I listened to the birds chirping away in the garden. Shining through the trees, the sun cast lacy patterns on the grass.
I looked at Amma's picture on the altar I'd made out of a beautiful antique pine chest. The candle was lit and the incense burning.
I sat up in bed and meditated for a while. Suddenly, I was bathing in my own love and I realized how much I'd longed for it. Hugging myself, I felt the beauty and completeness of my being. Tears of joy and gratitude wet my face. I saw my life as I'd never seen it before; it was beautiful. I felt my body's intelligence and I was overwhelmed with loving gratitude for it. I saw how it had pampered to my every whim. I'd kept telling it that it was fat, and obediently it had put on pound after pound after pound. The pounds can go now I laughed, and a slender image of myself flashed across my inner vision. I thought of everything that I had wished for in my life, my own miniature Omega in Italy, the book deal I'd been dreaming of, the money in the bank, the travels back to India, Tibet, Bhutan, Nepal... everything was there waiting for me to let it in. Excited, I got up, showered, dressed and got in the car. Normally a cautious driver, I flew along the expressway on my way to Whole Foods. I parked the car in the car park, and got out. As soon as my feet touched the ground the high of the past couple of hours whooshed out of me. My old fears reared like demons and went for me. I stumbled under the viciousness of the attack.
"I knew it was too good to be true," I told myself. "Idiot! Believing these tall tales about the Law of Attraction. Making a fool of yourself in front of everybody with a blog!"
I wanted my bed, I wanted to curl up and let myself give in.
"It was no good hoping, trying, dreaming. Hadn't my mother always said that we weren't born lucky?"
But I had traveled too far these past couple of weeks, to crumble like that. Reaching within for something to help me, I remembered that, "In any situation it is possible to reach for a better feeling thought. It is possible to stop and tell yourself what you do not want and ask yourself what you do want," from The Amazing Power Of Deliberate Intent. Straightening up, I told myself that I wanted freedom. The freedom to pursue my dreams, to create the life I wanted. It worked. By confronting it, I had been able to stop this negative break-in from advancing any further. Sighing with relief, I got on with my shopping.
I like places like Whole Foods, Trader Joe's, Mrs. Green's and farmers markets because they are environmentally friendly. I believe that eating local, seasonal, organic food is better for the environment and for me. I like knowing that what I eat has not been genetically engineered, which is a euphemism for genetically fucked.
But, here's the thing; organic is expensive. A gallon of organic milk costs $5.99 compared to $2 something, at places like Costco or Sam's Club, a dozen organic eggs are $3.99 compared to $3 for thirty-six. Then as far as a chicken goes, it is $5 tops for a regular chicken (except that there is nothing regular about a mass produced chicken) versus $15 or so, for an organic one.
So, how does someone like me, who feels that she needs to stretch her bucks, make herself comfortable buying "expensive" food like that? I mean, how do I bridge the gap between where I am and where I want to be? But today I am lucky. For the Law of Attraction rewards me for my willingness to trust, by having organic bread on sale. And even better, this week's special is: all natural chickens at .99 cents a pound. Nice, right?
See you next week,