Hi! My Name is Evan, and I'll Be Your Buzz Killer this Evening
It's good! It's great! It's all fantastic, and I'm thrilled! Really. I do mean it. But something seems to be escaping our attention amidst the exaltation. In spite of the wars, the lies, the torture, the stacking of the courts, and the rollbacks to civil liberties; in spite of the religious fundamentalism, the fanaticism, and the utter disdain toward the population that's been expressed; in spite of the Katrina fiasco, the wire tapping, and the raping and pillaging of our economy for corporate gain (not to mention the ridiculousness and horrendous idiocy of the Republican campaign, including the Palin monstrosity) 56 million, 378 thousand, 316 Americans still voted for the other side.
To humanize that just a bit, that means that 56,378,316 individuals waited in line just as long as you did, and worked just as hard as anyone else, to try to make sure that Barack Obama would not become president of the United States. I don't know about you, but that scares the shit out of me. It means -- for reasons that go way beyond any immediate financial crises -- we're still in very deep trouble.
Who are they, and why do they feel this way? Well, they're 4.6 out of every 10 people you pass on the street. In other words, in spite of an electoral landslide and a historically significant popular margin, we still barely won. Just about as many people wanted it to go the other way.
So, with those facts on the table, how do we pursue an aggressive agenda, and how do we sway some of those people and get them on board to reverse course? One possibility would be to take the route the Republicans took: they forced an extremist agenda down the country's throat in spite of having lost the popular vote (and still kept 46% support this past Tuesday!). Somehow I don't see an Obama administration tacking that tack.
I've been spewing a joke around for the two or three weeks leading up to the election. I've been saying that, should Obama prevail, every woman who can stomach it should immediately go out, find a Republican man, and give him a blow job. Just make sure to impress upon him that the only reason he's getting the blow job is in celebration of a Democratic victory. The theory being that, come the next election, when he finds himself alone in a voting cubicle, his dick will point the way toward the Democratic lever. Kind of a reverse Lysistrata effect. Crass, perhaps, but not an insubstantial strategy.
And now I find myself thinking in even crasser terms. Like, if you've got some money stashed away in these economically stormy days, if you've got some major purchases anywhere on your horizon, time them out for the first ninety days of the new administration. Need a washer/dryer or an automobile? Thinking of buying a new home? Want to get back into the stock market? Hold off 'till after January 20th, and let the numbers show sudden economic improvement during the first three months of a new Democratic majority. Because I've got a sneaking suspicion that those 56,378,316 misguided souls aren't the most sophisticated sailors on the sea.
I'm not suggesting we'd be successfully addressing any of the serious issues that need to be sorted out. But I am thinking that, if they're crass enough, and easily hoodwinked enough, to have voted Republican after the last eight years, we might as well do a little psychological manipulation of our own. We might not be able to win their hearts and minds, or erase whatever bigotry led them to vote as they did. But we should be able to outwit them. Let 'em read a few positive economic headlines just as they're fearing the wrath of God is about to drop down upon us. Let 'em think that, even if the "Godless," "unreal" Americans have prevailed, it might be good for their pocketbooks. And then, maybe then, they might climb aboard the Peace Train. (Though, if you're up for the adventure, those blow jobs might not be a bad insurance policy. Just don't leave the Democratic boys out completely).
Evan Handler is in the midst of a 25 city book tour, in support of "It's Only Temporary: The Good News and the Bad News of Being Alive." Upcoming appearances include:
San Diego, CA 11/8/2008
Los Angeles, CA 11/9/2008
Milwaukee, WI 11/10/2008
Columbus, OH 11/11/2008
St. Louis, MO 11/12/2008
Detroit, MI 11/13/2008
Ann Arbor, MI 11/14/2008
Boston, MA 11/16/2008
Atlanta, GA 11/17/2008
Orange County, CA 11/22/2008
Details, exact locales, and times at EvanHandler.com, under "Appearances."
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Nobody, nobody worked as hard as we did. Nobody. We were working before Obama announced his candidacy. We were in angst and anger and sorrow and we pulled out of the sea of lies and learned how to talk to people and at least made them think....sometimes. We planted seeds all across this country.
I'm so proud of this movement and I hope it gains strength for the sake of my country, the peace of the world and the saving of the planet.
Look, it was easy to not vote for Obama. You didn't have to be stupid, uninformed, unintelligent or over-religioned. You merely had to be dispassionate about the analysis of the candidates. I, for one, was extremely unhappy with Bush. I felt he allowed his administration to run roughshod over the democrats, destroying the Republican Party in the process. But I did not feel that a whiplash manuvre to the left was the answer. I felt that McCain could steer the ship of state back to the center while keeping a relatively even keel, and that everything in Obama's past suggested that he probably would not. I didn't obsess on Palin or Wright, Keating or Ayers. This country needs to get past partisanship, and McCain has a long history of accomplishing that. But now that Obama's on deck, I'm down with it. Let's see what this gifted guy can accomplish.
