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Frank Schaeffer

Frank Schaeffer

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How Do You Pick Up the Pieces After Your Faith Fails?

Posted: 02/ 1/11 07:14 PM ET

Someone emailed me today with a question that I think may haunt many of us. (They had just read my book Patience With God) where I describe my loss of faith in the Evangelical religion that I was raised on by my pastor father.

The question was:

"Frank, how do you pick up the pieces after your faith falls apart? How do you bring some order back to the chaos?"

Here was my answer and I share it here because I think that this person (and I) may not be the only people wrestling with this question.

I don't think there is a "how to" because of something I've learned along the way: There is no final arrival.

I think that one side effect of the "born-again" way of looking at things is that we tend to think in terms of in or out, lost or saved. Some days I'm an atheist, on others an agnostic, on other days I believe and feel God's hand "on me" as we used to say.

So what? Some days I'm in love with my wife, others not, some days I love to see my children, on others I don't. The journey of faith is a struggle and there is no destination because (I believe) the life of the spirit is real. Therefore we never arrive because the spirit never dies.

So then what matters? And what may keep us going on this journey and make it seem worthwhile?

Love is the only answer, and I mean that in a very basic and ordinary way.

Love of a child, partner spouse or friend. Love of art and beauty. Love of seeing and being in the moment. This love points to a greater meaning. So what if we will never fully know what that meaning is?

As far as specific Christian faith, well, admit it, it is all about geography. You were born here, not there. That is why a particular theology challenged you. If you'd been born in say, Saudi Arabia, you'd have other questions about theology.

Theology per se, let alone theological correctness, doesn't matter because it isn't universal.

What is?: The longing for meaning.

That is why I believe in God on the days that I do. And that is why some -- not all -- of Jesus' teaching resonate with me. Because some of his words tap into a universal love of meaning through Love of other people.

Stick with your love of beauty, and stick with the Sermon on the Mount and forget the rest.

Frank Schaeffer is a writer and author of 'Patience With God: Faith for People Who Don't Like Religion (or Atheism)'

 
 
 

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10:50 PM on 02/08/2011
I think this article will help a lot of you.

http://www.rationalpublicradio.com/have-you-abandoned-faith-but-kept-christian-morality.html
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Soulmentor
"To thine own self be true...."
06:55 PM on 02/08/2011
Wrong. My goal is not to lead people from Christ but to get them to think about what they THINK they believe. I have more respect for Christ and any other human in history, but very little for Biblical mythology and the historical ignorance of its believers. There's a very great difference.
12:47 AM on 02/09/2011
If you don't believe that Christ died for our sins and you attempt to "influence" others with that belief, you are trying to lead people away from Him. You note that his advocation of love is "acceptable" and gets your support but everything else is "mythology" apparently. You've acknowledged that He did exist, so my question still stands and is still unanswered. You're not fooling anyone.
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Rgo
Vision without action is a daydream.
12:31 PM on 02/07/2011
Geography is indeed a factor consider, the Christian in Chief while at a national prayer breakfast had ordered the raining down of drones on innocent people.

Think of it this way. So you are at the grocery store and there are two terrorist there shopping too. A couple drones hit the place and you 20 other innocent people are killed. But, we got the two bad guys. Not a good thing for you.

If it’s Pakistan and a similar situation and you just happened to be born into a Muslim family and there are two terrorist in your village it’s considered OK. Sorry, you are just in the wrong place, geographically and religiously speaking.

So Christians how does the “love” and Sermon on the Mount fit in here?
Instead of the Sermon on the Mount I refer to the words of Danny Archer (Blood Diamond):

