Latest News

Phil Finds Out Haley's Not A Virgin On 'Modern Family'

2012-02-23T06:20:43Z

Phil got a huge shock to the system, and with no advanced warning on "Modern Family" (Wed., 9 p.m. EST on ABC), when Alex mistook his reference to "Haley's aversion." Alex thought he said, "Haley's a virgin," causing her to laugh uncontrollably. Until, that is, she realized the mistake, and what she'd just revealed.

It was a difficult realization for Phil, and he struggled to process the information. What does that mean about Haley? About his relationship with his eldest daughter? It's a struggle all too common to fathers of daughters in particular, as protectiveness is a natural state, as is the naive belief that their baby girl will stay their baby girl forever.

Haley tried to gingerly tell him, via talking about Lily's broken doll, that this does't change anything about her. She's still the same girl she ever was, just changed. It took him a while, but he did manage to handle it and realize that it doesn't have to change anything. It's a normal part of growing up.

Perhaps most unexpectedly, he also discovered that Claire had known already for the past three months. When he confronted her about it, Claire began to muster up a defense, but all Phil did was hug her and thank her. He'd given her three more months of believing in the external innocence of his little girl. Haley may have taken that next step toward growing up, but Phil was spared it if even momentarily, and he was grateful for the reprieve.

"Modern Family" anchors ABC's comedy block on Wednesdays at 9 p.m. EST.

TV Replay scours the vast television landscape to find the most interesting, amusing, and, on a good day, amazing moments, and delivers them right to your browser.

WATCH: Oil Man's Son Fights Pipeline And 'Decline Of A Civilization'

2012-02-23T02:05:24Z

Lee Brain may claim to be "no one in particular," but after a speech delivered last weekend to a pipeline review panel, many identify him as the oil man's son who "does not see eye to eye" with his father.

Brain delivered his stirring speech in Prince Rupert on February 18 to Canada's Northern Gateway Pipeline Joint Review Panel. As the Vancouver Observer highlighted, it was "the most moving moment" of the hearings.

The proposal to run a pipeline from Bruderheim, Alberta to Kitimat, British Columbia has been fought by many environmental and aboriginal groups. According to their website, the government-mandated Joint Review Panel is working to "assess the environmental effects of the proposed project and review the application under both the Canadian Environmental Assessment Act and the National Energy Board Act."

Growing up in Prince Rupert as the son of an EPCM contractor, 26-year-old Brain is an unlikely pipeline opponent. A few years ago, his father sent him off to experience the oil industry first-hand. His month-long experience on one of the world’s largest oil refineries in rural India gave him serious doubts about the future of the oil industry.

"It's time for us to dismantle the institutions that are beginning to imprison us," he said.

Brain told the panel he witnessed villages that had slowly become impoverished -- he believes this occurred after a refinery project arrived carrying a slew of troubles, from a pipeline break to cheap labor issues.

Brain said that his experiences left him believing that "those who work in industry can get excited about growth and yet subsequently, can turn their eyes off towards any adverse impacts they are creating as a result."

Looking to the future, he suggested moving away from fossil fuels, and focusing on a new energy economy. Although Brain was interrupted for presenting an argument over oral evidence of his personal experience, his speech was met with loud applause and a standing ovation, according to the YouTube description.

Brain concluded his speech by asking whether people will choose to embrace a new way of life or "a predictable path that leads to the slow, inevitable decline of a civilization."

The Enbridge Northern Gateway Project Joint Review Panel describes the panel's mission on its website, stating they are "an independent body, mandated by the Minister of the Environment and the National Energy Board. The Panel will assess the environmental effects of the proposed project and review the application under both the Canadian Environmental Assessment Act and the National Energy Board Act."

According to Reuters, many groups that oppose Keystone XL are also against Northern Gateway:

They say the route of the pipeline is too dangerous, owing to seismic activity, frequent landslides and other natural hazards that could lead to oil spills. They also say the chemical makeup of the diluted bitumen that would flow through the pipeline is more corrosive than conventional oil, a contention that has not been proven by independent study.

Enbridge claims their pipeline follows a safe route and uses new technologies which will cut down on rupture risks.

The Vote Is In: Will $250 Truancy Tickets Stay?

2012-02-22T23:47:40Z

Story comes courtesy of The City Maven.

By Alice M. Walton.

Los Angeles students who are truant from school would not face a monetary fine until their third offense under a proposal unanimously approved today by the Los Angeles City Council.

The amended daytime curfew is expected to receive final approval next Wednesday.

