The Blog

Tricia Williams: How To Eat Your Way To Better Sleep

2012-02-23T01:00:37Z

According to a recent poll by the National Sleep Foundation, 65 percent of Americans say they experience sleep problems, such as difficulty falling asleep, waking during the night and waking feeling groggy, at least a few times each week. The poll, which targeted 1,000 people across the country, found that nearly half, or 44 percent of those with problems, say they grapple with them almost every night. Every single night? That's just unacceptable.

At Food Matters NYC, my team and I have long promoted the idea of kitchen as cure -- fridge as pharmacy. In other words, instead of rushing off to ask your doctor for an Ambien prescription, I suggest heading straight for your kitchen.

Bottom line: You can solve your sleep problem by "treating" it nutritionally. I do it for my private clients every day, and the results are staggering. But if you (like most people), scrape together your meals without the help of a private chef, don't worry. I'll show you how to get the same great results on your own.

To help support a night of restful, restorative sleep, the most important thing that you can do is fill your dinner plate with foods that contain tryptophan. Tryptophan is an amino acid that makes serotonin -- a neurotransmitter that slows down nerve traffic to the brain. And slowing down that traffic is precisely what you need in order to drift off.

No doubt, you've been hearing about this essential ingredient for years. Perhaps on Thanksgiving, when stuffed family members, dozing off before dark, blamed the tryptophan in turkey for their sudden, crushing fatigue. But to really get the benefits of tryptophan, you'll need to pair it with foods that work in concert with it -- maximizing its positive effects.

One of these "assistants" is calcium, which helps the brain turn tryptophan into melatonin. An ideal evening meal would include complex carbohydrates, protein and some calcium. Not too complicated, right? But just in case you're wondering what that would look like on your dinner plate. Here's a sample menu, to help you visualize:

• Sesame Roasted Chicken with Quinoa,
• Kale and Shiitake Mushroom Salad with a Honey Almond Soy Vinaigrette.

Here's how I came up with this menu: First of all, roast chicken is a great source of protein, and it's fairly low in fat. Fat doesn't just make you gain weight, overindulging in it has also been proven to disrupt sleep cycles by making your digestive system work overtime.

Meanwhile, quinoa is both a complete protein and a complex carbohydrate. What's more, it's high in magnesium, which aids in the fight against leg cramps (a common sleep foe) and helps the body process calcium more efficiently. Kale scores high marks across the board. It's an excellent nondairy source of calcium and delivers an additional dose of magnesium.

And though many nutritionists will tell you not to eat late at night, there's new science that says it's okay to break that rule. In fact, if you are plagued by insomnia, you might actually benefit from a late night snack. Only caveat: We're not talking Ben and Jerry's.

I've come up with what I think is the perfect before bed treat. It works so well that one of my clients has taken to calling it nature's Xanax. I call it Kudzu Pudding. Kudzu is a root vegetable that has a very calming effect on the body. You can buy it in powder form at your local health food store.

What's great about using it in cooking is that it acts as a thickening agent and is really easy to work with. I like to cook it with low glycemic fruits like apples. It's a delicious desert and an effective tool toward winding down.

Here's how to make Kudzu Pudding: Start with 1 cup of applesauce in a small saucepan. Add 1 tablespoon of kudzu root powder. Bring the mixture to a boil, stirring constantly until the sauce thickens -- about 3 minutes. That's it! Allow it to cool before eating -- then make a beeline for bed.

So if you're not getting enough shut eye, why not head to your kitchen cabinet rather than your medicine cabinet? You'll be surprised how just a few tweaks to your diet can help you get your Zs.

For more by Tricia Williams, click here.

For more on sleep, click here.

Erika Katz: Preventing Teens From Asking "Am I Ugly?"

2012-02-22T19:53:12Z

An alarming new trend among teens and tweens are a slew of YouTube videos they are posting of themselves titled "Am I Ugly?" This video got over 3 million hits. Notice the bevy of comments ranging from insults from kids to come-ons from pedophiles.

These children's naivete and insecurity are out there for the world to see. In this particular video, it is clear the girl is seeking compliments. She believes she is pretty and wants everyone to agree with her. But, how does a parent prevent their tween or teen from exposing themselves like this? We have seen kids harming themselves due to cyberbullying when they do not put themselves out there. Now, they are asking for the ridicule, not to mention exposing themselves to sickos that want to hurt them. As parents, how do we help them to make better choices and control some of this? Here are some of my tips that can help.

1. Parents need to learn social media

So many parents tell me they are clueless about social media, do not have a Facebook page and don't even know what Twitter is. There is no excuse for this. Parents need to educate themselves on how to use Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, and any other social media their child uses.

2. Own the passwords

Parents must have all account passwords and should monitor texts, posts, and uploaded photos and videos. Being "friends" on Facebook is not enough because they can block you. You need to be able to get into their accounts.

3. Privacy settings

If your child posts to YouTube, go to the "Info and Settings" tab, scroll down to "Comments" and check off "Allow all comments with approval only." Your email should be attached to the account so you can personally monitor the comments. For Skype, only allow calls from contacts. For Facebook, be sure your kids do not have personal information on there and only allow friends to view their pages.

4. Remove inappropriate videos from Youtube

If your child has posted an "Am I Ugly" video, remove it immediately. Ask them why they felt the need to do this, what they were looking for, and show them the dangers of it.

5. Scare your kids

Educate your kids about the evil people in the world that want to harm children. Show them these videos and point out the comments that could be from pedophiles. Also, explain to your kids, once its posted on the Internet, it is in the cyber world forever. No comment even on your private Facebook page is private. Even deleted YouTube videos can be found.

Marcia Sirota: How to Survive Being Dumped

2012-02-22T19:31:52Z

One of the worst things that can happen to a person is to be dumped. By "dumped" I mean when you're dating someone or in a relationship with them and then all of a sudden, they decide that they don't want to see you anymore.

It hurts to be rejected, and often, it makes you wonder what you did wrong. You might even begin to think that there's something unattractive or undesirable about you.

