Hi! My Name is Evan, and I'll Be Your Buzz Killer this Evening
It's good! It's great! It's all fantastic, and I'm thrilled! Really. I do mean it. But something seems to be escaping our attention amidst the exaltation. In spite of the wars, the lies, the torture, the stacking of the courts, and the rollbacks to civil liberties; in spite of the religious fundamentalism, the fanaticism, and the utter disdain toward the population that's been expressed; in spite of the Katrina fiasco, the wire tapping, and the raping and pillaging of our economy for corporate gain (not to mention the ridiculousness and horrendous idiocy of the Republican campaign, including the Palin monstrosity) 56 million, 378 thousand, 316 Americans still voted for the other side.
To humanize that just a bit, that means that 56,378,316 individuals waited in line just as long as you did, and worked just as hard as anyone else, to try to make sure that Barack Obama would not become president of the United States. I don't know about you, but that scares the shit out of me. It means -- for reasons that go way beyond any immediate financial crises -- we're still in very deep trouble.
Who are they, and why do they feel this way? Well, they're 4.6 out of every 10 people you pass on the street. In other words, in spite of an electoral landslide and a historically significant popular margin, we still barely won. Just about as many people wanted it to go the other way.
So, with those facts on the table, how do we pursue an aggressive agenda, and how do we sway some of those people and get them on board to reverse course? One possibility would be to take the route the Republicans took: they forced an extremist agenda down the country's throat in spite of having lost the popular vote (and still kept 46% support this past Tuesday!). Somehow I don't see an Obama administration tacking that tack.
I've been spewing a joke around for the two or three weeks leading up to the election. I've been saying that, should Obama prevail, every woman who can stomach it should immediately go out, find a Republican man, and give him a blow job. Just make sure to impress upon him that the only reason he's getting the blow job is in celebration of a Democratic victory. The theory being that, come the next election, when he finds himself alone in a voting cubicle, his dick will point the way toward the Democratic lever. Kind of a reverse Lysistrata effect. Crass, perhaps, but not an insubstantial strategy.
And now I find myself thinking in even crasser terms. Like, if you've got some money stashed away in these economically stormy days, if you've got some major purchases anywhere on your horizon, time them out for the first ninety days of the new administration. Need a washer/dryer or an automobile? Thinking of buying a new home? Want to get back into the stock market? Hold off 'till after January 20th, and let the numbers show sudden economic improvement during the first three months of a new Democratic majority. Because I've got a sneaking suspicion that those 56,378,316 misguided souls aren't the most sophisticated sailors on the sea.
I'm not suggesting we'd be successfully addressing any of the serious issues that need to be sorted out. But I am thinking that, if they're crass enough, and easily hoodwinked enough, to have voted Republican after the last eight years, we might as well do a little psychological manipulation of our own. We might not be able to win their hearts and minds, or erase whatever bigotry led them to vote as they did. But we should be able to outwit them. Let 'em read a few positive economic headlines just as they're fearing the wrath of God is about to drop down upon us. Let 'em think that, even if the "Godless," "unreal" Americans have prevailed, it might be good for their pocketbooks. And then, maybe then, they might climb aboard the Peace Train. (Though, if you're up for the adventure, those blow jobs might not be a bad insurance policy. Just don't leave the Democratic boys out completely).
Evan Handler is in the midst of a 25 city book tour, in support of "It's Only Temporary: The Good News and the Bad News of Being Alive." Upcoming appearances include:
San Diego, CA 11/8/2008
Los Angeles, CA 11/9/2008
Milwaukee, WI 11/10/2008
Columbus, OH 11/11/2008
St. Louis, MO 11/12/2008
Detroit, MI 11/13/2008
Ann Arbor, MI 11/14/2008
Boston, MA 11/16/2008
Atlanta, GA 11/17/2008
Orange County, CA 11/22/2008
Details, exact locales, and times at EvanHandler.com, under "Appearances."
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It's not that hard to figure out the how's and why's, just break down the numbers-
136,000,000 voters.
20% approved of Bush's performance (27,200,000). This is the hardcore, straight line ticket voters. McCain and Bush could have been caught on the White House lawn having relations with a goat and this number would remain unchanged. The evangelicals would find some biblical reference to distort and make the goat tag team a religious awakening.
15% one issue voters (20,400,000). Abortion, NRA, etc... Example- A repub banker could foreclose their home, repo their car and a repub could terminate their employment, but, gosh darn it, those damn Dems are pro-choice. Sadly, this is the only group Obama has a minuscule chance to pull voters from. Say, for example, he did a blood oath with the NRA to leave things as they are gunwise.
The rest (some 9 million or so)- racists. Obama could create heaven on Earth for these people, but some Repub could put a scare into them and make them turn against Obama in one 30 second commercial. Sign...
That 56,000,000 number ain't going to change much In the next couple generations, but who knows after that... Education, job opps, and technology will help a lot.
