The Story I Didn't Tell You

On Super Tuesday, February 5th 2008, I drove to Central Los Angeles (with pneumonia) and interviewed Congresswoman Maxine Waters for BlogHer.com.

During the course of the interview we discussed why she was supporting Senator Hillary Clinton and I shared with her the story of my very stubborn grandfather who, no joke here, thought I would grow up and be a 'fine secretary' one day. I thought it was an important point to make; a 90-year old man with some very 'traditional' ideas was going to vote for a woman. I'd like to think it meant progress.

What I didn't tell the viewer, or the Congresswoman, was that in the same breathe my grandfather championed Hillary, he called Senator Obama (and I'm paraphrasing) slimy like that Jesse Jackson and a typical black politician. Mind you all of this information came to me through my Dad, who I am guessing censored.

While a 90-year old, former Chrysler worker, blue-collar, union, grandfather being racist may not be all that shocking, what happened in my mind is -- I just shrugged it off and accepted it as life.

In my mind, I filed it in the 'some people are just like that' category and moved on.

Now I'm not saying I was going to give my grandfather a call and lecture him, as he is not always very clear on thought these days, but I could have at least processed the gravity of what I had just witnessed.

My grandfather let go of sexism (sort of) before he let go of his racism.

I say 'sort of' because I can't seem to shake conversations I've had over the years. The ones where he would be proud to the point of playing tapes for his friends of my radio news days, yet convinced I should be having more than two children.

I'm also very used to racism in my own family. My childhood memories are littered with my uncle screaming N***** RUN! at the TV while watching football. My cousin knew she was being a rebel by putting a poster of Michael Jordan on her bedroom wall.

As I watch the race issue continue to unfold in this election, I wonder how many more grandfathers and uncles are out there. The ones who would congratulate me on 'marrying well' and then decide voting for a woman was a much better option than voting for a black man.

I don't have the knowledge or the expertise to go into all the reasons why these things are the way they are, but I am watching poll numbers for Senator Obama dip since the Wright flap. It's beyond discouraging. It leaves me without much pride for this nation. It is starting to make me very angry that it matters.

God Damn America, indeed.

There. I said it. Let's see the outrage. Let's see the hate. Tell me how unpatriotic I am and how I'm evil.

Let me say it louder

GOD DAMN AMERICA

Prove me wrong. Show me you're not a bunch of racist idiots.

Don't let them fool you -- the Rev. Wright fiasco is ENTIRELY about race.

How many of you have been to a black church? Show of hands please. How many of you know or even TRY to know the reasons for anything that *may* happen inside a black congregation? How many of you have seen or read the ENTIRE sermon?

I am not an African-American. I am not a minority. I do not even pretend to know the experience. But at the very least I have attempted to educate myself. At the very least I have stepped outside of my safe suburb and stood at First AME in Los Angeles.

Rev. Chip Murray, who has since retired, was one of the most inspirational men I have EVER met in my life. I have struggled with religion since I was a child and I can honestly say the ONLY person who ever came close to bringing me to God was a black preacher in Los Angeles.

That particular church had members doing and saying exactly the words of Rev. Wright and this white girl was always welcome in those doors. Welcomed with hugs and kisses and invitations to picnics after services.

In the end I have to believe that if my 90-year old grandfather can make just enough progress to vote for a woman, the rest of you-who have far longer lives ahead of you and far more clear thoughts left, can go all the way and make enough progress to vote for a person of color.

It is time. Hell, even Dave Winer admits he's racist and voting for Obama.

The discussions are happening. Be real. Get yourself involved in them. Talk about it, write about it, be honest about it ALL.

It is time for this nation to get over this, or at the very least make an honest effort to try. You can't do that if you're afraid to ask or to speak up or to learn.

If not, we are a damned America, for certain.

Comments

[tbone99]

"My grandfather let go of sexism (sort of) before he let go of his racism."

