THE BLOG

Life: Sexually-Transmitted and Fatal

04/28/2015 05:09 pm ET | Updated Jun 28, 2015

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Life is a sexually-transmitted condition that is invariably fatal.

That well-phrased truth -- often attributed to British author Neil Gaiman -- led off a talk not long ago at San Francisco's Commonwealth Club by Atul Gawande, physician and author of, most recently, Being Mortal. Gawande's message was all about being mortal, and facing that inevitable death in advance. In other words, if we mortals could please just admit our mortality -- and talk about what we'd like our final days/weeks/months to look like -- much good would result.

This writer has been on that soapbox for several decades.

Gawande and his interviewer, University of California San Francisco professor Alice Chen, M.D., spoke of the need for shared decision-making, shifting away from the paternalistic "doctor knows best: here's what we're going to do for you" attitude to the physician giving information and involving the patient in making choices. But their decision-making would still put the doctor first and patient second. This writer respectfully disagrees.

In response to a question from the audience, Gawande agreed that "a patient with unbearable suffering should be given the option to hasten death." But he followed this perfectly rational statement with an irrational comment: "every hastened death is a failure of the medical system."

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Atul Gawande

Give us a break.

The medical system needs, at some point, to confront this reality: Life... is invariably fatal. The medical system cannot forestall anyone's death forever. The medical system cannot protect, absolutely, against unbearable suffering. Compassionate physicians across the U.S. are recognizing this fact, and increasingly backing the legalization of aid in dying for the mentally-competent terminally-ill.

Gawande, Chen and countless others are proponents of palliative care, an excellent, relatively new segment of care in this country. They would have us believe that palliative care is the be-all and end-all of end-of-life care, and they oppose the option of legal aid in dying. Palliative care, an option many choose, is a fine addition to health care. It can keep pain to a minimum and often insure comfort; as a last resort, palliative sedation can render the patient essentially unconscious for whatever hours or days remain until death comes.

But it is a cruel myth that palliative care, or even the best hospice care, can guarantee anyone will slip peacefully from good life to gentle death. Pain, indignity, discomfort and distress are part of the process; some of us don't want much of that.

Legal aid in dying, the option to choose at what point to let invariable fatality happen, is the only guarantee. It's an option that we should all have.