I enjoy telling my birth story, but it's a lot like answering the "how did you meet your significant other?" question. I never know how much detail the person asking really wants.
There's the short version (induced, epidural, pushed). Then there's the long story -- why I got induced, the "Jersey Shore" marathon that got me through about four hours of waiting for something to happen, the husband running out to buy DVDs so we could stop watching bad TV and coming back with an incredibly non-lady-friendly "The Three Stooges" box set. The epidural was a debacle, pushing was even harder than I thought it would be and we listened to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, which I maintain is the best labor music ever.
But there's also a whole bunch of feeling that goes along with the story. A wish that I had gone into labor without being hooked up to machines. Pride in pushing her out. As I was watching the part of "More Business of Being Born" that we're screening on HuffPost Parents tonight, I realized that's why we all love to share our birth stories. No matter what you go through, having a baby is miraculous and moving -- it is an experience tied to your emotional core.
In the film, celebrity moms Alanis Morissette, Alyson Hannigan, Laila Ali and others tell about their experiences. I thought going into it that these wouldn't be my type of stories, that they'd all be women who believed only in natural childbirth and would make me feel guilty and weak. And they do start out this way. But their narratives reveal how little goes as planned. Even earth mother Alanis, who went all the way (baby at home, midwife, the whole nine), confesses:
"I remember wishing for some complication not with my son but with me so that I could be whisked away to [a] pain-free experience, which I totally get, by the way. I get every version of childbirth. Every version I hear, I'm just, 'Yes-yes-yes-of course.'"
I think it's time to talk about more of the details, not less. At least here in our corner of the world, let's start sharing our versions of birth, feelings included. What did you love? What will you make sure to do differently next time? What's the one thing you tell expectant mothers they should remember? Watch the movie tonight and talk about it all in the comments.
Moral of the story - I definitely have to be extra cautious with my next pregnancy!
Everyone is different. There is no right way, and no way is totally pain free. Everyone's pain tolerance and delivery is different. Every woman should get to choose based on her situation, as long as she isn't negligent. Though both my labors were agony, I have two beautiful kids and would do it all over again in a heartbeat! I really do think it takes a village to raise a child. Moms should not be so hard on each other!
My next, at age 39, Samara was more planned, we had to drop Toddy off in the city with my Mom and George. Once in the pushing mode, it took more time, maybe three hours. Mind you, I am not complaining, it just hurt like the dickens. Both children, awesome, what a bonding experience for me and my husband Larry. Now at the age of 61, and at the time of their births, I can reflect, enjoy and say it was so worth it all!
I won't go into details of a triplet c-section delivery.. but let me tell you, if it takes a village to raise ONE child, can you imagine the country needed to deliver, clean and do all those bulby squeezes and lung checks for three babies? Things went smoothly and I'm forever grateful to my country.
I didn't hold my babies until midnight. They had to be checked out in the NICU overnight. I held, I cried. I started in disbelief of the unknown sense of a miracle. I puked. Morphine and leaving your 1st,2nd and 3rd born in a separate room hooked up to wires in the NICU will do that to you.
Within 24 hours after delivery, prayers were answered again - NICU was not necessary and we get to go home as a family, to just be a family! Drugs, adrenaline and pure fascination of these babies kept me going, but love was all around. I often close my eyes and try to remember it all - how it felt as a fresh mommy witnessing new life in your arms. And that's why, as a mother, we have birth stories. To remember. What it was like. To Just Be...
We ended up decided to check out early anyway because the hospital was nuts. Our son's pediatrician was not able to visit because even though I corrected them several times, they still had the wrong name down. I spent my brief time there worried that they were going to take my son and/or do something harmful out of error.
At my discharge, my midwife had been replaced by another. I explained the story and she said that it didn't sound right. I obviously had not conveyed that I was in labor.
We never got the the IV. As soon as she helped pull off my pants, total chaos broke out. The room was not prepped for delivery yet. Shouts of "we need....." and "don't push. just don't push" rang out. I tried to wait, but let's face it - I had been in labor long enough. I pushed and my son popped out. The rest of our brief stay in the birthing room was a blur. Lots of panicky nurses and midwives. Finally, about 1 hour after delivery (1 1/2 hours since arriving at the hospital),
When I arrived at the hospital at 1:11, no one believed me either. My son arrived at 1:17.
Listen to the pregnant woman people!
I had to YELL at the OR staff that my epi wasn't working and they finally rolled their eyes and checked to find that it had indeed fallen out.
I was given a spinal and from that moment on I couldn't feel anything from my neck down, I didn't know if I was breathing or not. I felt that I was dying. My son was wisked away while I was taken to recovery for 2 hours without any family or anyone updating me on the baby.
I never saw my Midwife again, she moved to Texas the next day without ever telling me she was moving. My OB missed my PPD and I ended up with PTSD from the whole ordeal.
I had a beautiful, unmedicated hospital birth with a midwife, 14 total hours of labor, 3.5 hours of pushing, and delivered a healthy 9.2 lb baby. Then, the "easy" part of delivery for the majority of women, delivering the placenta, resulted in a major hemorrhage and a trip to the OR and general anesthesia, tons of drugs to keep my blood pressure from crashing, several blood transfusions, an emergent D&C and luckily my uterus, and my life, were saved. I had a birth with no medical interventions, and then experienced a life threatening emergency and had more medical involvement than I ever expected. At the end of it, I still had my beautiful, perfect daughter in my arms, and I know that it was worth every moment. I am aware though, that when I share my story, it is frightening to some, and I try to share it in a way that the listening party needs to hear.
For anyone obsessed with reading birth stories as I was, here is my whole birth story, in two parts:
http://mamatots.blogspot.com/2011/05/arrival-of-norah-annabel-smith-part-one.html
http://mamatots.blogspot.com/2011/05/norah-annabel-smiths-birth-part-two.html