Celebrity children already have a lot to deal with: reading vicious gossip about their parents in the supermarket aisle, being followed into the park by notoriously tenacious paparazzi. Suri Cruise can hardly step outside without facing scrutiny. But it only makes matters worse that her name is ... Suri.
As celebs attempt to out-quirk one another with increasingly unusual baby names, they fail to consider the repercussions that little Blue, Apple or Bronx Mowgli will one day suffer.
Most of us were taunted on the playground for one reason or another. But imagine what the teasing would entail if you were forced to introduce yourself as "Moon Unit," "Pilot Inspektor" or the most cringeworthy of all, "Jermajesty." Even the most athletically inclined tyke would easily be mocked for answering to "Poet." (Though if the latter needs someone to comfort her, we're sure her mom -- Soleil Moon Frye -- will understand her plight.)
After announcing the birth of daughter "Rainbow" last week, Holly Madison addressed her haters in a blog post, explaining, "There was a girl in my school a few years younger than me named Rainbow and I was so envious of her name because it was so pretty and unusual. She was a perfectly normal, well-adjusted, sporty girl, by the way, so I'm not worried about my daughter being 'traumatized' by having an unusual name."
Sure, plenty of children are plagued by unfortunate circumstances and manage to grow up largely unscathed, well-adjusted and, hell, even "sporty." But that doesn't mean Rainbow will necessarily appreciate the colorful appellation when she hits elementary school. In fact, David Bowie's son, born Duncan Zowie Haywood Jones, opted to go by "Joe" in his teens.
Madison also wrote, "I spent most of my life being a people-pleaser who worried about what other people thought or thought was cool and I don't want that for her."
Hey, no one's doubting the virtue of nonconformity. But if Rainbow one day wants to pursue law or medicine, or run for office, she might want something a little more professional-sounding on her business card.
And quite frankly, "Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman-Busson" is just plain pretentious. (We're talking to you, Uma Thurman.)
So, while it may be tempting to offer a tribute to your favorite food or travel destination, consider keeping it simple.
Some suggestions? Ava, Sadie and Violet are all preferable alternatives to Satchel, Bear Blu and Audio Science.
Even Kourtney Kardashian broke free from her family's precious K-obsession and respectably chose Mason and Penelope for her son and daughter. According to family matriarch Kris Jenner, Kourt "simply thought the name Penelope was cute."
Cute is good enough for us.
