Hi! My Name is Evan, and I'll Be Your Buzz Killer this Evening

It's good! It's great! It's all fantastic, and I'm thrilled! Really. I do mean it. But something seems to be escaping our attention amidst the exaltation. In spite of the wars, the lies, the torture, the stacking of the courts, and the rollbacks to civil liberties; in spite of the religious fundamentalism, the fanaticism, and the utter disdain toward the population that's been expressed; in spite of the Katrina fiasco, the wire tapping, and the raping and pillaging of our economy for corporate gain (not to mention the ridiculousness and horrendous idiocy of the Republican campaign, including the Palin monstrosity) 56 million, 378 thousand, 316 Americans still voted for the other side.

To humanize that just a bit, that means that 56,378,316 individuals waited in line just as long as you did, and worked just as hard as anyone else, to try to make sure that Barack Obama would not become president of the United States. I don't know about you, but that scares the shit out of me. It means -- for reasons that go way beyond any immediate financial crises -- we're still in very deep trouble.

Who are they, and why do they feel this way? Well, they're 4.6 out of every 10 people you pass on the street. In other words, in spite of an electoral landslide and a historically significant popular margin, we still barely won. Just about as many people wanted it to go the other way.

So, with those facts on the table, how do we pursue an aggressive agenda, and how do we sway some of those people and get them on board to reverse course? One possibility would be to take the route the Republicans took: they forced an extremist agenda down the country's throat in spite of having lost the popular vote (and still kept 46% support this past Tuesday!). Somehow I don't see an Obama administration tacking that tack.

I've been spewing a joke around for the two or three weeks leading up to the election. I've been saying that, should Obama prevail, every woman who can stomach it should immediately go out, find a Republican man, and give him a blow job. Just make sure to impress upon him that the only reason he's getting the blow job is in celebration of a Democratic victory. The theory being that, come the next election, when he finds himself alone in a voting cubicle, his dick will point the way toward the Democratic lever. Kind of a reverse Lysistrata effect. Crass, perhaps, but not an insubstantial strategy.

And now I find myself thinking in even crasser terms. Like, if you've got some money stashed away in these economically stormy days, if you've got some major purchases anywhere on your horizon, time them out for the first ninety days of the new administration. Need a washer/dryer or an automobile? Thinking of buying a new home? Want to get back into the stock market? Hold off 'till after January 20th, and let the numbers show sudden economic improvement during the first three months of a new Democratic majority. Because I've got a sneaking suspicion that those 56,378,316 misguided souls aren't the most sophisticated sailors on the sea.

I'm not suggesting we'd be successfully addressing any of the serious issues that need to be sorted out. But I am thinking that, if they're crass enough, and easily hoodwinked enough, to have voted Republican after the last eight years, we might as well do a little psychological manipulation of our own. We might not be able to win their hearts and minds, or erase whatever bigotry led them to vote as they did. But we should be able to outwit them. Let 'em read a few positive economic headlines just as they're fearing the wrath of God is about to drop down upon us. Let 'em think that, even if the "Godless," "unreal" Americans have prevailed, it might be good for their pocketbooks. And then, maybe then, they might climb aboard the Peace Train. (Though, if you're up for the adventure, those blow jobs might not be a bad insurance policy. Just don't leave the Democratic boys out completely).

Evan Handler is in the midst of a 25 city book tour, in support of "It's Only Temporary: The Good News and the Bad News of Being Alive." Upcoming appearances include:

San Diego, CA 11/8/2008
Los Angeles, CA 11/9/2008
Milwaukee, WI 11/10/2008
Columbus, OH 11/11/2008
St. Louis, MO 11/12/2008
Detroit, MI 11/13/2008
Ann Arbor, MI 11/14/2008
Boston, MA 11/16/2008
Atlanta, GA 11/17/2008
Orange County, CA 11/22/2008

Details, exact locales, and times at EvanHandler.com, under "Appearances."