Students who are stopped by police for not being in school would either have to show the court that they have an attendance plan that was developed with a guardian or perform 20 hours of community service over a 60-day period. If a student violates the daytime curfew three times, he could face a $20 fine, which would increase to as much as $155 with court fees. The current fine is $250.

“It’s really difficult for kids to pay that fine. It certainly puts a strain on families and really creates a system that is more designed to help people fail than to help people succeed,” said Judge Michael Nash, who presides over the Juvenile Dependency Court.

Between 2004 and 2009, LAPD and school officers issued 47,000 truancy tickets. African-American and Latino students accounted for 88 percent of those tickets, though they represent 74 percent of the student body, according to a report from the Public Safety Committee.

Los Angeles City Councilman Tony Cardenas spearheaded the change to the curfew.

“Truancy is a very important issue because school attendance rates are directly tied to school success and (are) a proven factor in reducing crime,” Cardenas said. “We’re going from a purely punitive model to a restorative justice model.”

truancy fine

Michael Ian Black's Parenting Advice

2012-02-22T23:44:05Z

Michael Ian Black is a lot of things. He’s an actor, a writer, an author of children’s books and of books for grown-ups; he’s a solid stand-up comedian with a pair of albums and a Comedy Central hour special to prove it; he’s a also a married guy with two kids. And it’s those last credits I was most interested in as I was preparing Laughspin‘s coverage on his memoir You’re Not Doing It Right: Tales of Marriage, Sex, Death, and Other Humiliations, out Feb 28. Because here’s the truth: I’m 34, been married for six years and have two sons, ages 3 and six months (or so), and I’m losing my fucking mind.

WATCH: Check Out These Cute Oscar Predictions

2012-02-22T23:10:10Z

Forget the movie critics and members of the Academy, here's a look at who the kids think will take home an Oscar on Sunday night.

Guyism's Ryan Jones took the streets to ask children which movies they thought were worthy of an Academy Award, and these youngsters don't hold anything back.

One sassy lady even declares she prefers the movie "Hugo" to her friend by the same name.

The kids weigh on important issues including Meryl Streep's performance in "The Iron Lady" and the meaning behind "The Tree of Life."

Sadly, group favorites Ashton Kutcher and Selena Gomez weren't among this year's nominees, but, hey, there's always 2013.

Via Guyism

Need more movie buzz? Check out HuffPost blogger Liz Kozak's hilarious Oscar cheat sheet.

8-Year-Old Student Shot At Washington Elementary School

2012-02-22T22:57:25Z

SEATTLE — An 8-year-old girl was in critical condition Wednesday after she was shot in the abdomen at her elementary school near Seattle, and one of her classmates was detained, authorities said Wednesday.

The injured third-grader was airlifted to Seattle's Harborview Medical Center, where she underwent surgery Wednesday afternoon so doctors could assess her injuries, hospital spokeswoman Susan Gregg said.

Police said a third-grade boy was being questioned and a firearm was found in a classroom. The boy apparently shot the girl, though police provided no further details about the incident and said their investigation was just beginning.

The Bremerton Schools superintendent's office said the girl was shot in the abdomen.

Bremerton police Lt. Peter Fisher said officers and emergency crews were dispatched to Armin Jahr Elementary school in Bremerton around 1:30 p.m. in response to a call that a student was shot by another student. The school is in a quiet residential neighborhood about 20 miles west of Seattle, across Puget Sound.

The school went into lockdown immediately after the shooting, said Bremerton Schools spokeswoman Patty Glaser. Lockdown procedures call for announcements to be made over the school's loudspeakers and for teachers to lock their classrooms, she said.

Armin Jahr Elementary has about 400 students, Glaser said. She said the school will reopen Thursday and three counselors will talk to teachers, students and parents.

"Our plans at this time, school will continue as usual," Glaser said.

When asked how a gun was brought into the school, Fisher said police were still investigating the circumstances and couldn't provide details.

Police were working with the school district Wednesday afternoon to reunite parents with their children, Fisher added, and investigators were interviewing witnesses, which included students.

As of mid-afternoon, parents were still arriving to pick up their children from the school. A police officer was checking vehicles as they entered the parking lot.

Many questions remained, including how a child could have obtained a loaded weapon and brought it into a grade school classroom.

In the latest scorecard by the Brady Campaign, a national gun control advocacy group, Washington scored no points in the child safety category because the state does not require trigger locks for guns and lacks laws to prevent child access to firearms.

"Washington state is a loosely regulated state when it comes to firearms," said Gregory Roberts, executive director of Washington Cease Fire, a Brady Campaign affiliate.

