Have You Been Silenced?

When was the last time you could not or did not speak your truth? When you either said the wrong thing in anger or said nothing at all from fear?

You no doubt spent the rest of the day muttering to yourself the things you should have said or what you really meant. But the words stuck in your throat. Or they blurted out so inappropriately that your underlying message vanished in the process.
Why did you take the situation so personally that you lost balance and objectivity and did not speak clearly and rationally? Why did you react with anger or fear?

Because you were silenced, that's why. Your basic human right to speak was ignored.

I'm not only referring to times past, where someone told you to "Be quiet" or "Shut up." But also to circumstances when someone cut you off while you were speaking. Or did not listen to you, or ignored you, took advantage, publicly humiliated or offended you by announcing how wrong and stupid you were.

In some form, at some time, we have all been silenced. We all have felt that our voice had no value, that we were invisible.

But why do these feelings rise up in some situations and not in others?

Behind your negative emotions and automatic negative reactions are memories -- memories of feeling that you were treated unfairly or disrespected, memories of feeling unimportant. The memory could be something as ordinary as your parents telling you to quiet down or stop crying. Or it could be something as extreme as a parent slapping you or yelling you at for saying the wrong thing or screaming at the top of your lungs, as little children do.

In addition, your brain also holds the knowledge and memories of the collective consciousness -- of the millions of human beings who have come before you and live among you where policy, laws, culture or government have shut down or shut out their voices. Imagine the millions of people whose human rights have been silenced. They are rightfully angry, but fearful of speaking out. These injustices have effects not only on the individuals involved, but on the planet as a whole.

Fear Vs. Love

When you are involved in a situation that triggers an experience of feeling invisible, disrespected, or voiceless, the individual memories, combined with the collective memory, flare up and trigger the Fear Response. The Fear Response will automatically stimulate emotions of anger and fear. For the most part, you can't help but experience these feelings. It is like trying to stop shivering when it is cold outside.

Know that your voice and physiology vibrate from basically only two places -- The Love Response or The Fear Response. In the vibration of love you are in balance. In fear, you are not. It is virtually impossible to vibrate in The Love Response when you feel shut out or shut down.

So what can you do to change the Fear Response to the Love Response so you can speak your truth?

Rather than focus on the person or situation that has made you angry or fearful, focus instead on your own physiology. Be aware that your physiology is out of balance and decide to shift your vibration into one that comes from love. Give yourself the approval and recognition you are longing for (the very same that you are not getting from the person or situation you are or were in).

Try this:

Inhale deeply
then exhale completely.
Repeat to yourself: "I am seen" as you inhale
and "I see" as you exhale,
"I am valued" as you inhale
and "I value" as you exhale,
"I am heard" as you inhale
and "I speak" as you exhale.

Do this at least 10 times.

Imagine that someone you respect is looking you in the eyes and telling you how wonderful you are and that you are indeed seen and heard, that you are important.
You can even hug yourself as you imagine this scene.
Do this as long and as often as you need.

Trust me, it works.

Once you have settled down your physiology, you may find your voice again. You may find that you are less attached to the outcome of the conversation or situation and that you can speak your truth more calmly and rationally.

When you do so, you will be healing yourself and replacing a negative memory with a positive one. On the larger scale, you could also be contributing to the healing of the collective consciousness. You could be creating a space for others to have their voice, because now you are not screaming at them. Moreover, as you create a model of self-love and respect for others, you may be impacting more people than you realize.

Follow Eva M. Selhub, M.D. on Twitter: www.twitter.com/DrEvaSelhub

Comments

[LolaFontay]

Your comments and suggestions are particularly important for many who post comments on HuffPo, or who would like to, but fear the consequences.

There are many bullies out there who get great joy in personally attacking commentators. Fortunately, HuffPo does have a rule against ad hominem attacks.

I hope your article will give others the strength to voice their opinions

[Absolon]

Excellent piece! Thanks!

[pachel]

Maybe some people needed to be silenced in order to learn from their mistakes. Bullies is a good term for the extremer cases. I think everyone goes through this at some point in their lives but i doubt people realize how profoundly this affects their decision making. It's embedded into our minds and it's like a trigger, consciously going off without our realization. To get to the roof of this i suppose meditation and reflection will help, if willing.

[Bethab]

Anytime I talk about being happily childfree and hear:

You'll change your mind, you're selfish, you'll never know real love, etc...

Anytime you talk about being a non-believer:

Apparently, it is acceptable to question anything and everything except a belief in G-d. That is somehow insulting. Doubting Evolution (which is an established scientific fact) is ok, but denying the existence of the "almighty" (for which there is NO proof) is rude??

[Eva M. Selhub, M.D. - Huffpost Blogger]

It sounds like you are often being "silenced." When other people oppose you it is because they are in fear and your voice is challenging there beliefs or what makes them feel safe. You are not being rude. Rather they are being scared.
I hope you keep voicing your opinions and questions. You have every right to non-believe, talk about being happily childfree, and know whatever you know.

[mariko]

Yes, by Jason Links on Huffington Post. I posted a comment that disagreed with him re: Obama's birth certificate. He said that people were suggesting that Obama was annointed at birth to be president. I said, no, I just think his backers were just so entranced with the Messiah, they were willing to overlook his qualifications. My post was there Sunday, along with several others who disagreed. When I woke I up, mine was gone, as well as the others who didn't agree. Quite frightening.

[Eva M. Selhub, M.D. - Huffpost Blogger]

That is frightening, especially for the person who felt the need to silence you. If this did trigger any feelings of fear or anger in you, you can balance yourself out.....and then right it in again if you want :).....Or simply believe what you believe and right your own post!