President Palin's First Cabinet Meeting

Following the death of President John McCain from cancer (March 13, 2010) Vice President Sarah Palin was sworn in as President. The following is a partial record of her first cabinet meeting that has been reconstructed from files that survived World War III.

Secretary of State Dr. James Dobson: Madame President could you outline your priorities and approach to our Middle Eastern and Israel policy?

President Palin: Sure Jim, here's a few points that all us ordinary Americans from small towns know in our hearts are important. Please open your Bibles and follow along.

1. Attempts by Jewish groups to destroy the Dome of the Rock and rebuild the Temple have my support.

2. Any attempt to rebuild the Temple will very likely ignite an apocalyptic war with Muslim terrorists worldwide and bring back our Lord and Savior.

3. The case for rebuilding the Temple is based on the biblical belief that only through the reintroduction of the sacrificial system can Jewish people atone for their sins.

Secretary of Defense, Pastor Hagee: Madame President could you outline the priorities you'd like to have the Pentagon pursue?

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President Palin: Sure Mr. Secretary. I have asked the Department of Defense to review the following biblical passages: 2 Samuel 7:1-17; John 4:21-24; Hebrews 9-10; Ephesians 2:19-21; 1 Corinthians 6:19; 2 Corinthians 6:16; 1 Peter 2:9; Revelation 21:9-27.

After this meeting I am asking all members of the cabinet and all our fine generals to review the following questions for further military planning study:

1. What role did the Temple fulfill under the Old Covenant?

2. How will the future Temple in Jerusalem undermine the militant Muslims we have to fight and win against?

3. What does the Bible say about the Rapture?

4. I want all our intelligence assets pulled off whatever they're doing now to draw up a list of likely locations for the return of Jesus Christ so we'll be ready.

Read the Signs of the Times gentlemen! Armageddon and 'I'm a gettin' out o' here' is on the way!

Secretary of Homeland Security, Reverend Franklin Graham: Madame President, How should we defend the homeland in the light of Christ's return?

President Palin: Don't worry Franklin, Jesus is on our side! So just be watchful. Be faithful. I want you all to note what this hockey mom has had laid on her heart this morning. Follow along, please!

1. The Left Behind books have created a great opportunity for the Lord to work.

2. The End Times world view must shape US foreign policy in the Middle East destabilizing the so-called peace process and all that East Coast global warming crap too.

3. Armageddon is a biblical reference to an apocalyptic nuclear holocaust AND the cosmic battle between good and evil! The United States of America will win that battle gentlemen!

Secretary of Education Sean Hannity: Madame President any word for our non-union school teachers?

President Palin: Yes, Sean. Instead of science and all that global warming crap I want every American student to make a personal study of Christian Zionism which was first revealed by God to the British associated with JN Darby and Edward Irving in the 1830s. See? It's history too, as in HIS--that's Jesus!--STORY! This was brought to the United States by God where it became enshrined by the Lord in Dispensational Bible colleges and, for example, the Schofield Bible in 1909. These truths faded in England, but were anointed by God in the USA...

All members of the Cabinet: USA! USA! USA! USA! US...

President Palin: Enough! That's it Gentleman! You have your priorities now! Go forth! O, one last thing: The official position of the United States Government is henceforth the traditional premillennial dispensational eschatology believing the ingathering of the Jews to Palestine to be the fulfillment of Old Testament prophecies. All international policy, economic and military planning is to reflect this truth, did I say "this truth"? No gentlemen! Correction: THE TRUTH!

Frank Schaeffer is the author of CRAZY FOR GOD-How I Grew Up As One Of The Elect, Helped Found The Religious Right, And Lived To Take All (Or Almost All) Of It Back. Frank wishes to thank Stephen Sizer for letting him use some material in this blog from the book Zion's Christian Soldiers

Read more analysis from HuffPost bloggers on John McCain's running mate, Sarah Palin

Comments

[Debbie66]

The trouble is that your militant atheism, Frank, and the democrats contempt fo "defective" babies...as exposed in their attacks on her "Down's syndrome child"...show their contempt for the masses who cling to their "guns and their religion".

You all let us know too soon what contempt you had for us. And you expect us to vote for your side? Why? We know what you would do with us if you had the chance.

Even in this post, you smear and distort and make a subtle threat.

The polls show that the people aren't buying.

[herbkornfeld]

Sorry Debbie; Frank Schaefer is an Orthodox Christian, not a "militant atheist" (whatever that's supposed to be...).

He knows of what he speaks--he came out of exactly the same twisted fundygelical worldview he parodies above.

Next time check into the facts a little deeper before going off half-cocked and making a fool of yourself.

