Seeing Sexism

It's not easy to see sexism. It's such a part of our lives it seems invisible. It's in us and outside us. We want not to believe in it---until something---like men making fun of Hillary Clinton, like women making fun of Hillary Clinton---stirs it up. And then something inside our heads shouts: "THERE IT IS AGAIN! I thought--I truly hoped we were past this."

The truth is, we want sexism to be passé. We don't want to keep fighting it. It's so uncool to fight it. We sound so shrill, so whining, so strident, so piercing, so shrewish, so female. For these are all coded adjectives for women you hate. We hate them ourselves. We don't want to be shrill, shrewish, strident, whining, piercing. We want to be cool. We want to hold our own, we want not to waver, not to be high-pitched, not to betray our femaleness, our weakness. And yet our voices are higher than men's and we are less listened to in the agora. We are always tokens.

On most charitable boards I sit, on every prize committee I deliberate, on most writers' panels, I am a token. One woman and seven men, two women and fourteen men, three women and twenty-one men. I hate being a token. I wish it were otherwise. Unlike those nasty women of yesteryear--Clare Boothe Luce, Ilka Chase--the women who inspired The Women--I have no stake in being queen bee. I want a 50--50 world. But the world is not that way. So tedious, old-time feminism must rear its shrieking Medusa head again.

The Greeks got it. Medusa's snaky head, the sex-strike in Lysistrata, Medea's fury in Greek myth and tragedy.

The truth is we have been trying to assert women's rights (and wrongs) for a long time. Too, too long, in fact. No wonder everyone is turned off. From Mary Wollstonecraft to Susan B. Anthony to Eleanor Roosevelt to Germaine Greer to Gloria Steinem is at least two and a half centuries. And before that, Mary Magdalene was smeared by the damned disciples, Cleopatra by Shakespeare, Hatshepsut by all those Egyptian dudes and doubtless even the Sumerian earth goddess. Too fat, too shrill, too monomaniacal, say the cool men. And the cool women echo it.

What? Life begins in the womb? Women are the life force? How unfair! Didn't Samuel Johnson--that old bore, say: "Nature has given women so much power that the law wisely gives her little" The Greek tragedians smeared a lot of women too, but they were shrewder observers of life than our present day guy writers. At least they had the myths to set them straight. So they knew women were fierce from being raped so often and they knew the rapists (usually men) deserved everything they got.

So now we have the cool dudes saying Hillary is dead, the fall of the house of Clinton is here, baby-boomers are so over, don't trust those wrinklies (British for your parents' generation), youth is roaring again, hope is the watchword, Obama has a feminist wife and two cute little girls, he'll fight for us. And the cool chicks echo it: Hillary is over, we have our rights, we have the pill, we have the patch, we have the IUD, we have the vote, we have nannies for our kids, so what about the retrenchment on Roe, so what about the Right to Lifers, so what about my mother's battles? Over and done. Passe. Youth has come in the person of Barack. Male? Not really. Think of his wife. Two for the price of one--like Billary in 1992. But will Ms. Obama be the prez? Not really. Power behind the throne. Same old, same old. We seem to have forgotten that we did this all before.

But it's different this time, say the women of my daughter's generation. We've won the battle. We don't need the White House. Say what? We don't need it? We're past it? We have all heard that before, too. It's an old, old story. Hillary is the establishment? Hillary stole the vote in New Hampshire? Hillary is passé. Hillary is too close to Bill. Hillary is not close enough to Bill. Hillary is calculating. Hillary is cold. Hillary cried. (Actually, she didn't cry -- as Jon Stewart and I pointed out). She just looked human. She showed a teeny bit of vulnerability. UNFAIR! They scream. FEMININE WILES! They scream. The heart of being a woman is to be always in the wrong.

Let's be honest here. We don't know how a female President would act. But we could look around. I know America is a provincial country, but we could look at Germany, Ireland, England, Pakistan, India, Argentina, and Finland--to name a few. We could ask why the USA, out of all the so-called "civilized" countries, is so damned afraid of a woman leader.

We could look at the invisible sexism--as Gloria Steinem has been asking us to do for nearly half a century. We could acknowledge that a multiracial male president with a fierce feminist wife would be great for America, but maybe we should break the invisible gender barrier first. Yes, blacks have been hideously oppressed, but so have women--and black women know this better than white women do. We have been tokens for so long that most of us just take it for granted. The flaying of Hillary Clinton shows us we can take nothing for granted. We need to break that tough, annealed, glass ceiling with the barbed wire over it. And we need to break it now.

If this is the politics of gender, so be it. We need a politics of gender in this country. Obama is a good man who will only get better. Youth is on his side. Perhaps Hillary will appoint him to the Supreme Court where he can counter that embarrassing Clarence Thomas. Perhaps he will be President in 2016 or perhaps, even better, Michelle Obama will be. They have nothing but time.

Hillary's time has come.

Comments

[grendl]

Saying it's time for a woman president is just as sexist as saying we need a male in the White House. It is hypocrisy masked as openmindedness.

An affirmative action approach to choosing this nation's leaders will fail, just as affirmative action failed. Why? Because color or sex is still being used as justification for getting a job.

Her sex shouldn't matter, her policies should, get it? And Mr. Obama's race shouldn't have anything to do with his bid as well.

