No One Has the Sense to Protect These Children

In more than 23 years of handling divorce cases, I have seen first hand the difficulties that children encounter when their parents cannot work out their issues, especially custody issues. When those disagreements exist, parents often resort to making allegations about the fitness or character of the other parent. At times, these allegations about fitness or character involve behaviors that the other parent claims to either have personally observed, or to have knowledge of.

In most states, including my home state of California, divorce files are public record and anyone can view them. Despite my own unsuccessful effort to get legislation introduced in the California Assembly that would seal divorce records, these divorce court files remain open to anyone who has the inclination and the time to look at them. Many of these files contain sordid details about the personal lives of the litigants. The details run the gamut from financial information to information about the parties' personal problems, and problems surrounding their children. In the context of a divorce, family business is no longer that.

In the tempestuous waters of a marriage breaking up, emotions, and not common sense rule the day. One side wants to attack the other; one party is often perceives himself or herself as the victim who now wants to lash out at the aggressor. Oftentimes, the tool used to attack the other side is the children. When that happens, the damage is often irreversible. Not only are the children put under enormous amounts of stress, but the public disclosure of what goes on in their private lives can often be devastating. Moreover, that information is easily ascertained years after the case is over and done with. Court files are maintained, in theory, into perpetuity. And the information remains there, even if the allegations are not true. Poor judgment on the part of parents who are only interested in themselves can have the most serious consequences for the unintended victims; the children.

In cases of acrimonious divorce, there is one minuscule saving grace: in order to get the information, one has to get the court file. Unless the file concerns someone known to the public, in which case the media will often publish portions of the file, this effort serves, to some extent, as a deterrent. However, in the coming weeks that won't be the case with regard to a certain family in Pennsylvania; the heads of which seems ready, willing, and able to air their dirty laundry in front of the nation in exchange for a nice payout when it is aired on national television. I am talking, of course, about Jon and Kate Plus 8.

This reality based television series takes the question of impaired parenting judgment to a new level. It is bad enough that Jon and Kate Gosselin decided to make their lives of their eight children public spectacles in exchange for fame and fortune. Certainly no one asked these eight small children whether they wanted what would otherwise have been a private, and hopefully somewhat innocent childhood, kept that way. Instead, their parents decided that their lives would now be exposed to millions of Americans that they did not know, and would never meet. For the past couple of years, millions of strangers have been given the opportunity to view matters regarding these children that, but for their parents narcissistic behavior, would not otherwise have been known by anyone.

Having opened the door to the public through the miracle of modern television, the Gosselins have now compounded the potential damage to their children, but making very public, the matter of their marital woes and impending separation and divorce. It is not bad enough that they have each decided to take their issues to the media, allowing themselves to be the centerpiece of most supermarket tabloids and other publications for weeks. Apparently these people cannot get enough attention from the media. Rather than saying "this has gone too far", the couple now intend to continue to air their personal dirt, when they allow the series to continue with another season, expected to open with scenes of the parents telling their children of their impending divorce. It is bad enough that people feel the need to air this kind of dirt in their court documents. The Gosselins are determined to make it so that anyone and everyone knows exactly what goes on in their household. Clearly, they have no regard for the impact that this will have on their children, on into adulthood.

The Gosselins are much younger than those of us who remember another set of parents who were the pioneers of reality television, the Loud family who, in 1973, invited the cameras into their household to broadcast the intimate details of their lives on public television. It was during that series that Pat Loud told her husband to leave the house and filed for divorce. For years thereafter, the Louds were subjected to criticism for the way in which they aired their personal issues in front of the American Public. As adults, some of their children expressed anger over the public being given access to their family matters. However, it is doubtful that the Gosselins would have learned anything from the experience of the Loud family. They seem determined to pursue ongoing fame and fortune regardless of the welfare of their children. And the viewing public, who enable this type of behavior, are almost equally to blame. It seems then that there is no one attempting to protect the well being of these eight innocent children.

Comments

[beejcctx]

Totally agree with you - they are COMPLETELY EXPLOITING THEIR KIDS!!!!!!!!!!

What sane parents would purposely move more than 3 hours away from their children??? These basically unemployed (except for this tv show that stars the KIDS) have at least 5 residences now in this economy (a home they have not been able to sell - and neither birth parent even utilizes, $1.2 million house/studio, Utah condo, New York condo and now a Maryland condo)..... the sheeple need to wake up!

