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Gena Grish Headshot

Stuck Between a Rock and a (Not So Hard) Place

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Shockingly, things on my dating front have been going pretty well lately, and since I don't get to say that all too often, I'd rather not talk more about it so that I don't jinx myself. However, my best friend Jamie isn't having the same kind of luck.

A few weeks ago, we hosted a going away party for my friend moving to London. The night started out like any other Friday night, with margaritas and dinner, and then progressed to a ridiculously long night of dancing at Social 25. My friend Jamie had been flirting with this guy that we will call "Mr. Jumping the Gun" all night long. Every time I looked over at her, she was laughing at one of his jokes, touching his arm, or intently listening to what he was saying.

The night progressed like you would imagine that it would when you mix a lot of dancing, vodka and cute boys. I ended up cutting out a bit earlier than the rest because before dinner I had this bizarre allergy attack to cats, and my eyes swelled up like balloons! I decided it would be a genius idea to take two Benadryl and wash it down with a glass of wine. Sleepy Town was calling my name by 10:00 pm, so by 2:00 am, I was a zombie. I ended up leaving Jamie with our other friends and her new boy toy, and headed on my merry way home.

The next morning I received a text from Jamie saying that she had a lovely little sleepover with Mr. Jumping the Gun, and that he had been texting her all morning. I will spare you folks the details of the night, but from what I was told, it didn't sound like he had much luck in the "performance" area, so there was just a lot of heavy petting going down (pun intended). From the flirtatious texting and his follow up the next day, it seemed as if he was interested in seeing her again, so a few days later, with my professional dater blessing, she texted him to see if he wanted to hang out again. His response, I shit you not was, "To be honest, I'm not really looking for anything more than what happened Friday night, so if you're down to hang out again on another drunken night then let me know."

She forwarded me that text when I was on my way home from work and on the bus. I literally said out loud, much louder than is socially acceptable on public transportation, "Is he effing serious?! Who the hell is this kid?" Ouch. That one even stung me, and I wasn't even part of the situation!

What a d-bag! He gave all the green light signals: Immediately following up the next morning after she left, mentioning having a great time with her, he even mentioned getting together again sooner rather than later (in a general way, not in an I want to touch your naughty parts again kind of way), and yet, there it was in black and white, that he was just looking for a booty call.

I'm all for having someone in your life that you turn to after a night of drunken debauchery, who all you want them for is to be able crawl into bed and make out. I get it. Heck, I've done it (i.e. Greek God), but what's with the mixed signals here, fellas? There is a simple protocol on making someone a booty call. You don't follow up the next day with sweet and flirtatious texts, but you do normally wait the appropriate week and then send a suggestive text late at night when you're drunk instead. How are we supposed to know what men want when they are constantly sending mixed signals? I told Jamie to respond with something along the lines of, "That's a very generous offer, and I really appreciate it, but if I'm going to add another person to my rotation, I'm going to make sure that guy has functioning equipment." Jamie, being way nicer than I am, said something to the effect of, "Sounds good. I wasn't looking for anything more than it was - just to have some fun. I'll keep your offer in mind though!"

The truth was that Jamie didn't really expect anything more from him than a hook up, but at the same time, she wasn't closed off to the idea that it could have become something more if it happened to play out that way. If she has learned anything from my dating life, it's that stranger things have happened!

This scenario actually brings up a situation I have struggled with in the past as well. Why is it that men always think that women want more than they do? Women are very capable of having friends with benefits and nothing more. I just read an article about how women are taking over the work force in droves and many of the upper level positions are female dominated. With that said, we've clearly burst through the glass ceiling and are capable of having the same things that men do -- so why should having no strings attached sex be any different for a woman? I have been in multiple scenarios where the man (probably more accurately, "men") I have been seeing have thought that I wanted more than I did, or thought that I was getting more serious than I actually was. Is it because Jamie and I were sending out mixed signals too, or was it because men automatically assume that women want to be monogamous? If a woman wants to be monogamous, guys, she will tell you when she's ready to tell you. Until then, you probably shouldn't assume otherwise. This isn't 1952, and you know what they say when you assume...