Obviously you think this proves some kind of larger pattern or you wouldn't have included it.

Unfortunately most churches are way behind grandpa on that one.( as if we can prioritze the order of discrimination!) While men of many colors are allowed to be pastors , rabbis, mullahs and priests & lead services - woman are still barred from leadership in so many.It wouldn't really matter except that church doctrines influence the world view of millions of men, women and children.And as we know from those church teachings women are the root of all evil.

[Egghead]

You might find this interesting. It's Rev. Wright talking about women in the bible--and elsewhere.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxR9kgvQznU

[dragonlilleth]

I've been waiting to see someone come forward and say what I've know from the beginning: it was about race! And so was atom bombing "Japs" in 1945 about race! We never would have dropped A bombs on Europe. And taking snippets of Wright out of context and playing them over ad infinitum, also racist.

Jewish White Grandmother in California whose middle name is Hussein.

[pithymaxim]

Heartwrenchingly honest, insightful and courageous post. Painful to write, painful to read, but a growing experience for author and reader. Thank you.

[Elfici]

I'm a recent Huffington Post reader, and coming to admire this resource, but I've noticed something. When an author using clear-sighted wisdom to the best of their ability (as this one did) they attract a majority of thoughtful, intelligent comments that are, even over points of disagreement, quite civil. It becomes a conversation that informs, challenges, and give me a sense of pride in America.

When the author is offering rhetoric without reasoning, however, it seems to inspire bile and rancor. There are so many frightened people looking for someone to hang their hopes and blame on instead of taking personal responsibility for where we are now and taking a collective step into the future. It is a challenge to let go of fear, and we have certainly had leaders manipulating that fact to their benefit in our history.

A Tale of Two Cities indeed! But not just a White American city and an African American city, also a Fearful city and an Empathetic city.

When Obama says we are suffering from an empathy deficit, that really resonates. Those who aren't ruled by fear are perfectly capable of taking personal responsibility for racism and sexism, they understand how we can love our mentors for their care and wisdom, while not blaming or disowning them for their human failings. I wonder what the next generation will find shocking about my rhetoric? Will they wonder how it's possible that I couldn't see how wrong I was to think that way?

[DrGedde]

The US has yet to apologize for slavery. But, yesterday Florida became the 6th state to do so:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/27/us/27florida.html?scp=1&sq=florida+slavery&st=nyt

New York City is considering a resolution to do the same:
http://empirezone.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/04/23/bill-to-apologize-for-slavery/?scp=1-b&sq=florida+slavery&st=nyt

When you, me or anyone has done wrong, 3 steps are needed:
- Apologize sincerely, honestly and completely.
- Make amends where possible. It important to really want to right the wrong that has been done.
- Change yourself so you would never do that wrong thing again.

Has anyone ever watched "My Name is Earl?" Earl decides his life will continue to be sh*t unless he deals with his karma and makes amends to everyone he has done wrong to in his life. He makes a list and gets moving. Hilarious.

[GoreyFantod]

Thank you very much for your thoughtful post. One of the hallmarks of privilege is the ability to live without listening to the voices of those who are on the outside of society. You have chosen to listen without judgment and that's a rare gift.

While there are conservative voices within the African-American community, there are very few Republican-style conservatives. Reverend Wright is considered a moderate within the community - known more as a Biblical scholar & bridge-builder than anything even close to a radical. Really, the tension is of a very different sort and, unfortunately, I think far too many "White" Americans have no idea about it. Unfortunate, because I believe that African-Americans are the conscience of the nation & we've been ignoring our conscience, in one way or another, for more than 400 years.

