THE BLOG

Rot in Jail Joey

04/07/2007 01:33 pm 13:33:19 | Updated May 25, 2011

So a judge says Joe Francis, Mr. Girls Gone Wild, needs to sit in jail and think.

Excuse me while I point and laugh.

Not to long ago, I wrote a little love letter to Mr. Francis and it looks like his 15 minutes are finally coming to a close.

Joey baby...you are on minute 1
4

I was never one of the "good" girls. I liked sex. I liked fun. I liked men. I liked women. And I liked to party.

And then I found the one man I could hump for the rest of my life and bore his children.

I still like sex. I still like fun. I still like men. I still like women. And I still like to party.

But let me make something clear; from my promiscuous years to my marital fidelity, I have always been in control of my body. And I have always respected myself, my mind, and the line between whore and sexually adventurous woman.

Which is why I'd like to put Joe Francis, the owner of the Girls Gone Wild empire on notice.

Joey, sweetie, honey, baby: Hi there. I'm the Queen of Fucking Spain. And I'm a mother. And you had better believe your 15 minutes of fame are very close to being up.

Now, wait a second there. No. I'm not some nutjob fundamentalist. Or right winger. Or conservative crazy. Or even slightly religious. In fact, I'm as Cali liberal as they come.

You see, sugar tits, there is a new breed of "MILF" out there, raising a new breed of young woman. We're hot. We're confident, and we sure as shit are not giving away our selves for a fucking hat and thong. No, sweeties. No.

Sure, you weren't around back in the day when I was flashing truckers on my way to spring break for a cheap thrill and giggles. But you see, had that trucker offered to film me, I would have walked away in disgust. There is a line, and you've crossed it with those young, stupid, stupid girls you film.

Do they want to be on camera? Yes. They sure do. Are they consenting? Sure seems like it. Are they dumb as rocks? Yeah, I think so. But I don't really blame those girls. Ok. I blame them a little. But really I blame the society and culture they were raised in and around. The one that worships Paris and pokes fun at Hillary. The one that promises them riches and fame if they show their ass and carry a small dog in a purse. The one that has them puking their brains out to get into those size 0's. How can I blame the young, young girls that know nothing else? And are told by men like you that they are smokin' and your dick in their cunts could be their lucky break?

Alas, foolish Joey. This new breed of Mom, the one with hot pink and leopard print dishwashing gloves...she's on to you. She's going to work like hell to raise a substantial, strong, and sexy daughter who will crush you.

There is an Army of us raising sexy strong smart daughters who will take you apart, bit by bit, video by video, thong by thong, until your empire crumbles.

For the record. I like porn. I like raunch. I just like it smart. And you, Mr. Francis, are doing anything but smart by taking advantage of this current generation of women. Call yourself a businessman, an entrepreneur, whatever. But what you really are is a frat boy who hit the big time by using and abusing women.

I hope you put money away for your retirement, because it's coming sooner than you think.

This piece was originally inspired by Claire Hoffman of the LA Times. Rock on Claire.