The Dems have their hardcore as well, but it was the progressives and indies that pulled us over the top. I am proud to be of their ilk and even prouder that, for once, cooler heads did prevail.
Excellent and a point I have been making myself--although not as well as you did!
You don't account for overlap in all three of your categories. In other words, how many of them were hardcore Republican pro-life racists. That may draw your numbers down considerably.
You know nothing about the Republican tent. There are three categories: so-cons, fis-cons and nat'l sec hawks. We care about small government and personal liberty. Dems lose when they insult us, which they can't help but do, and when they threaten our liberty... ditto.
Cons lose most of the time. Has anyone noticed that Clinton and Obama won with landslides, while Bush stole one and barely squeaked by in the other?
I dare say you could ask a rural republican what a so-con, a fis-con and a nat'l sec hawk and get a blank stare with a searingly intelligent comment like "That black dude ani't gonna take my guns or abort my babies".
"Because I've got a sneaking suspicion that those 56,378,316 misguided souls aren't the most sophisticated sailors on the sea." Gotta love how me makes this comment and then goes off in the next paragraph about republican bigotry..... Bravo Evan, Bravo. I'll take hypocrisy for $200 Alex!
Oh snap! Um, it's not hypocrisy as much as it's truth-telling. Sorry.
don"t want to rain on evan's parade, but obama voted yes for the patriot act and the wiretapping and did nothing to freddie and fannie except pocket a little ching. YES WE CAN!
So? And? Next.
I've thought about this, too. Also, I've already been confronted by a very bitter Republican who thinks the world is coming to an end because Obama won. I don't think the Republicans have learned a thing from their losses this election: I think we can expect a continuation of the vicious, exaggerated criticism we've all witnessed through the campaign and a mountain of very serious, entrenched resistance to whatever policies Obama tries to put in place. Our new President has his work cut out for him. The Republicans are going to fight American moving into the 21st century tooth and nail, in spite of all their "we will work with Obama" promises right now. The average Repub I've met on the street is terrified of Obama and some of them show an almost visceral hatred of him. They are scared of change and to them, he symbolizes everything they believe is wrong. So , for us Dems out here who believe this is going to be easy, it's time to take off the rose-colored glasses. All we can do is remain respectful, but firm; calm, and completely supportive of our President-elect Obama. We will truly have to lead by example, not by force, as the Repubs have tried to do.
im no republican. i didnt vote for mccain but against obama. i commend you for your comment. if you want to win me over it will not be with getting in my face or disrespect. unfortunately i havent run into many obama backers that havent been disrespectful. even my black friends who i have been friends with for years called me predjudice for note voting for obama. one black female told me i was predjudice against black men but not black women. huh!
It may be written as a funny piece, but it is somewhat sobering that despite the huge problems with the Republican ticket, such as McCain's erratic behavior, the pick of Palin, etc., the number of people that still voted that way. It's not us vs. them, but picking Palin showed the worst decision making ever. That alone should have disqualified McCain. Pathetic.
Yep,you got us there Evan. Were all really bad people. We are the rottens apples in the barrel.
I just can't wait for media to ask for their bailout. Then you will really start to see the dung fly.
You are not bad people....but for the life of us, we can not imagine why ANYONE would want to continue on the path we were going down...and while you might be scared of an Obama admin and what we "DON'T" know about him...(although there is plenty out there that is very informative), can you honestly say that a McCain admin wouldn't have been a continuation of the Bush admin?
It gives me the chills just thinking of what could have happened.
With the world's reaction, I would think that would be indication enough to many people that we have made the correct choice.
Evan - excellent post - I completely agree with you - however, we have to look at the glass as half full here - more people voted for Obama and I think regarding the circumstances (the fact that he's half black, he's an "unknown") we did pretty well. Many people are afraid of change even if it's for the better.
im not scared but know we are at war of the worst kind. its not a state but an idealogy. i dont want to see another 9/11. i dont agree with bush or obama on the war but i have to go with the best choice. that was mccain
You are not "bad" people except when you personally attack our politicians, elected leaders and troops or other citizens expressing their political views. Both sides have different views.
The Iraq war is murder for oil and imperialism to you. We see our troops have achieved changing the status quo in the Arab and Muslim world to the advantage of the weakest and the suppressed: Shia and Kurds in Iraq, Syrian reformers, Lebanese civil society, Africans in Darfur, Iranian women and students, artists and liberals across the Arabian Peninsula. You don't know about the good that our country has done; you repeat propoganda.
2/3 of Iraq has been returned to their people. You figure.. good enough. McCain wants to keep our troops there for 100 years, because he thirsts for the blood of innocent babies to maintain his human shape. Many Republicans respect the sanctity of life, but you taunt them that they have no use for a fetus outside of the womb.
Your policies and our policies are different, and you are not interested in having a debate. Your President demonstrated that over and over. He lied repeatedly to you and us while the elections were on. No one is sure what he will do in office.
