Last week, Ines Sainz walked onto the New York Jet's practice field and right into a media hotbed of confusion and scandal. What happened exactly?
Get ready to know all about it... 'cause I'm about to bring it.
While Ines is covering the Jet's practice, the players throw balls at her, which is a thing football players do to get a hot lady's attention. It's the equivalent of pulling a girl's braids in middle school, except in the braids example, there's no danger of knocking a girl out cold.
Later that day, in the locker room, while waiting to interview Mark Sanchez, football players start shouting things at her. Probably things like "I got a burrito for you, senorita! Aye poppy, aye aye!" on account of them having boners and her being from Mexico.
Now, if I know anything about football players from loosing my virginity to an LSU linebacker, it's that they are not smart and most of them are racist. When my boyfriend, the aforementioned linebacker, saw and Asian person, he'd point and yell "Hoy Hoy".
It didn't happen that much because we were mostly indoors or in his pool, fucking (high five). Oh boy, do football players have amazing bodies! I have a naked photo of him sitting next to my college diploma as reminders of what I've accomplished in my life.
I'm not mentioning his name cause his name is Bubba and I'm really embarrassed about it. Oh I did it! God damn I wish I knew how to use a backspace key!
Anyways, Ines is in the locker room, getting all these cat call, and an American reporter sees what's happening. Despite Sainz's unwillingness to give a fuck, the American reporter files a claim on behalf of her through Association for Women in Sports Media (AWSM).
Next thing you know, the MEDIA GOES APESHIT! Women harassed her, men harassed her, even toddlers harassed her ***.
So, Ines goes on a media blitzkrieg to clear things up. She says that she sees no problem with how she dresses and clears up that it was not her who filed the claim against the Jets. She also makes it very clear that she struggles with hard consonants.
All of this resulted in a bunch of people weighing in on the issue of Ines, proper attire for female reporters, and why women are in the locker rooms in the first place.
Washington Redskin running back Clinton Portis said this about Ines in an interview on The Mike Wise radio show in Washington:
" You put a woman and you give her a choice of 53 athletes, somebody got to be appealing to her," "You know, somebody got to spark her interest, or she's gonna want somebody. I don't know what kind of woman won't, if you get to go and look at 53 men's packages."
What really bugged me about Clinton is that, in order to learn more about football, I joined a fantasy football league this year, and Mr. Portis happens to be on my roster. I whole heartedly disagree with him about a woman wanting one of 53 possible dicks, because I have, more times than I care to count****, been in situations with a lot of bare dicks and thought to myself "I don't care for any of these!"
The second thing that bugs me is that I picked my fantasy football team based entirely on who had the best smiles, which I consider an indication of integrity. I guess I was wrong, Mr. Portis.
Then Rush Limbaugh, the world's hippest dude, says this about her ass:
"She knows that she has an ass-et. Depending on what part of the country you're from, boobylicious, bootylicious, whatever."
To be honest with you, if I had an ass like Ines, I would figure out every way to get it on television all the time. I would wear tee shirts that say, "Don't waste your time here. A perfect ass is waiting for you on the other side."
Jenn Sterger, host of The Daily Line and Maxim jerk off model, had this to say about women in the locker room:
"I don't want to go into a men's locker room, let's put it that way.I just feel like if we don't allow men into women's locker rooms, the same should carry over."
Hi Jenn, men are allowed in WNBA locker rooms. When the doctors removed your breast implants did they take your fact checking abilities? Just wondering.
FOX NFL color commentator and former football player Brian Baldinger weighed in on Ines's clothing:
" If you come into the NFL dressed the way that she is dressed you are just asking for it. I think she brings it upon herself. I don't know how you let her on a practice field."
But for the worst offender, look no further than FOX contributor Liz Trotta, who dishes out her classic "frumpy, self-hating fossil from the 19th century" take on the matter. Enjoy!
*** toddlers never did this
**** 1,358 times
Check me out every Thursday on Infomania 11PM on Current TV!
SUBSCRIBE AND FOLLOW
Get top stories and blog posts emailed to me each day. Newsletters may offer personalized content or advertisements.Learn more