03/04/2008 08:31 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Please, No More Amore

I know. I know. Why would I waste 60 minutes of my life watching the latest cable dating shit show That's Amore?

Well it was actually just 35 minutes as I DVR'd it and watched it in fast forward while shoving really cheap Chinese food down my throat. I was in a bad mood so I thought a healthy dose of over processed pork and over produced reality TV would make me feel better (and more bloated).

It worked; the show was so pathetic that it instantly made me feel better about my life.

That's Amore starring Domenico from A Shot at Love is the latest vomit-inducing love competition show to hit the tube. It's got all the goodies that make for gussied-up TV garbage: chicks in bikinis, chicks cat fighting, and chicks on their hands and knees sucking on meatballs.

Yeah I said meatballs and I meant meatballs. As in beef balls. Mixed with spaghetti and sauce. In a huge pool.

You see Domenico is one of those Itals and you know how them Italians love their pasta. And they also love decorating their house in everything red, green and white. Oh and they love sniffing armpits. Well at least Domenico does as he sniffed a contestant's armpit. Woo-ed by his coy ethnicity, said contestant assumed his arm sniffing actions were just a part of Domenico's Italian charm. Everything Domenico did was assumed to be a result of his Italianess and not his hammed-up-fifteen-minutes-of-fameness.

As a first generation Italian-American I know Italian stereotypes. My immigrant parents are living proof of many of those stereotypes (most annoyingly so the plastic on the couch craze). Stereotypes are sometimes true and they can sometimes be funny.

However Domenico and the gang at That's Amore have taken stereotypes from a place of silly to a place of stupidity. I mean Domenico's constant mention of "I lova da American gerls" as he makes kissing gestures like a generic pizza box chef cartoon was cute the first 2, 3,4, 50 times perhaps. But a whole show of that? Once a week? For a whole season? Is that all he knows how to say?

I'm sorry. That's not fair. Domenico does say other super cool things like when he kissed the token "virgin" contestant he said "I am a little exciting especially in the pubic area."

Please America; know that Domenico is not speaking for all Italians.

Perhaps the best part of this mess is when Domenico chooses who stays in house by offering them a gigantic plastic Italian flag as he asks in an old school learn Italian instructional record voice "will you be my bam-bi-na?"

Well it's nice to see that Italians continue to be intelligently portrayed on TV. (Oh how I miss Who's the Boss)

The sneak peek at the season ahead indicates that the brunette and the blond contestants hate one another causing lots of caddy, scantly clad, brunette girl on blond girl action.

It's also nice to see that women whoring themselves for fame, I mean "love" continue to be intelligently portrayed on TV.