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Carolyn Rubenstein: Five Steps to an Organized (and Joyful) Holiday Season

2009-11-12T04:59:58Z

The holiday season has officially begun - bringing with it a traditional mix of feelings that range from excitement to misery. When you think about the holidays, do you focus on the positive events that give the season its unique flavor or do you feel paralyzed by the innumerable things you need to do? I counted myself among that latter group until I met and began working with Aby Garvey, a professional organizer and co-owner of Simplify101.

Aby has shared her advice with individuals worldwide through her incredibly popular online organizing workshops - and even on Rachael Ray's popular website! I knew I had to ask her to share her tips with Huffington Post readers before the holiday season became ... well... not as joyful as it should be.

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Before I turn the post over to Aby, I am thrilled to share some exciting news! Aby and her Simplify101 co-owner and husband, Jay, have recently been nominated as finalists for the Best Organizing Website or Blog in the Los Angeles Organizing Awards. This event celebrates and honors the best of the organizing industry.

I'll try not to get too sappy by writing volumes about why I believe Aby deserves this award. Still, I must say that Aby is one of those rare individuals who radiates positivity in all that she does. She works feverishly to help others change their lives, including my own. I would be so grateful if you would vote for Simplify101 online (it takes less than a minute)! For instructions on how to vote, please check out this blog post.

Five Steps to an Organized (and Joyful) Holiday Season 
Aby Garvey  

The holiday season is an interesting time of year. First, there is an expectation that you will feel joyful. Just look at all of those happy people in the T.V. commercials and you'll see what I mean. Certainly there's nothing wrong with being happy during the holiday season. But this idea that, during the holidays, you should be happier than ever happens at the time of year when you're busier than ever. Your already mile-long to-do list gets inundated with a host of extra projects and tasks: send out holiday cards, buy gifts, wrap gifts, redecorate your home, make fancy meals, attend more social events this month than the rest of the year combined, and do it all with a smile on your face. Now, if being super busy makes you blissfully happy, then you're all set. But if you're already feeling stretched thin (and not feeling too joyful about it), then it's time to step back and use a few organizing strategies to make a new plan.   

Step 1: Know your priorities. Before the season arrives, have a little chat with yourself and your loved ones. What's most important to you this time of year? What are your priorities? For my family, spending time together is the number one priority. Everything else, while nice, pales in comparison to just being together. This means that when I'm tempted to overdo it on decorating (or any other holiday to-do), it's time to step back and simplify. Then, I can redirect the time I would have spent going overboard on decorating, gift wrapping, etc., back to just being together with my kids and husband.   

We also decide at the start of the season which activities are most important to do together. Each year the number one pick is cutting down a fresh tree. This means that even though it would be quicker and simpler to go to a local tree lot, the Christmas fresh-cut tree "hunt" is given top priority. I can simplify other tasks--perhaps taking store-bought appetizers to the progressive dinner instead of cooking from scratch--but other tasks and activities will be fit in around cutting down the tree.   

Step 2: Delete any task you can. If your schedule is already jam-packed with obligations and to-dos, now is the time to renegotiate your schedule with yourself and others. Take a look at your ongoing tasks and activities, and see what can be eliminated or deferred until after the holidays. For example, can you slow down on your committee work until January? Next, take a look at your holiday to-do list, and decide if anything can be removed. While talking to your family about what's most important to them, ask them which tasks and activities they aren't interested in doing anymore, or even just this year. Scratch those activities from your to-do list and smile, knowing you just created some breathing room.   

Step 3: Let go of perfection. The holidays bring with them the desire to do everything perfectly. Wouldn't you just love to have a perfectly decorated home, and to give the just-right gift to each person on your list? Of course you would, and I would, too. In and of itself, there's absolutely nothing wrong with this desire. The trouble is that to-do list of yours (and mine!). If your schedule is already full, it can be really tough to attempt a perfect holiday and still feel joyful. So, decide which activities are really important to go all out on (notice I didn't say "do perfectly") and then decide which tasks simply need to get done. Letting go of the desire for perfection will not only save you time, but you'll feel better, too. "Done" is better than "perfect," and easier, too.  

Step 4: Simplify or delegate tasks you don't enjoy. Not every task on your holiday to-do list is enjoyable. Some things you love to do, and others are an energy drain. If you don't enjoy doing a task, look for ways to simplify it, if it's not possible to delete it from your list entirely. For example, I don't enjoy the process of sending holiday cards. I love the idea of sending holiday wishes to friends and loved ones, but the act of taking the holiday card photo, printing the photo, filling out the cards, addressing and stamping the envelopes, and so on, makes me feel quite grinch-like.

When you encounter a grinch-inducing must-do task on your holiday to-do list, look for ways to simplify the task, if you simply cannot cross it off your list. One great way to simplify a task is to ask loved ones to pitch in. Get your kids in on the holiday card project by having them stamp the envelopes and lick them shut. Or, if you don't enjoy cooking, recognize that this isn't going to change simply because it's the holiday season! Instead, opt for super-simple dishes or store-bought items, and invest your time and energy in the holiday tasks you love to do.   

Step 5: Keep your eye on the prize. The prize isn't January, by the way. The true prize is simply creating enough space so that you can be able to truly enjoy the time between now and January. Change the rules so that this time of year works for you. And continually monitor how you're feeling. If you're feeling good, you're on the right path. If you're feeling stressed and harried, step back and reevaluate. At the end of the day, the real prize (and my wish for you) is a joyful holiday season.  

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Note from Carolyn: The opinions expressed in this post (and all of my posts) are my own. I will never accept any payment for my personal endorsement.

With that said, remember to cast your vote!

"Happiness Is" Film Says Giving Is The Way To Contentment

2009-11-12T03:37:31Z

In 2006, documentary filmmaker Andrew Shapter was on a tour promoting his first film, "Before the Music Dies" when someone asked him what he planned to do next.

Shapter laughed. He had quit his 20-year fashion photography career to look for more meaning in his life, and this film and subsequent tour had taken over all of his time.

"The next subject I do for a movie, I'll have to live with it the rest of my life, so it better make me happy," Shapter had joked.

But then Shapter got to thinking. Had anyone really done a documentary on what makes people happy? He knew there were movies that showed people overcoming obstacles or instructional videos on how to change your life to be happier. But had anyone investigated how Americans choose to find happiness in their own lives?

The Declaration of Independence has endowed us with "certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

But Shapter wanted to know what that last bit, "the pursuit of Happiness" really means in America today. How are people pursuing happiness in their own lives? Is happiness really something, as humans, we can actively pursue? So he and a small crew piled into an RV, and over the course of the next three years, drove across America to find out.

"I asked people, 'what is it that makes you happy, what is your pursuit of happiness and how do you achieve it?' I looked for people that are really satisfied with what they are doing in their lives," Shapter said.

"The more I went around and had these soul-searching conversations, I realized the people who were happiest were those who tried to make their community better. Those were the happiest people around."

Shapter's new movie "Happiness Is" documents his journey and the people he found along the way who believe they have found a way to pursue happiness. Shapter also interviews celebrities and leaders -- the Dalai Lama and Willie Nelson both make brief appearances in the movie.

But most of the documentary is dedicated to happenstance; recorded moments where the filmmaker and his crew stumble upon scenes where people are celebrating the act of giving back.