Here are Harry Belafonte and Louis Farrakhan. These men don't speak for all of us, but I think they paint a good picture of where the conflict lies within the community. Dr. King feared that he had helped to integrate us into a burning house. I despise Farrakhan's anti-Semitism, but I won't pretend to disagree with him about the burning house. That said, I struggle every day to live up to the vision of Belafonte (and Dr. King).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQz1YkfAicU&feature=PlayList&p=E1D1F45770C3E8F4&index=14

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiEKS5iPtDs&feature=PlayList&p=E1D1F45770C3E8F4&index=15

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXZBhlHSOUI&feature=PlayList&p=E1D1F45770C3E8F4&index=13

[magen]

Ask these same racists the same things that Wright yelled in his sermon, but ask them in a reasonable tone of voice-

1) Which race has overwhelmingly dominated the ruling class of this country, black or white?

2) Has Hillary had the experience of growing up as a black person in America with all the "advantages" that come along with it?

3) Are American politicians and policymakers infallible, or is it possible that the foreign policy of this nation might piss some foreigners off and make them want to attack us, whether that's right or wrong?

4) Because it was a black guy yelling these things to other black people in a church, does it make them not true?

You'll make smoke start coming out of their ears.

[jannielee]

Good for you. I had a dearly loved uncle who was jolly, kind and generous, but who told the most hateful racist jokes. Talk about cringe-worthy. My parents never used the "n" word and never allowed us to be disrespectful to any ethnic group, so it was shocking when my uncle would tell one of his jokes. I grieved when he died. I miss him still. And, like Obama, I cannot disown or dislike him. He is part of my childhood and I concentrate on my uncle's generosity and kindness. Likewise, It makes sense that Rev. Wright did not devote every sermon over 30+ years to controversial issues. I'm sure he talked of love and kindness and tolerance and I'm sure he discussed bible passages. Like my uncle, there surely is more to love and respect about Rev. Wright than can be discerned in 30 second video clips. If he were like that all the time, he could not have expanded his congregation and he would not be a nationally respected member of the clergy. Think about it logically.

[BrooklynLager]

Regarding the question of "whether or not it's harder for a white woman or a black man to be elected president", the crucial point that everyone is missing is that with Hillary Clinton, bigots can pull the lever and reason that they're really voting for Bill.

And they are, believe me.

[WASanford]

Gee and I thought my reservations concerning Doctor Obama were about his seeming lack of will to end the Iraq war.

Please understand me, if Dr. Obama is nominated he will have my vote, but Hillary has promised to take steps to end the war in her first week in office and to begin bringing our troops home within 60 days. The last I heard from Dr. Obama's campaign was Samantha Power explaining that they can't make any such promises because there's no way to know what circumstances they will find on the ground. Regardless this nation cannot continue to conduct this war. The cost in blood and fortune are too high.

You may perceive some advantage in making this election about race, but you are wrong. The incessant playing Reverend Wright's sermon has the potential to severely damage Dr. Obama's candidacy and the republicans surely will not forgo using them. I, for one, am sick of seeing them and consider showing them to be a low blow. It is true, however, that when I look at Dr. Obama I see a black man, but I also see a fellow human being and that's about all you can expect from anyone.

May God bless America, everyone in it, and help us end this unconscionable war.

[JimR]

Right. And the Clintons NEVER lie or mislead...

[hardsun]

I agree with your post, but I do not, for a moment, believe HRC will end the war based on her campaign promise.

I did not support the war from the beginning and am sickened by the escalation of violence, loss of our troops, and the humanitarian crisis it has created. However, in January the US will have to access the war in Iraq and determine the BEST way to withdraw based on current status, and not political promises made in April.

HRC and her credibility concerning policy is incredibly inconsistent. She supported NAFTA; privately disagreed. She voted for the war; privately disagreed. I believe in January, she will support more military presence in Iraq, but privately disagree.