Comments

[JulieSA]

"...how do we sway some of those people and get them on board to reverse course? "

You can start by not looking down on your political opponents as freaks. Obama says he will reach across the aisle, so why did you vote for him if you disagree with that?
======
"Crass, perhaps, but not an insubstantial strategy."
You people are completely in charge now. Let's see what you can do. You must prove that you can lead, not just heckle from the sidelines. You have made a poor start on showing how you can govern with sober maturity.

[DerKrieger]

Geez - the failure to understand the other side is unbelievable. As someone who voted against Obama let me fill you in on why Obama is objectionable.

1. Obama+Reid+Pelosi means higher taxes for everyone in spite of what Obama said. Even if the Pelosi/Reid cabal doesn't twist the neophyte's arms and make him swallow a tax hike, the Bush tax cuts, which went to everyone, will expire in 2011.

2. Cap & Trade - for those of us who haven't swallowed the global warming Kool-Aid the real threat of significantly higher taxes on energy scares the Hell out of us. Liberals always claim to be on the side of the little guy, yet how many of you celebrated gas prices at $4/gal? Even Obama said his only concern was the rapid rise in the price and not the price itself. How are the poor supposed to cope with "energy price that necessarily will skyrocket" (Obama to the SF Chronicle in Jan of this year).

3. If you really believe that wind and solar can ever replace conventional sources of energy I have a bridge to sell you. I'd be happy to share the math with anyone who asks.

[gino618]

Just a note: There are conservatives, moderates, Republicans & Independents who voted for McCain who read the dribble such as this that is posted here as 'news & information'. Insulting us with such assinine comments as those in this article and those in the comments section will not win you many points.

There always has been, and always will be, dissenting points of view in this country. You seem to suggest that that is somehow a terrible thing.

If you honestly believe that liberals are the only 'balanced' minds in the world and that those who hold other views are somehow misfits or in need of help - how does that square with a party who claims to be tolerant of other's views?

No better example of the true colors of your hypocracy of open-mindedness could be shown that articles such as this, except perhaps the violence-t­hreatening protest after the gay-marriage rights loss in California where proponents are threatening to harm or kill those who voted against it - even though it was shown through the election process that the majority did not want it.

"Free thoughts for me - but not for thee...."

[StevieNichts]

"There always has been, and always will be, dissenting points of view in this country. You seem to suggest that that is somehow a terrible thing."

He's simply taking his cue from the Obama campaign. Let's never forget the Obama campaign's orders to the Obamabots to try to intimidate WGN radio for the sin of giving critics some air time; nor the Missouri lawman who would prosecute alleged lies; nor attempting to shut down any criticism by playing the race card over and over.

The left likes to pretend that they, and only they, are Defenders of Civil Rights. Hah!

[MrMike513]

You guys both miss the point. We liberals are not intolerant of other views. What we hate are views that are held despite what history and especially the last few months have taught us. This financial meltdown is the culmination of every conservative view on the economy, from deregulation (free markets will take care of themselves) to the "trickle-down" concept first put forth by Reagan. You use your fear of someone "taking away your guns" to justify voting for someone who has supported taking away your rights to privacy, free speech, habeus corpus, and due process. You claim to be Christian, yet you consistently oppose health care for all, when Jesus says you should care for the sick. You claim to protect the unborn, and do nothing to improve their lives after they are born. You scream "socialism" at the mention of any program that would help the less fortunate, yet you do not denounce the socialist programs already in place, such as Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, Public Education, our police and fire departments, and our interstate highway system.

We are tolerant of other people's views...we just don't tolerate hypocrisy very well.

[JimmyTee]

Dude.

You won.

Get over it.

[DrPaulProteus]

How to get those 56 million people? It's really simple: do something that effects their lives positively. If Obama makes good on his promises, particularly with the middle class tax cut he's talking about, they'll start coming around.