Amanda Roth, a staff attorney for the San Francisco-based Legal Community Against Violence, said 27 states and the District of Columbia have some form of firearm child access prevention laws. Such laws can include requirements to use gun locks and criminal penalties for adults who allow children to get their hands on guns.

___

Associated Press photographer Ted Warren in Bremerton contributed to this report.

WATCH: Teenager Dies After Inhaling Helium At Wild Party

2012-02-22T22:36:16Z

EAGLE POINT, Ore. — Last weekend, 14-year-old Ashley Long told her parents she was going to a slumber party. But instead of spending the night watching videos and eating popcorn two blocks away, she piled into a car with a bunch of her friends and rode to a condo in Medford, Ore., where police say the big sister of one of her friends was throwing a party with booze and marijuana.

After drinking on the drive, and downing more drinks in the condo, it came time for Ashley to take her turn on a tank of helium that everyone else was inhaling to make their voices sound funny.

"That helium tank got going around," said Ashley's stepfather, Justin Earp, who learned what happened from talking to Ashley's friends at the party. "It got to my daughter. My daughter didn't want to do it. It was peer pressure. They put a mask up to her face. They said it would be OK. `It's not gonna hurt you. It'll just make you laugh and talk funny.'"

Instead, she passed out and later died at a hospital, the result of an obstruction in a blood vessel caused by inhaling helium from a pressurized tank.

It's a common party trick – someone sucks in helium to give their voice a cartoon character sound.

But the death exposes the rare but real dangers of inhaling helium, especially from a pressurized tank.

Dr. Mark Morocco, associate professor of emergency medicine at the Ronald Reagan Medical Center in Los Angeles, said what happens is similar to when a scuba diver surfaces too quickly. A gas bubble gets into the bloodstream, perhaps through some kind of tear in a blood vessel, and can block blood flow to the brain, causing a stroke.

The gas is also commonly seen in suicide kits – mail-order hoods sold out of Oregon and elsewhere that can be attached to a helium tank by people who want to kill themselves. In those cases, the helium crowds out the oxygen, asphyxiating a person.

Death from inhaling helium is so rare that the American Association Poison Control Centers lumps it in with other gases, such as methane and propane. Only three deaths were recorded in 2010, said spokeswoman Loreeta Canton.

It's important to remind kids that ingesting any substance – for the sake of getting high or just changing their voices – can be dangerous, said Frank Pegueros, executive director of DARE, Drug Abuse Resistance Education.

Pegueros said the first defense is for parents to tell their kids about the dangers of certain substances. He said kids need to also ask themselves whether going along with the crowd at a party is worth it.

"Peer pressure is a very potent force," he said. "We've all gone through it growing up."

"It's getting somebody to pause and think and evaluate the situation and determine, is this something that's going to have a bad consequence," he said.

Police have arrested 27-year-old Katherine McAloon, who lived in the condo, on charges of providing alcohol and marijuana to minors. Four men who were at the party have been questioned by police, but have not been charged, said Medford Police Lt. Mike Budreau. More charges may be filed after police turn over their evidence to the district attorney.

Ashley was a goofy, nerdy eighth-grader who struggled with her weight, was just starting to notice boys, got top grades in school, had posters of Justin Bieber all over her room and wanted to grow up to be a marine biologist, said her mom, Loriann Earp. The family moved from Grants Pass, Ore., to Eagle Point about a year ago, and Ashley had just gotten over the difficulty of adjusting to eighth grade in a new school.

Justin Earp said the kids had four wine coolers each in the car, and four mixed drinks at the condo, before they started passing around the helium.

Police said it was an 8-gallon canister, the kind you can buy at many stores. The kids were taking hits directly from the tank.

When Ashley passed out, someone tried CPR. Then they called 911. Paramedics tried to revive her and took her to the hospital.

"About 11:30 we got a phone call from police saying they were doing CPR on our daughter," said Justin Earp.

At the hospital, they were told that Ashley had died.

Her family has set up a foundation, Ashley's Hope, to spread the word about the dangers of inhaling helium.

Loriann Earp feels like her daughter was stolen from her.

"My whole chest is collapsed and my heart is broken," she said through sobs. "I don't understand."

___

Follow Jeff Barnard on Twitter: . http://www.twitter.com/jeffbarnardAP

Fighting The 'Gimmies': Getting Kids Away From Materialism

2012-02-22T22:32:07Z

Marc and Craig Kielburger are the co-founders of Free The Children and Me to We, a social enterprise. They are authors of "The World Needs Your Kid: Raising Children Who Care And Contribute," with journalist Shelley Page.