Being dumped can bring up a lot of self-doubt. You could start thinking that you're too fat or too scrawny; that you talk too much, or you're too quiet. You might imagine that you're not enough fun, or that you're not serious enough. All of these things are possible, but more than likely, the reasons that you were dumped were about the other person and not you.

There's a big difference between a breakup that's the result of a relationship that's been gradually deteriorating and a breakup that comes out of the blue. When things aren't going well with a couple, it's not such a big surprise when one person finally decides to pack it in. It might be disappointing (or perhaps a huge relief), but it's not a shock.

When someone you've been seeing suddenly ends things, however, you have to know that often the breakup is really about them. It's most likely the result of thoughts that had been rumbling around in their mind for a while. This might be a conscious process, but it's just as likely that it was all happening beneath the surface of their conscious awareness.

Understanding the mechanisms behind the sudden ending of a relationship might help you see that although no one is perfect, you don't necessarily have to blame yourself for a relationship going sour.

Of course, it always pays to look inward and ask yourself if indeed, there might have been something that you were doing that could have precipitated a breakup. If you were overly demanding, too clingy, extremely touchy, or unreasonable, these behaviours could have alienated the other person.

Other behaviours that might lead to a breakup include being too dramatic, seeing yourself as overly entitled, or being too pushy or passive. After a breakup, it's worth examining your actions so that you can learn from your mistakes and do better the next time.

If, however, you've searched your soul and can't find evidence of any off-putting behaviours, and you feel that you were warm, caring, and reasonable, you can probably rest assured that things have ended because of something to do with the other person.

So why would someone suddenly pull the plug on what seemed to be going well? Possibly, they have fears of intimacy, or maybe they don't want to be "tied down." Maybe they have unreasonable expectations of some sort of fantasy love object who'll fulfill all their co-dependency needs. Another reason might be indirectly related to you, though. The other person might see you as too smart, too competent or too capable.

They might be intimidated by your intelligence and abilities, and feel like you'll show them up. They might feel like they can't have the upper hand in a relationship with someone as clever as you. Perhaps they're a bit controlling and they realize that you're too self-confident and independent for them to be able to push you around. Maybe they're insecure and can't tolerate being around anyone as attractive and successful as you.

When the person you've been seeing can't handle who you are, dumping you is really a sign that they know that they won't be able to interact with you in the dysfunctional way they'd like to. If you've looked inside and can't see anything that you might have done to precipitate a breakup, it's highly likely that being dumped was an indication of how great you are, rather than your inadequacy.

If you want to survive being dumped, you need to stop beating yourself up. If there was something that you did that lead to the breakup, this is your opportunity to learn from your mistakes. If there was nothing that you did wrong, however, you should see that the person who dumped you has done you a favour. If they're unable to be with someone as great as you, you would have quickly discovered that they weren't someone you'd want to waste your time with, either.

Julie Blais Comeau: Sticky Situation: Keeping Your Virtual Life Clean

2012-02-22T16:53:01Z

Sticky Situation:
I am a recently divorced 52-year-old woman. After 18 years of contributing to my ex's business ventures, I am now an executive assistant for a financial analyst.

My new colleagues and some of our clients befriend each other virtually and are encouraging me to join them. I have always been very active socially but had never felt the need to maintain my relationships online.

Although at first the idea did not interest me, I now find myself seeing its merits, especially to keep in touch with my overseas friends.

I have read and heard about the good, the bad, and the ugly news stories of online activities and want to make sure that I enter the virtual world without making a faux-pas or worse yet having cyber remorse and getting into a Sticky Situation.

What are your recommendations for an oldie about to be an online newbie?

Solution:
My biggest insight into internet communication technologies is a quote from Erica Albright to "Mark Zuckerberg" in the movie The Social Network: "The internet is not written in pencil, Mark, it's written in ink."

Before you join us, the more than 50 per cent of Canadians that have a social networking profile, here are my five favorite social media guidelines:

1) Define your online friending policy

Define why you want to connect on the internet by establishing a personal policy for seeking, finding, being sought and found. What are your objectives: friending, reconnecting, networking, keeping updated, or even dating?

Your rule will be a valuable tool when deciding whom to invite, accept, ignore, or block in your network. You may even have different networks or accounts for different purposes. For example, you could only socialize professionally on LinkedIn and save Facebook for family and friends.

When setting up your account take the time to adjust your privacy settings. This is where you decide who may find you as well as who may view and contribute to your account. Here too you may differentiate access between your friends, family, and work.

2) Don't be a connection flake

To increase your chances of successful and meaningful connections, send your invitations along with personal messages. Ignoring a connection or saving it for later is acceptable. If you are not sure about a connection request, sending a message to request information about how you may be connected outside of the net is also a good idea.

On the flip side, although social networks are all about searching and connecting, don't take it personally if someone chooses not to connect with you. They may have their own personal connection policy.

Respect

R-E-S-P-E-C-T. You spelled it and learned it as the basis of socializing in kindergarten, while Aretha Franklin made it an anthem. We all deserve it even on the internet. Respect yourself foremost. Respect your brand, your image, and your values. Your virtual identity should be coherent with your contributions to the real world.

Respect others by asking permission before you post photos of them, the locations of their whereabouts, and comments they may have made in your company. Respect also applies when commenting on others' walls, tagging them in photos, and including them in any online activity requests including games.

Before doing any actions that involve others, use the K.I.N.D. acronym as your benchmark. Don't Knock anybody down, don't Insult, don't say anything Negative, and don't show or talk about anything Disgusting.

Don't drink and Internet

Remember the old phone rule about not dialing when a little tipsy? Well, ditto for contributing to your online network. Don't connect virtually when you are not in a poised frame of mind.

Don't virtually connect when drinking, jet-lagged, taking medication, mad, or even sad. When in any of the previous states and your fingers are itching to type away, keep them busy with good old-fashioned pen and paper. Write it out, wait 24 hours, and re-read before deciding to post.

Do the fridge test

Before typing or uploading a tweet, text, or pic, imagine it first on your fridge at home. Are you OK with visitors, loved ones, and family members including an eight-year-old niece and/or an 88-year-old grandfather seeing your future virtual memento? If the answer is no, don't post. If in doubt, don't do it either.

