If God Was A Republican

The 60 million (or so) born-again Bible believing American voters who read the weather, disease and natural calamity for "signs" of God's blessing or damnation should, following the logical presuppositions of their thinking, be reconsidering their support for Senator McCain--given the weather forecast. If one takes the Evangelical's moralistic God's-in-charge-of-everything view of life, the universe and its contents at face value one has to assume that the hurricane interrupting the Republican convention is God's unexpected answer to James Dobson. Apparently God hates John McCain.

James Dobson (of the Focus On The Family radio show and Evangelical empire) told Christians to pray that Senator Obama's acceptance speech in Denver would be interrupted by rain. As my late evangelical leader father, Francis Schaeffer, used to say; "God always answers our prayers but sometimes in unexpected ways."

Pat Robertson once prayed away a hurricane from the shores of Virginia Beach, thereby "proving" that God wanted him to be president. In the Evangelical/Religious Right/Republican Party view of the world a vengeful right wing God intervenes to punish the wicked and bless the righteous. Wasn't God punishing New Orleans for that city's wickedness last time? Didn't God punish America on 9/11 for what gay men and women do?

So why has the Creator turned his hand against McCain? Judging McCain by the Evangelicals' standard of "morality" let's unpack the "reasons" for God's damnation-by-hurricane.

First, McCain has disobeyed the Bible which clearly teaches that women are to be subservient to men! He has put a woman, who should be at home being the footstool of her husband, just one heartbeat away from being commander-in-chief. McCain should know better. He would if he'd actually read the Bible (or Dobson's books) instead of just telling sentimental stories about a Christian prison guard who was nice to him in Vietnam. McCain should know that Dobson and other Evangelical leaders such as Rev. John Hagee have forbidden women to teach men, let alone be ordained for high office in churches, let alone lead the Armed Forces (there's even a passage in Scripture that speaks of nations being cursed that are led by "women or slaves" and Dobson has whole passages in his books about women "submitting" to men). So God has withdrawn his blessing from the Republicans.

Second, McCain divorced his first wife, abandoning her for a young blonde bombshell Bathsheba who he had spied from a far off rooftop. King David could get away with stunts like that but no one has been permitted to since. Leaving his wife for a "strange foreign woman and worshiper of foreign gods," McCain also, "took what was not lawful from her treasuries unto $100 million." God has withdrawn his blessing from McCain because of his "lust of the flesh." So too has God withdrawn his blessing from the Republicans.

Third, McCain supports those Israelites who have returned in "unbelief" to Israel. Yet they no longer are walking in "the way their fathers taught them" into the land of milk and honey. McCain supports them even though these backslidden Jews have not carried out the Lord's express biblical instructions to slaughter every man, woman, child, beast of the field, beast to burden and household pet belonging to the unclean Canaanites and/or all other unclean peoples in thier God-given land. The Republicans should know better. West Bank illegal settlements aren't enough. God wants killing and lots of it! While there is one Palestinian, Arab, Hindu, or unbelieving atheist or agnostic Jew left alive in the Holy Land, anyone, even Republicans, who supports the State of Israel without demanding the slaughter of all but the handful of faithful ultra-Orthodox practicing Jews therein has turned his hand against the living God. So God has withdrawn his blessing from the Republicans.

Fourth, McCain may say he is against gay marriage but nevertheless he has (at times) spoken about upholding the rights of gay men and women to own property, make wills, visit their friends in hospital and generally recognized that they have certain "civil rights." He has even "touched an unclean thing" having been seen shaking the hands of known sodomites from time-to-time. Yet, as Dr. Dobson and Rev. Hagee could tell McCain, God has commanded that gay men and women be stoned to death at the city gates, along with any child who rebukes his or her parent or any person who mixes wool and cotton garments or marinates the flesh of a baby goat in its mother's milk or who hoards manna. So God has withdrawn his blessing from the Republicans.

Fifth, McCain has sometimes spoken warmly of America's progress on civil rights. But the Bible teaches that slavery is God's will. And many Christians today still believe that black men and women are the descendants of the more wicked of Noah's Sons, the ones who "looked upon his nakedness" when he was drunk. As all conservative believers have known for years and years God can't bless any white man who believes black men are human. So God has withdrawn his blessing from the Republicans.

Sixth, McCain has promised to carry on George W. Bush's eternal war to bring Jesus, freedom and democracy to the world. And yet there are still one or two Muslim countries not on McCain's list of places that need to be attacked, occupied and evangelized. If he had real faith in God McCain would prepare to attack the whole "unbelieving world," not just most of it. So God has withdrawn his blessing from the Republicans.

In conclusion--according to the rules of the most ardent Evangelical/Republican faithful--McCain has failed to do God's will. Now comes the retribution. After the hurricane passes look out for the lightening strikes on the seven McCain homes for he hath become an abomination unto the Lord.

Frank Schaeffer is the author of CRAZY FOR GOD-How I Grew Up As One Of The Elect, Helped Found The Religious Right, And Lived To Take All (Or Almost All) Of It Back.

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