Barack Slaps Hillary, Hillary Spits at Barack... and I Have a Book Coming Out

This is my tenth post here at the Huffington Post. So far I've covered my invitation to blog, media madness, the so-called "mortgage crisis," Italian vs. American sensibilities, a recent reunion tour of the super group Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young, and my feelings about the forgiveness sometimes afforded imposter memoirists and their counterfeit memoirs.

Then, once, I wrote about my growing preference for Barack Obama over Hillary Clinton. My Obama-Clinton piece received over thirty thousand hits, was commented upon by over three hundred, and made the "most read" list for the day.

My essay about memoirs was read by twenty-two people.

And now the news the world has clearly been waiting for: my own memoir will be published in less than two weeks.

So here's what I'd like to say about It's Only Temporary: The Good News and the Bad News of Being Alive (Riverhead Books; May 1st): READING THIS BOOK IS JUST LIKE READING ABOUT THE ELECTION. We all know the narrative by now: Hillary is an asshole, and Barack needs to get tough. Well, in my book, I'm an asshole, and I need to get tough, too. So reading about me is just like reading about them.

Now, can I count on the same thirty thousand to buy the book in one day? Please?

With the hysteria surrounding these two individuals here on the Huffington Post (especially the Huffington Post, I suspect; I'm not sure the rest of the population is paying quite such rabid attention) can you blame me for wanting to piggyback my book onto their spotlight hogging displays? So let me say it more concisely: MY Barack BOOK Hillary IS Barack GOING Hillary TO Barack BE Hillary THE Barack MOST Hillary ENTERTAINING Barack READ Hillary OF Barack 2008!

My intent isn't to confuse readers. The book is being positioned as a memoir, and I want to be forthcoming about that. It's about how I finally learned to relax and enjoy life -- only 23 years after being told I'd be dead in six months. But what you'll actually find within its pages are the treasonous reasons why Barack Obama refuses to wear an American flag lapel pin. You'll learn how Hillary hatched the Bosnian sniper fire story all on her own. There'll be news about library donors, Reverends Wright and Farrakhan, and details about Whitewater never revealed before. Bill Clinton will continue to delight with his early onset senility antics, newscasters will predictably prostitute themselves in all the ways you've most grown to love and expect. It's just that these tidbits will be cleverly disguised as stories about me, and the ironies contained in my struggle to experience consistent contentment since my surprising recovery from acute leukemia two decades ago.

To go back to the election for just a moment, what's most amazed me about the constant stream of so-called "information" from the campaign in the press of late is its resemblance to a story about a high-profile divorce case. It's as if the choice of who would make a better president of the United States should be made on the basis of who's the better bickerer. Though, since a lot of my new book is about my own failed relationships, and my eventual happy marriage, that's another good reason to buy and read it. Really, I can't stress this enough: IT'S ONLY TEMPORARY: THE GOOD NEWS AND THE BAD NEWS OF BEING ALIVE, being published May 1st, IS JUST LIKE THE CAMPAIGN COVERAGE HERE ON HUFFINGTON POST. Everyone who enjoys reading that coverage will enjoy reading this book.

I'm aware that this post might come off as overly self-promotional during a most important season of exercising our democratic freedoms, so I'd like to finish on a more altruistic note: Don't forget to vote buy from your local Barnes and Noble or Borders during the first week after publication, as that's how bestseller lists are tabulated.

It's your civic duty.

Comments

[recruitgal]

Well done Evan... I've really enjoyed your other posts (although I will admit to not remembering the 'memoirs' one - sorry). I will be one of the first 30,000!

Love the cover art by the way...

[lowry99]

It's a good thing you didn't write an article about a growing preference for Hillary and disillusionment with Barack's spoken message vs. the tactics of his campaign and how his supporters are filled with bile, hate and rage, because then the response from commenters on this site would have been AAARRRGGGHHH EAT HIS CHILDREN!!!! Know your audience, they say.

[Wanjiru]

...I have to admit, I haven't been waiting with bated breath for your memoir like the rest of the world has been doing... :)

..however, now that I know you support Sen Obama over HRC, I will not only purchase several copies of it, I will insist that everyone I know plus their familes and extended families get a few copies each (for themselves and their loved ones)...


Obama 2008!

.

[trevor01]

This is funny because it's true. Also, great photos! Thanks.

[Buffy57]

Will read everything you've posted here. You are adorable as well as shameless. Woot!