Shapter provided us an exclusive clip of one motorcycle gang's pursuit of happiness he discovered while stopping for gas:

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Making this movie, Shapter said, has affected his life in significant ways. "I don't have an agenda, there are no political issues. It's about a common bond to help people out -- there's no call to government action, just a call to stop what you're doing, get off your butt and help somebody. You'll have a better day. My life is a lot happier now that we're touring this film and motivating people to get up and help in their own neighborhood."

Like the film, the screening tour is a bit unconventional: Shapter plans screenings across the country at venues provided by nonprofits in need. Then, he donates all the ticket proceeds to benefit the charity that hosts the screening. Production and tour costs are paid for through the purchase of DVDs and downloads, available at the screenings and on the film's online store.

At the very first screening, "Happiness Is" raised $10,000 for CapCityKids in Austin, Texas.

"I plan on touring this film as long as people need it, as long as benefits need to happen," Shapter said. "I don't see an end to this. I hope that nonprofits that are hurting will get a venue and bring people together to raise awareness and money. It's a long journey."

"Happiness Is" has screenings scheduled all around the country. You can find one near you on their interactive map.

You can also visit the site to learn more about hosting a screening and the nonprofits the tour already supports.

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Reproductive Justice: Conservative Catholic College Rejects Birth Control

2009-11-12T01:45:58Z

Despite the fact that Belmont Abbey College argued in court that it was a secular institution in order to receive state funds, it recently removed birth control from its employee health care plan. Their reason? The Catholic Church is opposed to contraception. In that case, why does Belmont Abbey College lease land to a Walmart that sells Plan B (aka "the morning after pill"), which is a known abortifacient?

Employees of the college are afraid they'll lose their jobs if they protest the sudden change in health care policy. Yet eight professors appealed to the federal Equal Employment Opportunity Commission with a claim of discrimination. And the federal commission agreed that the college had discriminated against women. Now the Catholic school claims it will close its doors before returning birth control to the health care plan. The college is using the controversy as evidence of a liberal conspiracy to restrict religious freedom in America.

Video report from Belmont NC, by Hunter Stuart and STV Productions

One of the eight professors who protested the removal of birth control from the health care plan shares his experience:

I do not see this as a religious issue but rather one of gender discrimination. The college prescription plan covers the health problems that men have, such as prostate trouble and, to be fair, it should also cover those unique to women, among them birth control pills. That is required by the civil rights act which requires that we treat all races, genders, religions, etc. in the same manner. That is what we are trying to promote. We are not in conflict with the anti-abortion movement: good contraception means fewer abortions.

A small minority of Catholics, (by all polls less than 10 %), have a problem with contraception.

The college advertised itself as an equal opportunity employer and freely accepted funding that was not available to religious institutions. In fact, the college actually went to the federal court of appeals arguing that it was not religious in order to obtain state funding. You can read the case yourself in any law library or lawyer's office at 429 F. Supp 871. Does a truly religious institution deny that it is religious to obtain money?

The appropriate committees formed ideas regarding how the benefits could be restored without offending Catholic sensibilities but found that the administration would not discuss the matter with them. In the exact words of the college president: "consultation was not an option." The college's position was basically that they would not ever change their mind but you could come at any time so they could tell you why you were wrong.

Nobody questions the right of the college to promote its religious beliefs, only its practices which affect others. The law makes a distinction between religious beliefs which are absolutely protected and religious practices which are often regulated when they affect others, as the college's practice does here. The regulation of practices is necessary: there are people who believe in human sacrifice or ritual child abuse.

Forcing us to abide by a Catholic approved health plan makes no more sense than prohibiting a Catholic plumber from eating a pork sandwich for lunch if he works at a Jewish hospital. It would be an ugly world if an employer is allowed to impose religious practices on employees who do not share the employer's views. A business owned by a Jehovah's witness might not allow blood transfusions in the health plan. A business owned by a Muslim might require the employees to face Mecca at prayer time. I could go on, but you can see that it is best to let each employee decide for himself or herself, freely and without coercion, how to practice religion. If the law requires that an employer offer contraceptive benefits, that law should apply to all employers. Of course Orthodox Catholics may decline to use the contraception benefit, but that is the true application of religious freedom.

The college's position would be more credible if it were consistent. I note that Belmont Abbey has upon its premises, and collects rent from, two pharmacies which sell contraceptive products including emergency contraception. Why didn't they put a clause in the lease that these activities were forbidden? If one makes money from the event, it's right, but if one has to help pay for the event it's wrong?

If health issues unique to men were not covered and health issue unique to women were not covered the college would not be discriminating and I would have no complaint. The problem is picking and choosing among them.

I have had bosses who are Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Orthodox Christian, Protestant, Wankan Tanka, and even some with the strange name "Presbyterian" in countries ranging from the Baltics, Balkans, Central Europe, Latin America, and Asia as well as several in the USA. Nobody ever tried to force me to accept their practices before Belmont Abbey. Not once. Not in any place. Not any religion. This action is the very face of intolerance. They are saying: "If you won't adopt our religious practices you are not welcome here, period." Being unwelcome I left, the first time in a long career that I did not leave an employer on cordial terms.

President Thierfelder believes that the college's Catholic identity depends on its being allowed to deny the standard of care to women. Apparently a curriculum based on the best that the Catholic intellectual tradition has to offer and a relentless pursuit to "find God in all things" counts for little or nothing in this regard. What a sad commentary that is on the state of Catholic higher education!

By David Neipert, author, attorney, senior Fulbright scholar in law, and former associate professor of international business at Belmont Abbey College.

Originally published on rhrealitycheck.org.

Neil Zevnik: Mayan Treasure: The Delights of Quinoa

2009-11-12T01:03:17Z

Imagine you are a Mayan Indian, living at dizzying heights in the Andes Mountains more than 6000 years ago. Your entire culture is built around "The Mother Grain", a life-giving seed delivered from the heavens by a sacred bird. Your God-King uses a golden staff to plant the first seed every spring, and your warriors consume it to increase their endurance and spiritual awareness. It is your primary food, the linchpin of your entire society, and your connection to the Gods - you offer annual ritual sacrifices for the success of this all-important harvest.

And then, the Spaniards descend upon your civilization and eradicate all trace of this wondrous seed, instead forcing you to grow corn. Your crops are destroyed, your Gods disavowed, your world crumbles. And quinoa, that fabled foodstuff, tragically disappears from view for many millennia.

Fast-forward to the 1980's, high in the Colorado Rockies, where a pair of Americans who studied spirituality in the Bolivian Andes once more initiated the significant cultivation of quinoa, for the first time since the Incas were wiped from the face of the earth. Subsequently, the United Nations declared this obscure plant to be a Super-food with a protein value equal to that of milk, and NASA placed it high on its list of possible foods for long-duration manned spaceflights.

What's the Fuss?

Historically, quinoa had a multitude of uses beyond its culinary status. It was employed as a compress for bruises and as a diuretic, as well as to induce vomiting. The Indians used it to treat liver and urinary tract problems, tuberculosis, appendicitis, and altitude and motion sickness.

But the true overwhelming value of this ancient pseudo-grain lies in the fact that it is a complete protein. Unlike "true" grains like wheat and oats, this seed of a leafy plant related to spinach and tumbleweed contains all nine essential amino acids for protein utilization, thus making it a unique non-animal protein source. Vegans everywhere should rejoice at the re-discovery of this amazing food!