And no one has "attacked her down Syndrome child", either. The moonbat right noise machine made that smear up out of whole cloth. But BOY...what a great tactic. Just the sort of shenanigan that has to be employed when your candidate and your party is dead wrong on nearly EVERY issue.

[Freesia2]

Frank Schaeffer is not an atheist. He goes to church, just no longer an evangelical one. Because he saw what they were doing with God and faith for political ends. He is a good man.

And he writes to try to warn you. Not in contempt for you. But contempt for the people who sell God like a commodity for their own ends.

He hasn't smeared or distorted anyone, much less a child. But you are smearing and distoring Mr. Schaeffer. This isn't surprising, as looking over your posts and the talking points you make in a stream, I don't think you're actually an evangelical. I think you're a Republican hire.

But even if you're not, Mr. Schaeffer is not your enemy.

[zurcl]

chilling.

[BLinCincinnati]

"When fascism comes to America it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross." - Sinclair Lewis

Get ready people, fascism is coming. George W. Bush laid the groundwork, and McCain/Palin will enforce it.

[RickO]

Don't forget the hand-picked Palin Supreme Court ruling in support of Heresy as a capital offiense and the implementation of Biblical Law as outlined in Deuteronomy.

It was the opinion of the court that as a "Christian nation", the Bible is the infallible word of god and since there is nothing in the Bible that renders the laws in old testament obsolete, they should be the law of the land.

The sentencing guidelines reinstitute auto-da-fe (the public conviction and burning at the stake), last used in 1850, as well as the other sufficiently cruel and unusual penalties outlined in the Bible in specific detail. Also, since 9 out of 10 Americans are guilty of a capital offense under the new laws, there will be a period of voluntary confession and "purification" followed by a general inquisition to be led by the Department of Homeland Security.

In financial news, stake, rope and lighter fluid stocks are up.

[lewes17266]

Mr. Schaeffer, I am so redundant but John McCain has reached a new low in the world of politics. He has been desperate for the evangelical vote since his Hagee pandering turned bad. Now he has found a Pentecostal Holiness woman with a downs syndrome baby and a pregnant 17-year-old daughter and is selling that family to a target market which is so easily manipulated and duped - Pat Robertson's target market. John McCain has placed his own interests above what is best for the country. He has become as pathetic and gross as our famous televangelists - John McCain, "The Maverick," has become a practitioner of sacrilege for personal gain.

[MissDaphne]

Frank. Interesting post, as ever. Any idea about how we beat these guys?
I'm serious. I'm scared that this moose poop is going to work.

[TimSledge]

Keep it coming Frank!

[deezerd]

booksnmore4you:

God, oh God, I hope you're right about the coup d' etat part ... but I fear nobody would catch on until Year Four went by with no election held.

Frank - nicely done.

[trubluelefty]

Thank you Frank. This is dangerously close to how it could be. The Apocolypse is near. I cannot or will not believe at least until polling on September 15th that we can lose this one. Not to her, not to him. I really am stunned and having lived in Jerusalem for a time while studing Arabic this is all so scary. My best to you for your fine work

[LJMinOKC]

So, question: How many of our voters will realize that this team is the dangerous duo?! That a "cute" chick is now THE real "celebrity" but has nothing else to offer this country????

[grannysharp]

Frank you date for this is just 100 years off, but other wise no doubt about spot on

[booksnmore4you]

Point taken, Frank, but I'm sure that such an event would literally produce a coup d'état. Of much more concern to me is something akin to the devil coming wearing angel's robes.

[gettysburg]

Frank..............man, you're killin' me!!!!!!!!!!!!

[manndan]

Now you're scaring me.

[Freesia2]

Mr. Schaeffer - I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

That was farce, but the sad thing is, I don't know how much of a joke it actually is. I grew up around "holy rollers" and they're about as close to both real Christianity and the actual modern constitutional American experience as.....the Puritans. I've never heard one say "Burn her she's a witch!" but......

Thank you for another good article.

[lewes17266]

Freesia2, I understand what you are saying. Either you get it or you don't. There is no explaining.

[Freesia2]

That's true. Pentecostal can't really be explained can it? It's like trying to describe a tornado to someone who's never been through one. They have to see it up close and personal.

Pentecostal in it's mindset is not that far removed from the thinking of extreme Muslim radicalism, i.e. this life isn't important, heaven is the only consideration, and the idea that anyone who doesn't follow a strict set of rules is unworthy. It's insular and judgemental. Since Christ instructed that you're not to judge and you're not to hurt anyone when you can avoid it- I'm thinking they skipped that Sunday at church?