"They're not so much children as what I like to call 'evolving consumers'."

You could be forgiven for thinking this was a classic line from Mr. Burns in The Simpsons. But it's actually attributed to well-known (real-life) marketing executive Elliott Ettenberg. And he's not alone -- fellow advertising guru Nancy Shalek famously told the Los Angeles Times, "Advertising at its best is making people feel that without their product, they're a loser. Kids are very sensitive to that. If you tell them to buy something, they are resistant. But if you tell them they'll be a dork if they don't, you've got their attention."

Maybe it's over-dramatic to say there's a war going on for the souls of our kids, but it's definitely a struggle. On one side: the 20,000 commercials that Canadian kids see each year (60 per cent of which promote sugared cereals, candy, fatty food and toys), armed with the latest research in child psychology. On the other: Mom and Dad, armed with "You're still cool to me, sweetheart."

Studies abound on the inverse relationship between materialism and happiness, including among kids. Professor Tim Kasser, author of The High Price of Materialism, asked 206 middle- and high-school students what they would do with $100, cross-analysing their answers with measures of their self-esteem, happiness, anxiety and high-risk behaviours.

He found that the kids who would save the money had higher self-esteem and didn't smoke. Those who would donate to charity were happier and less likely to smoke, use alcohol or get into trouble. And those who would spend more on themselves had lower self-esteem and greater anxiety. Professor Kasser validates the conventional wisdom linking self-esteem to materialism: "If a young person is driven by insecurity, they will shop. They are only doing the best they can to meet their needs."

We certainly weren't angels when it came to material pressure. Our mom loves telling the story about Marc hiding in the car in the parking lot of discount store Bi-Way, refusing to go inside or to wear anything she bought for him there. Mom took action a few weeks later during the holidays, bringing Marc along on a visit to the Chans -- a single-parent, recently arrived family whose daughter was Mom's student. Aware they were struggling in their new country, Mom did what she could to help.

On that Christmas gift run, Marc noticed that their small apartment in a run-down building was sparse but spotless. The kids had on their best clothes, and the cookies they served were clearly a luxury. After tea, Mrs. Chan handed Marc a small gift and said, in broken English, "You are our best friends. And best friends are so important to us. Thank you."

The words cut through Marc's cool veneer and showed him how fortunate our family was, and how Mom's small gestures of kindness and friendship could make a difference in the lives of an isolated family of newcomers.

Parents want their kids to be happy, and being accepted is a big part of happiness in childhood and adolescence. But when birthday party invitations stipulate that gifts must be worth at least $35, or include a private concert by Aerosmith, it's gotten out of control.

It's natural for kids to want certain things, but why not balance their needs with the needs of others? Here are some tips from Prof. Kasser and other parents we've met who have found that balance by tackling materialism head-on:

1. FIGHT THE GIMMIES
The Kassers limit their sons' screen time to 30 minutes a day and encourage alternatives that foster creativity and physical activity. Since it's nearly impossible to avoid all commercial advertising, it's also a good strategy to instill media literacy, like our friend and The World Needs Your Kid co-author Shelley Page, who taught her two daughters to "ad bust" from age four.
Whenever they saw an ad together (watching TV with your kids helps), Shelley and the girls deconstructed the message, "What are they selling me? Why are they selling it to me? What are they claiming it'll do for me? Is it true?" Now at ages nine and 12, the girls are informed consumers on whom ads have little effect. "They think ads for make-up, brand-name clothes, medicine, cars -- the list is long -- are ridiculous. We have great bonding time mocking commercials," says Shelley.

2. A BOOSTER SHOT OF SELF-ESTEEM
Vernon, BC-based child psychologist Dr. Kevin Murphy is author of The Jendorra Boxes -- a fantasy trilogy for adolescents that promotes positive social values through fiction. Over four decades working with children, teens and their parents, he's found that the key to building sustainable self-confidence in the early teen years is to "value not just final outcomes but also their effort and learning." Regular, constructive feedback on a child's progress toward an objective are more valuable than generalizations.
"Comments such as 'But I love you' may be true, but not necessarily all that useful," says Dr. Murphy, who also advocates encouraging kids to contribute to the household and community: "If a young person can do things of value for others then it becomes easier for them to value themselves and resist commercial efforts to exploit the uncertainty-based drop in self-confidence that is generally associated with the early teen years."

