Blood and Love and Caviar

I've always loved Valentine's Day. You don't have to do the menorah or tree dance. You don't have to decorate the blue Chanukah bush with dreidels. You don' t have to appease your mother or mother-in-law. It's just for you and your sweetie. You only have to snug or cuddle and play Gershwin or the Beatles or Chet Baker. You don't have to include the children -- or grandchildren. You can go to an inn or relais (far sexier than a hotel) and fuck your heart out. You can gorge on champagne and chocolate -- which turns out to be good for you. And you can turn off your cell phone. At least I can. I don't know about my sweetie.

I always get the best gifts on Valentine's Day--the emerald earrings, the Larry Rivers, the tub of Petrossian caviar, the first edition of Alice in Wonderland. I always feel it's a holiday--even snowed in Chicago or stuck in Malibu in a mudslide, or on the 47h floor of the San Francisco Mandarin in impenetrable fog or in Hemingway's room at the Gritti in Venice.

As long as my sweetie gets there, it's a festival, mardi gras in Venice, or Rio, or Seville. And somehow he got in from the airport. Somehow he brought that bottle of Krug, got the last tin of Oesetra (Beluga being fished out) and the hot tub was working--even in the snow, and we rolled and made snow angels naked, and we felt like an outtake from a Bergman movie and we wore crowns of candles and we skated across the frozen lake but amazingly didn't fall in. Belinda Barkawitz, our huge black poodle, followed on her little poodle feet, and (amazingly) didn't fall in either.

If course it's got a bloody history--St Valentine's Day. Blood and love go together.
Saint Valentine's Day or the Día de San Valentín or Día de los Enamorados, goes back to antiquity. February was the month of purification for the Romans. Februa on February 15th marked the Lupercalia. It celebrated a young man's rite of passage to fertility.

The legendary Saint Valentine appears in the 3rd Century after Christ. He may have been a Roman priest who empathized with young men drafted into military service. Since the Roman Empire needed soldiers to protect their expanding territories beyond the Rubicon, and since married men made distracted soldiers, Emperor Claudius the Second decreed that nobody could become engaged. Valentine openly defied the Emperor's order and secretly married off young couples. Since Roman Emperors were demi-Gods and their word was sacred (like Dick Cheney's), Valentine was considered a traitor and was beheaded on the Lupercalia, February 14, 270 A.D. Unfortunately they didn't show this in the TV series.

Anyway, the bloodier the history, the more chocolates and lace underwear you can sell. Not to mention champagne, dildoes three times life-size and vibrating bunnies. If you're four you have to send valentines to your whole pre-school class. If you're eight, you probably think it's yucky. By the time the Lupercalia kicks in, you love St. Valentine again.

Poor St. Valentine lost his head and died for our sins. But what do we care as we peel off our clothes. Yippee! The only day of the year devoted to lovers! Smear on the chocolate. Guzzle champagne. Close your eyes. And open your mouth.

2/13/08

Comments

[mexamerican]

geez, life in the top 1 percent must be nice. i can't afford to whisk my wife to venice for valentine's day or give her caviar (it tastes like fish jelly anyway), but tonight i'll give her some flowers, take her to dinner and tell her that i love her with all my heart and that she makes my life worth living. being the woman that she is, strong, independent, brilliant, and loving, she'll be happy with that truth. not everything comes down to luxury and materialist values.

[krayyy]

OUT OF TOUCH. someone take away her keeboard. (see, i can't spell like all other Obama supporters)

[goldcoastsailor]

You are one high maintenance babe.

[paixa3]

Erica, I enjoy your candid banter....""just go and fuck ones heart out....""

Pricelss.

Thank you.

Bon fete !

[skycontrol]

Dear Ms. Jong:
I read your endorsement of HRC in the Washington Post with great disappointment and sadness. You have always represented feminine heroism and intelligence in my eyes. However I found your endorsement defensive and less than specious. The reasoning is at times, racist, elitist, condescending and always flawed. The writing meanders and introduces subjects which have no relevance. Why? Because the central argument is so pathetically weak. But the real, "what is the world coming to" part is when you excuse her "triangulation" on Iraq and "her signing the absurd Lieberman-Kyl resolution" - because "she has to show she's ready to be commander in chief". This is the part that nearly brought on the tears. How can you so easily dismiss her support of a war which has led to the destruction of hundreds of thousands of lives and the deaths of countless? What has happened to you? Where is your humanity? Has all the hope been "boiled out of you?" I live in NYC and have not found a single woman who supports HRC. If all of Hillary's personal qualities were found in a man, he, probably would be despised by most women.
Hopefully, you will rediscover the romantic in you today and join the Obama crowd.
- skycontrol -

[mexamerican]

nice one, skycontrol

[PaulKelly]

What's this got to do with chocolates, champagne, dildoes and vibrating bunnies? Killjoy.