Quinoa offers an especially generous dose of the amino acid lysine, which is essential for tissue growth and repair. And significant amounts of magnesium and riboflavin make quinoa particularly valuable to sufferers of migraines and atherosclerosis, as they help relax blood vessels and improve energy production within cells. Like all whole-grain high-fiber foods it provides a wide array of health benefits, such as reducing the risk of high blood pressure and heart attacks, protecting against various forms of cancer, and preventing gallstones. And those of you who are parents will be especially interested in a recent Dutch study, which indicated that a diet rich in whole grains combined with fish resulted in a 50% reduction in childhood asthma.

A superb source of complete protein and a treasure-trove of additional nutrients, quinoa is indeed a "Food of the Gods", and one that may well prove an enormous boon to mankind in these times of burgeoning populations and diminishing food resources. And you'll find it will make a delicious and healthy addition to any meal!

Getting and Enjoying It

Quinoa is becoming more widely available, but will mostly be found at your local health food store. In bulk or prepackaged, select it the way you would any grain - make sure there's good turnover and that it's fresh, and that there are no signs of moisture. Store it in a sealed container in the fridge - it'll last for months.

Most commercially-available quinoa has been processed to remove a bitter coating called saponin, which in nature protects the seeds from birds and heat. However, it is best to thoroughly rinse your quinoa in a fine mesh sieve under running water for a minute or two before using, to remove all traces of residue. And for a richer flavor, toast your quinoa in a dry skillet over medium-low heat, stirring constantly for about 4-5 minutes. This will give it a nice nutty flavor.

Mayan Quinoa Stuffing

Okay, so the Mayans didn't have Thanksgiving - but I bet they would have loved this scrumptious vegetarian dish for their harvest celebration!

1 1/2 cups quinoa seeds, thoroughly rinsed
1 cup organic vegetable broth + 2 cups water
1/4 cup organic olive oil
1 medium red onion, chopped
1 small red bell pepper, chopped
1 large fennel bulb, chopped
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 teaspoons dried thyme
1 1/2 cups frozen organic corn kernels
1 cup frozen organic shelled soybeans
1/3 cup organic roasted unsalted sunflower seeds
2 ripe pears, peeled, cored & chopped
1 cup chopped fresh Italian parsley
Salt & pepper to taste

In a medium saucepan, combine quinoa with broth & water and bring to a boil. Reduce heat, simmer covered for 15 minutes, until all broth is absorbed. Remove from heat, fluff with a fork and set aside.

In a large saucepan, heat olive oil over medium heat. Add onion, red pepper & fennel, sauté until soft, about 8 minutes. Add garlic and thyme, cook for two minutes, stirring frequently. Add corn & soybeans, cook for a few minutes more until they're well-heated.

Add cooked quinoa to the vegetable mix; cook over medium heat, stirring often, until just warmed through. Fold in the sunflower seeds, pears and parsley, with salt & pepper to taste. Serve warm or at room temperature.

Serves 8-10 as side dish, 4-6 as main course.

Quinoa Breakfast Delight

Perfect on a cold Autumn morning...

1/3 cup quinoa seeds, rinsed
2/3 cup water
1 tablespoon organic honey
Pinch of cinnamon
1/4 cup blueberries
1 banana, sliced
2/3 cup low-fat organic milk

In a small saucepan, combine quinoa and water, bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer covered for about 12 minutes. Remove from heat, stir in honey and cinnamon. Divide between two bowls, top with blueberries and bananas and milk.

Serves two.

[NOTE: A version of this post appears in my "Eat Smart" column in the November issue of Better NutritionMagazine.]

Michele Willens: Face It: Is 50 The New 15?

2009-11-11T23:24:47Z

Okay, maybe the pimples have been replaced by the sunspots, and the awakening hormones by the sleeping libido, but there are numerous similarities between the age of adolescence and the age of what many of us consider obsolescence.

As a Boomer-aged woman, for whom "beauty" was never at the top of the list of assets or priorities, I have been as surprised as millions of my contemporaries by my discomfort about visibly aging. (And thus becoming invisible). I don't recall looking in the mirror with this much trepidation since, well, since I was a budding teenager. It wasn't until I agreed to edit a book with a pair of models-turned-psychologists that I began to see this as a matter of the mind as much as the body, and to make sense of why so many symptoms women are experiencing may be traced not so much to our amazing juggling acts, as to our changing appearance.

Yes, we all know about our youth obsessed culture, so why should aging's unpleasantness be a surprise? Yes, we applaud Diane Keaton the courage of her crows feet, (though doesn't even she look a bit too airbrushed in those new ads?) and yes, women of all ages have never looked better. But we are also in for record breaking long lives--some of my best friends are doting grandmoms-- and can we do that with faces that scream "been there, done that?" Which brings me back to the future.

When I wincingly reflect on my young school years, I think of a nice looking but insecure girl who one month tried to look like Sandra Dee, the next Hayley Mills, the next Natalie Wood. My parents had good values and how I looked really did not come up as much as how I scored or how I played. But once outside the home, the mixed messages came though. "Young girls are encouraged to study hard and go out for sports, but don't forget the hair and makeup," explains Dr. Vivian Diller, one of the authors of FACE IT: What Women Really Feel As their Looks Change. "By contrast--but not so much-- midlifers are allegedly admired for their wisdom but simultaneously told to not look their age." Dr. Diller says both ends of the spectrum are dealing with loss. "In adolescence, we are letting go of our youth and fearful of growing up. At midlife, we are letting go of the last vestiges of youth and fearful of growing old."

We thought breaking out was hard to do? Who amongst us wouldn't trade a few wrinkles for a mild case of acne?

What is key, says Dr. Diller and co-author Dr. Jill Sukenick, is to look at the physical parallels between adolescence and midlife. They form a ping pong game of sorts: onset of menses, coming of menopause; hair growth, hair grays and thins; skin breakouts, skin sagging; growing bones, brittle bones. The next step is to consider how you dealt with the former and whether you are repeating that behavior this time around. Did you fight and defy then with rebellious and aggressive behavior and does that sound familiar now? Was promiscuity a factor then...and now? Was there impulsive behavior then leading to addictions and food issues? And now?

There are many women like Linda, a patient of Dr. Diller's, who went for treatment convinced her husband was being unfaithful. "In time, I figured out that she had tried to get attention as an adolescent and now was repeating a similar need for acknowledgment," the therapist says. "She was attaching old emotions to a new situation which is very common."

What is most similar between adolescence and middle age is the preoccupation with physical self image: somewhat dispiriting for those of us who thought we were too smart and evolved for all this. Feminism, meet narcissism."Aspects of identity and self image become cohesive during adolescence," says Dr. Sukenick. "In midlife, this cohesion undergoes an upheaval, having to unravel in order to be recreated." There is a whole lot of unraveling going on.

Then there is the biggest difference between these bookends. As young ones, we have all those years ahead to make strides...and mistakes. The future for midlife women holds out decreasing choices. Empty Next anyone? As young girls we looked forward to lives of independence and figuring out the role "beauty" would play in them. At this age, we are more likely caring for our own parents as well as the children, while physical attributes are clearly exiting the equation. Give me the old math!

