THE BLOG
04/24/2014 12:50 pm ET | Updated Jun 23, 2014

Sensuality and Eroticism Part 1

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Let's start with some definitions. Sensual is defined as relating to or consisting in the gratification of the senses or the indulgence of appetite; sensory; devoted to or preoccupied with the senses or appetites and deficient in moral, spiritual, or intellectual interests: worldly; especially irreligious. It's interesting that our senses, because of their physical and sensual nature, are associated with deficiency and immorality.

Erotic is defined as arousing or satisfying sexual drive; of, pertaining to, or treating of sexual love, and subject to or marked by strong sexual desire. Although the definitions are similar, there is a marked difference that is implied. That difference is that what is erotic has a mental component as well as a sensual component. Sensuality is of the senses and eroticism is of the mind and senses.

But something is still missing; both definitions imply a third ingredient, which is sexual energy, often called libido. Libido is defined as instinctual psychic energy that in psychoanalytic theory is derived from primitive biological urges (as for sexual pleasure or self-preservation) and that is expressed in conscious activity: sexual drive.

So we have our senses or modes of perception, and our libido or sexual energy, and our minds, which turn those into something erotic. Whatever goes through the mind is going through our relationship blueprint or our ego identity. The "mental filtration" through our relationship blueprints has a strong impact on our ability to perceive sensually, on our sex drive, and on our sensual and sexual contact with another; for example, sexual inhibition, obsession, perversion, sadomasochistic tendencies, who we choose and don't choose as romantic partners, and so on. We will explore eroticism in further detail in upcoming sessions.

What I want to stress today is the great opportunity of sensuality or direct sensual contact with another. Because human beings tend to be so mental they become highly erotic and direct sensual experience is minimized. Conception tends to dominate over perception. But perception through touch, taste, smell, sight and sound are our direct access to both our partners and our sexual energy. Although skipping the habit of mentalizing everything can be difficult for people it is a direct access to increased connection and increased sexual turn on. The more we are engaged sensually the more we experience sexually, not necessarily in an erotic way but in a felt sensory way.

This leads to being naturally "high." What I mean by "high" is an increase in sensitivity, especially of the more subtle aspects of life. How to drink wine and most enjoy it serves as a good analogy; if you really taste and smell good wine you will have a much fuller, richer sensory experience than if you gulp it down while thinking about something.

Alicia and my specialty, extended orgasm, is based primarily in sensual experience and sensual contact. This leads to increasing results over time. The more we feel, the higher we go, the more we feel, the higher we go, and so on. The erotic, or mental aspect, which cannot and should not be avoided, is added in as a pleasant spice. As the lesser ingredient in sexual contact it adds something, another dimension, a mental dimension. If it were the main ingredient, over sensuality, it would have diminishing returns on how much is experienced because conception, conscious or unconscious, simply takes someone away from immediate experience.

Fantasy, role-playing, etc. are great, but when they dominate the fantasies have to get more and more intense to produce the same effect. Sensuality is the opposite; the more sensual focus, i.e. focus on what one is feeling through the senses in contact with one's partner, the more one experiences sexually and orgasmicly with one's partner. This is one of the keys to extended orgasm. Sensual focus allows one to be stimulated enough to not only reach orgasm but sustain that level of sensitivity for a prolonged period allowing for extended orgasm.