My 2009 Lexington High School Commencement Speech

07/10/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

A few days ago I gave the commencement speech at my former high school's graduation. It's the same town where the American revolution began. Even though only four grown ups attended the graduation dressed as Minute Men, the British still did not dare attack. They wisely stayed away. Here's a video of my speech. Relax, everyone, I only mention heroin once: