mistakes. Women are not allowed to. We are held to such high and impossible standards that the possibility of any woman penetrating the barrier again seems remote.
My best friend tells me that Hillary should have been gracious last night. Barack Obama was gracious. But isn't gratitude the prerogative of the winner? Will women ever be winners? And if so, when?
Sexism is hard to see because most of it is so petty we don't want to mention it. Nutcracker thighs? A novelty like that seems beneath contempt. But it isn't one small offense that does women in -- it's the steady accretion of many offenses. It's death by a thousand cuts.
Even mentioning the problem seems ungracious. As women, we're supposed to specialize in graciousness. And there isn't a gracious way to talk about sexism. Perhaps there is no way to talk about sexism at all -- which is the way sexists want it.
I will work my tail off for President Obama. We need a Democratic in the White House more than ever. But I can't help feeling that we've buried a topic that needs unearthing. Please, Mr. Obama, turn your attention to sexism and tell us how you plan to address it. Then we can all be gracious with a good conscience.
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Erica Jong..good heavens. This whining. This reveling in playing the victim.
It's exactly why Clinton lost. And you seem to have taken your cue from that campaign.
Barack faced down racism in the primary and NEVER whined about it. Never played the victim. Hillary should've taken her cues from him.
Bingo Starky!
Yep. This whiney sense of entitlement and victimization does neither HRC nor feminism any good. What press is "gloating"? Most have been highly complimentary of her speech yesterday and, by extension, of her. So a compliment is gloating but no compliments mean the press is sexist?
That attitude and one vote is going to get one vote for Obama.
Ever since this Barack-Hillary thing began, I have found the postings of my fellow HuffPo commenters so full of gen-yoo-wine frothing-a
And by the way, the same objection could be made to more than a few of Arianna's bloggers. This piece by Erica Jong, on the other hand, shows her to be a good citizen whether you agree with her or not. She's certainly no frother, but from the comments below (and eventually the ones above too), you wouldn't know it.
Does my saying that tag me as a Hillary guy? Right. I was. But a little more than halfway through, I chucked her for Obama because I thought her attacks were recklessly endangering his chances to win if nominated. There's no question, though, that she was the victim of endless scurrilous treatment by the media from the moment the campaign started.
So which are YOU --- a FROTHER or a regular citizen? A real Democrat or one of those fakes who will abandon the party because your favorite candidate didn't win the primary? Someone who thinks Hillary has suffered enough, or someone who plans to make sure she keeps right on suffering?
Send me a note. But no frothing, please.
The thing I dislike about complaints that Hillary was treated unfairly, "that she was the victim of endless scurrilous treatment by the media from the moment the campaign started," as you put it, is that it seems to ignore the fact that Obama received the same treatment. Treating every candidate unfairly means the process is fair.
"It seems to ignore the fact that Obama received the same treatment.
But he didn't receive the same treatment. Nothing even remotely like it until months into the campaign.
Anyway, it's going to be heavy going for him from here on in, and I'm on his side --- as I sense you are too. So let us pray.
Cheer up, Erica! Did you even know Obama existed 10 years ago? There's a woman out there too - I know of a few here in Oregon - who could run successfully for President someday. The next generations are full of fabulous women who are grooming themselves for high office.
The part I don't understand, is how the sexism is all attributed to Obama... because he's beaten Clinton by following her rules and the DNCs?
Obama won the nomination because he obstructed every possible way of redoing the FLA and MICH votes. Winning caucuses and reminding everyone now he only "won" delegates in red states is not winning anything. Obama is a loser. He won nothing.
Yeah---the voters stole Clinton's nomination.
I love Hillary, but if her campaign can't figure out how to work the primary system, how can we expect them to run the most complex institution in the world, the US government?
No, again McCain operative you are lying. The Democratic Rules Committee voted to strip the delegates from MI & FLA and every one of the members on that committee that were Clinton supporters voted to do it. The lone dissenter on that committee was an Obama supporter. So it was Hillary that first obstructed the votes of MI & FLA, not Obama.
Erica, if you had been paying attention to the real activists, you would have seen that there was another option to put a woman in the White House before Clinton's campaign kicked off and after it ended.
Bush and Cheney both deserve to be impeached. That would put Nancy Pelosi in the oval office for a very short care-taker term.
See? If you had been following the actions of those anti-war activists and constituti
With all due respect, were the media being sexist a year ago when all of them -- including the boys at National Review -- were calling Hillary inevitable?
The fact is that this nomination was hers to lose -- and she lost it. She lost it through the arrogance, ineptitude and hubris of not only herself but her handpicked team. Claiming otherwise is just to try to rewrite history.
It's not about sexism. It's about who ran a better campaign. Let's stop worrying that something bad will happen and vote our hopes instead of our fears -- for a change.
Excellent response.
