LiveBlogging Kid Nation: Daring to Go Where a Bunch of Men Have Gone Before

8:00: Tonight's episode: "Where's Bonanza, Dude?" Since the titles tend to signify the theme of the show, I'm glad to see that we've finally gotten to the "children dealing with poor senses of direction and bad diction" episode.

8:01: Sophia (14-FL) has taken a piece of rope and marked off a square in the middle of town, claiming that this is now her land and that anyone who wants to step into her land will have to pay her a nickel. It's another classic Sophia social experiment. I'm pretty sure B.F. Skinner got his start on a reality TV show.

8:05: The Pioneer Journal tells the Town Council that they should explore beyond Bonanza's borders. Before setting off on their quest into Mordor, they put "Sheriff Sophia" in charge. Sophia decides when the arcade opens, and if the Town Council is not back in time for the showdown, she'll choose the reward. People are pissed. Someone yells out, "I thought we were all equal!" No. You are all eight. Big difference.

8:12: Nathan (11-IL) complains about Sheriff Sophia. "This is like a dictatorship. We did not vote for Sophia. We did not want Sophia." Well, Nathan, you should go back to home school, because first, dictators are not left in charge when the government goes on a hike to meet professional Native Americans, and dictators also do not wear dusters.

8:14: Greg (15-NV): "How do you think Sophia's going to do?"
Michael (15-WA): "We put a big load on her."
Gabe (29-NY): "That's what she said."

8:16: The Town Council finds a Pueblo tribe on the other side of the hill. Surprise. The Pioneer Journal told them that they would learn a lot from this ancient culture about how to build a better world that could last for centuries. Here are my guesses for the upcoming lessons: 1) NEVER accept a blanket from a stranger, and 2) casinos.

8:23: Jared (11-GA) and Alex (9-NV) go exploring because arcade games are for jocks, and they are scholars. In a valley they find a cow skeleton, which begins the Jared and Alex Seminar on Cow Science That They Don't Actually Know What They're Talking About Because They're 10. "If we had a carbon dating process, we could see how old the cow was," Jared says. Well, Jared, cross your fingers. I have a feeling that this week's reward is going to be a choice between spin class for the whole town, or a carbon dating process.

8:24: Sitting around a campfire, the American Indian teaches the Town Council the important lesson that "what goes around comes around." This is a good lesson, although when it comes to Native Americans, what goes around certainly does not come around. Luckily, you can teach people things that you're not very good at yourself, as our nation's art schools have proven.

8:31: SHOWDOWN. Because we're talking about exploring today, the challenge involves moving a wooden hut piece-by-piece across a ravine and rebuilding it. Also an alpaca. You have to move an alpaca across a ravine. And of course, the traditional pioneer flag that all pioneers had to let other pioneers know what color district they were in. Jonathan "One Episode and a Half Until Oblivion" Karsh points out that just like the original settlers, the move west won't be easy, i.e. most of their family will die.

8:41: Green District is the Upper Class. Red District is Merchant Class. Blue District are the Cooks. Which means Yellow District are the Laborers. The reward choice this week is between a gigantic stone monument to Kid Nation, or hot air balloon rides over Bonanza City. I hope they choose the reminder of their own mortality. Every child should have a giant tombstone out in the desert as a reminder that he and 36 other children are going to die one day.

8:42: Zach claims to be freaking out. "Hot air balloon ride. How cool is that?" Well let me answer your question with a question: Is this cool?

8:47: Everyone keeps referring to the hot air balloons as "the chance of a lifetime." Unless all these kids have infant leukemia or something, I'm pretty sure they can make a hot air balloon ride happen for themselves in the future. Sophia chooses the hot air balloon rides. Fair enough. I had a change of heart. I'm now of the opinion that the fewer gigantic stone testaments to a one-off reality TV show littering the world, the better.

8:50: It's a head-to-head between Alex and Jared for the gold star. On the one hand, Alex is cooking "cocoa crispers" in the kitchen, which he claims are hypo-allergenic. On the other hand, Jared is in the saloon talking about the teleportation capabilities of sub-atomic particles.

