Huffpost Comedy
The Blog

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors

Erica Watson Headshot

BCC: Bitchy Computer Complaints

Posted: Updated:

Just when you have nothing to BLOG about, God sends you an email message like this:

Erica,

May I offer a suggestion? If you are sending out an email to multiple people, please send it under BCC and don't leave addresses exposed to be picked up and used on other groups. It is good "netiquette." Nobody likes to be spammed. To be honest I am not certain how you got my email address but from the other addresses I recognize in the header I suspect it's from a friend or a friend of a friend.

I do not want to be included on future emails that do not have the addresses placed under a BCC. Thank you.

My first thought was: "Oh no! One of my fabulous gay friends woke up on the wrong side of the bed, this morning!" But to my surprise, it was a WOMAN! Obviously a very BITTER woman who woke up on the other side of my gay friend's bed!!!. lol

My second thought was: "I need to have this woman send an email to MR.OLAYINKA ADEBIYI, The SENATE PRESIDENT of the FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA who keeps notifying me that I am the sole beneficiary of the total sum of Twelve Million Three Hundred Thousand Pounds Sterling from my cousin UMARU YAR'ADUA WATSON.

Wait. Let me explain.

I sent out an email blast to invite people out to my 1 woman show "Fat Bitch!" at The Chicago Center for the Performing Arts November 19-28, 2008. CLICK HERE FOR TIX! (Shameless plug, I know)

Anyway, I made a mistake and sent out the email without BCC'ing the recipients. Because of me, top secret email addresses and other forms of highly guarded intellectual property got EXPOSED!! Shame on me. Any idiot should know that email addresses must be safely guarded with the highest level of security.

I mean, come on! It's the internet, everything on the internet is secure. If we start letting email addresses get out in the open, can you imagine what would happen next? Soon, people might actually be able to create a fake identity on line, post pictures, write an explicit personal Ad, asking to meet someone special for a onetime intimate encounter at a buddy booth in the back of a sex shop! We may even be able to get a free ring-tone or possibly receive a Macy's gift card all with the push of a button!

That's where we are headed in the near future people. The end is drawing near! FIRST exposed email addresses, NEXT anonymous sex in the clearance section of Macy's to the sound of Beyonce's "Single Ladies" playing on your phone. (That sounds kinda fun actually, although I prefer Yo Gott's "5 Star Chick" on my phone.)

Seriously, if email exposing continues, the world will become disintegrated and wasted, devoid of all natural resources. Then android-like humans, that are machine-made, will enslave real humans. In order to create the perfect world, a fake world will be created to fool the humans into believing that everything is alright in their world. Then a savior named NEO will join forces with Trinity, and Morpheus to lead the humans to freedom. ......WAIT A MINUTE.......

Oops...that's already been done in the MARIX!

I digress.

I don't know, maybe I just have better things to do with my time. I would never be able to visit Beyonce World 20 times a day, or Media Takeout if I sent a response to every unsolicited email that I receive. This chick needs to get a life!

Can you imagine what kind of life she already has? Sex with her has got to be the most boring, politically correct experience on the planet.

Does she spell check her "sexual ecstasy shouts"?

"OMG! OMG! Which is 'netiquette' or 'Acronymic Computer Lingo' for Oh My God! I am cumming! C-U-M-M-I-N-G, not C-O-M-M-I-N-G, which would mean the arrival or approach of something. Then again, I am approaching my climax, not K-L-Y-M-A-X-X, that would be an all-girl funk band from the 80's.....OMG...OMG...I am a Bitter SBF...38...DD Free....Netiquette Expert......OMG..."

BITCH, SHUT UP!!!

And what the hell is "netiquette" anyway? (Sounds like the way a toothless crack-head from Mississippi would say Connecticut). And what losers really follow "netiquette"?

I, Erica Watson, does not play by the rules in real life, so I for damn sure am not going to subscribe to some code of ethics for email. Maybe this really is the MATRIX? If so, I would love to have a threesome with Lawrence Fishburne and Keanu Reeves. (In the BIG GIRL clearance section of Macy's, no doubt! I mean, I am a 5 Star Chick after all!)

To finish the story, I guess this woman's concern's have some merit. Just as I was about to send her a curse out email with a bunch of miss-spelled words with everyone I know BCC'd on it, I get an email from one of the other email recipients saying:

Hey Erica:

Can you forward my Social Butterfly Promotions eblast to everyone on this list? Or, do you mind if I send it to them stating your permission. Let me know.

Hopefully, we will see you on Friday!---Malinda

I guess MS. NETTI (that's short for Netiquette from Connecticut) had a valid point. Malinda was gonna try to steal my precious email addresses to advertise her event! So my apologies MS. NETTI. I stand corrected!!

NETIQUETTE is real people! Make sure you follow it!