PA needs to appoint a GUARDIAN AD LITEM to ENSURE that these children will see a penny of the money their childhoods have given to their birth parents.

As for the kids? They are in the most expensive orphanage ever on 23+ acres of land with paid help. They live in a production studio and TLC knows it.

National laws need to be enacted to PROTECT children in entertainment shows whether scripted or not - these kids aren't entitled to any funds (unlike Octomom in CA, where there ARE child labor laws!) which is a crime.

FREE THE GOSSELIN EIGHT!!!

[sshaler]

I'm nauseated by the exhibitionism that's become rampant in North America, especially the US. I've never seen these people on television or read an article about them until now. I'm very interested in the protection of children so I read this article, not knowing it was about the reality show parents until I got into it. To me, it's tragically sad what's happened to the children and the viewers of this uninspiring and life-numbing type of media. What has happened to the meaning and value of living in a culture when sitting and watching someone else's life on tv or reading about them becomes a way of life? Is everybody fiddling while Rome burns to the ground?

[NYC-CatLover]

I think the reason so many people watch is because we think we're seeing the echoes of our own childhoods. I had no idea who Jon and Kate were until I saw him on the tabloids a few months ago, cheating with some young teacher and then rumors of their divorce. I started watching the repeats of the show at that point and have been hooked ever since. You're right that divorce has a profound effect on children - and that effect doesn't just go away in adulthood. The viewers ARE the "8" - a couple of decades down the road.

[quindy]

Somebody should pull the plug on that show to protect the children. Where is the Children Protection Service of Pennsylvania? If producers and parents have failed to protect these children somebody please step in.

[isjois]

It's disingenuous to "care" about what the Gosselins are "doing" to their children - unless we really care about all the children of our nation.

In our country, we are expected to "take care of ourselves". We are told to take "personal responsibility". We are attacked if we ask for "welfare", a "handout" or a "safety net". We are taught to idolize the rich and aspire to be "one of them"...whether or not they are "good people". A person's "character" doesn't seem to matter anymore...as long as the individual can "support themselves". In our country:

1 in 6 children lives in poverty
1 in 6 children has a neurologic­al/behavio­ral disorder
1 in 50 children are homeless

We have many children that we should "care" about. Nobody succeeds (or survives) all alone. We all need help. We're all born helpless and require assistance throughout our lives to succeed/survive. It's sad that we don't realize that WE are the answer to most of our country's problems. If we don't want children exploited, then let's put policies in place that provide a "safety net" for ALL Americans. Children cannot thrive...unless their parents thrive...unless their community thrives...unless their nation thrives...

Imagine the fear involved in raising 8 children..­..feeding, housing, providing health care and so on. It's expensive in our country...and we expect everyone to "go it alone". We shouldn't be surprised watching this family. They seem to be conforming to society's expectations and/or demands.

[pinkyboo]

Don't forget our really high infant mortality rate.

[getoffthecross]

While I agree with most of the post, I'm inclined to counter the "will no one think of the children!" argument.

Did anyone fight for the children of Iraq ? Is anyone equally concerned about the children in Darfur? How about the children in Indonesia, hurled into the "adult" industries before their time? There are also children dodging drug cartel bullets in Mexico. Who's fighting for them?

Conversly, before the disintegration of the marriage, how many kids were watching their reality show, praying that some Hollywood producer would discover their family for similar "exploitation?" At least as many as dream of being discovered on American Idol, regardless of the horror stories about the music industry.

The fact is childhood has only been extended in the last century. Prior to that, kids joined the workforce at eight or younger. Some families only had children so they had more hands to work the family property. Now, divorce or no, reality shows or no, our kids have about the cushiest berth imaginable. They aren't worrying if they have any food or shelter or opportunities to better their lives. In fact, dealing with a parental split is about the easiest of burdons when compared to our ancestors. They'll be fine. And if not? That's pretty much what natural selection is for, right? Or, if you prefer, Jesus will take care of them if you pray hard enough.

We should just stop making everything we don't like about "the children!" It's a cop out.