If you are OK with it, continue on to the next phase of the test. Whatever you are OK with posting on your home fridge, take it, and now mentally post it on your office fridge.

Imagine this scene: Your boss and number one client want to talk privately. The local coffee shop is packed so they've decided to hold the meeting in the staff lounge. Are you still OK with what they are about to see as they get milk for their coffees? If you are comfortable with that future contribution to cyber eternity, then log in and post. If the answer is no, count your blessings that you did not make a virtual gaffe that could have cost you your job.

In closing, I must warn you: Internet social activity can be highly addictive. Balance it out and always choose face time over screen time.

Have a Sticky Situation yourself write to julie@etiquettejulie.com and Julie will reply promptly. If you agree she will even share your Sticky Situation with our readers.

Natasha Turner, ND: Losing Your Locks? Treatment for Female Hair Loss

2012-02-22T15:23:21Z

Whether you are young or old, finding clumps of hair in your brush and the slow thinning of your luscious locks can be traumatic -- especially if you are female. Statistics reveal that it affects nearly 21 million women in the U.S. alone. The first step to determining the treatment for hair loss is to identify the cause, of which there are many. Even the pattern of hair loss can help to establish the root source. For example, women may lose hair from the crown of the head -- similar to male-pattern baldness --with an elevation of testosterone levels whereas nutritional deficiencies may cause generalized hair loss over the whole head. Let's look at a few of the possible causes and some options for proper treatment.

Losing your locks: Common Causes
Pattern baldness or permanent hair loss is simply the result of genetic programming. Increased hair shedding or temporary hair loss can be caused by a host of different reasons, including poor nutrition, genetics, imbalanced hormones, medications such as chemotherapy, radiation treatment, infections, chronic stress, and rapid weight loss, to name a few. Certain illnesses and diseases can also cause hair loss or hair shedding. Examples include anemia, low thyroid hormone levels, lupus, and sometimes cancer. In most of these cases, hair loss is not permanent.

Recommend Blood Tests
In all cases of hair loss, I think it's also important to ensure that the following blood tests are completed by your doctor:
• TSH, free T3, free T4, and thyroid antibodies to assess thyroid gland function. All should be completed to properly diagnose a thyroid condition that may result in excessive hair loss. (Note: Optimally, your TSH should be less than 2.5).
• Ferritin (This is the storage form of iron. Low iron (<70) is a very common cause of hair loss).
• Vitamin B12 and folic acid (either of these nutrients in low levels may cause hair loss).
• Copper and zinc (excess copper relative to zinc may result in hair loss).
• Dihydrotestosterone (high levels of this hormone is related to hair loss in both men and women).
• Progesterone and estradiol (low levels of estrogen may cause an increase in hair loss).
• DHEAs and cortisol (High levels of cortisol or low DHEAs may contribute to hair loss).
• Free and total testosterone (high levels of testosterone in women may accelerate hair loss).
• Biotin (a deficiency of biotin can cause progressive hair loss).

Treatment Options for Healthy Hair

1. Nutrition
Sometimes dropping weight too quickly or participating in a fad diet or extremely low carbohydrate diet that is not nutritionally sound can cause imbalances in the body, resulting in increased hair shedding. Following a healthy weight-loss program can prevent this from happening. The Hormone Diet, which is balanced in protein, carbohydrate and healthy fats may help to prevent such nutritional deficiencies.

2. Supplements
Hair problems that are caused by nutritional deficiencies may be corrected by a proper diet as well as supplements. The principal nutrients that are involved with healthy hair growth include vitamin A, certain B vitamins, the vitamin biotin, vitamin C, the minerals copper, iron, and zinc, as well as sufficient protein intake and water.

Iron: Iron's main job is to carry oxygen in the hemoglobin of red blood cells. Iron deficiency can lead to a condition called anemia and to possible hair loss or increased hair shedding. Anemia can be easily diagnosed with a blood test and is characterized by fatigue, weakness and general poor health. Anemia can be caused by more than just iron deficiency. The reference daily intake for iron is 18 mg. The recommended daily allowance of iron increases during pregnancy and breast-feeding.

Zinc: Dandruff and hair loss are both conditions associated with zinc deficiency. Zinc is a mineral that promotes cell reproduction and tissue growth and repair. Zinc also functions in the maintenance of the oil-secreting glands attached to hair follicles. The reference daily intake of zinc is 15 mg for the average adult.

Vitamin B6, B12, folic acid and biotin: All three of these B vitamins are essential to the normal formation of red blood cells or the hemoglobin (iron-containing) portion of red blood cells. The primary function of hemoglobin is to carry oxygen from the lungs to tissues in the body, including the hair. Healthy and strong hair is dependent on a constant supply of blood and oxygen. A deficiency of these B vitamins can cause reduced blood and oxygen supply to the hair, leading to increased hair shedding, damaged hair, and slow re-growth. Although uncommon, sometimes a biotin deficiency can also contribute to hair loss. The reference daily intake for biotin is 300 mcg for the average adult.

Vitamin C: A vitamin C deficiency can cause the hair to be susceptible to problematic splitting and breaking. Usually this only occurs with severe deficiency and can be reversed when vitamin C intake is increased. Vitamin C is essential to producing collagen, a connective tissue that gives structure by holding tissues in the body together, such as the tissue in hair. The reference daily intake for vitamin C is 60 mg for the average adult. People who smoke need twice as much vitamin C as non-smokers, in my opinion. Many of my patients take an increased dose of vitamin C based on individual bowel tolerance levels.

Nicole Forrester: Pick-Up Tips: 5 Steps to Making the First Move

2012-02-22T14:43:18Z

So, you notice someone from across the room. You look at them and they look right back at you. "Aren't they cute," you think and wonder if they're single. Inevitably you talk yourself out of approaching them, and you let the opportunity pass. Unbeknown to you, they were also checking you out and wishing you had approached them. But never the two shall meet and you both go your separate ways. This is guaranteed to happen at least once to everyone in their lifetime -- two eyes lock, there is a brief moment of attraction and neither party makes a move. But this doesn't have to be the case!