You voted for change. We voted, because it's our civic duty. We didn't want your change. Hopefully, you won't bother showing up in 2012.
The best way to bring people over to your side is to stop the name calling and finger pointing. Condeming someone for their beliefs and values is not a good way to start.
Funny, that's exactly how the Republicans have been winning elections for decades. I just love the right wing's total blind spot on irony and hypocrisy.
So you're saying it's OK because the Republicans did it too?
I saw no instance of name-calling in this post. I saw characterizations, but not name-calling. Big DIFFERENCE.
It's not the post I'm talking about. It's the people's comments. I read some very angry and disturbing comments about members of the opposite party. Even though the election is over they can't stop trash talking about McCain and Palin. It's a kick them while they're down attitude. Too many people have forgotten the Golden Rule.
"56 million, 378 thousand, 316 Americans still voted for the other side. " This statement is whats wrong with both the left and the right. This isn't a war. It isn't a battle. Its an election. If we truly begin to see this as one side or the other side then we are setting ourselves up for the destruction of this great nation. We are all Americans and all want the best for our citizens we just disagree with how to do it. The anger that both sides extend with name calling and the stereotyping of each others beliefs is foolish at best and damaging at worst. Does anyone hear REALLY agree with every principle of the democratic party? Does any one REALLY agree with every principle republican party? I don't think anyone can say they are happy with actions of their own party when in power. Remember its a difference in opinion not intelligence level and by arguing that it is you lose the potential to sway someone to your way of thinking.
I agree. I have been voting since 1980 and that year I voted for John Anderson. This election came down to a "My Side-Your Side" mudsilinging event. Not only by the candidates, but mostly by the people voting and blogging. I think what fueled this is the anonymity of the blogger. Most people don't have the guts to speak to others this way face to face. I'm going to re-register as independant so in the next election I will have to be swayed by one party to vote for their candidate.
Um...it's a democracy. You always have to be swayed one way or another. Perhaps you should audit a civics class sometime in the next four years.
I completely agree. I just don't understand why this article was necessary. Today. Maybe after a fews months. But not now.
I can see the rash of men re-registering as Republicans right now..
Ha! That's the perfect comment to this article.
Thanks for the laugh!
As in "rash" of bacon?
Aren't you concerned that some of those ideas sound a little too Rovian? John McCain and the Republican party were the big winners in this election because they had the most at stake. They had become their own worst enemy, and were damaging themselves and the country and even the world. Republicans will do much better now that they are not in charge.
Anyway, if you really want your question answered, it is the groupthink of religion. This all started back when the U.S. reacted to the problem of teenage pregnancy and cross border illegal abortion by making abortion legal, and the Christians responded by becoming political, and the Republican party responded to that response by offering promises for votes. Now there is too much vanity to admit it was all just a big mistake.
Yeah, Evan, it does defy logic. You wonder how bad it needed to get before those 56 million would sit up and go "Whoa, these Republicans are totally off their rockers...I think they're trying to hurt somebody."
I thought about this even as the election was unfolding. You have to expect it though. Even revolutions aren't unanimous actions / events. It is always a matter of a tipping point. So what? 56 million people voted for McCain. I personally know several of them (and I like them). There is nothing to be scared sh*tless of.
The key is to make good decisions. Good results will pacify the doubtful. Minds (even narrow ones) can change. It is all about results. I don't know what all of the answers are. That's OK. I am not going to be president. Barrack Obama is though. Let's hope he does have the wisdom and judgment necessary. I think he does (I voted for him).
Something very good happened this week. Enjoy it (if only briefly). We really needed it. There will certainly be a lot of drama in the future.
Seriously, for a black man named Barrack Hussein Obama (Democrat no less) to be elected president of the United States seven years after 9/11 and the surrounding (middle east / islamo-fascist) frenzy, is actually a powerful MANDATE for change.
BRAVO! WELL SAID!
"Well, they're 4.6 out of every 10 people you pass on the street."
I hate to point this out but....
57 million voted against Obama out of a population of over 300 million. So how does that translate to 4.6 out of every 10? To me, it looks like they'll make up 1.4 or 1.5 out of every 10 people you meet on the street. Math not your strong point, Evan? (Evan means 'twin of' when translated from the Welsh - it's my middle name ;-) )
Well Done All,
Itchy.
I think he meant 4.6 out of 10 in terms of the people that voted, not the total US population.
We hear a lot these days about the need for bipartisanship. And I suppose I agree that we do. I suppose I agree that we must appeal to the right to some extent. But what if this is really more than just a simple difference of political opinion. I'm not sure that I'm capable of agreeing to disagree. What if the right is simply wrong.
You might as well ask, "What if the sky is really blue"
who cares about these people.
anyone left on that side of the fence is either an idiot or a psychopath.
my bleeding heart turned into a liver after two years of bush.
I aint bleeding for this mob.
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