[TakeCaptiveEveryThought]

Shallow concept, at best. 56 million voted against Obama because he implored citizens to evaluate his eligibility for office based on his position on the issuse and his record. We did that. It was not about race...it was about abortion, his big-government policies, his lack of experience, and his hard left personal associates, past and present.

[surfcitysteven]

Take out the bigotry factor and photoshop Obama's face a few shades lighter in every publication and McCain doesn't get 40 million.

[JulieSA]

Is this the way the Obamites plan to lead? By calling everyone who disagrees with them a racist?

[flatus]

Everyone? Surfcity just deducted 10 million of the 56 million. Pay attention my thin skinned friend.

[anniegirl9]

A lot has been said that Americans have finally rejected the politics of fear this year by electing Obama. I wish I could agree with that. I voted Obama. As a social liberal, there has never been another choice for me than the Democrats. But I see this year’s election as not a rejection of the politics of fear, but a further embrace of it. Obama won with the biggest fear campaign yet. Fear of another four years of Bush. Fear of losing our pensions and 401k's. Fear of a 2nd Great Depression. Some of that fear was justifiable. Some fears are more real than others. But it was that fear that overshadowed enough people's fear of Muslim terrorists or gay marriages just enough to elect Obama. While I wish I could believe we have turned a corner, I have my doubts. In four or eight years, if we have made significant progress economically, rather than reward the progressive party as we should have done after Clinton, it may simply remove that fear from the voters minds so that enough of them can revert back to the irrational fears that have swayed their votes before.
I really hope I am wrong, but as the article pointed out, 56,378,316 individuals still voted to keep Obama out of office. It would only take a small percent of the people to forget their current struggles enough and embrace the Rights fear mongering to swing the pendulum back next time around.

[OnceYouGoBarack]

It wasn't fear of a future hypothetical but anger about everyday reality that we already experience.

I heard this same kind of nay-saying after Clinton was elected. After all, more people voted against him than for him. I had to remind people then that even more people voted against Perot and Bush I. That people are trying the same technique to attenuate an Obama mandate after he broke 50% and received 8 million more votes than his opponent is a testament to a permanent state of cynicism amongst some people.

[anniegirl9]

Don't get me wrong. I am elated that Obama won. But yes, when a vocal portion of the GOP is saying that Palin represents the future of their party and proposal 8 won in such a blue state, I must confess cynicism that all that much has really changed. I have serious doubts that if the economic credit freeze meltdown had stayed off until after the election we would not now be conceding victory. Independents and swing voters (the ones who decide the election results) voted out of that fear. It was just a more imperative and real fear than the ilusionary and distant fear the GOP had to pedal.

[trigger74]

a social liberal? dont you mean socialist

[1derment]

I couldn't agree more! My immediate family are Bush/McCain supporters. I consider them intelligent decent people, thus fueling my complete & utter frustration. They were/are so willing to give Bush a free pass on all of his idiocy & continue on this path by voting for McCain.

Initially, I supported invading Iraq (though I never voted for Bush, thank God!). As this was right after 9/11, I thought… well my government obviously knows something we don't so we need to trust them. It wasn't until I heard myself defending our threat to invade; that I realized everything I was saying was based on fear. Then the reports of not finding the WMD's starting coming in & I thought "Uh, oh."

My Republican representatives in Washington took my trust and walked all over it. This election, I was just hopeful to be able to choose a candidate that was the complete antithesis of George W. Bush. In Barack Obama, I feel we got that and so much more. I think John McCain is basically a decent man, but he fell prey to the Republican fear and hate mongering that I once did and there was no way I would vote for that.

I can understand being loyal, but there has got to be a point where as a human being you need to be able to say, this just isn't right.

[trigger74]

alot of people voted for Bush due to the fact that the dems candidate were horrible.

[raggatt]

Apparently "they" are the half of the population that's below average in intelligence.

