Ladies and gentlemen, today for the first time in film history, I am very pleased to be able to announce the Oscar nominees for the funniest political movies of 2012. Heads up, according to the publicists, these movies have been inspired by some of the biggest comedians around -- our hilarious members of Congress!
The nominees are:
Man in Black II
Barack Obama stars in this great second term biopic, which is of course a natural follow up to the 2008 prequel, Man in Black I. Set in the not-too-distant future -- i.e., now-ish -- this movie follows the colorful adventures of our black president as he takes on his orange Speaker of the House, several green politicians, and a yellow Congress, in a divided blue and red America. Watch as our black guy hero eviscerates all his political enemies and gets the country back on the right track with his whiter than white approach to politics and life!!
Meet the Stupid Fokkers
Several members of the GOP play themselves in this hilarious tale of a party fokking itself over, and over and over again, with policies that just won't fly in modern day America. Here's a quick list of all the stars, with their previous film credits in parenthesis: Karl Rove (Psycho), Grover Norquist (The GOPfather), Sarah Palin (Legally Dumb) and Roger Ailes (The Terminator). This movie has been released by Fox Political-Light Pictures, and a great follow up is already in the works -- that would be One Flew Over the GOP Cuckoos' Nest.
All the President's Women
A real feel-good film starring one ordinary man -- President George W. Bush playing himself -- and a whole bunch of extraordinary political women! In a rip-roaring 100 minutes, the women usurp power from the president, end the war in Afghanistan, solve every crisis in the Middle East, pull the country back from the fiscal cliff, stimulate the economy into massive and unstoppable growth, pay down American's debt to zero -- and then go and get their hair and nails done!! Shame this is just a fantasy movie.
The Life of Pie
Governor Chris Christie... well, you get the picture. But hey, this movie doesn't just feature the governor's culinary adventures. In an unexpected plot twist, our do-right, always-right governor, actually admits he's wrong about something for the first time in his entire political career!! So folks, in this movie, you'll see Christie eating apple, cherry, peach, plum and even humble pie!! FYI, this film includes scenes of extreme indigestion and thankfully no nudity.
E.C. The Extra Terrestrial
Eric Cantor lights up the screen as E.C. -- an illegal alien whose spaceship crash lands in a small American town and leaves him stranded there without a visa. Though E.C. attempts to assimilate with the residents, no one can understand his unearthly ideas and strange alien utterances. So when he receives the intergalactic message "E.C. phone home", our star misfit immediately reconnects with his fellow aliens and then self-deports back to his alternate universe! Best line in the movie? Eric Cantor saying, "I'm on another planet"!!
Harriet Potter and the Gun Chamber of Doom
An uplifting movie about Senator Harriet Potter -- who's played brilliantly by Dianne Feinstein -- and her fight to get sane gun control legislation passed by Congress. Despite opposition from the gun lobby, Harriet rallies enough common sense politicians on both sides of the aisle to pass a bill that includes an assault weapons ban, a handgun ban, and even a bullets ban!! And she does so, with classic lines like, "If we don't do this, I see dead people!", "I'm as mad as hell about all the mass shootings and I'm not going to take this anymore," and "Go ahead, make my day! Tell me where in the Second Amendment does it say, you have the right to bear arms with actual bullets in them!!" This movie is rated tamer than G, and contains absolutely no violence whatsoever.
Congress Groundhog Day
A brilliant film based on the true-life adventures of the biggest "Do Nothing Congress" of all time -- the 112th U.S. Congress. In this accurate portrayal, Congress gets stuck in a time loop of repetitive behavior and proceeds to kill bill, after bill, after bill, on day after day, after day!! If you enjoy watching our real-life politicians doing nothing while America lurches from one crisis to another, you are going to absolutely love this movie! And you may also enjoy a couple of other films featuring the "Do Nothing 112th Congress" -- Kill Bill 1 and Kill Bill 2.
So there you have all the contenders, folks. Want to find out which movie's going to win? Well, mark your calendars. This year's awards ceremony will be held on April 1, 2013 at the Koch-dak Theater in Los Angeles -- a theater named after those "Best Supporting Actors In Crazy Right Wing Dramas", the Koch Brothers.