LiveBlogging Kid Nation: The Children Are, Unfortunately, Our Future

Please find the liveblog of Kid Nation over at its new home, 236.com.

8:00: This episode is called "I Just Like the Recess Part." If the episode is going to be about school, and I assume it is going to be about school, surely there is a simpler, cleverer title than this. If they're going to be lazy, why don't they just call this episode "The Episode Where School Is the Overarching Theme, But More Importantly Exploiting How Kids Don't Like School For Dramatic and Comedic Effect, And Stuff."

8:01: Taylor (10-GA) is in the chicken coop showing off her favorite chickens, which somehow turns into A Moment in Which Taylor's Truest Self Is Exposed. Some of the chickens have feathery faces, which Taylor feels is ugly, thus making those chickens not worth caring about. She adds, "I think all the ugly animals should die and all the pretty ones should stay." It's almost biblical.

8:03: Sophia (14-FL) suggests a chicken feast. The use of the word "feast" in Bonanza City is a little bit ridiculous. It's like someone in prison referring to group therapy in the library as "a salon." Greg (15-NV) goes to chose 10 chickens to kill, which brings in the Tears Brigade. It's not even the opening credits yet and we're already treated to a second Moment in Which Taylor's Truest Self Is Exposed when she warns Greg, "Do not make me go off again, because I do not like when I go off." She is going to be the bestest littlest narcissistic psychologically abusive alcoholic depressive EVER.

8:05: The girls try to free the chickens.

They fail.

8:09: Speaking of ugly chickens, the next morning Anjay (12-TX), Jared (11-GA), and Alex (9-NV) sit around a table in the saloon trying to out-nerd each other. I think you have to give it up for Alex, though, when he rattles off pi to, like, the tenth decimal place. What is it with kids and knowing stupid stuff that doesn't matter? New rule: you should only be able to rattle off as many decimal places of pi as there are digits in your bank account balance. GET A JOB, NERD.

8:10: The Pioneer Journal: "If you're reading this, then you've been living in Bonanza City for 32 days..." Spooky! How did they know that?! The Journal asks if anyone wants to study, which is a fair question, but then it says "I have provided four history books." There is a "history book" for each District, and they are color-coded. They look like they are made out of brown grocery bags, i.e. perfect if you want to study the history of writing things in crayon the night before the producer figures out what the hell we're going to do with this episode.

8:13: Turns out "I just like the recess part" is actually a quote from Taylor. Instead of studying, she hangs out in the chicken coop with the other pretty, brainless animals. The Town Council informs her that she will not take part in any reward the town earns. Based on this week's theme, though, I'm not sure withholding the use of the town's communal TI-85 graphing calculator will come as much of a sacrifice.

8:19: SHOWDOWN. It's a pop quiz about the history books. Can we stop calling them that? It's a pop quiz about the cardboard pamphlets. This pop quiz has multiple choice answers printed on separate balloons and you have to use a slingshot to pop the incorrect answer balloons. You know, like in school. In order to get the town reward they have to pour everyone's left over slingshot ammo into a jar and if they fill the jar, the town gets a reward. God, it's like I'm back in Mrs. Wellstone's third grade class ALL OVER AGAIN.

8:27: Green District wins Upper Class. Blue District is Merchant Class. Yellow District are the cooks, and Red District are the laborers. The ammo jar is filled, and the town gets a reward. The choice is between a library and a video game arcade. They choose the arcade, and guess who isn't allowed to play any of them? Taylor. She is disappointed, because she does not realize that it's impossible for her to rot her brain any further.

8:38: The arcade has been set up for one morning and already it's tearing Bonanza City apart. The Red District walks off the job of filling the water tower to go play air hockey because, by Mike's (11-WA) logic, "we're going home in a few days and there's not going to be a free arcade." That is true. There's also not going to be a home if there's no clean water in the town. Unless you consider heaven a home. Because you will die, is what I'm saying.

8:40: Taylor decides to earn everyone's respect (and entrance to the arcade) by washing what is admittedly an incredible amount of dishes. Parents, take note: children will work hard and be respectful. All they need is the promise of free, full-size arcade games in a ghost town.

8:45: The next morning, the entire town is in the arcade. Sophia (14-FL) attempts to cook breakfast for "36 kids" all by herself. I don't remember four kids leaving. I remember...two kids leaving. Maybe three. What happened to the fourth kid? He or she was probably murdered by one of the other kids for a pack of candy cigarettes and buried by the cistern. That would explain the temporary teardrop tattoo under Zach's (10-FL) left eye.