Thank you for your reasonable thoughtful response. I wish the Republican party had leaders that were more like that.
Your also dispassionate Shieldmaiden. How Thoughtful of me :).
Now there's a true American!
You expressed your very logical reasons for voting for your candidate of choice, and now throw all your support and heart behind the new President-Elect.
This Is OUR Time - This Is OUR Moment.
President-Elect of the United States of America
Barack Hussein Obama II
Evan, I, too, have had my Tuesday-night buzz killed by the stark realization that nearly half of my fellow Americans bought into the lies. Worse, I live in Arizona, which remained Red this week and re-elected Sheriff Joe "Pink Underwear" Arpaio. Dems only picked up one seat in the the AZ legislature.
To me, the issue is bigger than "How could they not see the truth?" Regardless of which "side" is "right," the fact remains that the country is seriously split. It's not like picking the color of your shorts -- there is a "right" answer on who would be better to lead the country. It is complicated by the fact that the "right" person is relative -- say a certain bald character actor and author making more than $250K a year might think it was "right" to vote his personal financial self-interest, ignoring other global or long-term concerns (we're glad you didn't). But in this case SO many people voted against their own self-interest -- in many arenas -- that it boggles the mind.
I'd LIKE to think it was all genuine moral (in my view misguided) opposition to gay marriage or abortion rights or gun restrictions -- we could agree to disagree. I WISH it was even some Adam Smith vs. Karl Marx smackdown. But I'm AFRAID it's all just ignorance and William Ayers and flag pins, and phallic drills in virginal Alaskan fields, and victory as a buzzword, etc., etc., ad nauseum.
O won by a landslide.
Yes, many people voted against him.
But 7% of the popular vote is a HUGE gap.
Keep in mind that Gore won the popular vote in 2000 when you express disappointment that the McAngrypants supporters didn't agree with you. How disappointed were the B u s h supporters that most of the voters disagreed with them?
How happy to cooperate with us were they?
It's getting better. Far fewer Americans voted gop this time than last time. You can't have a totally-unified population. If we want these people to change, we need to encourage them to do so with information and tolerance.
You had a Republican who has repeatedly slapped his own party in the face over the past eight years. There is definitely a grumbling among the base about how Republicans began spending money like Dems, but more Republicans stayed home than voted Dem. Obama won with that and the youth vote.
You've had plenty of psychological manipulation.
Obviously, because you have no idea.
Change, Change, Change.
Hope, Hope Hope.
Lie after lie after lie.
No real experience, No real plan.
Just Vote for the good looking one.
You won't remember any of this when you awake.
"Snap"
Hilarious! I think we found one of the "low-information" voters here.
Obama has experience and he had a very detailed plan laid out on his website for all to see and read, if they wanted to, which I can see you didn't. You must have let Hannity tell you all you needed to know. LOL!
You are actually a cute troll, like one of those little dolls in the 60's.
But you are still a troll.
Oh well.
I wish I had that kind of hair. I used to. Maybe now that Barack is President, my universal health care will get it back for me.
I believe someone needs to snap you out of it. We have already been shaken awake from the nightmare of the past eight years.
This great nation has been built upon hope and change and it will be rebuilt, even greater and stronger, by a new Obama administration and its cabinet of experienced minds as well as by Obama's PLAN. Yes, he has a plan. And millions of us took the time to read and find out what that plan was and IS! What was you candidate's plan?
The wars, the endless trail of deceit and lies, the torture, the whittling-away of our civil liberties, the utter disdain toward the middle-class working American, the Katrina debacle, warrantless wire tapping, the greed and pillaging of honest working-class Americans for corporate gain and...The list goes on...
There is nothing to be proud of from the past eight years. And, perhaps you are right...We are hypnotized; by the hope and change that we know will bring a better and brighter future for us all.
Experience only matters if it improves your judgment. I read McCain's policies and read Obama's. McCain's policies were vague and unfocused. The only clear statements were on taxes, where he continued to penalize the middle class, and health care, where he made the average person worse off economically and in terms of health care. He seemed to think that infrastructure referred only to Internet access.
Obama's plans were clear, especially on jobs, infrastructure, taxes, and health care. Clear and specific.
Apparently you got your ideas about Obama from the McCain campaign and right leaning talk show hosts. What did you read about Obama's views that was written by Obama? Nothing, I'll bet.. So I'll repeat my mantra: ignorance is not a point of view.