One piece of good news is that we are all--prom queen to geek girl--in this together. No one is exempt. Before you hate them because they look naturally handsome at 56, Drs. Diller and Sukenick claim what they experienced as young models was simply an exaggerated version of what the rest of us mortals experience eventually. "Who knows what it feels like to be Michelle Pfeiffer at 15 or 50?" asks Dr. Diller, who specializes in working with women in the artistic fields Both therapists treat women (like Linda) who come in with symptoms and issues and who are taken aback when the subject of their 'changing looks" comes up. First, they feel defensive but are ultimately relieved to be able to treat what might seem a superficial issue as something of substance.

"For all women, we emphasize the importance of understanding adolescence as a tool towards resolving our complex feelings," Dr. Sukenick explains "Rather than deny or dread this new period of change--so similar to the one we went through all those years ago--we encourage recognition of the commonalities. It is critical in moving forward."

Personally, I would hate to be 15 again and changing idols by the month, worrying if I was cool or pretty enough. So I guess the good news is I can honestly say I am more comfortable now in my own skin. I just wish it were a hell of a lot tighter.

Michele Willens is a journalist and playwright and the editor of Face It: What Women Really Feel as Their Looks Change (Hay House 2/10). She is the author of Dear Maudie: A Play in Correspondence About Pimples, Parents, Peer Pressure ... and Friendship, which was published by Playscripts, Inc. More on the book at FaceItTheBook.com

Marika Holmgren: Where is the American Piazza? A Search for Unintentional Community

2009-11-11T23:05:44Z

On a recent trip to the tiny mountain village of Scanno, about 2 hours east of Rome, I stood in the Piazza as evening fell and watched as hundreds of the town residents gathered. For no apparent reason. There was no festival or fair. No outdoor concert or play. They were gathering because that's what they do at around 6 pm each day while the weather allows it. Small children grabbed hands and ran around freely, while old woman sat on benches and talked, and men convened to drink and talk politics or share news of the day.

Taking in the scene, I turned to my companions and asked, not entirely rhetorically, "Where is the AMERICAN Piazza?" A wave of longing washed over me, as I couldn't think of where I would go in the evening in my own small town, which is actually about the same size as Scanno. And I realized that, sadly, the American Piazza may not actually exist.

It's not only the gathering part of the Piazza that I'm drawn to. It's the community that is created when people of all walks of life come together.

Having been involved in social change work and non-profit organizations for nearly 20 years, I have a wide "community" that is largely populated by people who do similar work, share similar values, and share a common world view. In other words, they are people very much like me. I also have my mountain biking community, my college friends, my Book Club community, and well... you see the pattern. In every case, it's a community that is based on shared interest or values.

But standing in that square in Scanno, I realized why I've never been drawn to the concept of "intentional community": ecovillages, co-housing units and housing communities comprised of people who share values and vision, and which by nature, tend to result in people who tend to agree with each other much of the time.

It's because I long for "unintentional" community. I crave gatherings not based on political affiliation, marital status, parenting status, or any other status. I crave the unintentional community of people who simply share a zip code.

On a different trip last year to Greece, my friend and I found ourselves talking politics with almost everyone we met, with no fear of hurt feelings or escalating conflict. Waiters would sit down at the table and for hours, we'd talk about any issue, always ending with a toast of "Yiassas" with big smiles and lots of laughter. As a Greek American born and raised on the East Coast, I have sometimes found that my penchant for diving into difficult and controversial topics at odds in my home in the Bay Area, where conversation often stays more pilot in mixed company. But on the tiny island of Skiathos, I realized again that community is about sharing ideas, arguing politics, and then toasting to life at the end of it all, without bruised egos or hurt feelings. This is fitting, since Greece is the birthplace of democracy, which by nature, relies on voicing opinions to encourage civil society.

Perhaps we are too conflict avoidant in our country. Or perhaps we have equated status with privacy and self-sufficiency, negating the need to call on your neighbors now and then. Or perhaps we just like the inside of our single family homes more than we like the fresh air of a town square. I don't know.

I do know that each time I visit a place where I see people, young and old, married and single, liberal and conservative gathering in a town square, I'm brought back to the same question. Where IS the American Piazza? If you know, I'd love to get directions.

Invention Washes Away Sins -- Without Flu Fears

2009-11-11T22:46:09Z

An Italian inventor has combined faith and ingenuity to come up with a way to keep church traditions alive without the fear of contracting swine flu -- an electronic holy water dispenser.

Daniel Robelo: Veterans: Casualties of the Drug War

2009-11-11T22:23:00Z

Today is Veterans' Day. Another year to remember the men and women who serve in our Armed Forces -and to do a better job of taking care of them when they come home.

With hundreds of thousands of servicemen and women currently deployed (often for second, third, or fourth tours) in Iraq and Afghanistan, the United States faces a mounting challenge in providing care for our returning troops. It's clear that so far government agencies have not met this challenge, and the consequences have been devastating.

A new report by the Drug Policy Alliance, Healing a Broken System: Veterans Battling Addiction and Incarceration, documents some of the major obstacles that veterans face in accessing treatment for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), and, increasingly, substance abuse. As a result, far too many veterans are falling victim to the war on drugs.

After an exhaustive review of available research literature, and dozens of interviews conducted by a team of law students over a year and a half, the report found that nearly a third of veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan report symptoms of PTSD, TBI, or other psychological wounds of war.

Left untreated, these medical conditions often contribute to substance abuse and addiction, fatal overdose, homelessness and suicide, as well as violations of the law, particularly nonviolent drug offenses. Over 200,000 veterans are behind bars--that we know of. Astonishingly, veterans in prison are serving longer average sentences than nonveterans for the same offenses. These data, however, are incomplete and out-of-date, collected in 2004, only one year into the Iraq War. Many more veterans in the justice system will never be identified at all.

Incarceration amplifies all the problems a veteran may be dealing with after returning from combat. Nearly two-thirds of incarcerated veterans meet the criteria for substance dependence or abuse, but in correctional facilities, these veterans are almost certain not to receive effective treatment, especially since internal policy of the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) bars the VA from treating veterans who would otherwise be eligible for VA care while they are incarcerated. What incarcerated veterans are sure to face is a violent environment that will exacerbate their physical and mental health conditions. Many homeless veterans have been incarcerated or have criminal records that prevent them from securing housing, employment and services that are necessary for readjustment to civilian life. A jail or prison sentence, moreover, can be life-threatening for veterans, who are much more susceptible to fatal overdose and suicide during or after incarceration.

It's a sad day in America when, instead of being offered compassion and treatment, veterans struggling with substance abuse and PTSD as a result of their service are locked up for these conditions. Of course, what's happening to our veterans -- in terms of untreated addiction, incarceration and fatal overdose -is just a particularly egregious example of the cruel and pointless war on drugs, which criminalizes people who have the chronic disease of addiction instead of providing effective, community-based treatment.

The report urges local, state and federal government agencies to take immediate steps to ensure the health, safety and freedom of the men and women who serve in the U.S. Armed Forces. Its recommendations include: expanding and improving alternatives to incarceration for veterans who commit nonviolent drug offenses; adopting life-saving interventions to prevent overdose among veterans who abuse substances or take prescription medications; and increasing access to medication-assisted therapies such as methadone and buprenorphine for veterans who struggle with opioid dependence.

A few states and localities are beginning to move in the right direction. Some jurisdictions are considering or have passed legislation that mandates treatment instead of incarceration for veterans with combat-related mental health or substance abuse disorders. These efforts should be accelerated and improved.

