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An Argument-Free Marriage: Is it Possible? Is it Healthy? Should You Want One?

08/11/2015 05:46 pm ET | Updated Aug 10, 2016

A person has got to have a lot of guts to stand before an audience of 3,000 people and make the audacious claim that she and her husband don't argue. To actually say with a straight face that they say what's on their mind, are honest and transparent with one another, don't suppress their emotions, and in twelve years of marriage have never fallen into an argument...that takes some giant...well, you know.

When the audience begins laughing at the notion, it takes even greater guts to tell them not only has she created an argument-free marriage but there are only 3 things they need to do to create their own relationship free from the frustrations of bickering and fights.

I must admit, if I had been sitting in that audience and didn't know what I now know, I likely would have joined in the laughter. But I wasn't sitting in the audience. I was the one giving a TED talk on this taboo topic (and then again in this HuffPost Live interview).

When I began my 16-minute talk, the crowd wasn't buying a word I was saying. By the end, I glanced around the room and looked at men and women on the edge of their seats, many with tears in their eyes, realizing for the first time they'd been lied to most of their lives. They'd bought into the notion that arguments in marriage are not only necessary but they are healthy.

Will you allow me to challenge that theory? Give me just a few minutes, and an open heart, and the next few moments just might change your life.

There are 3 things I have done to create my own argument-free marriage that you can replicate in any relationship you desire to last a lifetime (marriage, siblings, parents, children):

  1. Understand and obey the law of acceleration.
  2. Stick to the original emotion.
  3. Keep at the forefront of your mind this indisputable fact: that tomorrow may never come.

 

 

This talk was inspired by my new book, The Argument-Free Marriage: 28 Days to Creating the Marriage You've Always Wanted with the Spouse You Already Have.

In this book, I ask you and your spouse to take a 28-day challenge that will cause you to rethink everything you've ever been taught about communication in marriage. It will teach you how to ease into conversations rather than crashing into arguments. And just think: if enough people take the challenge, maybe the next time I get on stage and make the audacious claim that an argument-free marriage is possible, no one in the audience will even be surprised.

Now wouldn't that be awesome?