"Sometimes I wonder... will God ever forgive us for what we've done to each other? Then I look around and I realize... God left this place a long time ago."
10:49 AM on 02/07/2011
Meaning = Contribution to the peaceful healthy lives of as many as you can help. Period. Move on.
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Soulmentor
"To thine own self be true...."
06:47 PM on 02/06/2011
You've outlasted liberals because they know a hopeless cause when they see it. I have no intention of trying to change your mind. I write and respond knowing that more thoughtful readers are reading and thinking and it is those I hope to influence.....just as you obviously do.
And you make a BIG mistake when you enter the "pick and choose", the "smorgasbording" argument into the discussion. Christians are the experts at that.
Now, recognizing that our discussion is going nowhere, I have better things to do with my time. I believe you are a good person and your beliefs do no harm and indeed, much good.....except, I suspect, when you vote in ways that would IMPOSE your beliefs on me. Oh, and don't even try to reverse that on me. Nothing I do, no way I live or vote, causes any imposition on your right to believe and live as you choose. It is the reverse of that that is the fact. Your right to believe what you choose to believe ends at MY right to live and love as I choose so long as I do no harm, which I don't, so now I've had enuf. Live long and prosper.
04:18 PM on 02/07/2011
Soulmentor.. yet again you've avoided my specific questions. That's what I consider "outlasting".. avoidance of specific questions and then the "I got better things to do" excuse. My goal is also to get others to think about things from a different perspective. My influence is oriented towards leading people to know Christ. Your's and the author's goal is to lead people away from Christ. You will probably deny this but that IS what you are doing. So, that is why I would really like to know what has made you so certain that Jesus didn't die for your sins. It's a very important question in regards to the subject of this article. Because if love is the most important thing... then acknowledging the greatest love of all would seem to be even more important. And not addressing my question shows that love may not really be the most important thing even though that is what is being espoused because sincerity would prompt an honest direct and unbiased analysis of this question (and an honest, sincere unbiased response). So, I guess I'm saying that you and the author here are full of crap.. sorry but that's the way I see it. Both of you have avoided this question.
01:06 AM on 02/09/2011
And I don't know how I live or vote to prevent you from living your life the way you want to except that I am not for changing the def. of marriage. I still believe that govt. should treat same sex couples the same as far as benefits and rights are concerned.. but I think the def. of marriage should be left alone. Otherwise.. where will it end?
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Soulmentor
"To thine own self be true...."
04:48 PM on 02/09/2011
I don't know how you vote either, but you sound conservative so I'm guessing you voted for Bush both times and, the way you refer to my interest in Obama, to McCain as well. Which means you have affected my life in more ways than I will enumerate fully, but here's a few: The recession, caused by Bush/Repub policies exacerbated by two wars of choice which in turn contributed to our current national bankruptcy (that no one will acknowledge) which cost me a job and I haven't worked since 2008 and lost my unemp in June due to Repub economic vindictiveness; the Palin gift that keeps on giving in terms of national divisiveness and the radical downgrading of our national political discourse which brot in the Repub House which promises more of the same and now even worse for women, gays and immigrants. I could go on, but you get the drift.
You DO get it, right?
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Soulmentor
"To thine own self be true...."
02:18 PM on 02/03/2011
******The journey of faith is a struggle and there is no destination because (I believe) the life of the spirit is real. Therefore we never arrive because the spirit never dies.********

YES!!!! I am not doomed for a lack of "faith" in some final something, but for lack of trying/seeking/searching for that which we know we cannot fully attain....in this life. Love is a choice and our spirits die when we do not make, or quit making that choice.
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Soulmentor
"To thine own self be true...."
01:44 PM on 02/03/2011
******"Frank, how do you pick up the pieces after your faith falls apart?******

The answer to that depends on the variety of reasons you, as an individual, "lost" it. In my case, I'm not sure I ever had "faith" in the traditional sense. I grew up gay in a conservative Lutheran family and I can see in retrospect that I lived in a state of spiritual confusion until into my 40's, by which time my personal "study" of my own spiritual senses, my self-education of religious history and tradition vis-a-vis homosexuality and the personal agony of my own spiritual development took me thru the process of coming to the point of letting all the religious trappings I grew up with drop away, to "it's just you and me, Jesus", to where I am now, with a "faith" in something unknowable but beneficent. Call it God or Allah or The Force or the Laws of the Cosmos, whatever, it is the greater universal Spirit we are all a part of that I call LOVE. Thus, in as round about but different path as Mr Schaeffer, we came to the same conclusion. This is now my faith: "God is Love, and he who lives in Love, lives with God and God lives in him." 1 John 4:16 AND "Love .....satisfies all of God's requirements. IT IS THE ONLY LAW YOU NEED." Romans 13:10
02:11 PM on 02/05/2011
But what about love FOR God?? Are you acknowledging or rejecting the greatest love of all.. the love that God has for us and displayed by what Jesus did for us... The clear question here is... what has so convinced you that Jesus isn't your saviour and didn't die for you? And if you believe He did, where is your love for Him? You nor anyone else here has mentioned this most valuable and important and greatest love of all. This is the problem with these "modern.. new age" beliefs that seem to make sooo much sense... Buddha didn't die for you.. nor did Allah... and Islam teaches hatred, oppression and death (in this life) for those who don't believe.... how can anything "good" come from that "faith"? It can't. The belief that "all" faiths are good and lead to love is false.. it's a trap.. it sounds great but there is NO substantiation for that beliefe.. it's just "convenient" and appeases humans.. not our Creator.
10:51 AM on 02/07/2011
I can't respect a god who needs a blood sacrifice.
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Soulmentor
"To thine own self be true...."
05:03 PM on 02/09/2011
God may exist but our currently immature human image of God is an abstract social construct of varying imagery depending on a given culture. How does one "love" a varying abstract social construct....beyond talking oneself into it vis-a-vis one's own culture?
And don't EVEN bother with the god-never-changes argument. God, whatever IT is, may indeed not change, but human concepts of God have done little else BUT change over recorded millenia.
I believe in God but, beyond Jesus' and the Bible's presentation of God as LOVE, it have no clue what God is. (and you can't possibly either). LOVE, I can love, even in its personified form, but it is not possible to truly love an abstract "God". You can only give it lip service.
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Soulmentor
"To thine own self be true...."
01:43 PM on 02/03/2011
Thus, when my evangelical type siblings suggested years ago that I needed to partake of "the milk of the Word" I was able to counter with the suggestion that it is THEY who are still sucking on the milk teat while I have been weaned and now live on the MEAT of real faith and I am at Peace with God AND my sexuality, which invariably produces expressions of perplexity, confusion and incredulity on their faces. Hunkered down behind the armor of their immature traditional "faith", they have no clue what I'm talking about.
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Frank Schaeffer
Frank Schaeffer is a New
05:30 PM on 02/03/2011
Hi Soulmentor: thanks for reading my post and responding so beautifully! Best, Frank
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Soulmentor
"To thine own self be true...."
07:44 PM on 02/05/2011
It would be such an honor to meet you. I hope I somehow have the chance someday. Best to you too. We need to to be around for awhile.
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Soulmentor
"To thine own self be true...."
07:45 PM on 02/05/2011
Arrrgh....We need YOU to be around for awhile.
05:03 PM on 02/05/2011
But what about love FOR God?? Are you acknowledg­ing or rejecting the greatest love of all.. the love that God has for us and displayed by what Jesus did for us... The clear question here is... what has so convinced you that Jesus isn't your saviour and didn't die for you? And if you believe He did, where is your love for Him? You nor anyone else here has mentioned this most valuable and important and greatest love of all. This is the problem with these "modern.. new age" beliefs that seem to make sooo much sense... Buddha didn't die for you.. nor did Allah... and Islam teaches hatred, oppression and death (in this life) for those who don't believe...­. how can anything "good" come from that "faith"? It can't. The belief that "all" faiths are good and lead to love is false.. it's a trap.. it sounds great but there is NO substantia­tion for that beliefe.. it's just "convenien­t" and appeases humans.. not our Creator.
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Soulmentor
"To thine own self be true...."
07:32 PM on 02/05/2011
My immediate response in mind it to think that Jesus never asked us to love him. Instead, he seems to have spent all his time asking us to love each other and ourselves...to Love, period. I can't recall him even asking us to love God nor did he say outright that the reason for his death was to die for the sins of humanity. That is all reasoning done later by his followers and then THE CHURCH. I confess that, tho I have read everything Jesus supposedly said in the Bible, I may not be remembering that. If I am in correct, please cite the verses that include his words on those matters. No, NOT the verses that provide us with interpretations by others. Cite his own words or don't bother to try to indict me and my faith.
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selene26
10:08 AM on 02/03/2011
good post. stick with love and truth and everything else falls into place.
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ninetailedfox
banning people.....so childish
09:56 AM on 02/03/2011
stick with the Sermon on the Mount and forget the rest.