I read his books, obviously you didn't. I live in Chicago and know he did nothing for Illinois.
Experience. Hmm. Sure McCain had experience, but at what? He certainly wasn't President. There is no amount of experience that can make you ready to take that job.
What this country needs is someone with ideas. Someone who carefully comes to a conclusion based on the counsel of people of different views. President Bush did not succeed because he thought his gut instincts would serve him well. I think John McCain is alot like that, albeit a sharper tack than ol W.
They must have charisma. John McCain was a nice enough guy. There is a reason why people of all ages and races come together to hear Barack Obama speak. Despite what those would want you to believe, he really does understand ALL Americans.
Lastly, you need to be a leader. Medals pinned on your chest does not make you a leader. A hero, yes, a leader? Not necessarily. A leader must have followers. At speech after speech Barack Obama could fill any arena or any stadium. John McCain was not able to do that. It doesn't mean he is not a great man, he is just not a leader.
As I tell my Republican friend at work, just give Obama a few months, and if you really do love this country you will see a man who cares, who is smart and wants to be there for every American. Isn't that what we all expect from a US President?
I'll give him a chance. Do I have a choice? No.
However, a former Naval Commander is a Leader by definition.
Not my first choice but It looks great on a resume for commander in chief.
Barack is definitely a nice enough guy with tons of charisma, I think, like he once did, that politics aside, 2008 was a little too soon to command the armed forces when he had virtually no US Senate record and No Executive experience.
The good news is Obama had the youth vote overwhelmingly. Something like 66% of under 30's. Not only did they vote for him, but they are activated in a way now not seen since the 60's. The only age group that McCain won were the seniors. So we've got the youth numbers on our side...
The under 30's also support gay marriage by 61%. So while I was very depressed that Prop 8 banning gay marriage was passed in CA, I am hopeful that the next time it is voted on the numbers will be different.
OBAMA doesn't support Gay Marriage, how can you overlook that?
Because of "psychological manipulation" perhaps?
Obama opposed Prop 8.
Obama will support civil rights. He had to get into office first. I think there will be many changes once he gets in... judges appointed, etc. He calls for "civil unions" with all of the same rights, but I think he's about taking a one step at a time approach..
They're out there all right. One of them gave me the finger on I-70 near Baltimore tonight. A commemorative 9/11 plate, no less--WV 8881. First time my Obama magnet got a reaction from another motorist. When he passed me and I saw the blue McCain Palin sticker I just laughed. Loser. But it'll take a lot more than that to kill my buzz.
Good stuff Evan. But here's the thing, the hateful neo-conservative talk radio will not go away. Fox news will not go away. And now that they have lost, they have a new target to hit day after day. Hate and fear will power them. We had the Daily Show and the Internet to help as get through. But those were comic outlets to help us get by. The conservatives think they know how to laugh, but it's always smarmy, forced and creepy. I don't have any easy answers. But if we treat the idiots with kindness, pretend to agree with some of their points, act like we respect their opinions, maybe they'll learn to, if not exactly like us, at least want to be in the same room with us. Then we might be able to win for a long time.
They will fade away. The world is moving past them and they don't understand it. It just takes time.
I think the thing that jumped out at me was the vote by age bracket. Most of the "red" voters are older, over 60, the early Baby Boomers and older. They will be four years older in 2012 and many of them will be soon departing this earth. The New York Times has a map that clearly shows how this country is moving more toward a progressive mood. Four more years will bring another raft of young voters, and with the power of the Internet, they will be better informed and educated.
What Evan is also leaving out is that in 2012, Barack Obama will have been President for four years and will no longer be untested nor unknown. If he does a good job, governs from the center and gets us headed in the right direction, he'll easily be re-elected. Don't forget, 63 million plus people voted for him KNOWING he's untested.
Many of the "red" voters won't ever vote for a black person; look at the geographic areas where he did not run well. The red areas are mainly the deep south and plains states, mostly rural.
Your post is disgusting.
LOL! Evan you offended someone :-)
Look BERETTASSKISSER (yes, I purposely got it wrong!), is it not obvious enough that you, the ignoramus, is the problem in this world instead of blaming the liberals, or in words you'll never understand, the folks that actually give a rat's ass about folks less fortunate than themselves? I know the words unselfish, love, caring, intelligence, are words that sound like french to you because they're so foreign a concept to your greed and self loathing, but go peddle your mental illness elsewhere cuz we're all full up! Liberals practice tolerance everyday of our lives because we're so outnumbered in our families, our neighborhoods, our companies, our political leadership, etc., by jerks like you. We come here to find solace and inspiration and ideas of how to keep fighting the good fight until all folks are treated equal, that all have a real living wage to support themselves and the members of their families that aren't you that they actually live for, and to have a few minutes of peace away from the screeching noise of lies and greed and hate that you're so fond of. This is your chance to do one decent thing in your life which is to leave us alone and spew your hate and ignorance and stupidity on FOX news amongst your rabid brethren which we can only hope will be the pirahnas we know them to be and start eating each other and we can have this earth all to ourselves!