More importantly, every effort should be made to reach veterans before they enter the justice system. This means the Department of Defense and VA must improve screening and treatment, and remove barriers to accessing needed services. It also means that local law enforcement should be trained to identify veterans in crisis and divert these veterans to needed services instead of arresting them.

In pursuing these goals, we can begin replacing the failed war on drugs at home with public health approaches that save lives, improve wellbeing, and build stronger families and communities. The veterans of our foreign wars deserve no less; indeed, they deserve a great deal more.

Note: The report will also be discussed at the International Drug Policy Reform conference in New Mexico, November 12-14.

Lisa Guest: Celebrity Spotting at Spinning in Los Angeles

2009-11-11T22:13:10Z

She's one of the celebrities I actually wrote to before moving to Los Angeles. A friend of a friend worked for her production company. I never heard a word back from her office.

She's one of those I've admired from afar, never seeing her in public before. I've watched a biography of this Academy Award winner, seen her over the years with appreciation during our annual Christmas movie marathons, and even though I don't watch scary movies I watched at least four times the classic she did with puffy hair. I read anything that had her name on it during my four years sitting at the network desk, when at least twenty magazines crossed my desk each week.

It was one of those mornings when I barely washed my face, much less gelled my hair only to sweat it all out again.

I showed up in the ill-fitting purple tank top I'd promised myself not to ever wear in public again. I'd just started coming to this particular class. I liked the time... mid-morning with no parking hassles, no smelly room after two packed earlier classes in a row, lots of space to breathe fresh air as I spun to the new teacher's inspiring choice of music. I grabbed the one bike that looked diagonally across at the teacher, and not straight at the mirror.

When Ms. Celebrity entered the mirrored room, I was stunned. She looked healthy, low-key in a plain white t-shirt and black biker shorts. It's only because she's been famous her whole life that most people would recognize her. She's won awards, has undeniable talent, and huge brainpower. I've heard she wishes for anonymity, more than anything else. Both she and Madonna wish they had the ability to walk down any street and people watch undetected. When I hear those who have fame wish for obscurity, it manifests my own desire to stay quiet and under the radar. I like being free to be me without the hassle of questioning whether I'm worthy of pedestal placement or the subsequent pedestal dethroning that takes place so often in our culture.

She sat herself one row back and one seat over to my left. Sitting where I was, it would be obvious if I looked at her, turning my head to the left, or to the right to see her in the mirror. Normally when I spin, I put my head down and go into a meditative trance, digging down deep so I move with absolute intention. With her so close to me, my energy was off, distracted.

The class started. For the first few songs I tried hard to forget that she was even there. That didn't work. I'm quite sure she wasn't thinking about or watching me.

The only other person in the class, a handsome man, had asked us earlier if we minded leaving the fans on above. Neither of us did. Sometimes, when the class is full and moist, the fans are off because some people object to them. Cooler, I was pleased to find I got up to speed with new energy that wasn't there when I awoke.

I tried not to steal glimpses of her. It soon became obvious that even if I stared straight ahead at the teacher, I could see unsaid celebrity out of the corner of my eye. I could tell if she was up off the seat or down with hands on handlebars. By the third song I noticed she wasn't standing up on the pedals when we were. She wasn't bending over the bars and pumping. She's in much better shape than I am. She'd put a heart monitor up under her bra. I worried she was having heart problems.

I kept spinning. My mind never stopped worrying about her. I wished I wasn't thinking about her, but I couldn't help myself. It was the only spinning class I never looked once at the clock.

Near the end of class, the music started skipping, and the pace slackened to the point that our flow was interrupted. I noticed she was holding herself face down, upright, breathing intensely. Then I saw her, out of the corner of my eye, holding her side. Before I could stop myself I said, "Are you OK?"

Turns out she'd had a stitch in her side since the second song. It had stayed with her the entire ride. She was in pain. We all got off our bikes. The teacher asked if she knew yogic breathing. She said, "I used to take yoga."

She packed up her stuff and left, politely saying goodbye on her way out the door.

We three were inhibited by her presence.

How uncomfortable that would be, to have a layer between oneself and the millions one comes into contact with during the span of life. She's been profiled in the public arena since she was a toddler. All these years, she's dealt with this strangled energy interfacing her existence.

I have no clue what that lack of freedom would really feel like, nor would I want to experience it. Some people are so wonderful to come into contact with, especially when the situation is brought on by serendipity. To miss that unexpectedly intimate synchronicity being one with humanity presents would be a great loss. Having millions and the paparazzi in tow wouldn't balance out the equation for me. Would it, does it for you?

Helen Davey: Counting My People

2009-11-11T22:12:52Z

It is 1946, and I am three years old. I am standing in my crib surveying my world, deeply comforted by the soft sounds of the rhythmic breathing of my precious family. I am counting my people -- my mother, my father, my brother, and my sister -- with the deep sense of happiness and security that they are all there.

Then fast forward to the present. On the eve of my mother's 94th birthday, in my mind's eye, I can picture her as she is today: small now and frail, white haired, trying valiantly to muster a brave smile, and straining to look at me with her beautiful blue but unseeing eyes. I am aware of profound feelings of dread of my impending loss of her. My grandmother, my great-grandmother, and my mother's sister all died at the age of 94. When the telephone rings, my heart seems to stop, and I have dreams of the telephone ringing to give me bad news about my mother. Having experienced early loss, I am vulnerable to re-experiencing this old familiar state of dread, and I realize that while my memory of counting my people seems, even now, to be a comforting one, why was I needing to count? Already in the grip of anticipatory loss from an early age, I have always been drawn to the study of emotional trauma and toward helping those who suffer from it.

In my experience, many people understand the word "trauma" as only relating to catastrophic events, such as war or Hurricane Katrina, and don't realize that it resides in their own history. Trauma can be caused by anything that was experienced as painful yet was never fully understood or talked about. We appear now, as a society, to be in a new Age of Trauma. Collective fears about the global economy, the environment, terrorism, nuclear proliferation, loss of jobs and the astonishing collapse of formerly stable companies seem to be triggering old familiar anxieties in many of us. How can we understand this? Our world no longer seems stable. Dr. Robert Stolorow's newest book, Trauma and Human Existence, can help us to better understand the nature and roots of trauma.

My history provides a mirror of Stolorow's theories of trauma and illustrates how trauma intrudes on even the most solid of families. My problem was never one of abuse or intentional neglect. I am one of those people who can rightly claim that I have a loving family of whom I am very proud. Because of exceedingly painful circumstances, which many of you may have experienced as well, I was acutely aware of the meaning of separation and death at a very early age. It was the fact of having a loving family that made the potential for the sudden removal of a loved one so painful to not only actually experience but to anticipate.

My father was the son of John Davey, the Father of Tree Surgery, who developed the science of saving trees around the turn of the twentieth century. Following in his father's footsteps, my father and his brothers built the Davey Tree Expert Company, the first of its kind, and my father traveled the entire world in the 1920's and 1930's, researching trees, and became one of the world's foremost authorities on the subject. After his first wife died, my father married my mother. She was 23 and he was 51, a difference of almost 30 years. When I was just six months old, my father suffered a massive heart attack that nearly killed him, and the doctors, helpless at the time to help heart patients, predicted that my father would die with his next heart attack. Our lives became imbued with anticipatory anxiety surrounding the fear of his death, and my brother, sister, and I savored each moment with him. When my father died when I was eight, our family life was completely shattered, and none of us including my mother, had any idea how to mourn. We bottled up our feelings and rarely talked about him, concentrating instead on somehow surviving the loss of this man who was the idealized center of our world.