1. Smile. The power of a smile should never be underestimated. It is the language of happiness. A smile symbolizes youth, vitality and health. It also has the ability to be an instant magnet for attraction. It is inviting, it shows you're approachable and it is also seriously contagious. If that someone has caught your eye, smile at them. This simple action almost guarantees you a smile in a return and your invitation to approach them.

2. Approach & Make Small Talk. This is your chance to get a temperature on how interested someone is into you. So with the inviting smile, approach your person of interest and engage in a very light chat. What you want to do here is play a bit of catch and release -- be witty, ask non-intrusive questions and see if they are actually participating or blowing you off. Small talk isn't rocket science. It's all about paying attention and asking a non-probing question based on your observation. Is he drinking coffee? Is she reading a book or working on something? Is he killing time? Is she hanging out? For example, you're waiting in line and you've exchanged smiles with a girl ahead of you ordering food. Try telling her, "You look happy, what did you order?" Obviously, you should stay away from pickup lines, or being funny when you're not. Both wreak havoc and can make you seem corny... and that's definitely not attractive.

3. Introduce Yourself. If someone is responding and giving you the time of day, run with it. They're into you! So, introduce yourself. Now I know it might sound incredibly intimidating, but you really have nothing to lose. Furthermore, it shows you are assertive and confident -- very attractive qualities for most people. By not introducing yourself, you're definitely not ensuring you have a chance to get to know this person, and the worst thing anyone can ever tell you is that they aren't interested in you. Comparatively, they could also say yes, and before you know it you could be walking down the aisle with your soul mate. The returned smile is an acknowledgment and an invitation, so take it. If someone's not interested, they'll like look away and definitely not return the smile. And while you're introducing yourself, don't forget to ask their name as well.

4. Exit on a Compliment. Through your short chat, be sure to compliment and let a person know that they got your attention. Now I know this might seem very forward, but if done correctly it can place you in the winner's circle. The compliment should be genuine and maybe something the person doesn't often hear. For example if he is playing catch with you, let him know he's witty and that he's been fun, or a good sport to chat with.

5. Place the Ball in their Court. Now that you've tested the waters, played catch and exchanged introductions, you want to place the ball in their court. Asking someone for their number or email can be a little forward in a coincidental encounter. A safer approach is to give them your contact information, coupled with a compliment and an invitation to chat another time over drinks. Very smooth, inviting and attractive. If you are able to exchange business cards, that is a bonus. In that case I'd suggest following up in a day or so, reminding them of your brief encounter and your invitation for drinks.

I know approaching a person of interest may seem life threatening at times, but it really is an illusion. Often people are a lot friendlier than our imaginations allow us to believe. The sad thing is often too many guys and girls miss out! Don't be that person! In the words of the famous poet Horace, "Carpe diem!" Really seize the day and the moment, because you just never know where a friendly hello could lead you.

Your Non-Relationship Expert,

Nicole

Suleika Jaouad: 10 Ways To Help A Friend With Cancer

2012-02-22T13:30:21Z

If it takes a village to raise a child, you might say it also takes one to care for the sick. Cancer is at once personal and communal. Disease lives in the sufferer's body, but the experience of illness is shared, often intimately, by our loved ones. And yet, caring for the sick can feel like writing a travelogue about a country you've never visited. You can't know where you haven't been.

"What can I do to help?"

This is the sincere, often reflexive, response people have when they find out I have cancer. When I was diagnosed with leukemia last May at the age of 22, my boyfriend, Seamus, sprung into action as my CCO: chief caregiving officer, after my parents. As the news of my diagnosis spread, my friends, acquaintances -- and even some strangers -- formed a loving support network. It was a comforting reminder of how selfless people can be.

But while most of my friends and family would help me in a heartbeat, knowing how to help can be a daunting, even paralyzing, challenge. Over the past eight months, through seven hospitalizations and six rounds of chemotherapy, Seamus and I have sustained a running dialogue about what it means to be a caregiver and a care recipient; what it means to be in love with one another while my body's at war with itself.

This guide to helping a friend with cancer is built from parts of our many conversations on the subject of caregiving.

Say "I don't know what to say" -- A cancer diagnosis can paralyze the lines of communication between friends. Some people freeze up and don't say anything at all, while others dwell on finding the "perfect" words. If you're at a loss for words, say so. If you have a lot to say but don't know where to start, say that, too. Honesty rules. I've never felt offended by someone who doesn't know what to say, but I've felt hurt by those who don't call or write at all. Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

Be an equal opportunity listener -- Cancer is a gloomy subject -- there's no pretending otherwise. While your instinct can be to immediately steer the conversation toward the cheerful, it's vital for a cancer patient to feel comfortable venting feelings of fear, sadness, anger, loss, and isolation. One of the most important things you can do as a friend is to make it clear that you are willing to listen to both the good and the bad.

Assess the specifics -- Cancer patients are often too tired or too polite to respond to the broad question of "How can I help?" Take the lead and ask specific questions. Without being pushy, you'll find areas where you can step in: Who is going to look after them during the day? Can they prepare their own meals? What about transportation? Are there other people close to the person with cancer who also need support?

Do what you do best -- Do what comes from the heart and follow through. Please remember that the patient doesn't expect you to compose a song if you don't play an instrument. Lending a hand is easier when you play your strengths. If you love to cook, drop off a homemade dish; if you're an artist, make something to hang on the hospital room wall; and if you're an organizer, offer to gather research or to take notes during medical appointments.

Take care of yourself -- You hear it a lot: Caregivers must take good care of themselves, too. No matter how upset or stressed out you are about your friend's illness, it is critical to be selfish about your own health. Nutrition is important, especially because bad "comfort foods" beckon in times of stress. Regular exercise, even walking, is crucial for the body as well as the mind: Some of the best thinking happens when your body is in motion. Perhaps most important of all is getting enough sleep. Love does, in fact, have boundaries. You must take care of yourself to be the best ally to your friend.

