Larry Birkhead: Where Is He Now?

04/11/2007 12:51 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

It was hard watching yesterday's Bahamanian episode of Jerry Springer in which a backstage paternity test proved over the commercial break that Larry Birkhead was....INDEED the father of Dannielynn without thinking of someone else. Someone we all know very well. Someone who captured our hearts and our minds in much the same unabashedly talentless, sensationalistic way (with questionable hairstyle).

Larry Birkhead is this year's Kato Kaelin.


And since the cameras will soon find something else to focus on, like the much anticipated Brandy vehicular homicide trial, or Beyonce's thighs, it's useful to take a look at Kaelin's post-fifteen-minutes life for a glimpse of what is in store for Birkhead:

In 1989, Kato starred in a low budget movie Night Shadow... He is subsequently killed off by the Werewolf.

In 2008, Birkhead starred in a low budget movie Precious Danger...He is subsequently stabbed to death by a stilletto heel (worn by a pretty lady vampire).

In 1998, Kaelin went on a speaking tour billed as The Sixteenth Minute, talking about life after his fifteen minutes of fame.

In 2008, Birkhead went on a speaking tour billed as Oh, That Guy?, talking about what it's like when everyone knows you, but no one can quite remember why.

For a short time in 1995, Kaelin was a radio talk host on KLSX in Los Angeles, and also worked for National Lampoon providing online content.

For a short time in 2013, Birkhead subscribed to satellite radio, and also worked for livejournal, providing online content.

Kaelin participated in the development of a 2004 reality show called House Guest where he would live in the homes of other (minor) celebrities. The show never aired.

Birkhead participated in the development of a 2022 reality show called Baby Daddy in which he secretly impregnated other (minor) celebrities, only revealing his role after their death. The show aired all the time.

Now, Kaelin is a recurring guest on the video game review show X-Play.

In the future, Birkhead will be a recurring guest on a show that no one ever watches about something no one cares about, too!

Kaelin also appears periodically as a guest co-host for Confessions Live, a syndicated call-in talk show produced in Arkansas.

Wait, how did Kaelin get so much work? I mean, it's crap work, but seriously? I don't think Birkhead is going to be as lucky. I see a lot of alcohol, tanning salon spokesmanships, and shame in his future.