Upon graduation from college in 1965, I found a job that I could not have improved upon even in my most grandiose childhood fantasies. It offered me everything that my father had said would be mine, and that I had always dreamt about. The little girl who had gone to sleep at night listening to her father's glorious travel stories, with visions of foreign places dancing in my head, applied for a job as a stewardess with Pan American World Airways. From the moment I arrived on Pan Am turf, I felt like this new family was home, and it seemed to restore my sense of place in the world. The atmosphere of expansive optimism and bold self-confidence reminded me of my early years when my father was alive. Juan Trippe ruled the company with a patriarchal iron hand, and his power seemed limitless. I was convinced that Pan Am would forever be the world's most fabulous airline and that it would never, ever die.

But the grandeur of Pan Am, like that of my early family, ultimately shattered as well. Deregulation, politics, bad management, fuel prices, the introduction of the 747 that saturated the market, the inability of Pan Am to obtain domestic routes while "domestic" airlines were awarded international routes, and Pan Am's own legend all worked against its adapting to a radically changed airline world. For ten years my job was the best airline job in the world, but as circumstances began to change and Pan Am's decline became more evident, I unconsciously began preparing myself for its death, with a strong feeling of déjà vu. I was beginning to feel that Pan Am, like my mortally ill father, was becoming unable to protect me.

Having always known that I wanted to become a psychotherapist, in early 1986 I walked away from the Pan Am hangar in shock, numb with the realization that I had just handed in my Pan Am ID card, my passport to the whole world and to my Pan Am family. My sense of belonging in the world was once again profoundly shaken, but luckily I had begun therapy with my analyst two years earlier, or I could never have withstood the separation anxiety and depression that flooded me, as if I were again 8 years old and my father had just died. And in another stroke of luck, in 1992 I began supervision with Dr. Stolorow, for whom this was also a time of profound grief and self-exploration that set him on a path toward new insights about trauma. When it came time to write my dissertation, a study of the fall of Pan Am and the trauma to the employees, Stolorow was the perfect fit to help with what to me was a labor of love. Stolorow was actively developing his ideas about trauma and I desperately wanted to find a way to communicate what I was learning from him.

When Stolorow awakened one morning in 1991 to find Dede, his beloved wife and colleague, lying dead across their bed four weeks after her metastatic cancer had been diagnosed, he found himself in the middle of intolerable grief after years of helping others work through trauma. His book, Trauma and Human Existence: Autobiographical, Psychoanalytic, and Philosophical Reflections (Routledge, 2007), explores his own heartbreakingly sad experience, interweaving the personal with sound psychological theory and profound philosophical insight, to create a dramatic whole that provides the reader with a rich framework in which to reflect on his or her own experience of and reaction to trauma, which we all in some way have suffered.

I have a uniquely personal vantage point from which to discuss and apply Stolorow's ideas. At the same time that I was consulting with him and writing about the trauma to Pan Am employees, which reanimated my own early experience of traumatic loss, I was also witnessing up close the personal devastation of Stolorow's life, and his developing ideas about trauma just seemed to seep into my pores.

There are three main ideas in Stolorow's book on trauma that I have found extremely useful in analyzing my own life and those of my patients: (1) the concept of retraumatization, (2) what Stolorow calls the absolutisms of everyday life, and (3) the importance of being able to find a relational home for our feelings of loss and grief.

A traumatizing event like the loss of one's company is made worse for some people because it represents a retraumatization, a repetition of a childhood history of loss or pain that leaves them more vulnerable. Examples of such childhood trauma are the early death of a parent or family member, early separation from loved ones through divorce or tragedy, alcoholism, drug addiction, or mental illness in the family, or any form of abuse.

Retraumatization happens most often when there is a close replication of the original trauma, such as a loss of the way of life as one knew it, loss of a sense of power, loss of a sense of safety, loss of a sense of innocence, or loss of a sense of control. When it happens, it brings back the same old feelings, such as terror, horror, shock, panic, or helplessness. Retraumatization is the experience of a painful part of your life that feels like it's happening all over again. In my case, when Pan Am began to fail, I returned once more to those frightening days of my childhood when my world collapsed and everything seemed so uncertain.

Because we are all finite beings over whom death and loss constantly loom, Stolorow theorizes, human beings develop what he calls the absolutisms of everyday life. This means we all develop unquestioned beliefs and assumptions that we unconsciously live by, in order to flee from the uncertainties of life and to maintain a sense of continuity, predictability, and safety. For example, when you say to a loved one, "I'll see you tomorrow," it is taken for granted that both you and the other person are going to be around. Stolorow writes, "It is in the essence of emotional trauma that it shatters these absolutisms, a catastrophic loss of innocence that permanently alters one's sense of being-in-the-world"(p.16).

A powerful example of this shattering was the emotional reactions we all experienced following the terrorist attacks of 9/11. America was confronted with its vulnerability and lost its sense of grandiose invincibility. The fall of Pan Am had a similarly traumatic effect on its work force, and I am certain that the same feelings are being felt by the employees of those venerable old companies, like GM and Lehman Brothers, that everyone viewed as unassailably stable.

When we can no longer believe in such "absolutisms of everyday life," many of us feel that the universe becomes unpredictable, random, and unsafe, and it is especially traumatizing when this loss of innocence echoes what happened to us in childhood. This has certainly been the case for me, and my ongoing ritual of counting my people is a manifestation of "innocence lost." Often traumatized people see the world differently than others do. They feel anxious, alienated, and estranged in an unsafe world in which anything can happen at any time. Anxiety slips into panic when it has to be borne in isolation; hence, it is essential that there be a place where painful feelings can be verbalized, understood, and held, what Stolorow calls a relational home. As Stolorow points out, in the absence of such a sustaining relational home, emotional pain can become a source of unbearable shame and self-loathing, and traumatized people can fall into the grip of an impossible requirement to "get over it."

But there is no "getting over" trauma. As Stolorow evocatively describes, "Experiences of trauma become freeze-framed into an eternal present in which one remains forever trapped, or to which one is condemned to be perpetually returned ... by life's slings and arrows" (p.20). Thus one can be returned to an experience of trauma, triggered by a memory, a sound, or smell, or a change of season, or an old song. More disturbingly, it can bring on an intense traumatic state; for example, from the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, or from watching scenes of the collapse of the World Trade Center. The past becomes present, as if no time has gone by. I continue to count my people.

On a more hopeful note, Stolorow concludes that because death, loss, and the possibility of emotional trauma are fundamental to our existence, "we meet each other as brothers and sisters in the same dark night [and thus are able to form] bonds of deep emotional attunement within which devastating emotional pain can be held, rendered more tolerable, and, hopefully, eventually integrated" (p.49). We can help one another bear the darkness on the way to seeing the light.

Ben H. Winters: Robert Rines: The Death of a Monster Hunter

2009-11-11T22:07:00Z

If there is a Loch Ness monster, she’s feeling pretty good about herself right now. Robert H. Rines, the man who came closer than anyone to proving the existence of the fabled serpent, died last week at the age of 87.