"No need to write me back" -- Since my diagnosis, I've been showered with the warmth of letters, emails and cards of support. These messages, filled with love and positive energy, are my daily reminders that I'm not alone in this struggle. But finding the energy to write back can feel like a herculean task. You may be able to dissolve any potential stress for the patient by reminding him or her that there's no need to respond or write a thank-you note.

Distraction is a godsend -- While you should be careful joking about cancer (everybody's sensitivity differs), some juicy gossip, a funny joke, or a good movie can go a long way in lifting someone's spirits. Humor may feel out of place next to IV bags and bedpans, but it can be an essential counterweight to the gravity and absurdity of cancer. Don't feel like you can't be the bearer of good news. Bring magazines, music, stories and sunshine.

Get involved in the cause -- As someone who will be receiving a bone marrow transplant this spring, I am deeply moved by my friends who have signed up to become bone marrow donors or taken time to learn about my disease. Join the bone marrow registry, give blood, organize a fundraiser, or donate a sum (however small) to cancer research or an organization of your choice. It's a gesture acknowledging that cancer affects communities of strangers as well as the people you know.

"It's time for me to go" -- Long visits don't necessarily mean better ones. Visits needn't be rushed, but please keep in mind that the sick person doesn't have the same energy level as you do. Be attentive to signs that the patient needs to rest.

"I love you" -- If there's ever a time to tell a friend or family member how much you care about them, this is it.

Our dialogue is always continuing. What are your tips for helping loved ones who are ill?

Suleika Jaouad writes a regular blog at Secrets of Cancerhood. This post is a follow-up to her last entry, "10 Things Not to Say to a Cancer Patient." You can follow her on Twitter here.

Seamus McKiernan is an associate blog editor at The Huffington Post.

For more by Suleika Jaouad, click here.

For more on cancer, click here.

Julia Landauer: Life Lessons Learned Early: Fess Up When You Mess Up

2012-02-22T13:30:19Z

Racing go-karts started out as a family hobby. What I didn't realize at first is that it is a training ground for life. I learned critical lessons before I hit puberty. Some lessons were excruciatingly difficult to accept and internalize. Others were extremely liberating. I will share them over my next several blogs.

Lesson #1: Fess Up When You Mess Up

In my rookie season at age 10, I started a race in fifth position. The drivers in front of me were all awe-inspiring champions (and all boys, but that didn't matter to me) who had been racing for years. Second and third place crashed in front of me. I made a few passes. All of the sudden I was in first!

The next two laps were exhilarating and terrifying. When the more experienced drivers caught up to me I tried going faster into turn six than normal. The kart wasn't turning fast enough so I turned more. Next thing I knew I was facing the wrong direction. I blew it and spun! I finished ninth.

I initially maintained composure when I got off the track. Shortly afterward I lost it. I was angry! I blamed my dad for telling me to try that move. His eyes grew infuriated. His mouth was tight.

He pointed at me and assertively jabbed me in the shoulder. Very colorful words left his mouth implying that it was my fault. He elaborated, "You were driving, not me. You made all the decisions on the track and you were the one who got flustered. NEVER, EVER blame anyone else for your mistakes."

I was flabbergasted.

But I also knew he was right. We had a lot of "debriefs" that night regarding my behavior. I went on to receive "Rookie of the Year" honors that season.

I was 11 when I entered the last race of the next season. I started in first place. I told my parents the kart was great and that I didn't want anything changed. It handled exactly the way I wanted during qualifying and I set the pole position. I knew I was going to destroy the competition.

The second place driver edged by me at the start of the race. I immediately saw red. I assumed the kart wasn't the same as before! My anger took over. How could my parents change the kart after I wanted it the same? They made me slower!

When the checkered flag waved I finished fourth in a race I expected to win. I pulled into the pits and turned off my kart. I lifted the front of the kart onto the stand as my dad lifted the rear. I trudged to the trailer, leaving my dad to push the kart back.

"You set it up wrong! I wanted it the same as before and you..." I knew I had made a terrible mistake. Just as with the year before, anger absorbed my dad's eyes.

I had done it again. I made the wrong decision for kart setup (I should have asked them to change it), then blamed others when I was the one with the wailing emotions and lack of composure. I should have admitted my error in judgment. I should have taken a deep breath. I should have focused on hitting perfect marks from there on out.

Worse still, I didn't own up to my responsibility. If I had, everyone would have accepted this race as a learning experience. Instead everyone was furious with me for unfairly blaming them.

That season I was named "Most Improved Driver" of the year. I felt that my biggest improvement, however, occurred the next year.

I took ownership of my performance during the season when I was 12. If the kart wasn't perfect, I made up for it with my driving. In one race I made contact with a kart going into turn one. We both damaged the front-end alignment. During another the air temperature heated up, making the track's surface oilier and therefore less grippy. I slid around the track. Bad things happen.

The team confers with the driver to set up the vehicle. But once the green flag is thrown everything depends on the driver. No matter what the cause of the imperfect vehicle is during a race, it is the driver's job to change his or her driving style to make the vehicle work. A true champion manipulates his or her equipment to win.

I was the track champion that year.

I couldn't have learned Lesson #1 without experiencing it. I had to grow up and acknowledge my mistakes. It was really hard! But it let me advance faster, with less baggage. I had to shelve my emotions when they interfered with my job. I had to assess my situation and improvise in my actions. It felt good to take control. It feels good to still be in control.

My ego didn't like admitting my mistakes. It still doesn't! It's embarrassing. I don't like being wrong. It's always easier to blame other people. In the long run, however, I know I am much better off having learned Lesson #1.

Now I always try to fess up when I mess up.

For more by Julia Landauer, click here.

For more on mindfulness, click here.

Tiphani N. Montgomery: How To Be Amazing When You Stink At Everything

2012-02-22T13:30:15Z

There was once a time in my life where I sucked at everything (yeah, I know... hard to believe!). I was in my early 20s and unsure of the world and all the broken promises life handed me. I was a freshman in college for three years straight and every job I got fired me. I was also a single mom (since my teenage years), and I was failing my daughter miserably.