8:49: Town Hall Meeting. Is the arcade ruining the town? There is some mild disagreement on this between the people who think no one is doing their work because they're too distracted by the arcade, and the people who think the arcade is awesome so shut up. The Council decides to padlock the arcade until everyone's work is done, and they deputize Sophia to make sure everything gets done.

8:53: The gold star goes to Hunter (12-GA). Snore. We're constantly reminded of what a strong work ethic Hunter has. Apparently work ethic grows at an inverse rate to personality. They keep billing Hunter as this struggling kid whose dad lost his job and so he has learned to get up at six every morning and clean the spilled candy corn off the porch of the Candy Store, but when Hunter talks to his parents they're in a really nice, modern kitchen, and you can see a sizable Brazil wood deck from the window. Oh boo hoo. Apparently Hunter's dad lost his job as a diamond model.

8:54: Right before the Town Council padlocks the arcade, Jared sneaks in alone and plays a game of Dance Dance Revolution. By himself. He gets a high score, natch, which he enters under the name "danceman." Seriously, Hollywood, what does it take to get someone their own show? Carson Daly has his own show for fuck's sake. You're sitting on a goldmine with this kid.

NEXT WEEK: The Town Council takes off on what looks like a quest for the One Ring, and they leave Sophia in charge.

Comments

[Heustonmah]

This new council is really getting on my nerves. They're way too authoritarian. Greg is always screaming at the kids to do things he never does himself, such as "respect others," Blaine just agrees with Greg, and DK, once cool, acts like the pissed off, overworked father of ten kids, someone who the threat "wait until your father gets home" was coined for. And as for Michael...­Michael's once inspirational speeches are coming off like complete manipulation now he's on the council. I thought this show was about kids being treated like adults...w­ell, part of that is having choices. This council gives the kids no choices at all...for instance, when you are an adult, if you don't want to study, you don't. No town council appears to make you. Maybe I am missing the point. But I think the last town council was better. At least they listened to their constituents. Minus Guylan...a­ndrogyny is just too confusing.

[TRYKER]

For sure, Jared gets a show. He'll be the first "doll" too, you could recognize him anywhere. I want a Wise-guy Jared doll.
From the looks of the dirty dishes strewn on the street in the dirt (who does that?) there isn't an efficiency expert among them.
At 32 days, nothing has erupted from 37 kids to show anything has been achieved or uncovered to further their development or survival. (Sophie didn't count herself among the 36 she had to cook for, cause she ain't eating that stuff...ex­hale now.)
That wouldn't have happened to real kids in real ghost towns. They'd put the dishes in to soak!
Will we get a taste of living in a police state when Sophie lays down the law? Will she turn into a Cheney?
Greg faded into the woodwork this week, he's playing baseball in his mind while lying low, or did he run out of walls to bounce off?
More great Greg later with Taylor, his new BFF?

[Charity]

so, if kid's were left alone they'd nag other kids to "learn" and if the other kids refused they take away their rewards?

mom, is that you?

pullleeeez­zzzzeeeeee­. i know you've (and we commenters) have been thru this before, but with each passing episode it is becoming more transparent as to the manipulations of the children by the director and the producers.

how many times can we watch/hear those kids repeat lines AND a faux scene in a dull "repeat after me" robotic tone/motions?

and all the "resolving" of "differences" at the end of each episode is also becoming tres annoying.

this is basically an on-site acting class for about "36" kids, more or less (and frankly, i think the rat ate the missing fourth kid....)

but my favorite line from the episode: sophia's "i am a 30 year old woman trapped inside a 14 year old's body."

yes, and now she has the power to back that up!

Sheriff Sophia!

===============

[BigJ]

This has to be the best blog about KN out there! Taylor truly is a piece of work. Her comment about washing those dishes like she washes her hair was something else. BTW, it is hard to believe none of those kids have dysentery yet from the "washed" dishes. I have a feeling there is a "pioneer KitchenAid dishwasher" hidden somewhere in the town. Besides Taylor's little "Hitleresque" commentary about the elimination of the ugly animals, you missed one of the best lines yet of the season when Sophia makes the statement that she is "a 30 year old trapped in a 14 year old body." I half expected her to pull out a Camel cigarette and light it up.

[cinemaven]

I missed KN (again) and felt I'd get all caught up by reading your live blog but alas, it was so good it made me go to cbs.com to actually watch the stupid show online.... you're a horrible person Gabe!!

[DanOregon]

What sucks about this show is if they do another season, all the kids will be more likely to act out for screen time/

[Willard41]

Ok, Gabe, I was pissed there was no "Live Blogging Kid Nation" when I got to work this morning, but it was well worth the wait. Seriously, I think you should be part of the reunion show.

[humuhumunukunukuapuaa]

I admit, the best part of watching KN is to read this blog the next day!