03/18/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Bad News! Obama Wins Nobel Peace Prize

Here's how Obama's critics will react to the news of his winning the Nobel Peace Prize.

The Religious Right will take this is further proof that Obama is the Antichrist.

The neoconservatives will trumpet this as the ultimate evidence of Obama being a socialist, embraced by notoriously socialist Norway.

The "birthers" will find evidence that Obama is indeed not an American since isn't it more likely that those communists in Europe would give the Nobel Peace Prize to a Kenyan?

The "deathers" already know that in Sweden (same as Norway, right?) socialized medicine kills one out of every two patients and forces 99% of women to have abortions, so this will just prove that a similar fate awaits all Americans.

The surprise for some Democratic voters who believe that all lefties are sensible people will be the reaction of the Obama-isn't-progressive-enough left. Obama's critics to the left (Krugman/Maher et al) will issue lists ranging from his "failure" to change the don't ask don't tell policy fast enough, to the fact that we are "still in Afghanistan" to show that the Nobel committee was somehow mistaken.

Because President Obama has not been on a timetable of a fast-paced music video but rather has approached governing at a measured pace working for long term results the smart ass part of the left, raised on high sugar content breakfast cereals and too much TV, a group of people who think in soundbites and 30 second news cycles, will somehow, like the far right, turn this good news into bad news.

The rest of us who have steadily stood by our man, worked to get him elected and have faith in his brilliance, good humor, patience and kindness will rejoice.

em>Frank Schaeffer is the author of Crazy for God: How I Grew Up as One of the Elect, Helped Found the Religious Right, and Lived to Take All (or Almost All) of It Back and the forthcoming Patience With God: Faith For People Who Don't Like Religion (Or Atheism)