[WASanford]

I too am heartsick over the inhumanity caused by this war so we have something important in common. Deciding the best way to withdraw should up to the military commanders on the ground. The political decision lays in deciding whether withdraw from that country.
On NAFTA
It was signed in December 1992 by Canadian PM Brian Mulroney, Mexican President Carlos Salinas de Cortari, and US President George H.W. Bush under the fast-track authority. Clinton negotiated two side agreements to it, the NAAEC which addressed environmental concerns and the NAALC which addressed labor’s concerns. With these two addendums NAFTA passed the House on November 17, 1993, and the Senate on November 20, 1993.
Where was Hillary? To quote Donald Rumsfield “Who knows?” She may have meet with some women’s groups to discuss it, but there is little evidence as to whether or not she actually supported it. New York may have benefited some from NAFTA and that may have been a source for her as New York’s Jr. Senator for statements appearing to support the agreement.

[BrooklynLager]

What Susan Powers said was Hillary Clinton's initial stance on the Iraq War - she had no deadline, no ultimate end, but she said that she would "begin a drawdown within 60 days and consult the Joint Chiefts". Obama's candidacy and his continued wielding of her anti-war vote has pushed her further to the left in terms of her rhetoric, but her stance hasn't changed. She makes no promises whatsoever. Neither does Obama.

You seem intelligent, but I believe you've been fooled here.

[WASanford]

BrooklynLager I've become a fan of yours.
I don't recognize the conversation you represent perhaps these were different interviews. I was against this war from the very beginning and for the past five years I've written countless letters to the editors of the the several newspapers where I live. I've received death threats for some of those letters that were published. That didn't stop me! I've posted comments on several blogs as well.
My one overriding issue is stopping the insanity this war represents. I realize that campaign promises are not always kept, but they do acknowledge that the candidate is aware of the wishes of the electorate.
I do not think that Dr. Obama is far begind me on this, but I do wish he'd be more definite and address this issue as something more than an addition to the squabbling between the campaigns. None of which enlightnes anyone.

[linchbell]

So does this mean that you want someone to start bringing the troops out on week one, even if there is something going on that endangers THEIR very lives? Obama wants to start as soon as possible; the fact that he voted AGAINST the war makes that very believable. The only reason he has voted to FUND THE WAR THAT WAS ALREADY GOING ON is that he didn't want to endanger the military that were there. No need to put them there and not equip them adequately. I trust that he will do what is neccessary to bring them home SAFELY. He will listen to the people in charge on the ground. I would rather have that than someone bringing them out on a time schedule, no matter what.

[WASanford]

linchbell; First of all I've flagged you as one of my favorites!
Our troops being there is something that endangers their lives. I believe our officers are still taught how to safely conduct a safe withdrawl from combat in West Point. If the've forgotten how to do that they should lose their jobs inasmuch as it's their responsibility.
You seem to believe that Obama was in the Senate when it voted the authorization to use force on October 11, 2002 (source CNN). He could not have. He didn't run for the Senate until 2004 (source wikipedia). He did however, make a speech against the war and expressed his opposition to it.
Again This war should not have been started and we must end it, and the sooner the better! My attitude on this is simply actions speak louder than words!

[follyeoa]

You ignore the fact that Obama is where he is proof that this country has come a long way in the past 50 years. Yes I had hoped we would be better than we are by now. At your age I dreamed that my generation (boomer) would have put both racism and sexism behind us. We all have more to do, but we are not damned.

[Gma11]

Several thoughts on the controversy:

First, I have more than a few relatives, primarily older, that feel as your relative did. I don't see this race so much in terms of left vs. right, male vs. female, white vs. black and I do past vs. future. Hillary is very much a "modernist" and Obama an "integralist" or "cultural creative." We see this is so many polls. Which will we choose? The twentieth century or the twenty-first? The majority of American voters are not where Obama is, not yet. Can he attract them and drag them into the future?

Second, this white, rural Wisconsin woman in her '60's loves to attend black churches when she travels. What vitality!! My favorite is Glide Memorial Methodist in San Francisco. The prophetic tradition appeals to me, as a liberal. Let my people go!! The primary "sin" of the Old Testament is idolatry (patriotism, anyone?!). The the second is poverty. The prophets rail at the kings, GDY Israel/Judah if you don't take care of the poor and downtrodden. We should be paying attention!!