3. GIVE TIME, NOT STUFF
Many parents work harder and longer to provide a 'better' life for their families. The catch is that often the more parents work to provide, the less time they spend with their kids. In lieu of presence? Presents -- an exchange that teaches kids that stuff is more important than time spent with family. Instead, let the birthday girl or boy (parents included) choose the family activity and meal plan for the day, and volunteer together on holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas and Hannukah. If you must give a gift, consider a coupon book with tokens for a movie night, a lift to a friend's house, or a week off from putting out the garbage.The Kassers make a point of collecting experiences instead of things, through family adventures such as Semester at Sea, a sailing school where Professor Kasser taught a psychology course and brought his family along to see the various countries they visited.

4. SPELL IT OUT: YOU'RE LUCKY
Like our mom did for Marc at the Chans, make sure your kids know that having more or better stuff isn't the most important thing in the world. From a very young age, start dinners with a round of thanks: to the sun, earth and farmers for growing the food, the grocery store clerks for stocking it, and the person who prepared it. Later, bring them to volunteer at a food bank or soup kitchen. Trace the journey of your kids' clothes and toys -- note the discrepancy between their lifestyle and that of the workers in China or elsewhere who made their stuff. Of his kids' experience with Semester at Sea, Professor Kasser said: "They have now seen poverty and know what real poverty is. They know how privileged they are. What they want isn't really what they need."

5. MODEL IT
Like any other habit, it's hard to expect your kid to avoid the trappings of materialism if you spend your Saturdays draped with a rainbow of boutique bags at the mall. If you want to take a preventive approach, try taking family challenges like a TV Turn-Off Week or a Buy Nothing Week. Take a chance at your local second-hand store -- there's a range of options from fashion-conscious consignment stores, to mid-range Value Village, to the 'Whatever You Can Fit in a Bag for a Buck' church basement thrift store. Our friend and co-author Shelley has adopted the '3-Way Allowance Split' -- spend, save and charity -- and has a spare change jar in the kitchen that, once filled, goes to whatever charity the family chooses.

DVF For GapKids: A Sneak Peek At The New Line (PHOTOS)

2012-02-22T21:10:35Z

We'll admit to being a little jealous of kids clothing these days. Um, hello, Stella McCartney for GapKids and all of the designers whipping up sartorial items for H&M? Yep, colour us green with envy.

And then came these sneak peek pics of the new -- and first -- Diane von Furstenberg collection for GapKids and babyGap. (The press kit, might we add, came with paper doll cut-outs we could dress up with DVF-styled stickers.)

Launching in the U.S. and Canada on March 15, and in the U.K. on March 28, the collection is basically a little girl's dream wardrobe (and, perhaps, some tweens and teens, too). It's full of the iconic prints that made Diane famous as well as her signature silhouette dresses and poppy colours. It's also full of summer 2012's wardrobe essentials: T-shirts, tanks, shorts, leggings and sunglasses. There's even a wrap dress.

On the line, Diane von Furstenberg says: "I am thrilled to collaborate with Gap on this playful collection for girls. It is timeless... colourful... effortless. That is very DVF!"

We couldn't agree more!

Dad Takes Adorable Photos For Sick Grandmother

2012-02-22T20:26:24Z

It's not every day that a little girl can transform into Super Mario, ride a flying bicycle, or let down her hair like Rapunzel (and then have her sister swing from it). But when your dad's a photographer and you're adorable, the magical becomes possible.

According to The Daily Mail, Jason Lee was inspired to start documenting his daughters' growth when his mom was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma in 2006. He wanted her to be able to see her granddaughters without catching any of their kid germs -- and so, his photoblog was born.

Eight-year-old Kristin and 5-year-old Kayla are a "never-ending source of ideas" when it comes to Lee's creative process, he says. Their mutual love for Justin Bieber became fodder for a Valentine's Day shoot, Kayla's playing with a drumstick at the dinner table turned into a jam session, and one time, they both just got to be a Super Mario Brother.

As for Lee's mother, she was delighted with his project and continues to follow their family life online. "I just hope that people enjoy the images as much as I enjoy taking them," Lee told The Huffington Post. "Maybe reading about their antics and stories can bring a smile to someone's face."

How One Divorced Dad Learned To Love His Ex

2012-02-22T19:26:13Z

I’m the divorced parent.

Some parents stay married. I didn’t. I get up in the morning and make my son breakfast. I pack his lunch. I walk him to school and I pick him up. I schedule play dates. I watch cartoons with him. We talk about being “unmarried” and having two houses.

Rachel Hulin's 'The Flying Baby' Photo Series

2012-02-22T19:14:14Z

While on assignment, photographer Rachel Hulin took a moment to take a photo of her son, Henry, "in flight" -- setting up the shot to make it appear as though the baby was floating in midair, she told TIME in an interview. After posting the picture on Facebook, and getting a huge response, she knew she had found something special.