Buddhists teachings are similar to sermon on the mount. But when it came to christianity, i threw out every bit of it, because it was so contradictory I couldnt stomach it anymore
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ninetailedfox
banning people.....so childish
09:54 AM on 02/03/2011
To be honest, after I deconverted from christianity, at first I was freaked out. But after a year or so, I got used to the idea of leaving christianity. Christians think that people that leave are unsatisfied with their lives. If it wasnt for my spiritual experiences, I would be an atheist and pretty content about it. As it is, my NDE, OBE and other experiences led me to my own conclusions, and my own path.
ThinkCreeps
Seriously, it's time.
08:42 AM on 02/03/2011
A quick flick of the brush of rationality will send the fragments safely into the wastebasket.
08:01 AM on 02/03/2011
What so impoverishes religious ideas this the very notion that "The journey of faith is a struggle and there is no destination." Such is the corruption of religious imagination.

The anomaly should be obvious, but even love is not as deaf, dumb and blind as the 'unknowing' of religious conviction. Faith as trust in action, in all other aspects of our existence is a process that offers a result upon which to make a judgment on the validity, authenticity or efficacy of how that trust was used or abused. Our human spiritual aspirations demand realization in this life, in this time, on this planet. That such a path of faith does not exist says a great deal about the limits of our understanding, our gullibility and susceptibility to deception.

Apologists will always argue that there are many ways of knowing. This not the case. There are many ways of imagining that one knows. But the critical self scrutiny of our ideas, that offers reason and spirit a process, a path to clearly differentiate between what is authentic and just another dead end is not a significant part of the spiritual quest. And without a precisely defined 'destination', the realization of demonstrable insight, the human spirit is going nowhere, and remains lost in the matrix of its own imagination. This is the wide road. And all is chasing after wind! http://www.energon.org.uk
12:42 AM on 02/03/2011
Great post, Frank. I, too, some days feel touched, other days agnostic, and some atheist. But your key point is....Love. As a psychotherapist, I believe this is as close as we humans can get to Truth, or God. And the empirical science for this is something called Attachment theory. Well, as close as science can come to Truth, or God, in my opinion....
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Frank Schaeffer
Frank Schaeffer is a New
05:26 AM on 02/03/2011
Hi Russell: thanks for the good comment
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ArtJunky
Belief is mandatory
11:23 PM on 02/02/2011
Well, the assumption here is that there are actual pieces to pick up. I've seen it before. Believers think they NEED something....they really don't.

If it's really just something to occupy your brain...read a book. Draw. Journal...

Man, if you can't find something to do that isn't meaningful to you, perhaps you should question why you exist at all.

Obviously, finding something to do is ultimately a human vanity that is NEVER satisfied...It's all we have...What more do you really need?