I Don't Speak Sarah Palin

We're liberals living in the East Village in New York. Of course we're going to support Joe Biden. But WTF, what a boring debate. What would it take to get Biden to reach over and b-slap the Wasilia "hey, victims of rape, I need you to shell out your own money to fight for yourselves" governor of the great state of Uh-laaaska. We ain't no soccer moms. We're single girls living in the city, but Joe Biden's face lift scared the hell out of us tonight. His eyes were pulled back too tightly to blink. Why couldn't you have shown any of that charm you pack in ya' pocket, Joe? Christ!

And what is up with Gwen Ifill, dressed in your turquoise quilt, could you have squandered a greater career opportunity? She should have taken a hot salt bath to soak away all that partisan heat she took for her Obama book and instead stirred a little heat between the candidates tonight. My God, what a boring night. Our drinking game for tonight's debate took a good 45-minutes to take off. Instead of following the online status quo and drinking each time Sarah Palin didn't make sense, we were taking shots each time Biden said something oh so Biden. Needless to say we're sober. Where were you tonight, Joe! So what if the night was all about her, it wasn't an excuse to be a shy violet and shrink away from being yourself. You should have packed more punches.

You were up against a soccer mom who won her mayoral race based on a thousand votes from her local tongue-speaking church. Do you do witchcraft too? You should have tore her jugular out. And what we couldn't help feeling tonight, because campaigns are all about "feelings" (when will Democrats tap into them) that Hillary vs. Palin would have much more of the WWF smack-down we were after. Hillary would have tore Palin to shreds. She wouldn't have held herself back like you did tonight, Joe. She would have buried Sarah Palin in policy details but packed them down her throat, as she's known to do; that's what debates are for you tea-party pansy.

Why didn't you say to Palin, how about you give us some of that straight talk you keep talking about? Why didn't you bring up that going from governor of Alaska to vice president of the United States is like running a mom and pop store to becoming C.E.O. of Walmart. Come out and say to Sarah Palin what the rest of us are thinking: You are not qualified to be President of the United States of America. You're sheltered, you're a product launch, you're a first generation iPhone with all the dropped calls and bugs in it.

Sarah Palin, please do yourself a favor and cash in on having your own reality show come November 5th, because, as France is my witness, we cannot afford to have more schmucks like you running this country and this goes for your blue-plate special, senior citizen double discount running mate John "I'm 74 years old" McCain. I'm sure either Flavor Flav or Bret Michaels would be willing and able to take your red hot kitty heels out on a date. See-ya-later first dude Todd!

xoxo Andrea Chalupa and Ariston Anderson

Comments

[tmasciulli]

I dont know about you, but i love my first generation iPhone.
:-)

[McFlipFlop]

Should have "torn', would have "torn".

[allonfla]

Hillary is a woman - Biden is not. The more sensible among us would agree that this should not be an issue but the stuff you suggested would have been a big no-no for Biden - politically. What I did wish he would have done is to call her out about her straight talk. "you keep talkin' about that darn straight talk but you haven't answered a single question."

[c-lupa]

He should have called her out on "straight talk." He did a good job with that Maverick bit at the end there, finally.

[Sseb]

Someone tell SP we didn't make blenders in Iraq. They were toasters.

[YouDecide]

We can have someone wearing naughty monkeys as POTUS?

U betcha. Yup. Wink. [thumbs up]

Job creation. Maverick. Tax reductions. [Smile]

O'Biden. [smile] Taxes. Job losses. Yup. 'Cause Joe Six Pack needs mainstreet. also healthcare.

In 2004 the headline in the the UK was "How could 52 million people be so stupid?"

In 2008 the headline, should McBetcha "win" will read, "Now we know!"

Nucular. Pakistan. "I'm ready. I've been a mayor. Now. Where's those silly launch codes?"

[Dynamohum]

Well I guess you ladies don't know that the jewel/mineral tones are in this fall. So turqouise? Not my taste but it's out there in the stores.