For every dream that I was passionate about, there was always someone who shot it down as a hobby or tried their best to convince me of how unrealistic it was, and I started to believe what "they" were telling me. That I was going to fail. And because I was already failing, I figured that this had to be true!

That's when I heard it. A voice that whispered in my heart and screamed into my ears:

TIPHANI, YOU ARE AH-MAZZZZING!

I heard that voice and instantly believed!

The fact was I wasn't amazing because of my accolades. I had none. I wasn't amazing because I had tons of money. I was broke. I was amazing because God meticulously picked me and made me perfect. I was perfect and amazing because I existed, and that fact alone made me worthy.

I did some reevaluating of my life and realized that the reason I was failing at everything I touched was because it wasn't in my destiny to do them. I found that I had to force myself to work jobs everyone else told me I'd be good at. Stuffing myself in the same box that the people who didn't believe in me stuffed me in. I was trying to be something that I wasn't to please people who didn't give a $@!* about me anyway.

So I made the decision to live my life according to what was going to make ME the happiest.

One of my passions (and gifts) was to write, and I had a "crazy" dream to be an Essence Magazine Best Selling Author (side note: "crazy" = 1.7 gpa in high school and a 0.0 gpa in college... and yes, I actually attended class *sighs*). What did I make of that dream? I'm an Essence Magazine Best Selling Author. Seven times over. And I did it when everyone said I couldn't.

I went on to start other businesses and have done well for myself.

So here are some tips on how to be amazing when you suck at everything!

You know you're right. Release the urge to prove it.

Stupid people will gang up on you in mass numbers, trying to convince you that your dreams shouldn't be your dreams and for a slight second, you may argue with them.

But it's pointless.

They don't see your vision. Never have. Never will. And your intense desire to try and prove them wrong through words will only make you look stupid, like them. So starting today, don't tell anyone else about your plans to quit school or your 9-5 to pursue your career as a celebrity wardrobe stylist.

Just do it, knowing you've made the right decision all along.

Get rid of everything that's not useful, beautiful, or joyful.

Misery loves company, and you'd be surprised at how many people you entertain in your "circle" daily who are suffering from a severe case of misery! You cannot be amazing around bitter people. Period. They will steal your happiness and suck the joy right out of your soul every time. Let them go and shine!

Follow your heart.

Your heart never lies. You just choose to ignore it and then believe what everyone else says about you.

Today, make the decision to trust your gut and do whatever it takes to make you happy!

For more by Tiphani N. Montgomery, click here.

For more on happiness, click here.

Miriam E. Nelson, Ph.D.: The Social Network Diet: Why You Really Are The Company You Keep

2012-02-22T01:00:38Z

For decades we've been told that our creeping overweight and lack of physical activity is our fault -- that we lack self-discipline, that we're lazy, that we're self-indulgent. With such an accusatory finger pointed at us, it's no wonder we despair. But is our overweight and unhealthy lifestyle really our own fault? Do we simply lack willpower? Are we just lazy overeaters?

As a researcher in this field, my answer is, "I don't think so." I believe that our physical and social environment is the key to a healthy body weight. In my 10th and newest book, The Social Network Diet: Change Yourself, Change the World, I outline this concept.

Take Martha. At the age of 51, Martha's weight had ballooned to a high of 210 pounds. She was living in Atlanta at the time, a city with serious obstacles to healthy living -- among them, roads made for driving, not walking, and a tradition of heavy southern cooking. Many of Martha's Atlanta friends were also overweight. "I had pretty much given up on exercising," she told me. Then, in 2009, Martha moved to Denver. There she found an environment more conducive to physical activity and good nutrition, as well as a network of friends with an active, healthy lifestyle. A little over a year later, she had lost 53 pounds, was walking regularly with her new friends, joining a neighbor for spinning classes at the local recreation center, and eating better than she ever had.

As Martha's story suggests, our food intake and physical activity are not matters of simple willpower. New research backs this up. Study after study suggests that the crisis we're facing as individuals and as a nation is only minimally caused by our own poor choices -- it is primarily a reflection of our surroundings, both our social and our physical environments.

In other words, it's not you; it's the company you keep and your surroundings.

Only recently have we become aware of just how tight the relationship is between people and their environment. This concept, known as the socioecological model, recognizes that our behavior is shaped to a large extent by forces outside of our control, in our social and physical surroundings. A slew of factors beyond willpower affect our health and health-related behavior, from our genes, to our family dynamics, social ties, and the place we live.

Habits are hard to change. But when your environment changes, so do your habits. The point is this: To make healthy living easier, we need to create an environment that supports our health rather than sabotaging it. Fortunately, we now have the tools to do so -- key among them, social networks.

When we hear the term "social network" these days, we tend to think of online networks. But social networks are as old as humankind itself. They are defined simply as groups of people and the connections between them. Social networks are complex, powerful entities that shape our thoughts and habits and can function either to our detriment or to our advantage. For years, we've known that social networks influence who smokes, who drinks, who contracts sexually transmitted diseases, and even people's happiness. Now we understand that they can also have a profound influence -- either positive or negative -- on our body weight and physical activity levels.

A study that was just published in the journal Obesity provides further evidence of the power of social networks for losing weight. Colleagues at Miriam Hospital at Brown University analyzed the results from the "Shape Up Rhode Island" public health campaign. The campaign consisted of an intensive 12-week statewide weight loss competition. Through aggressive outreach, overweight and obese individuals were invited to join a team. In the end there were 3,330 individuals assigned to 987 teams that consisted of five to 11 members. They were all given support to eat more healthfully, exercise more, and monitor their progress. The teams were encouraged to compete against each other. The results of the study were fascinating. Teammates significantly influenced each other's weight loss. On average, teammates achieved similar weight loss within teams. And participants who said that their fellow teammates played a significant role in their success lost the most amount of weight. Those individuals who reported a strong social influence lost the most weight. In short, the teams that developed strong social networks lost the most amount of weight as a team and as individuals.

