Dear Dr. George:
I have known this man for about six months now and have seen him about four times. He lives about an hour from me, but there's always some excuse about why he can't come visit. Here are just a few I've heard:
"My car broke down."
"I'm not feeling well."
"I have to go visit my parents."
I can go on...
I tell him I have feelings for him... he says, "So do I." I tell him I'm thinking about him... he says, "I'm thinking about you too." I tell him I miss seeing him... he says, "I miss seeing you too." He will go on and on with whatever I say!
When we first met he would call me three to four times a day. Now it's once in the late evening. I've heard from a family member he's got a wife, although he denies being married or involved. I haven't been to his home, but he's been to mine. I ask when I can come to visit him. He'll answer, "In a couple of weeks." Mind you, I have known him now for six months. The "couple of weeks" hasn't come yet.
I can remember my child needing some money. I told her I had no money and thought he would offer, as I saw cash in his wallet. He offered NOTHING. My question is... does this (so-called) relationship mean he's a liar and a cheat. That he's maybe married or involved? Am I just his sidekick? I would like your opinion on this matter.
--- Confused in Chicago
Dear Confused in Chicago,
This is definitely not a relationship--under any definition. The signs are everywhere and none of them point to any place nice. This is more like you driving drunk down the road of life. Actually it's worse. Lindsey Lohan is trashed at the wheel and you're hanging out the sun roof, clueless to the fact that you're about to be pulled over for multiple offenses, including recklessness and running over your self-respect, which is now lifeless and awaiting immediate attention.
In all seriousness, this "so-called" relationship, as you aptly titled it, is not healthy for you or your child. This man is clearly playing you, regardless of whether he's married or single. As you so clearly phrased it, he "offered nothing" and most likely will never offer anything substantial.
Go with your gut and end this charade. I recommend you find a man who is honest and willing to commit, or honest and not willing to commit. Either is better than what you have now.
I wish you and your daughter all the best!
P.S. I encourage readers to offer their own thoughts, comments and second opinions for Confused in Chicago.
It's tough out there in the real world. So many questions without good answers. My goal is to provide insight into life's more difficult dilemmas, offering sound clinical judgment mixed with a straight-from-the-hip attitude. Email me for free advice on any subject.
For those of you in the New York City area, I'm available for individual or couples counseling at my private practice. Call 646.807.8900, or click on link below for a free consultation. The Sachs Center (NYC): Specializing in ADD, ADHD, Anxiety and Depression in Children, Teens & Adults.
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