Oh, what, there's another fiscal crisis opening up this week? No way, awesome. Just when we all needed something new to chatter about. Before, after, or amongst our class. The Sequester simply could not be getting released at a more perfect time. It seemed like it would be such a slow February news weekend, but now we have another financial crisis to review and dissect. I can't wait to read what the critics say. I hear it's a real brain-twister.
Especially how one of the sides prefers a balanced approach and one of the sides blames Obama. I just never get sick of that storyline. It's always so blood-tingling. The Sequester is like the latest sequel to a movie no one wanted to see in the first place, but did anyway because it had a big budget behind it, and now has to watch because we've all already seen all the previous ones. The Fast and Furious Six of financial crises.
And I'll be in the front row with my popcorn ready. Oh, you're telling me that in this one some sort of devastating outcome will be automatically triggered putting the entire country at risk unless two opposing sides can come together on a last-minute plan right before the clock strikes zero. Kudos to the writers on such an original script. I have absolutely no idea how it will turn out.
Washington is officially the new Hollywood. Turning out thrillers straight monthly. I mean, how sick was The Fiscal Cliff? I watched it at least three times over Christmas break. That scene with the Republicans caving. It was even better than The Debt Ceiling Debacle. When the Democrats got destroyed. And as psyched as I am for The Sequester, I already can't wait for the next big blockbuster, The Continuing Budget Resolution. The trailers for that look amazing. Not to mention all the potential spin-offs, like The Austerity Bomb and The Bully Pulpit. We're living in the golden age of spinema.
It's almost like these financial crises are now an industry unto itself. Like somehow there is money to be made from ginning up mundane policy stand-offs into epic battles between good and evil. If only we could figure out who stands to make a profit off of this elevated rhetoric that ratchets up every political stalemate into a war for all that's right or left in this world. Who could it be that wants to inflame our political passions and force our fiery rage into clicks and clickers? I guess I'll just have to read more and watch more and donate more to figure it out.
And the best thing about these financial crisis super spectacles? The real world results of course. Not only are we the awesomely entertained audience, we're also the victims. How much more interactive could the theatre-going experience get? We don't just get to contribute by paying the price of admission; we get to suffer the consequences as well. Not to mention that they'll probably gut us with concessions. If they even allow us to get a large soda.
This Sunday the Oscars may be celebrating the best in film, but the bigger melodrama will be taking place all the way on the other coast. And the celebrities in Tinsel Town have nothing on the main actors in the Beltway. You want to see some great performances, be sure and check out all of the dailies of their press conferences. Talk about never, ever breaking character. These politicians have been playing the same role for years now. They've almost even convinced themselves they're real.
For all the talk this Academy season about the plethora of films about politics, where's the talk about how our politics is now more incredible than most movies? If you want real, nail-biting tension look no further then C-Span. Where the C always stands for Crisis and the SusPense and ActioN never stops. And don't worry about them ever making some sure-fire Best Picture bait based on the moving drama of maneuvering in the Congress leading to the passage of landmark legislation to protect American citizens of all colors and class. The Washington filmmakers will leave sappy love stories like The Grand Bargain to Lifetime movies. Because it's certainly not happening in theirs.