But the inclination to keep the rhetoric of the war between the sexes and races alive seems just as prevalent today as ever. The granting of a presidency should not serve as a means of reparations, it should be based on an individual's ability to govern, that's it.

[thunderdan]

God, this gets so old. Erica, I don't support Hillary because of her past votes. She does not represent my views or values. This has nothing to do with gender--at least for me and for everyone I know.

I couldn't care less whether we had a male or female president. But after what we've been through, I'm going to make damn sure I vote for the person that I believe has the skills, talents, judgment, and experience to heal the country. That is NOT Hillary.

The "her time has come" comment is so arrogant and presumptuous. It implies destiny and entitlement, rather than the voters actually deciding. Obama isn't entitled either.

So, let the voters decide based on issues rather than playing the gender card.

[Brainoverbraun]

You are 100% right.

Look at the numbers in corporate board rooms and senior executive ranks in any North American company - still mostly old white guys.

Our daughters are being seduced by a marketing machine that tells them only slim pretty women who can attract men can succeed and be happy in life.

No...the battle is far from over!

[NYC07]

I'm sick and tired of all the "They hate Hillary because she's a women" stuff. Most people do not wish her to become president not because of Hillary Clinton Women, but Hillary Clinton Supporter of the Iraq War , Hillary Clinton Supporter of Kyle -Leiberman, Hillary Clinton cosing up to to the Neo-Cons, etc. If I wanted the next President to be Bush in a dress I would vote for Guliani.

[Jjc2006]

Thank you, thank you. Unfortunately the sexism still rears its ugly head and if you dare mention it, egads.
It stuns me about the young women. Fortunately it is not all of them. More and more are learning.

But you said it so well, as usual. No matter what we do, it is not enough or it is too much. Sigh.

[CornellRedneck]

What you on the distaff side insist on not seeing is that Hillary merely proves to the world that once again all a woman has to do is shed some crocdile tears to get her way. Don't you see that in one melodramatic photo-op she slammed everything you've fought for since Carrie Nation?

Plus, if she cries in the pressure cooker of a itty-bitty primary in an itty-bitty state, how's she going to deal with the manly realm of war should she become commander-in-chief?

[JustAnotherJoe]

But, but, Erica, what about Hillary's actual voting record, you know, like for the Iraqi war resolution, against flag burning, for tightening bankrupcy guidelines, for the Patriot Act (twice), for labeling the Iranian Republican Guard a terrorist group giving the Bush admin more of reason to friggin bomb them, for free trade without labor an environmental protection, just to name a few? Above all, in my estimation, it's Hillary's record. Always has been.

[IntrepidReader]

God, the Republicans must be loving it as the most vocal Democrats begin shouting sexist! racist! racist AND sexist! at each other as they push for their favorite candidate.

The Republicans know that those kinds of accusations are going to turn America off, and that voters aren't going to be guilted and manipulated into voting for Obama or Clinton out of fear of appearing politically incorrect, no matter what we say publicly. (Yes, folks, WE WILL LIE TO POLLSTERS!)

[OtayPanky]

Call me hopelessly naive, but I'd love to vote for a COMPETENT, CAPABLE woman of (wait for it) IMPECCABLE CHARACTER.

It would be great if we had a female Abe Lincoln right now.

But we don't.

The Clinton machine is not simply dynastic, but morally repugnant. Watching them do their business is a wretched experience.

If they repealed the 22nd Amendment tomorrow, I wouldn't vote for Bill EVER - and I voted for him twice.

Now, Erica - you tell me what is sexist about my view...whether you agree with it, or not.

[rh654]

Depending on which side you listen to...

If you don't support Hillary you are sexist.

If you don't support Obama you are racist.

Looks like the Liberals have a bit a of problem to me - either they are sexist or racist - I guess will soon know which they are...

[nihilon x]

So many generalizations -- I find it ironic that I took so much pride in the fact that many black people refuse to support Obama just because he is black, only to find that so many women will support Hillary simply because of her gender.

Its a sad day for our country when self-interest supersedes the good of the nation.

[magen]

So Hillary will get the old white lady vote.

Barack will get everybody else.

Don't be on the wrong side of history. If Hillary were a man, she'd be wrong for this country. Too much triangulation, capitulation, and ties to corporate lobbyists. We need leadership right now and Hillary has constantly proven her followership.

Voting for the wrong woman, just because she's a woman, is not feminism, its just stupidity.

[TwoCentsWorth]

Eric Jong:
Thank you for a great post -- you accurately describe the misogynistic pall which to this day continues to diminish the lives of all girls and women. How sad that this paternalistic society of ours fearfully uses the broad brush of misogyny to keep women's voices from being heard. If not Hillary, then soon I hope it might be Mrs. Obama.

[bach]

You are so right Erica. What kills me are all the bloggers that say, "I'm not sexist, I just don't like Hillary." And then they go on to explain why using all the "coded adjectives for women you hate".

[hollyo]

Thank you, Ms Jong, for daring to speak with a feminist perspective even though it isn't 'cool.' Women continue to be their own worst enemy (and so do the Democrats). They'll bicker and pick while the opposition sneaks ahead. I continue to hope that the best 'person' will be the next leader of our dwindling democracy. Keep up the good work.