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I Love Kim Kardashian

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KIM KARDASHIAN DIVORCE
AP

I love Kim Kardashian. There, I've said it. I feel better.

This has been quite a struggle for me to admit, and I've tried to reserve passing judgement on this, one of God's children, for quite some time. I've been watching Ms. Kardashian, or "K2," as I like to call her, from the distant, uninformed edges of society (a.k.a. Faux-Celebrity-Obsessed America), and I've marveled at how she's coasted through life with a truly blessed yet underwhelming -- I mean understated -- flair. Her popularity and mystique baffle me completely, but with her most recent divorce announcement, I realize that now I, too, love her.

"Love her," you ask? "Gavin! Sure, she's beautiful, but how can you possibly love this 'businesswoman' whose TV shows send the most warped representation of our culture and country out into the world?" Hmm... never thought of that. "And Gavin," you rail, "especially now when Americans are gathering in cities all across the country, demanding a fairer and more just distribution of wealth and punishment for those who take advantage of the system, how can you revere such an overprivileged society gal who makes millions for doing... what again?" Well, I guess I see your point.

"But most of all," you chide, "as she blames her reality show for the reason she got 'caught up in the hoopla' and now must divorce a man she married after dating for only four months, you of all people should be furious, Gavin, by how, with this stunt, she unknowingly spits in the face of every gay American who just wants to marry the person they actually love and can't!"

But that, I respond, is why I now love her!

By getting swept up in the "hoopla" or whatever she calls it, by rushing into the "life of her dreams," by buying into the total plastic fantasy of wedding-party-happily-ever-after instead of being an adult and realizing that marriage is more than just some fun TV experiment, she has given me the perfect, modern example to hold in the face of the all those people who oppose same-sex marriage claiming that it will ruin the "sanctity" of the institution. How can they possibly feel that this Kardashian-Humphries situation is the type of union that qualifies as sacrosanct? While I feel that I must point out that their marriage was, of course, completely legal and fully recognized by the state and nation, how can a reality television circus like this be what those who oppose marriage equality are really trying to protect? Was this couple upholding some great tradition simply because they are straight? Is that really all that matters to maintain the honor and history of such a powerful union? Really?

Well, thanks to K2 and her massive, completely insane popularity, everyone is talking about this. Thanks to her high-profile divorce, we get to open up the marriage conversation yet again. This Belle of the American Trash TV Ball might actually be the biggest thing to happen to the gay marriage debate since Prop 8. And now, whenever someone mentions that they don't think it's right that I go and try to "redefine" their word, or when they say I don't deserve the right to marry the man of my dreams, citing their convicted belief that I am desecrating the sanctity of it all, I have but to gently remind them of our sweet Sketchers-wearing, Midori-sipping, completely stunning yet totally infuriating K2 and her unfortunate hoopla of a marriage. People, a couple of boring old gay dudes getting hitched is the least of your worries. Now, hurry... go buy your OK! magazine!