Over three and a half decades, and many, many trips to the famous Scottish lake, Rines produced numerous theories, several tantalizing photographs, and—alas—no evidence sufficient to convince the scientific community. Mainstream biology today holds the same position it did in June, 1972, when Rines first saw “a large, darkish hump, covered... with rough, mottled skin, like the back of an elephant”: there is no plesiosaurus, nor any other aquatic dinosaur, nor slithering monstrosity of any kind, in the murky depths of Loch Ness.

If you’re picturing Rines as a ranting buffoon squatting in an old fishing trawler, chewing on a pipe and tugging at his long, damp beard, think again. Aside from his work in cryptozoology (that being the pseudoscientific word for the pseudoscience of monster hunting), Rines was an accomplished inventor who held more than 800 patents, including one for missile-guiding technology; he was also a renowned intellectual property lawyer and founder of the Franklin Pierce Law Center. And Rines brought his scientific acumen to his quest, developing custom sonar technologies and underwater photography techniques to enhance his search for Nessie.

At first, there is something slightly preposterous about the idea that someone of such intellectual heft would spend half a lifetime on something that is, to many of us, nonsensical on the face of it. It’s as if Albert Einstein had divided his precious time between theoretical physics and unicorn hunting.

But whenever I start to roll my eyes at the monster hunters of the world (or the alien spotters, or the ghost whisperers, or the fortune tellers) I think about our habit, as a society, of mocking fringe thinkers until the instant they’re proven right—at which point we begin celebrating the tenacious genius who never gave up hope, despite all the obstacles…obstacles such as the scorn we were just heaping upon them a moment ago.

Isn’t there always the part, in the biography of the great inventor or discoverer or creator, where the whole world is laughing at their terrible idea—about how washing hands prevents disease, or how the Earth revolves around the sun—until they are proven right, and are revealed as not crackpots, but geniuses! Geniuses who stuck with it, no matter what the world thought!

If anybody had a good shot at turning out to be a non-crackpot, to prove that Nessie was real, it was Robert H. Rines, with his sonar devices and 800 patents and refusal to give in.

Sure, the mainstream scientific community felt (and feels) there’s no plesiosaur in Loch Ness; but Rines had seen the damn thing with his own eyes, he trusted his own mind, and by God he was going to get to the bottom of it.

So, yeah, maybe there’s no Loch Ness monster.

Okay, probably there’s no Loch Ness monster.

But it's worth pausing for a moment to celebrate Robert H. Rines, and the one in a million chance that there is.

BPA Tied To Impotence In Men

2009-11-11T21:38:58Z

Exposure to high levels of BPA significantly raised the risk of sexual dysfunction, including impotence and low sex drive, among Chinese factory workers, a new study has found.

Darya Pino: Are You Eating In The Matrix?

2009-11-11T21:31:14Z

Or to put it another way, do you know the difference between real food and food that was designed to fool you into believing it is real?

It might not be as easy as you think.

(Spoiler Alert! If you haven't seen the original Matrix film yet, crawl out of your cave and go watch it real quick before reading. We'll wait.)

In the classic film The Matrix, machines of the future create a sophisticated computer program that produces an alternate reality for their human slaves. The program, the Matrix, placates humans into believing they are living normal lives while their bodies are imprisoned in suspended animation.

The Matrix is plugged directly into the brains of humans. They live the Matrix, breathe the Matrix, eat the Matrix. They've grown up with it, and have never known any other world.

Now think about a Twinkie or a McNugget. Can you remember life without them? I can't. These products have always been a part of my world, even though it has been a long time since I've eaten them. I have vivid childhood memories of both products-after school snacks with friends, my 10th birthday party-and my memories are happy.

But I've learned to refer to Twinkies and food from McDonald's as products and not foods because, when you think about it, they really aren't foods. Sure you can eat them, but that just makes them a novelty-something akin to beating up your friends in Mortal Kombat.

"Do you believe that me being stronger or faster has anything to do with my muscles in this place?" -Morpheus

Real food nourishes your body by providing essential building blocks for your cells and organs. The human body evolved alongside real food and is adapted to digest it.

Edible products on the other hand were specifically designed to fool your brain and sensory perception, but your body, cells and organs have no idea what to do with them.

Twinkies and McNuggets are engineered. They do not come from the earth and are not food. Twinkies were created in the Matrix.

Do you think that's food you're eating now?

This may sound like rhetorical foodie fluff, but please humor me and entertain the metaphor for a little while longer.

Food should nourish your body and contribute to your overall health. Even foods that are considered fattening-bacon comes to mind-provide nourishment so long as they are based in reality.

But what is a Twinkie? What is a Pringle? What is a McNugget?

Big Macs may look, smell and vaguely taste like food, but if what you are eating is not sustaining your health and is possibly making you sick, isn't it time to question whether it is food at all?

These are products that were created in a laboratory. They may have started as raw materials from plants, but the plants were never grown to be eaten. Industrial corn, soybeans and the cattle raised on them have been processed and redesigned to the point where they've been stripped of anything that allows for them to be reasonably classified as food.

Shouldn't we then stop calling this stuff food?

Most people will initially reject this idea. Of course food is food. But I'd argue that this opinion is just another product of our environment. Haven't we always lived in the Matrix of industrial agriculture?

We have coexisted with McDonald's for so long it seem preposterous to speculate it doesn't meet the definition of food.

But let's take a closer look:

Food -noun:

1. Any nourishing substance that is eaten, drunk, or otherwise taken into the body to sustain life, provide energy, promote growth, etc.
2. More or less solid nourishment, as distinguished from liquids.
3. A particular kind of solid nourishment: a breakfast food; dog food.
4. Whatever supplies nourishment to organisms: plant food.
5. Anything serving for consumption or use: food for thought.

(emphasis mine)

With the exception of the last point, which is clearly philosophical, all these definitions include the word nourishment.

Nourish -verb (used with object)

1. To sustain with food or nutriment; supply with what is necessary for life, health, and growth.
2. To cherish, foster, keep alive, etc.: He had long nourished the dream of living abroad.
3. To strengthen, build up, or promote: to nourish discontent among the workers; to nourish the arts in one's community.

(emphasis mine)

If it doesn't provide nourishment, it is not food.

But relying on dictionary definitions is both semantic and impractical. It also becomes confusing when companies market products that are not real food but have added back nutrients to give the appearance of nourishment.

The important question is how do we break free?

Being convinced that these products are not food is not enough. Like the Matrix, McDonald's is so closely tied to your perception of reality that it can fool you even when you know it isn't real.

Remember, when Neo makes his first attempt to jump across the building roofs. He doesn't make it.

"Everybody falls the first time."

That's because the Matrix feels so real that not believing it is almost impossible. Likewise, knowing that edible products are not food and that they will in fact make you less healthy is often not enough to prevent you from eating them. Your senses are easily fooled.

But better decisions are not impossible and your food world doesn't need to be 100% black and green. Even small steps in the right direction, back into reality, can improve your health.

The first small changes you try can also make subsequent steps easier.

Unplugging from the industrial food Matrix does not need to happen all at once, but you can extract yourself from it eventually. The first step is starting to see it clearly.

"I'm trying to free your mind, Neo, but I can only show you the door. You're the one that has to walk through it."

Are you eating in the Matrix?

