THE BLOG
02/21/2007 12:48 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

A HILL-uva Lot of Guilt

Senator Barak Obama was 35 miles from me this week and I got myself a ticket and tried to get there.

Didn't happen. The rally occurred Erin-less, while I stayed home with two sick children, but I would have liked to have gone and held a sign and showed my support for the senator from Illinois.

That left me feeling guilty. The guilt has been creeping up on me slowly since the smooth talking Obama entered the race and now it's weighing right on top of my glass-ceiling breaking head.

Have I betrayed my fellow women by supporting Obama? Should I be rallying behind Hillary??? Is this lifelong feminist throwing away the first, legitimate chance at seeing a FEMALE in the White House???

Given the gravity of what is going on the world today, this may seem like a silly and frivolous thought on my part. Just vote for the best candidate, and the hell with everything else. That's easy to say, but hard to do when you've dreamed your entire life of seeing your gender as the leader of the free world.

I not so secretly hope Senator Obama loses the nomination, Senator Clinton wins, and then I can feel as though I supported my beliefs and realized a dream through Hillary.

What a terrible thought, but I am trying to be brutally honest.

Maybe I should just get on the Edwards bandwagon and pretend I'm not affected by dreams of a first African-American or female President. Maybe I should just, once again, find a nice, white, safe male to support.

Hrumph.

No. No. I think my best course of action is Clinton/Obama '08.

A girl can dream, can't she???