Pissing Off Your Parents with "Lesbian" Pop!

Hey! Guess what everybody? Katy Perry kissed a girl! And we get to hear about it over and over and over again!

Katy Perry's hit "I Kissed A Girl" has a super catchy beat. Every time it comes on the radio I start to tap my toes, then upon realizing it's that song I feverishly switch the dial. But oh how I like that rhythm, but I hate those words. It's another case of a would-be fun poppy tune destroyed by retarded lyrics. (As are many of the current top 20 songs. I mean really, how many synthesized rap songs about phallic lollipops do we need?)

Let's take a look a the vocabulary of " I Kissed A Girl"...

I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

Alright Katy. First of all, you and every other attention-loving, alcohol-consuming chick born between 1976-1987 (ahem me) has likely kissed a girl. And if they haven't yet, they will just as soon as Joe Francis hands them $20 and a Girls Gone Wild boy beater tank.

As far as hoping your boyfriend don't mind it. Trust me, he doesn't mind. He really really really doesn't mind. In fact, I suggest you invite him to observe the next time you get all "crazy" and kiss a girl. I think he'd really like that. He may even like it so much that he films it on his iPhone to send to his bros. So he likes it, you like it. Honestly, everyone who saw it probably liked it too. I would have liked it too, if perhaps you lived up to your claims and actually made out with a woman in your music video. Maybe then, I would have liked it.

But, this song? I still don't like it.

I normally don't poo-poo on the work of artists (okay with the exception of Soulja Boy). I believe in personal expression and respect artists who succeed in pursuing their art and can actually make a living from it.

Great. Lovely. I'm so evolved. Blah blah blah.

I still don't like "I Kissed A Girl."

Probably because I dig the original version of things, aka Jill Sobule's song "I Kissed A Girl." Remember that adorable little ditty? It went a little something like this:

And we laughed at the world
They can have their diamonds
And we'll have our pearls
I kissed a girl

I kissed a girl, her lips were sweet
She was just like kissing me
I kissed a girl, won't change the world
But I'm so glad
I kissed a girl

How cute! Stupid boys can have their dumb diamonds! And yeah Jilly, kissing a girl won't change the world! I'm also glad you kissed a girl and I'm glad you then made an adorable music video about it.

Jill's song has been there and done that. Not to say you can't have multiple songs on a topic, but I just think Ms Sobule did it better the first time. We get it, girls like to experiment.

Of course just as I started to write this silly piece on a pretty insignificant matter, I see that Katy's parents are pissed about their daughter singing about sucking face with females. The Herald Sun reported that Perry's parents, both evangelical Christian preachers, say they are deeply ashamed of the star for promoting a sin. And her mother, Mary Hudson, declared: "I hate the song. It clearly promotes homosexuality and its message is shameful and disgusting..."When it comes on the radio I bow my head and pray."

Ahhh it all makes sense now. Katy is rebelling against her holier than thou homophobic folks. As a Catholic school gal, I too have felt the desire to shock and awe my religious Italian immigrant folks with my wild streak (like writing an essay in which I indicate I have kissed girls. Oooooh OMG I'm like gonna be in sooooooooooo much trouble). But hell, if I made millions singing a silly bi-curious song I think my parents would get over their shame pretty fast. Yup, they'd get over their shame pretty pretty fast as they sat on a beach in Maui enjoying the all-inclusive vacation I paid for with my record label money.

But Mary the song does not promote homosexuality, It just promotes harmless girl on girl party tricks. Heck, some homosexuals find the song insulting when Katy croons, "it's not what good girls should do".

So the lesbians don't like it. The church-goers don't like. We all know Katy liked it. What's left? Oh yes, those attention-loving, alcohol-consuming chicks, who squeal with naughty glee when this song comes on at bars. They begin to sexy dance with one another, teasing all the boys with the idea that they just may start a make out party. Men in the bar get erections so large that the erection pushes cash out of their pockets, onto the bar, purchasing endless vodka tonics for the temporary "lesbians."

Brilliant Katy. Brilliant.

So Mr. and Mrs. Hudson I don't think your darling daughter is gay (I mean her lyrics are sorta gay, as in lame, not lesbian gay). Your darling daughter is a smart songstress who knew that singing about girl kissing would knock her into Billboards Top Ten. Yes, one would think that after years of seeing "straight" ladies locking lips (ie: nearly every hot tub scene on MTV's Real World turns into a reenactment of that infamous pool scene from Wild Things) America would be desensitized to the whole "girl on girl" novelty, but it's not and it probably never will be. (Oh how I'd love to hear a song by a totally straight male musician called "I Frenched a Dude").

However Mary, I am with ya on the whole "bow my head and pray" thing. Everytime I hear that song I also pray, I pray that if Katy can make bank bragging about smooching her sistas, that I too will make some dough dishing about dumb stuff (like I have so eloquently done in this blog).

Now then, who wants to play spin the bottle? Anyone? No? Come on, we can sing about later.

Stay tuned next week when I will discuss Katy's other new hit "Hot n' Cold" which includes the lyrics:

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you, PMS
Like a bitch
I would know

Oh boy.

Comments

[sws3030]

I am much more offended by your use of the word retarded, as well as the phrase "its so gay", than I am by this song.

Before you criticise anyone else's ability to express themselves, perhaps you might examine your own ability first.

[boycottrightwingthings]

I love the song, and the fact that it has so many people talking. it is what it is...a song, meant for pleasure and POP that is so bubble gum. Like it, love it or hate it, we will all be doing more than kissing girls when Bush takes our birth control away. Kissing boys will become way too dangerous, unfortunately.

[OnTheCusp]

Wait! What happens to this song if Chris Crocker sings it? Will the boys get mad?

[KNadine]

I sorta like the song and so does my daugher and we're not lesbians. A teacher had the nerve to tell my daughter's class that she "better not hear them singing that song". This from the same school system that wants to bring rapper T.I. to speak to them. I'm more concerned with the crappy rap lyrics being spit out over airwaves than this song.

[LeftRight]

I've actually heard people call into a local radio station complaining that this stupid song is going to cause their daughters to turn into lesbians, and how they've "banned" the song from their children. Do people not realize that this is simply a little pop-worm-song which enters your brain and removes everything else? Do they not realize that the best way to deal with this song (if you don't like it) is to CHANGE THE RADIO STATION/CHANGE THE TV CHANNEL? Do they not realize that their best choice to make their kids stop listening to it is to BLAST it every time it comes on?

[Aleka4]

Oh really? "turn them into lesbian"?

And we wonder why Boosh got in twice. Apparently America is incredibly stupid.

The fuss over this song amazes me. I personally like it, but it is definately a pop ditty. I totally agree with Ms Rozzi - it is not about gay at all, and nearly every girl will eventually kiss a girl and never be gay at all.

Good article.

[dissolvethecorporation]

'Retarded' lyrics? For someone so easily offended...

[jrockbg]

She's offended by the amateurish-juvenile lyrics only in comparison to Jill Sobule's version of "I kissed a girl". And anyone who's heard them both should share that opinion.