[kalenaj123]

Hey Yaa.....the public is also responsible for making this show a hit and keeping TLC and Gosselins in the spotlight. If people didn't watch it or read about it excessively they wouldn't have gotten the ratings they did for their series premiere. It is the public that decides what stays on TV or not if no one watched the show would be cancelled so yes this article is correct viewers need to take responsiblitity of what they are doing by watching this show and enabling those children to be hurt.

[Kriselda Jarnsaxa]

Between "Jon & Kate Plus 8" and "18 Kids and Counting," it seems like nothing was learned from the sad fate of the Dionne Quintuplets in Canada. Of course, since they were born in the 30's their lives weren't broadcast on TV. Instead, 4 months after they were born, the government took over their care and turned them into a profitable tourist attraction.

After 9 years, they were reunited with their parents, but he experience had been hard enough on the sisters that when the McCaughey septuplets were born in 1997, the surviving sisters wrote a letter to the parents warning them against too much publicity, and in 1998, they received a settlement of $4 million, the promise of an inquiry into Quintland and a personal apology from the premier of Canada for the years of exploitation they suffered under the government's guardianship.

Sadly, the sisters' lives were difficult. One sister, who'd entered a convent, died of an epileptic seizure when she was 20, and another died in 1970. Of the three surviving sisters, each of them married, but none of the marriages succeeded, and by the time they reached the settlement with the government, they had been living in poverty for many years.

You would think that having seen the tragedy of the Dionne quintuplets, parents of multiples would realize that exploiting the children by putting their lives on display for others amusement and entertainment is an unacceptable way of paying for their care.

[TigersEye]

You would think the Gosselins would have the good sense to get out when their contract ends to give the kids a chance to have a private life. Unfortunately Jon and Kate seem to become out of control famewh0res to the degree that the almighty dollar is more important to them than the happiness of their children. It's too bad that neither Jon nor Kate seems to have any sense of what real parenting entails. They're too busy cavorting in France with their new fling, or hanging out at the beach with their bodyguard. They both are pathetic.

[tsanders726]

These sweet kids are just future therapy patients in the making. They have no hope for a normal life, and even if they disappeared from public view now, thanks to technology, they will never escape their forced celebrity.
I can understand the idea that doing the show was, in a way, providing for their care. But this has gone WAY TOO FAR. It no longer has anything to do with providing for them. It's all about the parents and feeding their enourmous egos.
They should have decied how to support these kids before having them; not using them as a commodity to support themselves.
This circus is proof that the love of money is truly the root of evil.

[Bethab]

I have found that every parent I know chooses to share every personal detail about their children's lives online. I once asked one of them how she thought her son would feel when pictures of his first poop and details about his circumcision were available online. Someday, his friends, girlfriend­s/boyfrien­ds, potential bosses, ect., might google him and find things (details, pictures,etc...) that he would prefer not be shared. His mother told me that I was being silly and that this is all cute,childhood stuff. It isn't and I think a lot of parents need to learn this lesson!

[aleyrer]

Well said! Finally someone speaks the truth about the fame whores who are Jon & Kate Gosselin. Two average Joe people who are exploiting their children for 'fame'. They are pathetic and so is anyone who watches their show. What are we coming to with reality TV?

[Yaa]

"And the viewing public, who enable this type of behavior, are almost equally to blame."

You cannot blame the viewers "almost equally" for the parents' shortcomings. The Gosselins own the blame completely. It's their family, they chose to invite the cameras in. Maybe they will be clever enough to close down the show when their current contract ends.

[leftparadise]

If no one watched the show would be gone. The people who watch and buy People magazine are partially (not almost equally) to blame. Turn away from the car wreck.


(disclaimer - I have never watched the show and only know about them from reading articles on line - never bought a magazine with their picture on it)

[sshaler]

I think the viewers are the most to blame. Without viewers, this family couldn't find such powerful ways to use their children for profit. By devouring the material the unfortunate parents deliver to their helpless children the public greatly exacerbates all the damage the parents could do on their own. The whole thing is a sordid example of the dumbing down of life to hopefully it's lowest crash into emptiness and exploitation.

[MikeDu]

You reminded me, didn't one of the three children in the Osbourne household say NO and was therefore excluded from that televised trainwreck?

[Ozohead]

Yes. The eldest daughter.

[sallythewerewolf]

Smart girl! She has her head on straight.
I was glad someone mentioned the Dionnes. Their parents were JUST as exploitative as the Gov.--very much like the Gosselins.