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Erica Jong

Erica Jong

Posted: April 29, 2008 12:53 PM

Natural Nudists Unite -- And Apologize!



As a natural nudist, who comes from a family of natural nudists, the Miley Cyrus flap astounds me. Nothing is flapping on Miley. She's draped in a sheet. Besides, when is a nude body a lewd body? Anyway, the kid's not even half naked. What is this nonsense?

Well, it's an occasion for another apology. We need an apolo-blog section on HuffPuff. Then there will be one central clearing house for apologies. We can all apologize for things we didn't do, things we didn't say and things we never even thought.

I will issue a general apology and hope to have it all covered for the rest of my life. I will apologize for the Democratic Party, for the IRS, for Bill Clinton's sex addiction and Barack Obama's pastor. I will apologize for the idiocy of network TV, for Eliot Spitzer's penchant for prostitutes and for Chris Matthews' tirades. I will apologize for chemical warfare in World War I and for the Nazis' anti-Semitism in the 1940s and all the children it wiped off the face of the earth. I can certainly apologize for things that happened before I was born, can't I?

While I'm at it, I will apologize for all my books, for the time I posed for People mag zipping up my jeans, for my various divorces -- and those of all my friends. As long as you apologize, you can do anything in our nation. You can test hormones on women, intern the Japanese Americans, exterminate the indigenous peoples, then give their few remaining descendants gambling casinos. You can lynch Black people, keep Jews out of certain clubs and neighborhoods and jobs and starve the working poor. You can put arsenic in kids' drinking water. Just remember to apologize.

You get the idea. If Miley had any spunk, she certainly would take her clothes off and stay naked 'till we got out of Iraq. That would be better for her fans that all these hypocritical apologies. Stop feeling embarrassed for your non-nakedness kiddo. Start feeling embarrassed for your country!