Two weeks ago our family hit the LAUSD jackpot: we got a call from LACES (Los Angeles Center for Enriched Studies) informing us our daughter had been accepted into the seventh grade. LACES is the Holy Grail of LA public schools (Blue Ribbon, one of the 10 best nationwide in test scores). It also happens to be two blocks from our house. For most parents, this was a dream come true.
We were surprised -- we had applied to LACES in an effort to game the magnet system, thinking we'd never get in, and thereby racking up points for high school. Our gamble backfired, and two weeks into the school year we were faced with an excruciating choice: yank our daughter out of New West Charter middle school, where she is happy and thriving, or pass up what is lauded as one of the best schools in the city
LACES is a known academic pressure-cooker, with a menu of high-stakes A.P. and honors classes. Their reputation is for churning out college-ready superstars. In this era of hothouse child-rearing, to question achievement-oriented education is close to heresy. But my husband and I have always questioned it, and in the stew of consideration we were embroiled in, we found ourselves once again asking ourselves how we as a family define success. Is an elite college really our ultimate goal for our children? Franny's immediate reaction was to stay put at New West. But I took her to LACES for a tour, on the principle she couldn't make an informed choice without seeing the other school first. She ended up being pleasantly surprised. She loved its big auditorium and art studios, its community services programs and personable magnet coordinator who answered all our questions and put some of our fears to rest.
Back at home we made a list of pros and cons. The biggest pro for LACES being that it goes through high school.In the parched public school landscape of Los Angeles, that is a huge consideration. Where would we send Franny for high school if she remained at New West?
I had as privileged an education as one can get, from private school in Manhattan, to boarding school, eventually graduating from Barnard College. No one ever asks to see my degree, and when I look back on my own education, it was actually the four years I spent in a bohemian boarding school reading and writing about great books, shooting the shit with my friends and hanging around in the theater that shaped me the most. The apple hasn't fallen far from the tree and if my daughter were a young attorney or physicist in the making, she would be starting LACES next Monday and I would be thrilled. But she is more explorer than go-getter, given to dreaminess and poetry with a tendency to clam up when she's put on the spot. I worried she'd be lost in a large classroom full of over-achievers.
After a day of puzzling it over, with a throbbing head, I found Franny in her room curled up with a book. I snuggled up with her and we batted the issue around one more time, both of us filled with worry that we'd make a decision we would later regret.
"I don't know Mom," she said in a voice laced with emotion, "I feel like I fit in at New West -- like everybody sees me for who I am."At her old school she was teased for being "the quiet, good girl" but at New West her friends all call her "deep" and she has blossomed into a funny, outspoken member of that community.
As I listened to her, I realized that all my reasons for wanting to send her to LACES were based on fear and laziness: worry about an uncertain high school future, anxiety that everyone else wants their kids to go to LACES, and the temptation of not having to drive a carpool. None of this had anything to do with the actual person next to me, who was already succeeding on her own terms.
So we did the unthinkable -- we turned LACES down. The choice felt incredibly good, because we didn't vote for one school over another, but instead, cast our vote for our girl -- who she is as defined by herself, and not by the rat race that thinks she needs some kind of edge to succeed and be happy in her life.
I remember when the community supported the schools (pre prop 13) and you could get a decent public education at the neighborhood school but then the demagogues kept shouting LOWER TAXES, LOWER TAXES and the siren call was answered with the passage of prop. 13 and so now we're left with this kinda state. And frankly you are probably quite lucky for if your were of a different ethnicity living south of the I-10 freeway (ie South Central) you probably would not be as fortunate
I don't think parents fully know how valuable a life lesson it is for kids to be heard and make thier own decisions-on schools, classes...
I think it's wrong to have made every decision for them up until age 18-then suddenly at age 18, expect them to suddenly know how to make decisions. It takes practice based on trial and error, on thier part- to navigate thier strengths and weaknesses.
I see my daughter make her own decisons-and I've never been upset with her for any of the decisons she makes. As long as she's happy with her decisions that's all that matters to me. I have faith in her judgement and she knows that.
I hope it works out well, and certainly you have made one other family in L.A. very, very happy--the family whose child will take the place at LACES that your family turned down.
This year we were given very short notice that our younger child's class was canceled. We had to find a new school for her. We decided to keep our older child at the same school because she was happy and didn't want to move. Then we placed our younger daughter in the "accelerated" school. I didn't feel very good about it because I was afraid that her developmental needs were going to be overlooked for the sake of acceleration.
Two days after the transfer, I was informed of a school that had begun a gifted program this year. It was closer to home so I checked it out. When I talked to principle about my concerns, we seemed to be on the same page, so we moved our child again. Now, we are very happy. Our child is thriving and her teacher really honed in on her needs rather than pushing her forward at all costs. Even though we now have three kids in three different public schools, we are very content because we feel that all are receiving instruction according to their interests and personalities. The situation will probably change again, but I realize that choosing to send a child to public school in our area can be difficult, but you really have to learn how roll with the punches and always have a back-up plan.
I don't think you have to worry about whether or not you made the right decision. Your daughter knew what she wanted, she just didn't want to let you down. You listened with your heart and I doubt you'll ever regret it.