Miriam E. Nelson, Ph.D., is a leading nutrition, physical activity, and health researcher and New York Times best selling author. Her latest book, written with Jennifer Ackerman, is The Social Network Diet: Change Yourself, Change the World (FastPencil 2012). Visit Dr. Nelson on www.StrongWomen.com

For more by Miriam E. Nelson, Ph.D., click here.

For more on diet and nutrition, click here.

Jessica Pearce Rotondi: The Outrageous Things Advertisers Think Women Want From Their Gyms

2012-02-22T00:03:44Z

For most of us, visiting the gym is pretty straight forward; we work out, shower (if we're cool with the all-in-one shampoo and conditioner) and move on with our lives, hopefully feeling a bit fitter , or at least less guilty about shelling out close to $100 dollars a month on the membership "deal" we were talked into in January.

But to look at some recent advertisements for gym memberships, you'd think there was much more to it, especially for women. In the latest bizarre gym ad, Orange Fitness, a Russian fitness chain, shows us a woman cracking a chestnut between her muscular buttocks -- and then eating it. The implications of a backside so firm it can crack nuts needs no further exploration here (I'll stick to shelling pistachios by hand, thank you very much), but is a woman in lingerie combined with relatively gross butt humor the best ways to market a gym membership to women?

Orange Fitness isn't the first gym to try to coax women through the door by making exaggerated claims about what a gym membership can do for you. The gym ads below promise everything from a "happily ever after" ending to "brainpower."

Considering that a January 2012 poll by Total Beauty, a beauty and lifestyle site, found that 79 percent of women don't have a gym membership, maybe it's time to look for other strategies?

SLIDESHOW: What Women Want From Their Gym -- According To Advertisers

EatingWell: 7 Unexpected Uses For Your Microwave

2012-02-21T22:40:35Z

By Hilary Meyer, Associate Food Editor, EatingWell Magazine

Chances are you have a microwave sitting somewhere in your kitchen. They've gotten smaller over the years, but even the most svelte version takes up precious real estate. It's time to put that baby to work.

Here are seven unexpected uses for your microwave (and scroll below slideshow for homemade potato chip recipe):

Microwave Potato Chips
Active time: 30 minutes | Total: 30 minutes | To make ahead: Store in an airtight container for up to 3 days.

You don't need a deep fryer to make crispy potato chips. We toss thinly sliced potatoes with just a touch of olive oil, pop them in the microwave and voila! Crispy, crunchy homemade potato chips with eight grams less fat per serving than regular chips.

1 1/3 pounds Yukon Gold or red potatoes, unpeeled, scrubbed
2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil
1/2 teaspoon salt

1. Slice potatoes into thin (1/8-inch) rounds. Toss the slices in a medium bowl with oil and salt to coat evenly.

2. Coat a large microwave-proof plate with cooking spray. Arrange some potato slices in a single layer on the plate. Microwave, uncovered, on High until some slices start to brown, 2 to 3 minutes (depending on potato thickness and microwave power). Turn the slices over and continue microwaving until they start to crisp and brown around the edges, 2 to 4 minutes more. Check frequently and rearrange slices as needed to prevent scorching. Transfer the chips to another plate and allow to cool completely. (They will crisp more as they cool.) Repeat with the remaining potato slices.

Makes 4 servings, 12-14 chips each.
Per serving: 141 calories; 2 g fat (0 g sat, 2 g mono); 0 mg cholesterol; 26 g carbohydrate; 3 g protein; 2 g fiber; 291 mg sodium; 807 mg potassium.

How do you use your microwave?

By Hilary Meyer, EatingWell Associate Food Editor

EatingWell Associate Food Editor Hilary Meyer spends much of her time in the EatingWell Test Kitchen, testing and developing healthy recipes. She is a graduate of New England Culinary Institute.

More from EatingWell:

Rose Reisman: "Liquid Candy" -- Calories Add Up in Beverages

2012-02-21T18:48:16Z

When we think about extra calories and fat, we never believe that "liquid food" -- the beverages we consume -- can be a hidden culprit in the battle of the bulge, as well as a precursor to chronic diseases such as obesity, type 2 diabetes, heart and stroke disease and certain cancers. I'm talking about anything you drink except for good old H2O! Juices, including pure ones and those sweetened chemically or with added sugar; coffee beverages with cream, higher fat milk, sugar, sweet syrups and whipped cream; soft drinks with loads of sugar or sweeteners; smoothies; sports drinks; energy drinks or vitamin waters and any form of alcohol. That's a lot of food, or shall I say beverages, to keep control of. Most days we all consume beverages of some sort.

Marlith / Wikimedia Commons

Now I'm not saying to stay "dry" all your life, but definitely try to be more particular and treat your body better.

In the morning there's nothing wrong with a coffee, cappuccino or café latte. But ordering it with cream, extra sugar, whipped cream, chocolate or sweet syrups will greatly increase the calories, fat and sugar. You're no longer just having a coffee, you're having a dessert for breakfast. For example the White Mocha at Second Cup comes in at 460 calories, 24 grams of fat and 43 grams of sugar, which equals over 10 tsp of sugar! That's one-third of your daily calories and fat. If you like your coffee beverages. then enjoy them, but order with lower fat milk and "sans" whipped cream! You've just cut out 100 calories right there.

BGSK

Juices, even if pure without added sugar, also pack on the calories. A glass of orange, apple or grape juice is over 100 calories. Have a couple of those daily and by the end of a year you could have just added an extra 21 pounds to your body!

Or think of how easy it would be to lose 21 pounds if you eliminated the juices! If weight is not the issue, you're better off eating your food rather than drinking. An apple, orange or bunch of grapes not only fills you longer than the juice but contains more nutrients.

How about those nutritious smoothies made from fruit, juice or frozen yogurt? At Orange Julius, the Cool Mocha Julius consists of a coffee concentrate, chocolate drink base, non-fat dried milk powder and smoothie booster ice sweetener, whatever that is! Not so cool coming in at 880 calories, 18 grams of fat and 131 grams of sugar, which equals 33 tsp of sugar! You're almost done for the day! You'd be better off with the premium fruit smoothies consisting of a blend of real fruits and some low-fat frozen yogurt.