I'm a middle-aged man. 10 women that I'm close to through work and family, strong feminists, voted Obama over Clinton 8-2. They "liked" Obama and trusted his message. Over the course of the primary they grew to dislike Clinton and so her message didn't resonate. She pumped up her credentials with flat-out lies (Ireland, Bosnia). She invoked race, class, and assassination to make her own case. These women just thought she wasn't as good a candidate as Obama. And she and Bill alienated them more and more as the campaign went on. None of it had to do with sexism. None of it, sorry.
I experienced the same thing. I'd have loved to vote for a woman, it's past time. I'd have loved for Hillary to inspire me and get me behind her. But she couldn't pull it off. Had she won, I'd have voted for her in the general, to be sure. But she was the wrong woman candidate this time around. Until Saturday, she was frankly graceless. And that matters a great deal to people.
Why do you assume this is your last chance to see a woman in the White House? Give Hillary Clinton credit, she paved the way for the next woman to run.
While there is no denying there was sexism out there on the campaign trail, that is not why she lost. Not by a long shot. She lost because she had numerous errors in her campaign, starting with the inevitability aura she carefully cultivated, which suddenly fell apart on Super Tuesday. She made numerous gaffes on the campaign trail. She turned off a lot of voters, while Obama was energizing them.
Kudos to the Clinton and her supporters for a hard-fought campaign. On to defeating McCain!
Spot on. Its not like Hillary Clinton is the last female politician to ever have a chance at the white house. Ms. Jong should give some credit to all of the other brilliant women in politics today.
let me give you an example of the racist "sh*t obama had to go through. how many 50-80 old blacks will probably NEVER see an african-american in the white house if obama doesn't win? can you quote any interviews from small town america on this? a few, probably. hrc was able to boast about being the first woman president and such openly. obama could NEVER boast about this. the minute he starts talking the "black stuff" he officially becomes the black candidate. damn, i didn't see any black leaders being interviewed on cable news last tuesday. we can't express pride openly. we have to talk about it at church, in the salon, or at school or work.
and yes, obama took some racist shots, too. but, again, we can't openly discuss the fairness because it will point to his color. imagine if hrc went through this entire process w/ out gloria or geraldine by her side. or not being able to say that she inspires millions of women and girls. this really hurt me. i wanted to save more than just generic news clippings for my children. i wanted to hear people say, obama say that he is black and proud. get over yourself and hrc. if obama loses, i am not sure that I will see another black in my lifetime.
one of the things i don't like about HuffPo is that we cannot get responses from bloggers on points raised such as mine or EJ99.
Maybe it's because I live in Atlanta, but our newspapers and newscasts have been absolutely chock-full of African Americans, both in the political picture and as "man on the street" interviews expressing racial pride in their candidate. Where do you live? The paper today had a whole special section with Obama's bio and commentary from many of the black political elite stating what his candidacy has meant to black folk. So I guess I don't see what you are referencing in your complaints.
I live in Atlanta as well - what I HAVE seen is the newscover with Obama in the sniper's fire - unfortunately, that is also what blacks fear in this election.
I read an article today that said that feminism is more prevalent now than racism. As a woman, that's rather hard to believe. My husband recently bought a BMW after having driven a honda for years. He is probably the most careful driver that I have ever met and there are times that I want to take the wheel from him because we're in a hurry and he will not speed for all the world. The very first day that he drove his new Beamer to work, he was stopped by an officer who said that he did not stop at a stop sign. The officer was quite concerned that my husband did not have his permanent tag as yet and even called the dealer (whose card my husband had in the car) to make sure that the car was actually purchased there. I cannot actually say that I was surprised by this - my point is just that we have a long way to go and some of you can choose to stick your head in the sand.
This is a strange point to make the same week that the New York Times featured a front page, above-the-fold story about the pride felt among the black community in Obama's having secured the nomination ("Many Blacks Find Hope and Joy In an Unexpected Breakthrough," Thursday June 5, 2008). On the same page where the story continues, another headline: "Rejoicing in Kenya at U.S. Triumph of a Sort of Native Son."
So...?
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Erica Jong wrote:
"But losing my last chance to see a woman in the White House feels like shit. And the gloating by the press is even worse. It sounds like "I told you so." It feels like watching Joan of Arc burned at the stake."
Hillary Clinton is Joan of Arc?......
I guess the press reporting the facts," Obama Wins" is gloating. Get a grip.
This will not be the last time a woman will run for the White House. And there are many candidates who are much more qualified than Hillary Clinton because they made their own careers instead of riding on their husbands coat tails. What you don't understand is that Hillary Clinton was an impediment for future female candidates because she claimed to be the Alpha Dog of the group. Now that she is gone I hope to see a large group of younger women pols to step up and take a whack at POTUS.
I hope it is not your last chance to see a woman in the White House but only the beginning. We all got a good look at how the world sliced and diced everything about how she looked and seeing clearly is one step in making changes. Michelle Obama is a strong woman and we need to look ahead to how the media is going to treat her and be ready for it. The media has gotten quite lazy and used sexual stereotypes way too much and we have allowed the stupidest things to pass for political commentary. I must add that I did not like her campaign as much as Obama's and think her advisers need to go over their notes and learn from their mistakes.
