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Gavin Shulman
Gavin Shulman is a freelance writer and television producer based in New York City. He currently works at Viewpoint at ESPN. His writing has also been featured in The New Yorker, amNY, Entertainment Weekly, and The Los Angeles Alternative. He is also a phenomenal perpendicular parker.

Entries by Gavin Shulman

An Infant's First Existential Crisis

(2) Comments | Posted February 10, 2015 | 2:50 PM

As I stare, cross-eyed, to a distance of about 8-12 inches, I can't help but wonder: What does it all mean?

It's like we're all just a series of random shapes, dangling from strings, spinning endlessly around. Sure, you can call it a mobile, but where are they going?...

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The Bromance Is Gone

(4) Comments | Posted August 20, 2014 | 3:37 PM

You trying to say I lost my edge, bro? Just because I love my cat. And petting its soft fur. And rubbing its droopy belly. And kissing it on its wet nose. Somehow that makes me less cool? Just because I like pressing my face into its haunches. And cracking...

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The Dos and Don'ts of Pregnancy

(7) Comments | Posted June 24, 2014 | 2:07 PM

Do eat at least five portions of vegetables daily. If you're eating healthy your baby is too.

Don't get up if you don't want to, but I would love a butterscotch pudding cup. I know we don't have any, but I bet Key Foods does. But seriously you don't have...

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The Only Super Bowl Preview You Don't Need to Read

(1) Comments | Posted January 30, 2014 | 2:10 PM

What is the point of writing anything the week of the Super Bowl? By Sunday night the whole world will have changed irreversibly and whatever brilliant words you put together in whatever beautiful order will be completely obsolete and a waste of beautiful brilliance. And I just don't have time...

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A Huge Brick-Wagging Contest: New York Says Suck It Chicago

(0) Comments | Posted November 13, 2013 | 8:40 PM

One World Trade Center in Lower Manhattan has officially been ruled to be taller than the Willis Tower, in Chicago. That judgment came from the primary arbiter of structural stature, the Council on Tall Buildings and Urban Habitat.

Both buildings have long masts poking skyward from their roofs. But...
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Interns Rise Up -- and Get Me a Pastry

(1) Comments | Posted July 8, 2013 | 4:04 PM

Well, well, well look at these interns getting all uppity. Suing Saturday Night Live, suing Black Swan, suing MSNBC, suing Gawker, suing Conde Nast, suing the Hearst Corporation, seems like they may have been better off interning at a law firm instead, no? Honestly, who do...

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NSA-OK!: The Spy Who Ignored We

(73) Comments | Posted June 13, 2013 | 5:05 PM

Not to deflate everyone's false sense of pride and outrage but no one gives a damn about who you are calling and emailing. Please, don't flatter yourself. No one cares that you're talking with your sister in Michigan, no one cares that you just dialed your weed delivery service, no...

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Impeach the President!... But Make It Quick

(151) Comments | Posted May 15, 2013 | 1:59 PM

Alright, let's just get this over with and impeach the president already. I'm not sure which of these "scandals" will stick, but no one wants to wait all summer to find out. We've all seen this movie before. Read this same story. Been up this same shitty creek in the...

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Are the Boston Bombers Just Douchebags?

(236) Comments | Posted April 25, 2013 | 1:54 PM

I gotta be honest, I'm kind of over the Boston Bombers. Don't get me wrong, I was definitely totally obsessed with them last week, when they were all the rage, but now it turns out they're just kind of lame. They're just kind of shitty, boring bros. The kind that...

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Check Out This Huge Awesome Amazing Sideboob

(77) Comments | Posted April 4, 2013 | 3:43 PM

While some might see this slow news week as an excuse to take a break from the major issues our nation faces, I think it gives us the perfect opportunity to make use of this valuable, advertiser-friendly, Pulitzer Prize-winning space to highlight a topic truly important to us all regardless...

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The Deficit: Why We Should Stick Our Kids With the Bill

(36) Comments | Posted March 11, 2013 | 11:51 AM

Here's something I've never understood about our federal deficit and the oft-flamed fear that we're going to force our children, or our grandchildren, to have to pay for it -- can't they just force their children or grandchildren to have to pay for it? And if they don't want to...

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And the Oscar Goes to... the Sequester!

(3) Comments | Posted February 21, 2013 | 1:38 PM

Oh, what, there's another fiscal crisis opening up this week? No way, awesome. Just when we all needed something new to chatter about. Before, after, or amongst our class. The Sequester simply could not be getting released at a more perfect time. It seemed like it would be such a...

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Is Football More Dangerous Than the Military?

(24) Comments | Posted January 31, 2013 | 11:27 AM

President Obama didn't just make headlines this Super Bowl week, but made it all the way to the ESPN BottomLine when he told The New Republic, "I'm a big football fan, but I have to tell you if I had a son, I'd have to think long and hard before...

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Can We Stop Caring About Concussions Yet?

(9) Comments | Posted January 16, 2013 | 10:10 AM

So in shocking news it came out last week that crazy-eyed linebacker Junior Seau, after playing 20 seasons in the NFL, had a degenerative brain disease known as CTE, likely resulting from his competing in a sport in which the object of each play is to bash your head against...

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Fiscal Cliff Fatigue: Wake Me When We're Over It

(10) Comments | Posted December 6, 2012 | 11:44 AM

What more could you possibly want to read about the fiscal cliff? Yes, you. Reading this. And now that. I'm trying to write here, but I've got no idea what would remotely interest you about the fiscal cliff. Haven't you read about it somewhere else already? Do you want me...

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It Is Bye, Grover!

(1) Comments | Posted November 30, 2012 | 4:37 PM

Not to be all elementary, or more accurately pre-schooly, but are we really going to let our tax policy be determined by a guy named Grover? You've got to be kidding me. I know Big Bird helped President Obama get re-elected, but it's not like were listening to his opinion...

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Election Anxiety: What the Hell Happens After?

(2) Comments | Posted November 5, 2012 | 11:05 AM

Is anyone else worried about what's going to happen when this election is over? What are we going to talk about? Shout about. Scream about. Fight about. Write about. Now is the time to panic. To think about our future. Because Tuesday is coming whether we want it to or...

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A Big Huge Endorsement

(1) Comments | Posted October 30, 2012 | 6:16 PM

So it's officially endorsement season. When everyone and their editors want to tell you who they're voting for and why. Friends, front pages, bosses. As if you should give a damn. As if what they say matters. As if their shit don't smell shitty. Who do they think they are?...

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Liberal Media Freak Out: No Wonder They Call You Lame

(17) Comments | Posted October 11, 2012 | 6:02 PM

Jesus, liberal media, get your shit together. Pull your jaw off the floor and get back to work. If you thought the month before the election was going to be a vacation then I hope you bought traveler's insurance. Because it looks like you're going to be needed at the...

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Doomed to Fail: Boycott the NFL

(5) Comments | Posted September 25, 2012 | 2:54 PM

Right now I feel sorry for football fans. Next week I won't. Because we can bitch, moan, tweet, read columns, and blog posts, tune in to commentators, listen to interviews, sit, stew, and generally get more and more pissed off, or we can do something about it. Stop watching. If...

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