[PortiaElizabeth]

Dear Ms. Jong,
You cannot win and you will not. There are people here who will shred no matter which way you turn. Your best hope is to write for those of us who appreciate your thoughts and commentaries, all the while knowing that attack is imminent.
Happy Valentine's Day!

[Pdubya]

it ain't free.

[ImayAgree]

Heck and here me and my WIFE only exchange a couple kisses eat our regular dinner and continue to love each other. Like any other day.
Nice Post Ms Jong

[speakyourmind]

All of you critizers: LIGHTEN UP!! Enjoy life a little more and maybe you won't be so cynical.

[Sylvarose]

Hmmm....well I'm happy for you...but unless I've missed the satire I'm a little startled by all the excess! I mean, I'm happy for your and things its great you are in a position to do all those things..but I'm a little uncomfortable with the perpetuation that in order for something to be "romantic" it has to be expensive.

I told my sweetie a long time ago, a bag of M&M candies with a ribbon at my door would be romantic enough for me. I like M&Ms and the ribbon was enough of a personal touch to know a kid hadn't dropped it out of his backpack while cutting through the yard.

I don't need a dozen roses when a single one is enough to make me squeal with glee and smile.

Sure my sweetie often does more. One year he sent me several cards arriving in the mail one day after another until he came to visit on Valentine's Day. They were all cow themed. I loved it! The humor and the planning involved had me glowing for weeks? Now for me...that was better than any fancy glass of champagne!

And as far as giving as good as I get? I waited until a day after Valentine's sale one year and got him a little 75% off "Love Monster" that plays the "Mnmanana" song when squeezed. That continues to earn me the priceless look of love.

He gets chocolate..I get chocolate. He gets a card..and I get a card. But it's all the little touches of simple things we know will keep the other laughing and reminded of how well we know each other that makes the day truly special.

I wouldn't trade those...for a expensive jewelry or trip to the alps.

sr

[mexamerican]

wow, if you weren't already taken, i'd be interested. you sound like a very cool, low-maintenance woman, the very best kind! happy valentines day.

[racje]

Oh, thanks for this reminder that sweet love is not weighed in calories or carats or credit cards, and excess does not have the measure of joy and laughter!

[KingGeorgetheTurd]

Yeah, I just gave my new girlfriend, who I just met, a candy heart and $50 bucks and she told me "she will love me long time".

But hey, what do you expect from an Obama supporter. Just trying to keep up the stereotyping easy for ya!

[waiguoren]

Erica, what the hell has happened to you?

First the post about everyone against Hillary being a sexist lout, and now this drivel about sweeties and expensive hotel rooms around the world.

Your old pal Henry Miller is surely spinning.

(If today's Valentine treacle is satire, and I missed it, then excuuuuse me.)

[wyomingrev]

TMI, Erica.

[jerkzilla]

It's funny that Erica "if you don't vote for Hillary you must hate all women" Jong writes about what she GOT from her male companion but not what she got for him. Valentine's Day is a huge insult to both men and women because it (as well as most media these days) perpetuates the idea that women must always be the recievers of romantic gestures and men are then thrust into the role of being the ones giving and never recieving romantic gifts, nights out, hotel rentals, etc, etc. It's just antother way of keeping men in the role of "The Provider", which really is the role of the Patriarch, bestowing trinkets upon his lessers. It's not fair to men to live up to an expectation built of Hallmark cards and Disney movies, and it's not fair to women, because if they are always the reciever of romance and never the giver, then they can never truly be equal. But really what it boils down to is that no matter how far we've evolved, we're no further along than cavemen, trying to catch the biggest Sabretooth so that we can impress the women enough to mate with them.

[NoMoreDrama]

Case Closed. The jury of educated peers finds me "Not Guilty" of being a chauvenist pig because I don't support Hillary! YAY!

[WIpatriot]

Well, 'zilla, obviously you haven't heard that women are always giving to men 24/7.

[jerkzilla]

Really? Women are constantly under pressure to perform romantic gestures 24/7? How often do women buy flowers or chocolates or Jewlrey for men? Understanging that those specific things are considered 'feminine', how often did you see an advertisement that went: "Hey ladies, this valentine's Day, buy your man an X-Box 360". Never gonna happen. In fact, most products that are considered 'gifts' are marketed for men to buy for women this season. Look around at our culture and you can see examples of it everywhere. When it comes to ROMANTIC GESTURES, women are encouraged and expected to be the givers and never the recievers.

[Wiredwilly]

Also, people who were married by St. Valentine would toss him notes of support through the bars of the jail window , hence the exchange of Valentine's cards.