Kobe and M. Night Shyamalan

What does Kobe Bryant have to do with M. Night Shyamalan? I'm glad you asked. It's a recent revelation to me, so bear with me as I try to explain it. I was watching a lackluster NBA finals series at my father-in-law's house drinking a Corona and munching on a handful of chickpeas and raisins when it hit me. As far apart as they seem, Kobe and M. have something very big in common: mediocrity, on average.

The game started with a boring introduction and a big flashing sign that, despite its size and flash, seemed to whimper "not in our house." I was thinking it meant "not in our house [again]." They were pushing and shoving and trying desperately to squeeze a bit of water out of a dried up desert stone. A victory. At home! Against a team whose NBA post season recored for away games was something like 2 and 9. There was Odom jumping and Gasol vying and Kobe missing and, when you would think it would be an exclamation point victory, it was a sqeak. It was a stupid waste of time and a win that might as well have been a loss. I mean, this was the Lakers! At home! The NBA finals!

I figured the Celtics just wanted to have the series win in Boston, with all of the crazy fans, noise, glory. I figured they were just giving the Lakers this game, handing it to them. Despite it being handed to them, the Lakers still struggled, labored, and barely squeezed a win. Someone called them the Puddles. I thought that was funny.

So what does this have to do with M. Night Shyamalan and the Sixth Sense? I'm getting there. So, i was trying to figure out why the Lakers would lose so badly. I think I have the answer. The Lakers, as a team, without Kobe, are an average team. I don't think they would have, despite their Buddha teaching coach, made it to post season. What sets them apart is the presence of Kobe Bryant. He is the reason they made it to the post season.

The problem with Kobe Bryant is that he is incredibly inconsistent. Don't get me wrong, when he is on, there probably has never been anyone like him (one can argue for Jordan, but it would be a good argument either way...the point is he is one of the all time best). But the main issue with Kobe is that he is not consistently that good. He plays magically maybe one game in five. Wich means the other four games, his team is just the average NBA team, lackluster, nothing great. I don't know why Kobe can't play consistently. Look at Iverson, look at Pierce. They are not only good (although it can be argued that Kobe at his best is better than them at their best), but are always good. Pretty much every game. They are reliable. Dependable. Champion-like.

Kobe has the world fooled. He has the sponsors and the commercial companies all fooled. He puts on one incredible show and then rides on that for four horrible, ridiculous, embarrassing games. He uses the wind from that one show to make people think he is amazing. So that every time he gets on the court, crowds of people, droves of fans, surround him and shout his praises and expect to get their money's worth. Only to go home with Kobe no points in the second and two points in the third quarter.

Fine, so let's bring in M. Night. A few years ago, he made a film called the Sixth Sense. I watched it and was blown away. Everyone was talking about it. People thought he was one of the greatest film makers of all time. I read interviews where he would go through nine or ten drafts and hang then up on his walls before he got final product of the script. I paid good money to attend his subsequent films hoping to see another amazing movie. The only problem was that every subsequent movie was so average and mediocre that I questioned my own judgment. I watched the Sixth Sense again and realized that the movie was OK, but it was the ending that had everyone reeling. If you take out the ending (take out Kobe), the movie (the Lakers) is a pretty average movie (team). It pales in comparison to another similar movie like What Dreams May Come.

M., like Kobe, used a small portion of his craft (that amazing twist for an ending) to fool everyone into thinking he is an amazing filmmaker. I watched every movie that he made and they were all just, well, mediocre. Just like the Lakers (with or without Kobe, except for that one in five games).

Another way to put it, then: the Lakers lost because Kobe could not play like a champion four out of five games. Kobe is 1/5 amazing and 4/5 one of the most average players on the NBA.

So there you have it. A lesson in mediocrity.

As a note, I have not yet seen The Happening. It's doubtful that I will.

Comments

[freshnotbitter]

Happening plays too much like a made for TV Stephen King movie. I love Night's movies - he is the only film maker doing neo sixties stuff. A fan once wrote a one line review of Lady in the Water that I liked: "For those who feel the spirit".

I'd like to see Night do a film in San Francisco or some similar locale (not Philly) with a Dustin Hoffman, Nick Nolte, Rachel Evan Wood, Lee Lee Sobieski, Diane Lane, MacAvoy, or such types and a decent script perhaps written by somebody else. Maybe Night can't work that way but I don't see any other way of getting out of his rut. The performances by the stars are still good so I think he will continue to get good actors.

Happening is actually "The Birds" by Stephen King done as a made for TV movie. Now, that is a serious rut - maybe a ditch.