Being a Mommy is The Most Awesome Job in The World, but some moments are slightly less stellar than others. Here are some of the reasons Mommy needed a cocktail (and a personal brie wheel) when the past week came to an end:
1. Food fights, otherwise known as dinner time. At least you got your point across when Mommy asked you if you liked marinara sauce and you hurled the bowl at her new blouse. The real question is, "Why is Mommy still buying white clothes?!"
2. After responsibly labeling your daycare clothes with permanent marker, Mommy irresponsibly left said marker on the coffee table. She's now telling guests that her couch is "an authentic Banksy!"
3. Potty training regression. WHYYYYYY? Mommy sobs while trucking it to Target to replace the mega box of Pampers she donated to charity last month.
4. "Dora The Explorer." Is PETA concerned that Dora's best friend is a monkey dressed like a child? Why does the knapsack eat with his head? Is it unhealthy to let you watch the iPad this much? Swiper, no swiping brain cells! (singing) Come on vamanos, everybody let's go... to the wine cellar.
5. Halloween is only moments away, and Mommy's just discovered you outgrew the dinosaur costume she bought you off the Old Navy clearance rack last November. You may have to go dressed up as Mommy's Bank Account. In red.
6. Mommy decided to finally catch up on social media this week and OH MY GOD -- WHAT HAPPENED TO HANNAH MONTANA???!!!!
7. Mommy had to manage optics at the office when the daycare sent you home due to a semi-warm forehead. Mommy was forced to "work from home" which is creative parenting language for "send a bunch of useless emails to look productive while spending the entire day building a Play-Doh village."
8. Ever since you were born, Mommy's been on a delicate emotional rollercoaster. She can't watch anything from the Fall line-up without bursting into hormone-induced tears. Even "Modern Family" made her cry this week. Those kids are growing up so fast!
9. 5 A.M. For some logic-defying reason, you've decided this is your new wake-up call. Hooray for Folgers! PS: The Marketing Executives need to invent an I.V. line for parents.
10. Her period is late. Oh no. Oh... no. Until Mommy can get to CVS for a First Response, tonight's drink is an orange juice fortified with folic acid. Praying to Tampax it's just stress.
Check out Reasons Mommy Drinks, the hilarious bestselling book by Lyranda Martin Evans and Fiona Stevenson. Includes 100 cocktail and mocktail recipes. It's the ultimate baby shower gift! Also makes a great drink coaster.
Join the conversation on twitter @mommyreasons