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One of These Things is Not Like the Other

Posted: 09/11/07 07:18 PM ET

Once again science has confirmed what we already know: liberals and conservatives think differently. Neuroscientists at NYU and UCLA conducted a simple test on college students all along the political spectrum -- from latte-sucking liberals to tobacco-huffing conservatives.They were seated in front of computers and given the simple task of pressing a key every time the letter "M" flashed on the screen. Here's the hitch: every once in a while the letter "W" would flash and the subjects were told to not push a key when they saw "W."

Both groups recognized the letter "M" accurately. But when that pesky "W" popped up the conservatives just couldn't help themselves and -- DOH! -- they pushed the key! They simply could not recognize any letter not being "M." They continued to dogmatically stab away at the keyboard not seeing the letter so plainly in front of them. Everyone, of course, was hooked up to electroencephalograms, and liberals EEG's lit up like pinball machines while apprehending and considering all the subtle differences between "M" and "W." They made fewer mistakes and demonstrated a greater subtlety of mind. Conservatives, ever the partisans, just declared "W" was "M" and called it a day.

But lookout! The researchers threw a curveball by reversing the test, flashing "W's" and asking subjects to ignore the "M's." The results were exactly the same. If told"W" is the order of the day, then well, by heck. That's just what they're gonna do. It's that simple.

History has already shown that conservatives are suckers for "W." The letter has some kind of hypnotic effect on them, causing them to jab their index fingers at things -- liberals, mostly. "W" is their kind of letter, all points, aggressive, starting favorite conservative words like "War" and "Wealth" and "Welfare State." If you built a giant "W" out of steel and dropped a liberal on it, he would be impaled through his head, heart and groin. Yee-haw, it's BBQ!

Frank J. Sulloway, a researcher at UC Berkeley's Institute of Personality and Social Research told The Los Angeles Times that the results "provided an elegant demonstration that individual differences on a conservative-liberal dimension are strongly related to brain activity." The Times reports that "liberals were 4.9 times as likely as conservatives to show activity in the brain circuits that deal with conflicts, and 2.2 times as likely to score in the top half of the distribution for accuracy." Thus with one, simple experiment we have solved the mystery of how half our nation fell for the 9/11/Sadaam Hussein boondoggle. W is to M as Sadaam is to Bin Laden. While, they share some qualities (spikey, swarthy, hateful, gun lovin') they were decidedly NOT the same man. But those differences are irrelevant once your mind has been made up for you.

So now its been scientifically proven that liberals are smarter than conservatives. There's no point in gloating: conservatives don't recognize science, either. Just let them continue digging their own spider holes of fuzzy logic and dogmatic umbrage and come November '08 we can use our superior hand-eye coordination and letter-recognition skills to hit all the right letters.

 
 
 
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11:54 AM on 09/12/2007
Pretty cool study. That explains why Liberals are so frustrated by the Conservatives they perceive to be just plain dumb. And now, here's the proof. This test deals with processing speed, and if one cannot quickly process change, well, one is slow.
08:47 PM on 09/11/2007
More Yankee Leftist Evolution Witchery! (MYLEW)
God says it! I believe it! That settles it!
Y'Heard Me!?!
07:53 PM on 09/11/2007
This is really fascinating, and thanks for posting for those who may not have seen print accounts of the research. My only quibble is that some of us older liberals who remember smoke-filled rooms are still huffing away while we are far too rugged to spend $$$$on weird newfangled coffee so let's not perpetuate stereotypes even in fun. We smokers are touchier than ring-wing radio hosts
when it comes to our pathetic addiction.
06:48 PM on 09/11/2007
I guess it also confirms that liberals are really good at spinning things. Cheers!
07:07 PM on 09/11/2007
As opposed to conservatives who just love to sit and spin.
08:15 PM on 09/11/2007
duh. You are obviously a conservative.

The whole reason for spinning is to shape the "facts" around what you've already determined to be the truth, instead of coming to the truth by seeing and evaluating the facts.

That's exactly what this blog is trying to point out, and you've proven their point beautifully.

Thanks.
06:25 PM on 09/11/2007
I think we already know that conservatives are dumber.
GW is Pres.

At least we have the science to back it up now though.
Now we just have to pass an IQ test to register voters.
06:51 PM on 09/11/2007
Keep that up and you might get accused of being a sore winner!
07:22 PM on 09/11/2007
IQ tests to allow people to register to vote? Hmm, but to this "dumb conservative" that sounds a lot like the old reading tests that were used in the Jim Crow days to deny a person thier right to vote. Maybe liberals aren't smarter, maybe thier just elitest.