Third, what Wright said is not much different, factually, from what Chalmers Johnson's writes about in his book, "Blowback."

[WASanford]

But Chalmers Johnson was so civil!

[ScandalousCandice]

In all honesty I have not heard one person say they do not trust a woman as president, or think that a woman president is not a good idea. What people are turned off by is this specific woman. And it's very important that we differentiate between a woman president, and Hillary as President.

There are a lot of sexist remarks on the campaign trail. I think most of it is just hatred for her. And the blind feminists that think we should vote for her simply because she is a woman. That sort of crap really turns people off.

However, I defy anyone male, female, Black, white, Asain, Latino, Indian..... to find something said about Hillary that was sexist, that is more serious than Barack Obama being told if he runs or becomes president he could be assassinated.

No matter what the old archaic arguments are, sexism vs. race, the threat of death is more serious and important. That is why I think voting Barack Obama is more important when it comes to the issue sexism vs. race.

[mesuki]

Scandalous­Candice...­......I totally agree with you. As a woman I would've loved to see the first woman president ,but not if that woman is Hillary...... She's dishonest, narcissistic, and self serving............ I don't want a president whom I have no respect for, after all she's done I've lost every ounce of respect that I ever had for her and her husband. Sorry Hillary you won't get my vote!

[OtayPanky]

I agree, Erin, on the need for a thoughtful and introspective discussion about race - and also about gender - and also about gender preferences. (Gays and lesbians are, after all still denied basic rights won by both blacks and women).

I disagree with your assessment of Rev Wright's remarks...and so does Barack.

Part of the healing dialogue has to be calling SHENANIGANS on anyone and everyone who crosses the line into toxic speech and behavior. Wright did that, and there's no excusing it by saying it's commonplace in the black community, or that he preached 3 sermons a week, or that there is a legitimate school of thought called Black Theology.

Part of Barack's greatness in this speeech was his ability to look down from the higher place of SYNTHESIS, and clearly and accurately describe an deconstruct both THESIS and ANTITHESIS in the American experience of race.

As he pointed out so eloquently, we each need to walk a mile in the shoes of "the other" - both recognizing the roots of the "other's" fear, anger and resentment - and owning our own, and (to use a nice Christian word) repenting of it.

There's hope for all - but also, no one gets a free pass on this essentially spiritual exercise...not even Jeremiah Wright.

And for all of us - to understand, and even to have compassion - is not to excuse. That too was a central theme in Barack's historic speech.

[jvarga]

"While a 90-year old, former Chrysler worker, blue-collar, union, grandfather being racist may not be all that shocking, what happened in my mind is - I just shrugged it off and accepted it as life."

I wonder if you'll get attacked for saying this like Senator Obama did for saying essentially the same thing about his grandmother. To be sure, I can pretty easily envision my grandparents saying the same thing.

Thanks for the very honest (and thought provoking) post.

[BigBen]

I don't think you understand. We are trying to swim together not sink together.However before we can talk we need an apology from the US Government for slavery. A very public apology wholehearted given to the Black former slaves of this country from the Government of this country, from the states which upheld the laws of slavery. If we are not willing to do that then we still support slavery and no dialogue will change that fact.A terrible crime calls for a terrible grief and a sincere desire for forgiveness.Without that talk is just talk.The sins continue up to the time ol MLK and beyond and must be faced and forgiven. Until that is done no real progress can be made. Ask Bishop Tutu and the people of South Africa.

[WASanford]

No; she's not running for persident!

[Garioch]

True enough, I watched the clips and was baffled as to why anyone was getting hot and bothered about it to be honest. All seemed to tie together in a fairly logical manner.
He was a bit angry that day obviously, were I Black and had grown up in the U.S. I would be slightly more than upset pretty much every waking moment so I thought he was fairly restrained and reasonable.