"The photo was sort of magical in an unexpected way and I wanted to make more,” Hulin told TIME. “I felt like the pictures could show the world that babies inhabit that is all their own."

While Hulin wouldn't go into the specifics of how the shoots are carried out, she told TIME that she doesn't ever stage the shots.

“I never throw him," she told the magazine. "And I never move him into a place in the frame that he wasn’t in to begin with. I like Henry to fly the way he feels like it, I never pose him in a specific way."

Jason Lee's children weren't flying through the air, Hulin's series shares a similar concept with his photos that depict his two daughters, dressed up for holidays and as characters -- all of which have an adorable twist.

According to Lee, most of his inspiration was derived from everyday life with his daughters, and began when his mother was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma.

For a look at Hulin's website and more of her work, click over here.

We're big fans of levitation photography at our office too! Check out our staff photographer Damon Dahlen's amazing pictures of AOL & HuffPost employees "floating" around the building.

Do French Parents Have A Certain Je Ne Sais Quoi?

2012-02-22T19:10:54Z

NEW YORK -- So you're visiting someone's home with your child and hot chocolate is served. As the hostess' kids sip the delicious concoction politely and silently, your own little dear takes a gulp and promptly spits it back into the mug.

Admit it, parents: Something similar has happened to you.

But for Pamela Druckerman, an American mother in Paris, it wasn't just an isolated incident. That embarrassing moment with her daughter, Bean – she would have kicked her under the table, but couldn't be sure which pair of legs were hers – was one of many during her early years as a mother in France. There were years of fearing her children would act up, melt down, or otherwise commit a serious faux pas at any moment.

Because, as Druckerman explains in her new book, "Bringing Up Bebe," French children don't spit into their mugs. They don't have tantrums in the park, they don't shun their vegetables, they don't forget to say "bonjour" or "au revoir," and they most certainly don't throw food (in fact, "French Children Don't Throw Food" is the book's title in Britain.)

Are children in France born polite? Do they come out of the birth canal saying, "Bonjour, Maman," and apologizing for the discomfort they've just caused?

Clearly not, but Druckerman, a former Wall Street Journal reporter, set out to determine just what French parents are doing right. Boosted by the fact that France and parenting are both subjects people love to talk about, "Bringing Up Bebe," written in a winningly chatty style, debuted at No. 8 on The New York Times best-seller list earlier this month and hit No. 1 on The Sunday Times hardback nonfiction list in Britain.

The book has also drawn attention through comparison to Amy Chua's "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother," last year's provocative account of Eastern-style parenting. Chua's book was excerpted in The Wall Street Journal under the title, "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior," and Druckerman's under the headline "Why French Parents Are Superior" – a phrase that doesn't sit well with everyone.

"First Tiger Mom. Now, I dunno, Fromage Mom?" Jen Singer wrote recently on her mommy blog, Mommasaid.net. "Nowadays, it appears that everyone is better at parenting than Americans are."

She added: "Here's the dirty little secret about their `superior' parenting philosophies: They're not about the kids. The so-called French parenting method seems to make life easier for parents who want to socialize."

In a recent interview at a Manhattan restaurant, Druckerman stresses that she isn't trying to present the French style as perfection. "I don't have any magic bullets," she says. "I was just trying to tell my story."

Her story is, though, overwhelmingly favorable to the stricter French parenting style, and judging by comments on the Internet, not all American moms disagree.

Kat Gordon, a mother of two sons in Palo Alto, Calif., read the excerpted article and immediately wrote on Facebook, "I smell a best-seller." She meant it as a compliment.

"It sounds like French mothers are experiencing more joy and feeling less frazzled by parenthood," Gordon explained in a telephone interview. "That's something all mothers should want – if we can get over our defensiveness."

Gordon recalls an incident when her older son, Henry, was 2 1/2 years old. Her in-laws were over for dinner, but Gordon, who'd worked all day, was being pulled away constantly by Henry, and she felt conflicted and guilty. Her mother-in-law set her straight.

"Henry should always feel that you're available to him," her mother-in-law said. "But he shouldn't feel entitled to you."

Druckerman touches on just that theme. French mothers, she writes, love their children as much as anyone, but don't see them as their entire life project, to the exclusion of professional satisfaction, adult leisure time and quality time with a spouse.

"If your child is your only goal in life, it's not good for the child," one French mother tells her. "Guilt is a trap," says another.

Druckerman writes about how many French babies, at an extremely young age, sleep through the night, thanks to La Pause: Parents wait a bit when the baby fusses. Maybe the baby can sort it out alone.

