THE BLOG

Puny Bun? Put a Sock in It

05/18/2011 03:09 pm ET | Updated Jul 18, 2011

I've spent my life making envious sideways peeks in the locker room at the gym and the bathroom at the club. Doing anxious size comparisons, and split-second estimations of length and girth. I've put so much effort into trying to hide the source of my angst, but here, in the privacy of this publicly-available website, I guess I can admit it: I am under-endowed.

In the hair department, that is. My locks are wavy, so when I have my hair down, I can fake the appearance of thickness. But my secret shame is broadcast for the world to see when I put it up in a bun. Instead of a lovely big chignon, I've got a little pimple on the back of my head. It looks preposterous. I resentfully glare at brides with big low side buns decorated with flowers, at Japanese girls with a hearty bobble on the top of their heads, at ballerinas whose buns threaten to topple their slender frames.

I was always vaguely aware that some sort of hair donut would probably beef up my nubbin, but never seriously looked into it. They always seemed too infomercial-esque, reserved for the teen hair accessory section at the back of the drugstore with the scrunchies, hair gems and those weird spiky headbands that I wore every day in grade nine.

But then, last weekend, on one of those Saturday afternoons where I was sitting around typing random search terms into YouTube (also known as every Saturday afternoon), I idly entered the words "big bun." As if a message directly from God herself, there it was, fourth result down: "The sock bun secret." I was intrigued. In some esoteric decision-making part of my brain, wearing a sock on my head seemed more palatable than buying a ready-made hair enhancement. Yeah, I don't get it either.

I watched, entranced, as the girl let me in on the sock bun secret. Here it was: a marvelously easy fix accomplished by wrapping a ponytail around a sock donut. Scavenging a black dress sock from my boyfriend's closet, I made a donut of my own according to the instructions of this charismatic hair prophet. (She is very sweet -- disproportionally apologetic about being unprepared when she doesn't have a hair elastic available around the 2:30 mark. Also, I like her accent.) Within minutes, I was sporting a robust bun. It was laughably simple. I can only shake my head and rue the years of walking around with an undersized embarrassment atop my crown.

Lesson learned: If you're not naturally well-endowed, just pad that bulge with a sock!

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