Next time you're going to indulge in some liquid calories. Keep this in mind.

Beverages don't fill you the same as food.
Avoid those drinks containing high-fructose corn syrup which increases obesity more than sugar. You'll find them in many soft drinks, fruit juice cocktails and sports drinks.
Avoid sugar sweeteners, which are now being linked to increased obesity. They can increase your desire for more sugar-based foods.

www.rosereisman.com
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Barbara Sibbald: Finding the Perfect Mate

2012-02-21T18:01:17Z

Before You Begin
If I had to give only one piece of advice it would be, quite simply, don't expect to have all your needs met by one person.

This sounds like a variation on the platitude "Don't put all your eggs in one basket," but this tendency is often the biggest stumbling block to finding a healthy love relationship -- and keeping it. Women are particularly prone to a sort of monomania about romantic love, with a melody of Cinderella "happily ever after" stuck on an endless loop in their heads.

Cinderella is a fairy tale.

You will still need your friends, your family, your work colleagues. Each point of attachment -- whether family, friends, or acquaintances -- helps you to meet a different physical, social, intellectual, emotional, or spiritual need. These needs vary, but may include, for example, a book buddy, lover, confidante, film friend, professional colleague, work-out companion, etcetera. And finally, often principally, we fulfill ourselves through self-love that allows us to acknowledge our weaknesses, celebrate our successes, and be gentle with ourselves.

Ideally, our life partner should fulfill up to 30 per cent of our core needs, which vary according to the individual, but may include the need for security, sexuality, affection, and physical contact. The bottom line is that you have to take responsibility for meeting all of your needs by identifying them and then determining how they can best be met by others and by yourself.

Don't confuse needs with values such as trustworthiness, honesty, and political leaning. Shared values matter more than anything else -- and are the most reliable predictors of eventual success, or failure of your relationship.

Of course, such considerations are pragmatic and unemotional -- while dating is not. One study found that people go into dating with an idée fixe about what constitutes the perfect partner, but all that goes out the window when they meet the "right" stranger. In other words, despite methodical plotting, we still follow our hearts and hormones -- at least initially...

Dating for All the Right Reasons
With apologies to William Carlos Williams, so much depends on the first date. After "the ask," which is in itself a minefield, our egos and libidos run amok before the first date. No one can really prepare you for the specifics of the encounter -- that is part of your personal growth -- but I do have two pieces of advice: go slowly and think before you unzip. Imagine introducing your date to your most trusted friend. What would he or she say?

People often try too hard to meet that perfect someone. More often than not, it's a question of being who you are, only more so. Invest your time in yourself, in following the passions that you hold dearest: dance, music, theatre, literature. But get out there, go to events, get on invitation lists. You'll meet like-minded people who may share more than your passion for something; they may well share your politics, your philosophy. Socialize mindfully at these events. Have fun, but keep your radar tuned.

Burdened with these heavy expectations of romantic love, it's hardly any wonder people have difficulty connecting. We are so worried about whether Trevor or Tanya will make the mark, whether they'll be able to come through with all the goods (impossible!), that we spend our time obsessively assessing them (too tall, linear, old, poor, etc.).

Dates become auditions; second dates, the call back. We miss out on the best part: the uncertainty, the flirting, the unexpected playfulness, and fun of romantic love. Surprise yourself.

Barbara Sibbald (www.barbarasibbald.com) is a two-time novelist, editor at a leading health journal, and an award-winning freelance journalist. The above is an excerpt from The Book of Love: Guidance in Affairs of the Heart, a novel (General Store Publishing House), soon to be released in e-book format.

Mairlyn Smith: A Letter From Your Heart

2012-02-21T17:27:22Z

Dear (insert your name here),

Are you trying to kill me?

I'm beating over 100,000 times every single day to keep all systems going. I don't want to brag or anything, but without me you'd be dead. OK, I'll admit the brain is helpful but it has such a huge ego -- and I'm the one doing all of the work. I'm just not getting any respect.

You try pumping 1,900 gallons (7,200 L) of blood everyday and see how you do when all you're running on is a cup of coffee. Feed me! I need some energy.

The junk you do keep feeding me is clogging up my arteries and it's getting really hard to pump all of that blood around all of that guck. You call it plaque, I call it 911.

Eat more beans -- get over the farting thing and just eat them -- I love how they help me work more efficiently. Google Beano. It'll help you through those first couple of bean eating weeks.

Barley? Hello! Love it! Not only does it lower the cholesterol clogging me up it helps your GI (gastrointestinal tract).

Apples? One a day please! As a matter of fact, any food that's a source of soluble fibre is on my best friend list. So that goes for barley, peas, lentils, strawberries, beans, oats and oat bran. Feed me these beauties and keep my pipes clean. White fleshed fruits and veggies kick some royal plaque butt too. Pears, cucumbers, cauliflower -- aces!

Say bye-bye to white bread, white pasta, and white rice and a big howdy-do to whole grains like whole grain, whole wheat bread, whole grain pasta, and brown rice. Quinoa? It isn't a grain, it's a seed, but I love it too.

Fish? Salmon may be my favourite, but I love anchovies and other fatty fish -- those omega-3 fatty acids make me very happy.

Please let's stop snarfing down fast food. Would it kill you to eat some veggies? As a matter of fact, it could if you don't. I'm not playing hard ball here, just letting you in on the facts.

I've sent warnings. That rise in blood pressure, the breathless feeling you get after walking up the stairs, the whole tingling thing in your left arm; but so far nothing. Do not make me smite you.

How about riding a bike instead of the couch? Take me for a walk. Buy a dog and it's a two for one. Walk the dog, walk me and get unconditional doggie love to boot -- helps with my stress levels. Tai chi, yoga, meditation, or just remembering to take big deep breaths throughout the day helps my stress levels, too.

I just don't know how much longer I can keep doing my bit if you don't come on board. You need to try a little harder. Who am I kidding? You need to try a lot harder. Let's focus and make death wait!

Love,

Your Heart.

P.S. Now go for a walk!