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Transcript of a Telephone Call Between Presidents Obama and Putin

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The following is a transcript of a conversation took place between Vladimir Putin and Barack Obama who initially fielded President Putin's incoming call at the White House. Presidents Putin and Obama both communicated with the help of interpreters.

Vladimir Putin: Hi Barack. How's Michele.

Barack Obama: How are things at the Dacha and the Duma?

Putin: Fine.

Obama: Terrible about Malaysia 370.

Putin: Yeah and the Korean ferry (pause). We need to talk.
You have to give me some space.

Obama: I hear you and I understand how you feel. But if you continue to buzz our destroyers which have every right to conduct exercises in the Black Sea, I'm not going to have scruples about hurting your rubles.

Putin: Very funny. I studied your Ogden Nash at university before I entered the KGB. But I have to express that I am very unhappy about the attack on Russian citizens in the Crimea and I will do everything in my power to defend them.

Obama: Ah so you admit it's defensive behavior. It's actually passive aggressive.

Putin: We really have to talk.

Obama: What would you call what we are doing?

Putin: You Americans have a word I really love. Psychobabble.

Obama: OK so let's not beat around the bush. Why don't you lay your cards on the table.

Putin: I would like you to let me take the Crimea in peace.

Obama: And how do you think that will make me look?

Putin: I would be the first to slap you on the back for saving lives and improving relations between our two great countries.

At this point the conversation was interrupted since President Obama had to attend a fundraiser for Hillary Clinton.