This helps with more than sleep, Druckerman says: It's also a crucial building block to developing patience. "I had always assumed that some kids were good at waiting, and others weren't," she said in the interview. "I didn't realize one could teach a child to wait."

Similarly, Druckerman always assumed some kids were picky eaters and others weren't. But the French, she discovered, simply teach their children to appreciate adult tastes, from their first year.

Forget chicken nuggets. The author attends a planning meeting for meals in Paris creches, or daycare centers, and it sounds like a morning meeting at a Michelin-starred restaurant: Four-course meals are de rigueur for 3-year-olds, centered on perhaps a fish in dill sauce, a side of organic potatoes "a l'anglaise" and a cheese course, bien sur, before dessert.

But that doesn't explain why French children, according to Druckerman, so rarely have tantrums, at least in public. She explains that they're given a strict cadre – literally, a frame – to guide them. A nonnegotiable: saying "bonjour" and "au revoir." It's not mere politeness, but a way of acknowledging the world doesn't revolve around them.

To one fellow American mother in Paris, it all sounds good, but doesn't quite work that way.

Elizabeth Brahy, a mom of two who's lived in France for 17 years, thinks French children only seem better behaved because their parents are very strict with them – sometimes overly so. But when away from adults, she says, they're not nearly the same.

"They toe the line when they're with their parents," she says, essentially because they are scared of getting in trouble. "But away from them, they're worse behaved than American kids."

And where Druckerman admires how French parents stay at the perimeter of the playground while their kids play independently, Brahy sees something different: "You go to the park, and you see these kids running wild, pushing and shoving and stealing toys, and no one is disciplining them."

It's not all negative. "The things that work really work," Brahy says. For example: "It's healthy that parents here have lives apart from being parents. In America, parents put their kids first and live by the kids' rhythms."

Ami Salk agrees. A mother of three children who has been in Paris for 23 years and teaches professional writing to corporate employees, Salk feels confident saying something many American moms wouldn't: "My kids are important, but they're not more important than me. I also don't think they're more important than my relationship."

Salk recently brought her three kids to the United States for a summer visit. She was appalled at the behavior of some American children she encountered – some who never said "hello" or acknowledged her presence.

"They never took off their headphones," she says. American kids, she observed, also tend to snack all day – something that doesn't happen in France. Then they're not hungry at mealtime.

On the other hand, she says, "Everyone thought my kids were great. They said `hello' when introduced. They said `goodbye' when they left. They ate almost everything. Address them, and they responded."

What it comes down to, Salk says, is really a contrast between a traditional parenting style – one that she had as a child in the U.S. in the 1960s – and a modern one, that has in some ways gone awry.

Druckerman would agree wholeheartedly. One of her favorite bits of feedback, she says, came from a mother in England, who said that she'd been feeling guilty about her occasional trips alone to get her hair done.

"She wrote that my book had freed her," Druckerman says.

"That made me cry."

___

Online:

BlackVoices History Quest: Seattle

2012-02-22T18:48:10Z

Today's edition of Black Voices Black History Quest is based in Seattle.

You can plan a trip with your family to these places with the helpful map, courtesy of MapQuest, below!

If we missed a place that you know and love, let us know in the comments, tweet it to us using the hashtag #BHMQuest or post it on our Facebook wall. We'll keep adding to this map and gallery as the month goes on.

Why She Decided To Join The Army After 50

2012-02-22T18:03:38Z

By Melissa K. Buckley
Fort Leonard Wood

FORT LEONARD WOOD, Mo., Feb. 21, 2012 – Army Sgt. Sandra Coast graduated from Basic Combat Training here Feb. 17, officially beginning her Army career at 51 years old.

The average age for an Army Reserve recruit is about 23, making Coast one of the oldest people to go through basic combat training, U.S. Army Recruiting Command officials said.

"Everybody in the world thinks I am a total nutcase," Coast said. "I just want to support our troops. I love all of them."
From 1982 to 1993, Coast devoted her life to the Navy. She gave up her lifestyle as a sailor to raise her son, Jeff, who ironically led her back to the military she left behind years ago.

"When Jeff graduated high school, he joined the Marine Corps. When I was at the recruiter's office with my son, I walked into the Army recruiting office and said 'I want to join,'" Coast said. Her previous years of military service allowed her to join the Army Reserve well past the age someone without prior service could join, she explained.

For as long as she can remember, Coast said, she has had a special place in her heart for troops and a hunger to serve.