8:52: After everyone tells the Council who they think should win the gold star, Greg makes the point that Alex is one of the smartest kids in Bonanza City and if he won the gold star, he could find the cure for cancer. Did I miss something? Did the value of the gold star increase from 20,000 dollars to 20 billion? Because if it did, then I am all for giving it to people who are going to invent cancer teleportation devices, but if it didn't, then we all need to stop drinking so much root beer and get real.

8:54: Town Meeting. Alex wins the gold star. Jared is piiiiiiiissed. Alex: "This gold star says to all the nine-year-olds out there, even though there are 14- and 15-year-olds waiting to challenge you, don't give up." I did not realize how cutthroat being a kid had become. Alex then talks about how 20,000 dollars is both a lot of money and not a lot of money, and explains to everyone what a paradox is, because it's important when getting a reward like this that you make people feel mildly regretful about giving it to you.

NEXT WEEK: Season finale! "Can the kids keep it together or will the world they built go up in smoke?"

Comments

[robschmidt]

See http://www.bluecorncomics.com/2007/12/kid-nation-meets-indians.html for some thoughts on the Native aspects of this episode.

[TRYKER]

Now I'm watching Gabe 29 cracking up in my mind every time another absurdity erupts.
Sophie 14 going on 47 ran the town with nary a peep of discontent, upper management for sure...she's too smooth, knows too much and has nerves of steel, clone that girl, send her to Washington.
Greg 15 going on 7 has crumbled, there was no "there" there. tsk
Sophie actually chose the rock lifetime monument as the reward, you could see how they re-edited and dubbed in " balloon rides".
The chance for commercial promo for balloons in NM was too much to pass up, showing in the end that the choices of the kids matters not a whit. Chance of a lifetime right, as if there would never be another balloon in all their coming 80 yrs.
And how many kids, returning from their "learning experience" with the natives and seeing everyone riding the balloons, wouldn't have thrown a hissy fit for missing that? "We want a ride damnit!" You know they demanded rides, they're the "council" come on!
Poor Anjay, he doesn't want this to end. "This is the only place I ever fit in." Woe.
Zach tried his best emotional blackmail, nominating himself and crying and coming back to the council and demanding respect...alas nothing worked, no star for Zach...yet. What worked for Rodney Dangerfield won't work for Zach, but he showed "range".
With only one show to come, would it kill them to give face time to the other 25 or so kids? Their parents will be so disappointed, me too. No face time, no Gold Star, you were just "extras", a permanent lower class, right?
If this week's show is any indication of what the last show will be, anti-climax is writ large and thats a shame. Good enough idea, wrong producers.

[mtgrizzlygrl]

Gabriel, you fail to mention the two most hysterical moments of the night.

First, when Jared staggers into the town council meeting with his stocking cap pull completely over his face, and glasses placed over the stocking cap proving that he found more than just a cow skeleton on his expedition with Alex...he also found hallucinogenic mushrooms! That Jared is one bad dude!

The second hilarious moment came at the end of the show when, after winning the gold star, Alex gets to call his parents and discovers that his mother has completely forgotten about him. Apparently since Alex has been away (36 days) his mother has converted his bedroom into that sewing room that she has always wanted. Good thing he just won $20,000. He can use the money for rent after his parents break the bad news that he's moving out! Now he can learn the "real" value of a dollar!

[punctiliouspig]

Finally! The sage advice from the tribe to the 99% white town that will eventually force them into exile for their fertile land with the help from CBS studios we've been waiting for. The days of those pristine tents they still live in because they haven't discovered electricity or running indoor water are numbered.

[Charity]

i misssed last night's episode on TV, but knowing i'd HAVE to read your blog, i ran over to the cbs site and watched it from there today.

freakin' hilarious - both your column and the show. alex and jared cozying up to that cow skeleton was a hoot. let's hope it was what it looked like: a plaster movie prop. otherwise, them boys got some kind of cow cooties on 'em.

also, i nearly fell off my chair watching little alex give us tips on investing. how ironic that the only kid to know the limits of $20k in regard to college tuition would be nine years old.

watch for his stock tips show coming in january - on fox.

as for next week - wonder if one of the surprises is that all of the participants get a gold star?

============

[cinemaven]

Gabe (29-NY): "That's what she said."...

That Gabe kid is entirely too cynical for his age!

As always, I love the blog more than the show.