{fist bump}
You don't understand, do you? I do not care, nor is it my business, if you donate your money to "folks less fortunate than" yourself! I do, as do many others. I just don't agree that you have the right to take my money to donate to them! That is one of the differences between Republicans and Democrats. Its MY money, and I do not abrogate authority to you!
"Liberals practice tolerance everyday of our lives.." Wow, go back and read your post for a true reading of Liberal tolerance!
Semper fi
Cons believe everyone is on their own.
Liberals believe that we are tied together in a social fabric, and what happens to your neighbor affects you.
It's a simple difference in philosophy. Yet, the Cons will rarely state it as such. Instead they will throw around meaningless buzzwords like socialism to justify their selfishness.
There it is,
my money
my this
my that,
The only reason you have "your" money is because someone somewhere decided to buy whatever goods or services you produce and if those folks are poor, they can't buy your stuff, you get laid off and you'll see your job shipped to China.
Taxes don't go directly to poor people or to someone else. They go to finance the Republicans' wars or at least they're supposed to do that, but now they have to go to finance the Republicans' deficit. So let your little non-fact loving brain mull that one over for a while.
There are some gay Republican men, Evan, so don't feel left out on the opportunity to implement your crass strategy. And post pics... some men just like to watch.
Just kidding. That was funny haha.
A very sobering post. Since KY was the first state to go red on election night, I unfortunately know a handful of people who refused to see beyond Ayers, Wright, and yes even the color black. An eventually recovering economy over the next four years may be the only chance of winning them over. I went to rushlimbaugh.com today and read one of the reasons Obama won was:
Story #6: Unmarried Women Put Obama Over the Top
RUSH: remember we had a survey not long ago about unmarried women, women that are not in a relationship are stupider than women who are in a relationship? Remember that? It was not the word, but what was the word? I use the word stupid because it worked. Less informed, ignorant, whatever. Get this. "Unmarried Women Put Obama Over the Top." Seventy percent of support for Obama came from unmarried women.
THAT IS WHAT WE ARE UP AGAINST.
I live in Alabama -- so many Alabamians (especially white men) quote RUSH as if he were a god -- it is so creepy and sad -- it's as if they have no mind or thoughts of their own -- it's like they are RUSH ROBOTS. So much hate, so much anger -- all the waste of precious human energy -- such a waste of human energy! Most of these folks call themselves "Christians" -- all I can do is shake my head in disbelief and sadness. Most of these folks will not listen, so it is pointless to try and communicate -- they are entrenched to such a degree that they are blind.
I've been saying the same thing--I'm flabbergasted that is was this close. Don't anyone underestimate right wing propaganda--talk radio, FOX news, Christian broadcasting, mega-chrches, and all their left behind crap.
These people are a dying breed. The majority of the young do not share their racial and lifestyle intolerance and the young are our future. When you do not realize that the world is growing more interconnected and violence is no longer feasible as foreign policy since it diminishes everyone, and you do not realize the country is growing more diverse and tolerant, and that knowledge and education are important for forging the future, when you are terrified of change which is the one constant in the universe, it is only a matter of time until you are rendered obsolete. They are frightened and we should attempt to reassure them and open their minds rather than belittle them.
HAH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let's check back in four years. Either, a lot of those people are going to flip to Obama because he saved the US, or a lot of Dems are gonna turn away from him because he couldn't do squat. Kinda hard to say he's failed or succeeded, when they haven't even sworn him in yet. After all, it took 8 years for folks to realize just what a screw-up Bush was/is.
It may have taken 8 years for the blind loyalist Republicans to realize just what a screw-up Bush was/is, but the rest of America and the rest of the world community realized the mess we were in with Bush as President from day one!!! This is why the Repubs had to use cultural issues (abortion, gay marriage) and swiftboating lies to get him re-elected, and even then, it was only by a very slim margin, not to mention the first election which they had to steal to get him into office. Neither Bush, nor any presidential candidate before him, has enjoyed the overwhelming confidence and trust that Americans have given to President-Elect Obama. No, he hasn't succeeded yet; but after Bush, we can only go up!!
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