"I have a friend in the Navy that was emailing me from Afghanistan,” she said. “It's his third combat tour in seven years. I don't know, I can't explain it. I just had this overwhelming desire to give back to the military somehow. I was doing the same job day after day after day. I can't live my life that way. There is more to life than this, so I ended up in basic training."

She was stunned to learn that as a paralegal specialist she would have to go back to basic training -- this time, Army style.

"I wasn't quite expecting to be running around with an M16 and all of this gear," Coast said as her training neared its end. "This is nothing even remotely similar to being a sailor. I was blown away by the total difference of it. We carried M16s during Navy boot camp, but we never shot them. Here we are shooting several times a week. Shooting this weapon with all of the gear on takes a toll on me."

Coast started preparing for basic combat training months prior to stepping foot on Fort Leonard Wood.

"Before the recruiters would even talk to me, I had to lose 30 pounds,” she said. “I went from sitting at home every night eating ice cream to exercising and watching what I ate. I also started getting up at 4 o'clock in the morning to exercise and tried to go to bed early at night. I knew I needed every advantage I could have to get through this."

Coast’s 10-week journey from civilian to soldier was spent in Company B, 2nd Battalion, 10th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Chemical Brigade. Army 1st Sgt. John Byars, her first sergeant, said his first reaction when he heard he had a 51-year-old headed his way was "Wow, that's strange." Now, Byars has a new perception.

"I was impressed, because she can do everything the younger soldiers do," he said. "She never expected us to feel sorry for her. She even got one of the highest Army physical fitness test scores in the company. She is a prime example that age is just a number. She ran faster than soldiers young enough to be her kids."

Coast even amazed herself when she came in second place during the test.

"I am still kind of blown away by that,” she said. “I even ran faster than all but one female."

The fitness test may have been a breeze for Coast, but she said one of the hardest things for her to adjust to was the divide in life stages between her and her roommates.

"Everything about basic training is pretty tough, but living with more than 30 teenage females is one of the hardest things," she said. But despite the age gap, she added, she was treated like every other soldier in training.

"We don't treat her any different, and we don't see the privates treat her any different," Byars said.

Coast agreed.

"They treat me as an equal,” she said. “The males, especially, have the utmost respect. They will do little things that they probably aren't supposed to do, like give me their seat on the bus and hold the doors for me. It's the little things that mean so much."

Coast recalled an incident during hand-to-hand combat training that was particularly tough for one of her battle buddies.

"We had to slap each other in the face. The poor guy that was up against me said, 'I cannot do this. I cannot slap her,'” she said. “I told him I would pay for his counseling when we were done. I was slapping him -- he finally slapped me."

As her graduation approached, she said the thing she was looking forward to the most was wrapping her arms around her son.

"I am thrilled to wear the title of sergeant in the U.S. Army, but the title that is also very near and dear to my heart is Marine mom. You can't beat that. I feel totally blessed," Coast said.

Marine Corps Pfc. Jeff Coast didn't think his mother was serious when she expressed interest in joining the Army, but recently he started seeing a side of her that was new to him.

"She is doing what most people her age would consider crazy," he said. "I think she is hardcore. I hope when I get older I am still active and do all kinds of cool stuff."

The Marine’s mother said she made it through basic training because of the support she received from family, friends and even outsiders.

"It blows my mind that I am able to accomplish this," she said. "I couldn't have done it without the support of my Marine mom friends. I get more mail from them than anybody. That support keeps me going. They are constantly cheering me on. Even random people around here will tell me they are cheering for me.

"At the dining facility the workers walk up and tell me they are cheering for me," she continued. "I cry pretty much every day. Not a lot, because it's not an Army thing to do I know, but it's mind-boggling to me how supportive strangers can be."

Coast said she is delighted to have reached the end of her basic training adventure, and that she’s thankful for all of the new experiences it provided.

"This has been very challenging,” she said before her graduation. “It makes me realize that I can do all of this. I got to do some really fun things. After the rappelling tower, I decided to start rock climbing when I get out of basic training."

Coast added that she also is looking forward to her life in the Army Reserve. She said she enlisted hoping to work directly with active-duty troops, but instead was attached to a reserve unit. But on the plus side, she said, she will be able to work near her son's reserve unit.

"I wanted to go active duty, but they are not taking people as old as me for active duty,” Coast said. “So I got attached to a virtual unit. Everything I do will be by the Internet and phone.”

Basic combat training left her with a new respect for combat soldiers and a new respect for herself, Coast said.

"Their gear is heavy, and they are doing this constantly,” she noted. “We have some really awesome troops out there. I am 51 years old, and I can do this."

Courtesy of America Forces Press Service