At a recent retreat with a group of people interested in living freely, unencumbered by past definitions of themselves, a revealing exercise was discovered. When a person said their own name and then said what that name meant to them, self-definitions from childhood were exposed. Usually, if not always, these definitions of themselves were negative to at least some degree. Even if names had been changed, the old name still had hidden power, and hidden power is the most insidious. Many of these intelligent, bright, aware adults were carrying old burdens of negative self-identification within them. When a friend repeated the question, "What is your name and what does it mean?" layers of excess mental and emotional baggage could be recognized and dropped.
Naming is an extremely useful aspect of human intelligence. With naming we are able to make important distinctions. Distinctions are necessary for our survival, as well as mental and emotional growth and well being. With more sophisticated naming we develop more subtle and sophisticated distinctions. But great powers often come with a high cost. As we develop our ability to make distinctions and generate names, we usually lose sight of the connection between things.
And this is a tragic loss, a loss that generates dissatisfaction, restlessness and worse.
Names accumulate meanings associated with their owners. Over time, derogatory meanings can become embedded in our self-identification. We begin to believe that we are what our names, or labels, say we are. Even if we rebel against them, our names can seem like a kind of map of our persona, a map that defines how we are separate from others.
In the willingness to inquire into one's own name, and with that inquiry the willingness to face unpleasant feelings, there arises the possibility to see through the name. We can see that the name has no substance by itself. We can see the unreality of the name per se, while the reality of oneself remains constant.
How burdensome these labels and distinctions are finally. All along didn't you know your name didn't describe who you are? And yet we spend much of life trying to accept a name as the symbol of our identity, or rebelling against one name and taking another in hopes that perhaps the new name will be a true description of ourselves. Some of us take animal spirit names, we accept names from our gurus (I did), and we have secret, special lover-given names that feel more like a fit for us. But if we tell the truth, no name can contain our true identity. Once we stop trying to name ourselves, and others, there is an obvious yet thrilling discovery. We are not actually discrete from one another, or from the "mountain" or "the ocean" or "the sky" or any other part of our universe. What were important distinctions for survival and power aren't needed at all in self-reflection.
As Alfred Korzybski pointed out eighty years ago, "The map is not the territory." If you only know the map you won't experience the territory. If we try to fit ourselves, and others, into maps and labels, we will miss the essential thrill of being aware of ourselves as inseparable from all life forms.
Why not try this game with a friend? One of you asks the other, "What is your name and what does it mean." Repeat this question for ten minutes or so before switching roles. When you are asking the question, be sure to include nicknames, and even hateful names you have been called. You can discover for yourself if you want to keep carrying around any old heavy baggage associated with any name at all.
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Thank you for this timely article and reminder that "no name contains our true identity". In recent months I have seen that my name has been synonymous with behaviour, experiences, relationship history and thus concepts & expectations as to how people "ought" to treat me based on this history. Now I see that the name is nothing more than a label for a form. On several occasions I have found myself experiencing anger, pain and grief that who I thought I was does not even exist. Though I have been blessed with glimpses of truth, I have been getting lost in this grief of losing identity, and the egos attempts to recall history in order to have someone I am working with in a new industry treat me with respect rather than exploitation "he doesn't know who he's dealing with". I do not want to serve that ego with its old concepts and have not succumbed to it. At some level I know what you have written can help me take what seems like a necessary sideways step from the concept of name with its history and grief, to seeing who I truly am. Deepest gratitude and love.
And then, there are those 'designer' names used on soap operas.
actually, it means gift, but to me, the gift was my life and my name. I love my name now, everytime i say it to someone, a feeling of parental love is there.
all love
HB
When we did this exercise last week, I spent most of the time focusing on the name I have used for the last 20 some years. What I was called as a child seems so remote and not at all who I am. But that is where the "baggage" is, so I just did this exercise again using that name. There is a great deal of pain associated with that name, but moving through that I came to the same answers I found last week. I AM truth, love, peace, no-thing. Thanks for the opportunity to explore this again.
In Love Always,
Atmara
While you were in retreat exploring what is in a name, I saw Hotel Rowanda for the first time. I left heartbroken and asking what is so powerful about the name Hutu or Tutsi that intelligent people could not see through it and would commit such atrocities against their neighbors?! Why couldn't they see they were the same? I wanted to end all nationalism, even school rivalries- separation created through naming of other. Thank you for completing the circle, I see in myself the mechanism that blinds, the ability to name and what is associated with it...features desired or not, that which I give or deny power and privilege based off a name. Thank you for showing me what I often do to myself internally- it is there that the world atrocities begin and end- it is there that I can start to make effective choice and change.
with love,
Julia