[trigger74]

like doctors and nurses. i work with both and they voted against obama. oh and of all races

[MrMike513]

Just because you are a doctor or nurse does not mean you are above average intelligence. There are people of below average intelligence in every profession.

[essbird]

I want to see discussed by conservatives: Everyone fails to close the argument re: socialism. The right wing has swallowed the Rush-Hannity line that Obama's a socialist. What's socialism?

From the American Heritage Dictionary: "Any of various theories or systems of social organization in which the means of producing and distributing goods is owned collectively or by a centralized government that often plans and controls the economy. " The only fresh evidence of socialism I can see is the bailout, pushed by Bush & Co., that gives the government preferred stock in the nation's largest banks.

On the other hand, the godfather of capitalism, Adam Smith, wrote in Wealth of Nations, "The necessaries of life occasion the great expense of the poor. They find it difficult to get food, and the greater part of their little revenue is spent in getting it. The luxuries and vanities of life occasion the principal expense of the rich, and a magnificent house embellishes and sets off to the best advantage all the other luxuries and vanities which they possess. A tax upon house-rents, therefore, would in general fall heaviest upon the rich; and in this sort of inequality there would not, perhaps, be anything very unreasonable. It is not very unreasonable that the rich should contribute to the public expense, not only in proportion to their revenue, but something more than in that proportion." If a Republican is indeed thoughtful and educated, these two facts should give them pause.

Responses?

[JohnnyBoyyy]

It seems, essbird, from your post that America is still a very capitalist form of society. And maybe the principle of "redistribution of wealth" President-Elect Obama is not such a socialist concept. If I were ever be fortunate to become "rich" and afford the "luxuries and vanities of life" I would be more than willing to "contribute to the public expense" "more than in that proportion" of the less "rich".

This Is OUR Time - This Is OUR Moment.

President-Elect of the United States of America
Barack Hussein Obama II

[verapossomich]

Conservatives decide that they will decide how to spread their wealth. They are generous people according to many statistics including that 20% of evangelicals voted for Obama.

Most conservatives have little faith in human nature and even less in government. Small government is compassionate. Money that ends up in Washington rarely gets where it's going. Small government is cutting out the middleman.

Socialism rarely works, and the US was not set up for it. That's why Obama's comments about a Second Bill of Rights as FDR once proposed alarmed the average voter. We have a good thing in America.

[OnceYouGoBarack]

"If a Republican is indeed thoughtful and educated, these two facts should give them pause."

These attributes describe most Repubican politicians (Ms. Palin excepted) but unfortunately not most of their supporters. The Republicans know that what Obama proposed was simply a return to Clinton tax rates which were in place during a huge economic boom. They are just banking on the fact that their gullible base doesn't.

[lilacmess]

You're exactly right. I am constantly amazed at the ability of the Republican Party to convince people to vote against their own self-interests. The vast majority of McCain/Palin supporters who complained and are still complaining about Obama's tax plan are the very ones who will benefit the most from it and who have suffered the most over the past several years of trickle-down economics.

[trigger74]

taking from one and given to another is socialism. i am not rich. i live paycheck to paycheck. i am proud. i earn what is mine. i dont want any handouts. education has nothing to do with it like liberals always tried to point out. the corporations are gonna get paid. when you raise taxes on them they turn around and raise the prices on their products. is it right no. life is not fair and government is not the answer. instead of raising taxes on all corporations we should boycott the ones that are greedy.

[BaltoAman]

I wish I could join in the big celebration, I must be missing something. Didn't he vote for the continual funding of the war, warrantless wiretapping, bank bailouts, etc? I'm confused at to what exactly will change in the next 4 years.

I envision a larger, more intrusive government, fewer personal liberties, more wars for Israel, heavier spending and stratospheric deficits. How is this better??? Please help!

The big rally cry was McCain voted with Bush 90%, but how many times did BHO go along? Anyone have that number?

[g76monte]

that'd be 94%, my good friend ; )

[OnceYouGoBarack]

Right. Good try. Next.