Hillary Clinton did not lose the nomination because of sexism. She lost the nomination because she and her campaign made a few pivotal mistakes.
-She voted to support the invasion of Iraq, and never admitted it was a mistake.
-She then compounded the mistake by voting for Kyl-Liebermann.
-Her campaign made no plans for beyond Super Tuesday.
-Her campaign made no play for the caucus states.
-Her initial strategy as "inevitable" was roundly rejected by voters, who do not like being told what to do.
-Her campaign continued with the "battleground" state strategy, with its blindered and short-sighted view of base-building and downticket races.
-When losing, her campaign started using Republican-style hits and tactics. This turned many more Dems away from her.
Simply put, Hillary lost because of the misjudgements of, and the arrogance and hubris in her own campaign. Yes there was sexism from the media and chattering classes. This did not affect the final outcome, and in fact may have buoyed her chances by mobilizing more women to support her (yes, Chris Matthews' sexism and fear of women is blatantly obvious to all).
Hillary made fatal mistakes in campaigning. This is why she lost. Don't blame sexism for her loss, or you conceal the fact that she did so well IN SPITE of sexism. If she had not made some of the mistakes she made, she'd be the Dems' candidate today.
It is by her own actions that she lost. Not by her gender.
Obama's mistakes were:
1. Thinking caucus states represented general election voters
2. Thinking blue state wins meant a national mandate
3. Forgetting hell hath no fury as a woman scorned
4. Forgetting the Dems loved McCain in 2004 and still love him now
5. Never voting against the Iraq war when his vote finally counted
6. Voting present or absent instead of committing to issues
7. Failure to change his campaign strategy after peaking with his 11 wins, when Clinton was not fully participating in those contests.
8. Failure to recognize his funding base has no electoral college significance
9. Believing he can make up for all the Dem voters he has lost
I don't get any of these, but especially number 3. Insulting, small-minded sexism. Losing hurts-- for both men and women. The challenge for grown ups is dealing with the disappointment in a productive way. It is understandable, but profoundly irrational to lash out at the winning team just because you lost-- but I guess Yankee- and red sox fans get into brawls in the bleachers, so it may just be part of base human experience.
um, maybe you've missed a week of news? obama won. big time. and his campaign staff ran an organization that's going to be studied for quite a while. and dems don't love the new mcbush. you've got that one way wrong. especially when they figure out that insurance companies get to decide who they want to cover. including those exclusionary factors - like being overweight.
you're backing a man who cannot remember what he says from day to day, what his position on iraq is, what the difference is between sunnis and shiites, and how he voted on katrina. and a man who has reversed his position on virtually everything he ever stood for - except war and more war in the middle east - funded by loans from singapore and china - which can only result in a sharia government. as in religious. as in islamic. isn't this what we were fighting against when we went into afghanistan after the taliban? now $2 trillion dollars and 4000 Americans lives later, we've helped set it up in iraq.
"We don't want to see equality between men and women because according to Islamic law, men should have double of women. This is written in the Quran and according to God." Islamic cleric, member of new Iraqi democracy.
Interestingly, Erica and those who think like her have never pointed out the race baiting Hillary engaged in during this campaign. If Obama can be gracious in a racist world, than Clinton can be gracious in a sexist world. She is not a victim. Stop making excuses for her. She ran a funky campaign. Actually, she didn't run it at all. She had a bunch of ultra macho men running the show and they ran it into the ground. The media did not sink Clinton's campaign. In fact, they allowed her to spin her lies any way she wanted. This election was over in March, yet she continued with the math, the money and the momentum against her hoping that the super delegates would override the will of the people. Obama based his entire campaign on the rules of the DNC. He did not discount states and he certainly, unlike Clinton, did not discount caucuses. She was too over confident and that was displayed on Tuesday when she overplayed her hand. Consequently, her own senior advisors had to step in and yank her off the stage. She screwed up royally and it cost her royally. Was there sexism? Yes, and that should have been expected. But sexism did not sink Hillary's ship. Hillary sank her own ship. It is time to face the facts and stop blaming others for her failure.
One other thing, Hill should have given a speech on gender just as Obama gave one on race.
i waited for months for hillary clinton to give a speech - any speech that talked about women's rights, equal pay, parenting, childcare, the supreme court. the fact is she did not because it wasn't going to help her with conservative catholic voters in PA or voters in the ohio river valley. i wanted my daughter to hear that speech from a presidential candidate and from a woman. it is a sad fact that she had the guts to say she could be commander in chief - but she did not have the gut to state her own truth - or to stand up for our daughters - until after she was defeated.
Too little, too late. He's made a strategic mistake.
In spite of being a woman, and being highly qualified, Hillary represents "the same old thing". Bush and company messed up the country so badly, both home and abroad, that we need something totally different. Even if Obama turns out to be not so brilliant a president as the nation thinks, we need to try him, if only for our international image. It would be like a "rebooting" of the country, a last ditch effort to clean out all the junk on our "hard drive". After that we can start afresh if we have to.
Erica, THANK YOU for expressing my sentiments so thoroughly and so well!
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