Darya is a scientist, foodie and advocate of local, seasonal foods. For more healthy eating tips visit her blog Summer Tomato. You can also connect with Darya on Twitter @summertomato and Facebook.

Messages To Fallen Soldiers: Myspace Memorials (SLIDESHOW)

2009-11-11T21:00:13Z

Thousands of American men and women have lost their lives in the Global War on Terror since it began in 2001. For the loved ones left behind, the MySpace and Facebook pages of those who died often serve an online memorial that can be pored over and added to indefinitely. Messages to the dead stream in on birthdays and holidays like Veterans Day or the Fourth of July, testifying that lives at home are irreparably changed by what happens in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Click through to see some of the most moving MySpace notes to service members who died in service.

Veteran's Day: Your Stories and Memories

2009-11-11T20:26:46Z

In honor of Veteran's Day, the HuffPost asked readers to send in stories and videos about those who served and how war has impacted your life. You can share your story here. We received an overwhelming response from veterans themselves, as well as their friends and family members. Here is what people wrote:

Charla A. from Killeen, Texas spoke movingly about the loss--in one sense--of her brother:

I lost my brother in Iraq. As is customary, two soldiers never knocked on the door to my family's home to bring us the news of his departure.

We never had to go through the painstaking task of planning a funeral. There was no obituary to submit, no memorial service to attend. No one called to offer their prayers, support, or condolences. It was not necessary to put his last affairs in order, no business was left unfinished.

He was not married, and leaves behind no children of his own. He does leave a grieving mother, a brother who used to be his right-hand man, two younger sisters, a nephew who adores him, and countless other friends and family members.

Our grief process did not start immediately after we lost him, but it lingers and persists to this day. We miss his once easy smiles, his presence, and his personality. Today, nothing is the same, and day after day we wonder when things will go back to normal; if things will go back to normal. All we know is that there is nothing we can do to ease our loss, to stop the pain.

We will hold on to the memories, and we all look back and remember the good times we shared with him.

When I say I lost my brother in Iraq, most people would assume he is dead. Contrary to that, he is alive; living and breathing. We didn't lose my brother to an IED, a roadside bomb, friendly fire, or intense enemy combat. We lost him to a battle he fights daily within his own mind; mental illness. When he returned, none of his injuries were visible, he seemed to come back and fit right back into things. It took months for us to realize that the young lively Army private that we dreadfully sent to Iraq, never returned. Instead, we got a person that none of us recognize.

It is hard to be around a person you love while they are mentally ill, because that person is no longer who you have always known them to be.

On this veteran's day, I just want people to realize that the effects of war are long-lasting, and that there are thousands of veterans and active duty soldiers who suffer silently. They are dying inside, fighting battles within themselves that many of us could never, will never, understand. Many families are in my family's shoes; they have sent soldiers to Iraq and Afghanistan, only to have them return and be completely different people.

Pray until something happens, and never give up hope. God bless my family and yours, God bless America!

Dennis Sprague from Murphy, North Carolina asks us to remember the lessons of past wars and how they affected those who fought in them:

I was in the Marine Corp from '65 to '69; all of '66 in Vietnam. I just recently learned about being exposed to Agent Orange; Dioxin. Of the 30 or so symptoms listed for Dioxin, I have about 20. My hearing was bad enough to keep me from becoming a police officer after I got out, and the ringing in my ears hasn't stopped since qualifying in boot camp. I have also just learned that I probably can't get any medical help from the VA. All of this doesn't matter. What does matter is that the lesson of the futility of the War was lost; no one remembers or cares and it continues today for a new generation. Damn the "military industrial complex."

Jim Pankey from Hemet, California is proud to be part of the veterans community:

I'm a Vietnam veteran and spent almost 3 years in the Armed Forces Retirement Home (formerly Naval Home) in Gulfport, Mississippi. I was privileged to get to know men and women of the various branches of services from WWII, Korea, Vietnam, lesser known military actions like Panama Lebanon, and Kosovo...when I left in 2005 it was a sad departure for me, leaving this Home of Heroes and seeing the beginning of its demise.

The spirit of the members of the armed services is alive and well, and I am proud to have served.

I lost friends and relatives in wars, and my family on both sides lost members in WWII, Korea, and Vietnam. The enemies were human, too, and lost even more. I think war is terrible and should be a last resort, not the spearhead of diplomacy.

Here's to the souls of the lost. Rest In Peace.

Dave McGrath from Idaho Falls, Idaho laments how little care veterans receive when they return home:

When I left the service, there was no party, no transition service, no support. This wasn't so long ago. No education. No preparation for what's next.
I've made it - and made it well - but all without support of any "mechanism" to ease me back into the "system" or at least to civilian life. I had the Montgomery Bill - but who has time to use it when you are raising a family? The bills are NOW - and they aren't waiting for school.

And my transition was in the best of times - between wars, with a nation flush with cash.

I don't think past vets had it any better.

I don't think current vets have it any better.

America - you don't care for your warriors - unless they are dead. And then you just give them sterile monuments of steel, bronze or marble. That is cold comfort.

I have siblings who have served. And now I have children who serve. I am proud to have served - and proud of their service. But I warn them: your nation does not care for you, and will not care for you - whether come back broken or seemingly whole. You are doing this for you. You are doing this for your hope. You are doing this for what you think can be - what could be. You are doing this for what should be.

Tomorrow I will go to work. For a government institution. Tomorrow (if it is like every other Veteran's Day for the last 13 years since I left my beloved service) no one will say "Thank you." No one will recognize the service. No one will acknowledge that there is a warrior in their midst. Of course corporate will send their obligatory email. But my coworkers don't even know. The fact of service is an embarrassment to them - it means something is probably wrong with me.

But, its OK. I didn't do it for them. I did it for me. For what I hope for. For what can be. For what I hope should be. It is good they don't realize that they are dependent upon the sacrifices of others like me. For what they have. For their dull, dull lives.

Douglas Stevens from Lindstrom, Minnesota wonders why soldiers who fought in the cold war aren't considered veterans:

I am an unemployed veteran, without health insurance coverage, unqualified for VA benefits because I only spent 6 years in the Army during the Cold War. My comrades and I were guarding Pershing nuclear missiles 80 km from communist Germany. We helped bring down the Berlin Wall. People died in our unit.

Yet we are disregarded as veterans. We won our war, on the front lines, on alert most of the time. Yet, we do not qualify for VA benefits.

Maybe someday, we will ALL be counted as soldiers with equal rights.

Finally, David Trevino from Lavonia, Georgia, who hails from a family with a tradition of military service, gives us his perspective about the nature of war.

War is a motherfucker, man.
All that energized metal can really jack you up.
Seriously.
Put you in a gallon-sized body bag.
Put your mangled bits in wheel chair for life.
Put your head in a scary place.
It's a bad thing to get into.

I know.
I was a captain of Marines during Desert Dumb-Dumb.

It is a motherfucker.

And not just for the dudes dressed as shrubs.
Pretty rough on their kids, too.
Looking at someone else's daddy come home missing parts.
Looking at someone else's daddy come home in a box.
Looking on the evening news for your daddy.
It's some awful shit to lay on a child.

I know.
My father was a colonel of Marines during Vietnam.

War
is an absolute
motherfucker.

Unless,
of course,
you're selling GI socks to Uncle Sugar.

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