[paixa3]

You cannot burst my joy. I am in Europe and my only comment to you is 'it is sad that there are still that many million of dumbed down, ignorant or stupid people in the USA'.

[Proletarian101]

'it is sad that there are still that many million of dumbed down, ignorant or stupid people in the USA'. This is coming from someone who lives in France? Have you seen your society. This is the country that has vast numbers of elderly dying during heat waves because families turn them over to the government to take care once they retire. I have, unfortunately, spent a lot of time in your country. Compared to the rest of Europe, you, my friend, are the ignorant dopes (and that is how they all see you). Maybe once you help take care of the problems in your country you can come back a make a legitimate arguement.

[deirdre3]

I don't believe paixa3 said they were from France. Maybe you should calm down a little bit.

[DebofMD]

My sentiments exactly.

[Adism]

Australia is right behind you!

Seriously, screaming 'SOCIALISM' because Obama wants to fix Main Street in America is the most absurd thing I've ever heard. Have the right wingers in the US learnt nothing from the McCarthy era? Taxing the rich a little bit more is not the end of the world. Continuing the agenda of the past 8 years would be. I believe that literally and whole-heartedly.

After the election the McCain/Palin ticket has imploded beyond ridiculousness and they still argue that they should have won? Really?

[verapossomich]

You don't know that "fixing Main Street" is the economic populist rhetoric of the Democratic party that gets tossed off in every election. Carter said it, and that was a disaster. Clinton said it, but Obama is no centrist.

Obama's tax plan meant that taxes would be raised on the top 5%, tons of new taxes would be added, he proposed $3.4 trillion in spending. Of the 95% getting a "tax rebate," 38% of them don't pay taxes. They pay a payroll tax which would go up. That goes to SS / Medicare which would be bankrupted down the road. Same burdened entitlement programs that've bankrupted European countries over the last 30 years.

[trigger74]

i guess you know socialism first hand

[ivangoldstein]

A lot of people just vote for their party and most of the people who voted R did just that. The crossovers are people who are socially conservative, many of them in that Appalachian region.

My family has been voting R since Lincoln. The only candidate that they would never vote for is Romney. The good news is that young people don't like the R's they are going to get their butts kicked even worse next time.

[kevinmcd]

The headline statement is a flawed premise-they all did not wait on line to be sure Obama did not win. Sure, many of them did but many also just are committed to their conservative idealogy-that will never change. But more importantly, there are also many that are more moderate and that are ok with an Obama victory-those are the ones he needs to win over.

[SethBLiNK]

1) 7.5 million votes is not a small margin. It is in the same ballpark of the margins by which GHW Bush beat Dukakis and by which Bill Clinton beat both his opponents. Nobody doubted those were mandates.

2) Only Democrats worry about mandates. W got fewer votes than Gore and behaved like he had been coronated.

3) We live in a democracy, which means we all have a voice. We use it once every four years. For the other three years and 364 days, we have to accept the governance of the person the majority of us chose. We've lived with that over the past 8 years. Those who disagree with Obama will find it a far less distressing experience than we did.

4) John McCain is a loved war hero and is Democrats' favorite Republican. His running mate connected with many and won some over. That he got a lot of votes should surprise nobody.

5) I'm white. For my whole life, I've heard black people say that for them to succeed in white America, they have to be twice as good. I never believed it. Now I do. Barack Obama is a brilliant, inspiring, transcendent, once in a generation leader. He ran against an unpopular Republican administration, and a candidate whose recklessness put us in peril. Obama had to be AT LEAST twice as good as the opposition to earn 7% more votes. Thankfully, he was.

[4thStooge]

Very well stated Seth!

[sisterdebmac]

Yeah, it's really bugging me that even after the election, the media are still trying to sell us the lie that it was an incredibly tight race and we BARELY won. It's over guys, your ratings will now go back to "normal". You can't ride the tight race pony anymore.